Disclaimers: I do not own Harry Potter, or any unicorns. I have never shopped for wands in the second hand bin at Ollivanders either. Sadly, regrettably, I do own a computer attached to the outside world so please understand that while I am not intentionally torturing you, I am not entirely sane! *insert evil Dark Lord Laugh*


Chapter 6: Fudge the Contract

Harry was awake early the next morning. Not knowing what the marriage contract between himself and Severus contained had contributed to broken and restless sleep. Lucius Malfoy would not have mentioned the contract in front of him if it had not been important. The fact that Sev had not mentioned anything at all to do with it was only serving to get him more agitated.

He had to have the contract. If it was in the house the easiest way to get it was to accio it. Being a mage has its advantages; he raised his hand, palm up and fingers outstretched and summoned it. Then he heard several thumps and bangs as if boxes, drawers, and doors were being opened and closed.

Harry stared in surprise at the small pile of parchments that landed in his hands. Then he grinned and said, "Note to self. Please be more specific when summoning marriage contracts. There seems to be more than one that resides at this address."

The first contract that he glanced at he immediately set aside. It was a wizarding contract which stated that Vernon Dursley, Squib who practiced a trade, and Petunia Evans, Squib spinster, were lawfully wed according to the laws of magic as well as the Church of England. He did not recognize Vernon's attendants but Petunia's two bridesmaids, Miss Lily Evans and Miss Narcissa Black brought a smile to his face.

The second contract was Lily and James's Marriage contract. He set it aside to read later when he was not so stressed out about his own contract.

The third contract had him staring at it bemusedly for a few minutes. He was not sure whether he wanted to study it in depth or set it aside and pretend that he had never seen a contract that gave the Potter Heir the option to ask for a Malfoy's hand in marriage. At the time the contract was written both Harry and Draco had been conceived but not yet born. The House of Malfoy and the House of Potter were both powerful pureblood families and the wives were very good friends trying to bring about a peaceful solution to the tensions building between them because of politics.

The contract at the bottom of the stack was the one he wanted. It had been signed by Lord Snape and Mr. Vernon Dursley on behalf of his minor ward, Master Harold James Potter. It had been witnessed by no less than a full contingent of wizards whom had each placed their own favorite hex on the parchment. The contract itself had been written by the ex-Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge.

Harry, being for the most part totally uneducated regarding wizarding contracts, assumed that it was a precise and accurate document. A document so biased against Snape and their marriage in general that he wondered why Fudge had even bothered to pen it.

Harry immediately became indignant with the whole contract. It was an absolute mockery of everything he wanted from a marriage and family. Fudge had started the list of demands by stating that only the children carried by Snape would be recognized as legitimate offspring of the marriage. All children of the marriage would carry the name of Potter. All the assets brought to the marriage by Lord Snape would be absorbed into the Potter holdings and the name Snape would pass into obscurity. Snape could, at no time, dissolve the marriage and decamp from his spouse's abode.

The whole thing was a complete sham and Harry was sobbing heartbrokenly as he sat in the middle of the hallway and clutched the parchment to his chest when Aunt Petunia came downstairs to begin preparing breakfast.

"What has you howling like a banshee already this morning, Harry?" She asked as she sat down beside him and waited expectantly for him to reply.

Harry wiped a few tears off his face and waved the piece of parchment at her. "This contract is just horrible, Aunt Petunia. That idiot Fudge wrote the most atrocious things he could think of and then he made Severus and Uncle Vernon sign it. I don't want this." He began crying again and clutching the parchment close to his chest.

"Let me have a look at it. It probably isn't anywhere near as bad as you say it is." Petunia tried to be reasonable. All she could see was a blank piece of paper with tear smudges on it.

Harry glared at Petunia. "I love him. I wanted to be the one who gets pregnant. I want at least ten babies and I don't ever want to think of a world without little snarky Snapes. There is no way I want Severus to give up all his possessions and I certainly don't want him to be my sex slave."

Petunia cleared her throat gently. "Yes, I know what you mean. There is just something so exciting sometimes about being tied up and the role playing. Of course, it's also quite nice to be the one doling out discipline. You are quite right. You will have to be equals in the bedroom if your sex life is to be fulfilling."

Harry stared at his aunt. He wouldn't for the world admit that he was shocked but...

