I'm freezing in the sun;
I'm burning in the rain.
The silence… I'm screaming,
Calling out your name.
("The Day You Said Good Night" by Hale)
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2 Years 7 Months 23 Days
Freshman Year, Klutz
Seeing as the sun was already above the horizon, I decided to get up off my bed and stop playing with the small bottle of his perfume. Another day, another 24 hours, I thought to myself.
It was 6:30 a.m., just a couple of hours before I had to go to work. It was more of just a formality that I show up there daily, spend a couple of hours doing my real job(which I could do at home), then clock out. I suppose it was a good enough reason for me to leave my apartment - it's unhealthy to stay in here 24/7, though without my job, I would pretty much do just that.
"Breakfast sounds like a good idea, don't you think?" I said to no one in particular, as I made my way into my kitchen.
I wasn't really talking to myself. I was talking to the air around me, as usual, pretending he was here. Not that it made any difference; I still had no reply (am I going crazy? No… that happened the day I left him). I arrived in front of my kitchen's island counter, and started prepare to make some breakfast. After whipping out a couple of eggs and half an onion, I made myself a simple omelet. Something he used to make me as well, for those breakfasts at his house.
I didn't notice the small puddle of water still on the floor that I had spilled the previous night, and the light was dim enough that not a lot of things were illuminated. So… as usual, my left foot slipped, I toppled to my left side, and I managed to break my fall with my left shoulder; another bruise to add to the collection.
For a split second… I thought I would have the same pair of warm, inviting arms there to catch me. It lasted for just about 2 seconds; just enough time for me to wake up and wince at the pain from my newly acquired bruise. As that thought crept through my mind, a stab of pain went through my heart, and I felt my stomach tighten. He's not here. If my heart could bleed openly, it would. When will this pain end?
I thought that absence made the heart forget. Wasn't that what people told me?
Sighing, I got up off the floor and brushed some dust off of my pajama bottoms. Well that sure was a nice start of the day, I exhaled. After the short breakfast, I decided to kill some time by going to the Starbucks just a couple of blocks down from my apartment. My workplace wasn't that much further away; also a ten minute distance from my apartment. With my laptop in the crook of my left arm and a backpack slung on my right shoulder, I was walking out in the slightly foggy morning.
The short 10 minute walk to the Starbucks was all it took for me to remember that one morning Edward and I had just arrived at school, in a similar day like this. A slight fog made the school courtyard seem hazy, and when I got off of Edward's bike, I accidentally dropped my back pack, only to find out that I hadn't zipped it up properly. All of the contents - from my binders, pencil case, to my lone butterfinger bar - spilled around the back of his bike.
"See! You're just like your chocolate bar," he laughed.
I poked my tongue out at him, as I leaned down to my now empty backpack. "Much as I appreciate your humor so early in the morning, Eddie," saying, as I tugged on his sleeve, "I would appreciate help more."
"Oh, that's true," he replied, as he pulled me up.
"Eh? Why? What, Edward?"I asked incredulously. I had no idea why he made me stand up from my almost-crouching position, as I was attempting to pick up my still-scattered belongings.
"Go ahead and walk to the bench over there and keep your pretty little self comfy while I get your things, okay?" he told me, as he pointed to the nearby bench.
"I can't let you do that! At least let me help…"
"Um, no, now go be a good girl and sit." He commanded in a half serious and half joking tone.
"What?! I'm a dog now?!" I replied, in the same tone, raising my eyebrow.
"Of course not, now the sooner you get over there, the sooner I'll get this done, all right?" he said with finality.
"Fine…" I said, still minding that he was talking to me as if I was a five year old, as I noticed my tennis ball that I used as a stress ball roll to the farther edge. Edward had his back turned to me now, picking up my things. I started walking towards the tennis ball, which was also the direction of the bench.
I figured it was reasonable for me to just pick it up myself without him getting on my case, but as I bent to pick it up, I realized why Edward wasn't letting me pick my things up myself… except it was sort of too late. I forgot I was wearing a skirt. It wasn't particularly short, but it was a particularly windy day. As I bent to pick up the tennis ball, the ordinarily harmless skirt was blown up slightly by the wind. I almost had a heart attack, realizing it was almost a Marilyn Monroe.
