Disclaimers: I do not own Harry Potter, or any unicorns. I have never shopped for wands in the second hand bin at Ollivanders either. Sadly, regrettably, I do own a computer attached to the outside world so please understand that while I am not intentionally torturing you, I am not entirely sane! *insert evil Dark Lord Laugh*


Chapter 5: Dinner and a snog

Draco eyed the door to Harry's 'room' with a bit of trepidation before gathering his famous Malfoy courage and firing a knocking charm at it from a good meter away. He watched in fascination as the magic sparked and flared like a firecracker. Potter really had warded his door quite well. Draco knew that Severus would be proud of his fiancé had he been here to see that particular spell.

Petunia looked over at him. "Any other ideas on how to get him out of there?"

Draco made a few funny faces as he ran through his options. He did not say anything until he was finished analyzing the situation. "We could have Daddy and Uncle Sev come over and attempt to remove the wards; We could touch the door then play on his guilt complex to come heal whoever is stupid enough to mess with the door; or, we could attempt to reason with him by muggle means."

"We should probably try the easiest option first." Vernon stated, then nodded approvingly when Draco pulled a cell phone out of his robe pocket and hit the speed dial.

Draco glared at the Dursleys as they stood around waiting for him to solve the problem. "Do you mind?" He finally snapped at them.

Dudley, acting like he completely misunderstood the whole situation, jiggled his triple chin a few times and stated the obvious. "No, really, I'm sure whatever you do will help immensely." He gestured to Draco to continue trying to reach Harry. Then turned and asked his mother, "It really is alright whatever he does as long as it helps Harry. Right, Mummy?"

Petunia eyed the big sexy blond as he spoke in a low soothing tone on the mobile. She was not at all sure that she liked the boy being so friendly to Harry. All sorts of foreboding thoughts came to the forefront of her mind as she observed him. Then her eyes flared open wide as she heard him say in a pleading voice, "Please, Harry! You know if I go home without knowing you are all right Daddy will beat me."

"And this means what to me?" Came through the earpiece quite loudly enough for everyone to hear. Harold James was in a right mood if his voice was any indication.

"Harry, please, I have no desire to have my back ripped open by his damn pimp cane. I really have to make sure you are OK with all of this."

"I am fine with it!" The scream could be heard by everyone in the room. It startled Draco so badly that he dropped the phone and grabbed his ear. He moaned as he rubbed the ear that had been damaged by the blast from the cute little terrorist lurking under the stairs.

This time it was Dudley who picked up the phone. "Harry, you get your freak ass out here now! You just managed to hurt Draco and you had better fix him before I kick the damn door in." Obviously he had been taking lessons from his father on crisis negotiation.

Harry blinked and held the phone away from his ear as he looked at it oddly. Funny, Dudley actually sounded serious. He sighed as he opened the door and looked at the four people gathered around his door. "IF you all expect me to come out of here, you will all have to move back some. This is a bloody hallway, you know, not the receiving hall at Balmoral Castle!"

Vernon glared at his foul tempered nephew. "Boy, if you don't start minding your manners I just might send you off to Mr. Snape without a wedding first. And, I'll even give him back his bride price."

Draco's face went from pale to pasty white. "For the love of Merlin, Harry, behave yourself." Whirling around so that he faced Vernon he added, "Please, Mr. Dursley, don't do that." Draco's body language screamed serious distress!

Vernon shook his head and huffed lightly. "Ok. I won't threaten that again. But, you had better stop throwing temper tantrums, Harry." He then patted Petunia on the behind and nodded toward the kitchen. "Let's all go sit down and have a cup of tea, yes?"

Harry stomped over to the cooker and turned it on. He had tea on the table in less than five minutes. Petunia narrowed her eyes at him and waited for him to notice. "I am sure we discussed this business of making tea, Harry."

"So I forgot and heated the water by magic. Here have a death eater biscuit with your evil brew." Harry waved his wand at the ginger snaps and they all became steaming hot double chocolate brownies topped with crushed walnuts and melted chocolate.

As the Dursley's stared at the plate in awe Draco shrieked in delight and settled himself in the chair nearest the dish. Grinning wickedly at everyone else he nodded at Harry in approval. "Shall I play mother?" Everyone sat. Everyone ate. Everyone moaned in pained satiation.

Dudley looked over at Harry and without further preamble dove right into the reason for the tea party. "Harry, you need to tell us what has you so upset. We can't help you unless you do." He risked glancing at the other three people and saw that they were responding in a positive manner to his speech.

Harry finally looked up and cleared his throat to get everyone's attention. "You know I really appreciated how much trouble you went to writing that letter for me, Aunt Petunia." His big green eyes were full of tears and his throat was tight, it was difficult speaking, but, he knew he had to. "But, now that Fudge is gone there is a chance that Severus will not have to marry me. What am I going to do if the next minister decides that I don't need a spouse and a family?" He lost his voice as big fat tears dripped down his pale cheeks and he lowered his head to hide them.