Petunia didn't notice. She just stretched rather dreamily and said, "Do you think you could do breakfast this morning, Harry? There are just a million little things I need to do upstairs and I'd really like to get started. Maybe you could cook some French toast, scrambled eggs, hash browns and a few rashers of bacon. Also, a good cup of coffee. When you are finished just banish it up to my bedroom. I will bring the tray down later." And then she was gone. Headed back up the stairs to do Merlin knows what...

He couldn't think. It was just too disturbing. He wanted to make sure that Severus got that dreamy look on his face at least once a day for the rest of his life. How was that going to be possible if that stupid contract could not be voided?

Fixing the breakfast that Petunia requested took very little time. He also included a small bowl of mixed fruits with whipped cream. That is the tub of whipped cream. He supposed someone should be happy, Circe knows that he wasn't.


Harry decided to apparate over to Hermione's house after lunch to ask if she had any ideas on how to change the contract. If it was at all possible Hermione would be the one to know how.

He rang the doorbell for a good five minutes before she answered. Then he spent several minutes apologizing profusely because he had disturbed a small party involving her, Ron, Pansy and the bathtub.

Hermione and Ron were both adamant that the contract was legal and binding and he would have to accept the terms as they were read at the wedding. Then she crushed his dreams completely by adding, "Even if the wedding is to take place a week after your birthday. The contract was signed by Professor Snape and by your uncle. There is no undoing the signatures."

Ron was no help either. He wasn't really peeved that they had been disturbed, but, he much preferred going back upstairs to helping Harry. He slapped him on the back and as he walked him to the door he said, "A wizard contract is unbreakable, Harry. Just get used to it."

And then Harry was standing back out on the doorstep, a closed door between him and his best friends. It was right about that time that he remembered that there had been another contract, one dated prior to the one Snape and Uncle Vernon signed. Maybe Draco could help him.

He decided to go home and get both contracts before heading off to talk to Draco. When he stepped in the kitchen door he was rather surprised to see Petunia and Narcissa sitting at the table. Narcissa was crying and Petunia was holding one of her hands and handing her kleenexes with the other.

He automatically set about making a new pot of tea. Then he served both ladies a fresh cup and sat down with them. "What has you so upset, Narcissa?" He asked as he took a careful look at her.

Before she could answer him both Dudley and Vernon came in. They were just in time to hear her whole explanation. It seems that Charlie had invited her to lunch at a lovely little muggle restaurant and then punctured her dreams by explaining to her that he would not be seeing her anymore because he had met a woman whom he had fallen in love with and they planned to bond.

Dudley nodded his head politely and reminded her that it was best that she hear such news from Charlie. Harry agreed with him and said as much.

Narcissa glared at both of them through her tears and proceeded to set them straight on why exactly she was upset. "You just don't understand. I love Lucius. I never wanted another lover-just him. It took ever so long to get used to Charlie. I had to convince him to grow his hair out and everything. I don't want to find someone else. It is just horrible to think that I am going to spend the next 120 years without any lovely sex." She broke down completely and went back to her pitiful keening.

Dudley and his father exchanged horrified looks and both of them sat down beside her and began crying also. Vernon eyed Petunia mistily and whimpered. "A 120 years without any sex. That has got to be the saddest thing I have ever heard."

Petunia nodded in agreement.

Dudley tried to be all manly and contain his sniffles. He managed to choke out, "120 years!" and lost the battle with the waterworks.

Harry thought about Narcissa's words. 120 years. Then the most fatuous grin appeared on his face as he began mumbling, "Oh, wow! Like a hundred and twenty years of getting to shag Severus Snape every day and sometimes twice...or more..." He jumped up in the air and did a favorable impression of Michael Schumacher winning the German Grand Prix. Jumping and screaming, "YES! YES! YES!" He ran straight for his closet and the two contracts.

Narcissa stopped crying long enough to watch his antics. "He doesn't have to be so happy about it. A little consideration for the rest of us wouldn't be amiss in this situation. Really, Petunia, haven't you taught that boy any manners."

Petunia, watching her nephew with a small smile on her face, just shook her head again and mumbled something about the Potter side of the family. The rest of the members of the round table agreed rather promptly.

Harry spent several minutes in his room looking for the contracts that he had summoned that morning. They were not where he left them so the only logical conclusion was that someone had been in the room and took them away.