I shrieked, but not so loudly. This gained me Edward's attention, as he stood up, hurriedly walked to where I was and asked, "are you all right?"
"Yeah, I'm ok… just the wind, my skirt… ugh." I blushed.
He just laughed. "I told you so," he added, while taking another step towards me. He was too close! My face was practically rested on his chest; I could feel his body heat emanating from him.
"D-did not," I tried to retort, "you didn't remind me about the wind and my skirt!"
He raised his eyebrow and smirked. "Oh, I have to remind you specifically?" He took another step forward, looking as if he was going to tickle me. Oh no.
As I took a step back, I felt myself step on the tennis ball I was to pick up. I was going to fall, and it felt like I was going to land directly on my bottom. I was preparing myself for the pain upon the impact on hitting the ground. Edward took a sharp intake of breathe. Fortunately, him being so close, Edward caught me by encircling his right arm on my lower back while his left arm supported me by my right shoulder blade.
"Walk much, Bella?" he teased.
Before I could reply, I felt a sharp pain coming from my right ankle. I'm normally a person who could tolerate a certain amount of pain, but it felt horrible - as if I'd broken a bone and it was sticking out or something. Involuntarily, tears were rolling down my cheeks. It hurt so much!
"Oh God, Bella! What's wrong?!" Edward asked frantically. I tried to answer as clearly as I could without my voice cracking, but it was futile. "I t-think I s-s-sprained my a…ankle," I managed to tell him. Worry contorted his perfect face. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have-" he started, but I stopped him by putting a finger up to his lips.
"Edward Anthony Cullen! Th-this is not your fault! I'm a klutz, and I'm pretty s-sure" I winced, still semi-sobbing, "the whole o…f Forks, i-if not the whole of Wa-washington, know that for a fact! Nobody is bl-blaming you. Now… get me to a hospital, p-please?" I sniffed.
He reluctantly stopped apologizing, but his eyebrows were still furrowed. "Okay… hang on… I'm going to call my father," he said. He immediately put his right arm under my knees and left arm on my back and carried me to the bench. He sat me down, and pulled out his cell phone from his pocket, still standing in front of me. I didn't even notice that now, both my backpack and his messenger back laid beside me, I was still crying - it hurt!
"Hey Dad? It's me. Yeah, umm, listen… Bella sort of sprained her ankle, and I'm not sure if she actually dislocated it… yeah, I would appreciate that," Edward looked at me while mid-sentence and noticed I was still crying. "Thanks Dad, see you soon." He then put me on his lap, and started rubbing soothing circles in my back to sooth the pain.
"My dad's on his way, and said he'll pick us up so he can get you checked out."
I couldn't protest about Edward missing a day of school just because of me, because I was too distracted by his hand on my back now. I really stopped noticing the pain my foot was sending up to my brain for the most part, but it was still there.
Oh, and sitting on his lap, smelling the sweet and spicy perfume that hehad on helped too…
Before I realized it, I had already ordered my coffee at the Starbucks counter, and was sitting at my usual corner table; after just one minute, someone called out "Bella!" signaling my drink was made.
As I walked to the station where they give people their drinks, I winced in pain when I lifted my left hand up and took my cup of café mocha. I turned around, and headed back to my table, and that's when I felt a warm tear drop trickle down my right cheek.
My body was reacting by itself, due to my heart. I didn't even… have the time to think about my reactions anymore. It wasn't just the bruise causing the pain anymore… I didn't have him there to catch me, nor sooth the pain away. There was no spicy sweet scent of the boy I loved.
It's not so much the being-saved part I miss… it's… it's his presence, of him being just an arm's length away that I miss the most.
And now, 2 years, 7 months and 23 days later… with another bruise on my body, I wipe away the tear that escaped from my eye that I thought had long ago run out of tears to cry; and no arms are encircled around me.
I'm a COWARD.
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Author's note:
Okay, I'll try to update more frequently. I'm sorry, all. Really.