Draco looked at him strangely. "That is not going to happen. Severus wants to marry you. Besides, you signed a wizards contract. Wizard contracts are not broken lightly and never without good cause."

Harry refused to look up from his empty teacup. "How do you know that he really wants me? He hated me all the way through school. I'm an idiot, a dunderhead, a..a... spoiled br..brat."

Vernon huffed proudly. "Quite right, boy. Quite right."

Petunia glared at her husband then shook her head at Draco. He was wasting his breath. Harry had not taken in a single word he said. She stood up and went around the table to him. "Come on, Harry. I will help you get ready for bed and tomorrow we will go into London and start picking your trousseau. Maybe you will feel better if we actually start planning the wedding. It will make it feel more real, yes?"

Harry turned his big green eyes up to Draco. "Was Fudge right when he said the MoM had to pay Severus to agree to this?"

"I don't know, Harry. Dad said that when Uncle Sev showed up at the Manor he was so excited that he was inarticulate. It took Daddy two bottles of fire whiskey and half the night to get him calmed down."

"Oh." Harry blinked as he thought about that. "Was he excited about getting married, or that Fudge had threatened him?"

Draco smirked, "PUHLEEZ! As if Fudge threatening Sev would get his riled! The only reason he is doing this is because it is something he wants."

Harry had such an eager tense look to him that Petunia knew it was time to get him away from the blond. She tugged him toward his 'bedroom'. "Come on. Sleep now and leave all the silly questions for later."

Draco stood and walked behind them as Petunia took Harry back to his cupboard. He peeked his head inside but would not enter. Petunia, recalling some of the odd customs that wizard courtship entailed from one of Lily's old books, did not invite him in. She remembered something about no one except direct family was allowed to enter the private rooms of one betrothed.

(1) (F:03 manages to finally press the unused graphic button) Corny music starts playing as we see Pet put the depressed boy to bed and hand him a large teddy bear and a cup of water laced with a sweet-dreams potion in it. As she leaned down to kiss him on the ... 03 completely unimpressed with the content of the G-rated, still unused, graphics turns it off and we leave the corny music and this rather sentimental scene behind.

Before Draco left he asked Vernon, "What did Fudge want when he showed up here?"

Dudley answered him. "That man is crazier than Arabella Figg. I'm pretty sure he did not have a valid excuse for visiting. He just wanted to vent..."

"Oh. Well, in that case I suppose I will go home and tell Daddy that everything is OK now. If the shopping plans change please let me know. I will stop by and keep him company so that he won't do anything stupid. I am not at all sure that he believes Sev really wants him."

Vernon shook his head. "I don't think that I am completely sure that 'Sev' wants him. That man is almost as odd as Harry is. Thank God there will not be any children."

Draco gave him a particularly nasty smirk. "Didn't anyone ever tell you that wizards can have babies? The more powerful the wizard is the more likely they are to have multiple births. I reckon a combination of Harry's and Sev's powers will result in at least triplets."

Dark eerie laughter wafted through the air as he flooed back to Malfoy Manor. Vernon and Dudley stared at each other in complete horror as they processed the evil blond's words. Finally Vernon shook his head as if to clear it and said, "Nah! He was just having us on!" They went about their business secure in their ignorance and therefore blissful.


A squeal of delight is heard from Harry as he was ushered into a private viewing room at Harrods Magical Emporium. Petunia managed to get Hermione, Pansy, Millicent, and her own dear friend, Narcissa to come help them. They turned the whole experience into something of a lingerie party.

It was not possible to keep a straight face when Harry stripped down in front of them all and donned a pair of French knickers with little golden snitches that liked to hover in the front area and flutter their little wings... Made for some interesting sensations so Harry ordered a dozen pairs in basic black for Severus.

The rest of the ladies were trying on various items also...It didn't really look like it was a team spirit project either. The fun didn't end until Millie gave an enraged squawk when she noticed Herms and Pansy playing pat-pat with each others snitches.

To keep the peace, Narcissa made everyone put their clothes back on. Then after dealing with the shopping details, they all flooed to the Leaky Cauldron then proceeded to one of Diagon Alley's outdoor restaurants for a quick drink...that lasted for several hours.

Harry watched Pansy and Hermione flirting with each other for several minutes before he turned to Millicent and asked, "Don't you feel just a little bit left out when they act like that?"

Millie grinned at him and shook her head to indicate the negative. "I hang out with them all the time these days. I find it is the best way for me to come in contact with some of your associates."