He slammed the door as he stepped out of his room and stomped back into the kitchen. For some strange reason his 'march against Rome' did not have the same effect as when Uncle Vernon stomped. It might have had something to do with the fact that he was only about five feet four inches tall and weighed a hundred and twenty pounds soaking wet. No one at the table even bothered to look up.

"Who was in my room and why did they take my copy of the marriage contract away?" He refused to let them ignore him. When they refused to answer him he cast a sonorous on himself and roared the question again.

Uncle Vernon looked up at him and blinked. "That is a bloody good trick. How do you do it?"

"I want an answer now, damn it!" Harry was not going to be side-tracked.

Petunia looked up at him and huffed. "Really, Harry. I thought we taught you better than this. Where are your manners? All day long it has been one scene after another! Don't you think it is time for you to stop."

"No! I damn well do not think it is time for me to stop. I want an answer. What happened to the contracts that were in my room earlier?" His eyes were flashing green fire by now and an electrical storm was beginning to build up around him.

Dudley cracked. There was real fear in his eyes as he stuttered, "Snape came by and took them. He didn't say why he needed them."

"If you are lying to me I just might hurt you quite badly." Harry had regained his usual voice but sparks were still leaping around him. "Did Snape say anything at all about where he was going or what he was planning to do after he left here?"

Narcissa glared at the intimidating little wizard. "He is probably hanging out with my impotent spouse! Maybe you should drag your medi-wizard arse over to Malfoy Manor and do something useful like fix him instead of harassing harmless squibs."

Harry bowed to her. "Of course, Your Highness, I'll just apparate over there and fix him right up. By the time you hex the watermarks off the table here he will be sporting his first boner in fifteen years." He finished glaring at the lot of them then left the room mumbling something about it was no wonder Lucius couldn't do his conjugal if he had to put up with Narcissa always sniveling about everything.

That did it for her. He found himself grabbed and apparated to Malfoy Manor before he knew what had happened. Harry was unceremoniously dumped in front of Lucius by his irate spouse who hissed, "Harry is here to fix your little problem! If he hasn't cured you by bedtime tonight I will send him back to Severus in several small pieces...Do I make myself clear?"

Malfoys do NOT blush. Lucius Malfoy just happened to be glowing a nice healthy shade of burgundy? So, blame it on the fire he had going in the hearth. The room must have been a bit warm, yes?

Harry stood up, shook his baggy tee-shirt out, and glared at Narcissa. When she did not take the hint to leave he opened his mouth and roared like the little lion he is purported to be. "You had better get your skinny, white-trash ass out of here before I hex you with a case of creepy-crawly things in your knickers."

Narcissa hissed at him then whirled around to seek back-up from her spouse. "Are you going to let him talk to me in such a fashion?" Her blue eyes certainly were not cold today...

"I believe you invited him here, dear Lady. And since you put us on a schedule you might want to leave and let us get on with it." Lucius did not seem inclined to cater to her. He pointed to the door with one hand and with a bit of his own wandless magic the door flew open. He offered her a smirk while motioning for her to depart from his presence with the other hand.

Narcissa stormed out the door and tried to slam it. All she got for her effort was a mild shock. At her enraged shriek Lucius laughed lightly and settled back in his chair.

"What was that all about?" Harry asked.

Lucius smirked. "Draco hexed the door to shock people when they slam it. He got tired of Nott, and Avery slamming it every time they came to visit." He watched Harry fidget for a moment before saying, "I don't really expect you to be of much help with my problem, Harry. Despite what Severus and Narcissa say about you, I don't think you can work miracles."

Harry grinned. "You might be surprised at what I can do. Poor old Voldie never really had a chance after he got me angry enough. I was a mage before he helped me wake up my sleeping power."

Lucius nodded. "Ah, yes, there was a bit of a stir about that. Quite a pleasant surprise to have that ghastly mark removed from my arm and then watch his reaction when he realized that he would not be able to drain anyone else to bolster his own failing magic."

"Do you know what potion it was that he made you drink?"

"Let me firecall Severus and have him bring all the research over that he has on the subject."

He was almost finished brewing some potions for Poppy and would gather up his notes and be there as soon as he could. In the meantime Harry and Lucius decided to wait in peaceful silence as they had a cup of tea and a slice of Black Forest Gateau to tide them over until dinner was served.