His eyes lit up. "And who would those associates be?" He looked at Millicent appraisingly as he asked. He was pleased for her when he noticed that the ugly duckling of Slytherin had indeed turned into something of a swan. Obviously she was still bigger than most witches, she could not really help that. But, she had learned how to wear makeup, had her hair lightened, and had obviously spent a great deal of time exercising and eating properly. She was never going to be stunning like Narcissa but she was definitely in the 'keeper' category.

The tall Nordic blond could not help but smirk as she inclined her head toward the shop bearing the logo WWW. "I sort of fancy having a go at a certain set of twins. I just love red hair, and big shoulders, and..." Millie rambled on about just how much she would like to have the two of them in her bed at the same time for several minutes before everyone else at the table started paying attention.

Narcissa, by this time thoroughly soused, nodded her head in agreement. "You're absolutely right, love. And they are pure bloods so those 'poker-up-their-asses' parents of yours really should not have too much against the match. Besides, you have about seven brothers don't you? It is not like they need you for breeding stock in the matrimonial stakes." Her face twisted into a slightly bitter expression before reaching into her pocket for her cigs.

She managed to hold her mary-jane steady while Harry lighted it for her. Then grinned diabolically as she stopped mid-rant and said, "Harry, dearest, please go over to the shop and bring the boys over to meet Millie. And, if Charlie is there tell him he has about two minutes to crawl under my robes or I am going to go home and complain to Lucius."

Harry didn't have to think twice about making his way across the street. He knew for a fact that Lucius Malfoy suffered from a condition known in the muggle world as PENILE ERECTILE DISFUCTION (a side effect of having to taste test a potion that The Dark Wanker had botched up). Narcissa was allowed to have one lover of her choosing at any given time and she had chosen Charlie several years ago.

He was back with Ron, Fred and George within a matter of minutes. Charlie was no where to be found so Harry dug his mobile out of his pocket and rang Draco's number. Narcissa was going to need some help getting home.

Three more chairs was added to the table and expanded appropriately so that everyone could get comfortable. Twenty minutes later the three Weasley men were having quite a nice time. Herms and Pansy had pulled Ron down between them and proceeded to take turns sticking their tongues down his throat. Gred and Forge were totally enthralled with the Amazon currently drawing little patterns on their thighs (about half way up the leg on the inside) with her inch long cherry red fingernails.

Harry couldn't help but feel slightly jealous. That was until Hermione sat back in her chair and began laughing manically. "What is so amusing?" He groused.

She pointed to Mad-Eye Moody staring at them from across the street. "Can you just imagine him coming over here and saying, "I have my eye on you!"

Petunia smirked and pointed to Lupin making his way toward Gringotts. "He is going to walk up to me and say, (2) "Hey, Little Red Riding Hood, you sure are looking good. Would you like to take a walk with me?"

Narcissa raised her hands in the air acting like she was clutching something. In a sultry voice she moaned, "Oh, Albus, Darling. I want to run my fingers through your beard." Then as everyone cracked up she added, He will look at me, his big blue eyes twinkling merrily and whisper, "I really want to go on a pantry raid."

Pansy took her turn and pointed to Crabbe and Goyle who had just emerged from Knockturn Alley. Crabbe and Goyle are meeting with Draco in a few minutes and Crabbe looks at Goyle and says, "Tell me again why we are hanging out with Ferret Face." Goyle will then say, "Because, we get our pick of the horny rejected bitches." "Oh, well, works for me."

Millicent smiles sweetly as she sinks her claws into solid thigh muscles with both hands and then clears her throat. "Today, Class, I got a real treat for you. He is harmless really." She pantomimes whipping the dustcover off of a birdcage to reveal a shrunken Voldie in a tweedy birdcage.

Harry peers at her illusion. "What the Hell?"

Draco, who has just walked up behind Harry peers at the cage and adds, "I think Hagrid must have hit him over the head."

Everyone stares in horror as the thing in the cage begins to sing, "I'm a sweet little Dark Lord, all here in a cage. Voldie's my name, but I don't know my age. I don't have to worry, and that is that. I'm safe in here from that vile Potter Brat!"

Fred and George start laughing at the same time as they cast a spell to make a butterbeer bottle look like Minerva then animated it to start singing and dancing , "Talk to me pretty. Here kitty, kitty..." It turned back into a bottle and fell over when it finished the song.

Harry flashed everyone a huge smile and was about to launch into a skit when Severus placed his hands lightly on Harry's shoulders and bends down to place a small kiss on the side of his neck before straightening up and going into full teacher mode. "Today, Class, we will be working on inter-house relations. Would you like to play strip poker or twister?"

Harry's face glowed a soft pink as he lowered his head and tried to hide behind his fringe. The feel of Severus's hands on him was still causing warm fuzzies to float around in his stomach. He completely missed everyone saying bye then standing up and heading off in different directions.

It wasn't until Severus pulled an empty chair over and sat down beside him that Harry looked back up. Snape reached out and took one of his shaking hands. "We really do need to spend some time together, don't we, Harry?"

Harry only nodded.

"Would you care to go get a coffee with me and then we can see what is playing at the cinema around the corner?"

A shy smile lit up Harry's face. "That would be great." As he stood up his stomach growled and he quickly looked back down in horrified embarrassment.

"Maybe we can find some food also." Severus couldn't help teasing his gorgeous companion. "Although I don't know if I should risk trying to feed a Weasley friend in public. That boy's table manners are just gross!"

"Hey, Ron's my friend." Harry forgot his shyness in the presence of his soon to be husband, "You just better watch it. I might ask Molly to cater our Wedding Supper and invite the whole lot of them to be my attendants."

Severus recoiled in horror. "That is just disgusting! Come on. There is no way I will try anything to get you upset after that threat. That ranks right up there with Voldemort officiating the wedding and the Death Eaters providing the entertainment."

Harry couldn't hold back his laughter at the look of horror on Sev's face. "Can we go now? I really am hungry."

Severus nodded and they walked back to the Leaky Cauldron. Within minutes they were lounging on the grass under an ancient oak tree, eating Chinese food, and squabbling pleasantly about the correct way to hold chopsticks.

Severus finally glared at him and told him to shut up. The argument was totally immaterial because they were eating with sporks, not chopsticks, anyway. Harry laughingly agreed with him then went back into panic mode when Sev leaned forward and delicately licked a spot of sweet-and-sour sauce off the corner of his mouth with his tongue.

Severus watched the younger man's reaction. The glowing green eyes darkened a shade or two and his heart rate had jumped but he had not jerked back from him. He decided not to move too quickly with Harry though so he leaned back and finished his noodles.

He was pleasantly surprised when Harry raised a hand and extended a finger to wipe a spot of sauce from his own mouth. And instead of jerking his hand back, Harry let the finger trail across Sev's parted lips. Harry giggled and pulled his hand back after his finger got nipped.

Without thinking Harry put the abused finger in his own mouth and sucked. Then gasped in shock as he watched a blush creep up Lord Snape's cheeks at the sight of Harry's mouth delicately closed around his finger.

Severus moaned. "Oh, Merlin, Harry! Stop doing that!"

Harry blinked a few times then decided to wrap his tongue around the finger as he pulled it out of his mouth. Severus growled at the not so innocent actions of the little tease and muttered just loud enough for him to hear, "Do that one more time and I will apparate both of us back to my house. You can really put that tongue of yours to use." He was actually pleased to note that his soon-to-be spouse was playfully evil.

Mr. Potter decided that he would like to watch the movie. They wound up watching an old Alfred Hitchcock movie involving a bunch of birds. By the time the credits rolled Severus was ready to cry from frustration, sexual frustration that is, because Harry spent the whole movie with his head burrowed up against Sev's neck: Soft lips, warm breath, gentle nuzzling- yep! He was ready to scream.

And now he had to get the boy home. 'Bad thought, Sev.' He mentally chastised himself. What he really had to do was take the boy home. Then his lust filled brain processed 'take the boy'. Severus finally broke down and grabbed Harry.

Harry was perfectly happy to have his back plastered up against a rough stonewall while Severus paid him back for all the teasing. Harold James was more than happy and was, infact, cooperating rather enthusiastically with his 'partner' when they were rudely interrupted by Severus's mobile phone ringing.

He pulled back from Harry slightly and noticed that when he did Harry grabbed him for support. He flipped the phone open and snarled, "What?" After seeing the ID caller was Lucius Malfoy.

"Save something for after the wedding." Came a voice too loud and cheerful for comfort.

"Piss off, you blond bimbo."

Harry's eyes flew wide open when he heard Malfoy say, "Don't forget the terms of your contract, Snape. From where I am standing here across the street from your little hiding place, and it is not much of a hiding place, I can see everything you are doing. Now get the boy home."

Severus slammed the phone closed and whirled around to see Lucius waving at him. That was enough to make him grab Harry and apparate right into the Dursley's back yard. He almost screamed when the unicorn pushed her way in between the two of them and began herding Harry into the house.

His last glimpse of his beloved for the night was Harry blowing a kiss to him while being held at horn point by an angry unicorn. He apparated away, laughter ringing through the garden, as he thought, 'gee, unicorns must not like the concept of pre-marital sex.'

Harry drifted off to sleep thinking about the evening. Just before sleep claimed him, his eyes flew open one last time as he remembered Lucius mentioning 'the terms of the contract'. What precisely did he mean?


1. Explained in Petunia, NO! about the graphics button

2. Actually a song. I think it is from Sam the Sham called Little Red Riding Hood.


A/N: Hang in the all you faithful Draco fans. I promise he will at least get a snog for all his hard work...