Disclaimer: Yep, still not Garth Nix! Just little old me :D

I don't own the Jeremy Kyle show either. Why anyone would want to I don't know… And I also don't own Tesco, much as I may want the food there.

I am so sorry I didn't update sooner, but life has been hectic. Exams, coursework, 'social events' (makes me sound posh doesn't it).

But it's here now! A brand new chapter for my lovely reviewers to read :D

Xx

Btw, Tesco's a supermarket/grocery store whatever you want to call it. Big shop that sells food etc.

PG-tips are a type of tea. It tastes good :)

Arthur (still)

As we walk around, I can't help but laugh at Suzy's face.

She stares around in amazement at every aisle we pass, and every so often she exclaims:

"What the…?" or "This can't be real!"

"Suzy, it is real. We're in Tesco. You know, big old supermarket, full of food?"

"Well, you know we don't need food in the house!" She replies, still in shock.

My laughter at her expressions soon dies down though when I realise the full extent of

what has happened…

1. We've fallen off of the improbable stair.

2. I have no idea where we in England we are.

3. We're in Tesco.

4. Lots of old people are giving us evils, probably planning the best way to sneak up on us and either run us over with their trolleys or hit us with their zimmer frames.

5. Suzy is sitting next to the pizzas in a freezer cabinet.

Wait… Suzy is in a freezer cabinet?

Crap!!

I wrench open the door, grab her arm and pull her out.

"Bit cold in there, might wanna sort that out. Penguins'll get jealous" Suzy grumbles, rubbing her arms in a vague attempt to warm herself up.

I walk off. If only I had some straighteners…

As she trots along behind me, I can hear her 'oohing' and 'ahhing' over certain products. Reminds me of the time we went to the tower of the London to see the crown jewels. I got some awesome straighteners that day…

But anyway, moving swiftly on…

I look up and realise we're heading towards the tea and biscuits aisle.

Maybe this isn't such a good idea?

Too late. Suzy has spotted the PG-tips.

"MINE!" she yells, throwing herself forwards. Trolleys crash, biscuits go flying and old people scatter like bowling pins.

Eventually, she manages to battle her way through, and gabs a box.

After trying (unsuccessfully I might add) to blend in with the shelves, I realise that people are giving me weird looks and that I should probably go and rescue Suzy.

I waltz forward and put on my best 'police officer at a crime scene' voice.

"Right then ladies and gents, nothing to see here, move along please. That's it, move on…"

Eventually the crowd of OAP's disperses and I'm able to grab Suzy. She's produced a kettle from somewhere and is trying to start a fire with a packet of digestive biscuits.

That just tips me over the limit.

"Suzy, you can't make a fire in Tesco! The evil security guards will chuck you out, and then what we will do?

How come I'm stuck here with you in a godforsaken shop in the middle of nowhere when I'm meant to be on holiday?

Damn the improbable stair! I'll sue whoever created it…

How come the Doctor gets to travel around in the Tardis, with clever assistants in comfort with a box that's bigger on the inside than it is on the outside? The least they could do for us is install a chair lift on the stair so I don't have to walk. That takes effort! And where are my straighteners?"

I finish with a sob.

Suddenly a cup if tea is shoved under my nose.

"Want one? I have biscuits!" asks Suzy, waving a packet at me enticingly.

I give in, and accept.

After a relaxing cup of tea, and surprisingly, no interruptions by nosey security guards, I can think a little clearer. Well, about something other than straighteners at least.

Well, we need to get out of here.

"But, but, but! The tea! I can't leave it, it'll miss me!" moans Suzy. She tries puppy dog eyes, but it really doesn't work, especially not while she's got biscuit crumbs in her hair.

It does look quite cute though…

What am I thinking?

I spot a handy pile of crates, stacked into what look like steps. They'll do.

"Suzy, grab my hand!" I yell, overjoyed that we can finally get out.

"Whatever tickles your pickle mate." she says seriously, before grabbing hold and smiling scarily at me.

However, I think I can still see a small glint of tears in her eyes as she casts one last, forlorn look at the tea bags scattered round.

I visualise the steps and just as my feet hit the marble steps, I hear Suzy whisper,

"I love you…"

That girl is even weirder than I thought. Falling in love with tea, whatever next!

However, I later came to realise that she may not have been talking about the tea…

My feet hit the cool surface of the stair, and I grit my teeth, determined not to fall off this time.

"Right, Suzy. Remember what I said last time? Remember it, 'cause if anything like that happens again, I may end up leaving you behind." I try to enforce upon her the importance of this.

Maybe I put a bit too much oomph into my voice.

I see fear in her eyes, and suddenly feel bad. Speaking more gently this time, I say "Now, what was it I want you to remember?"

"Whatever happens, don't let go?" she whispers, still clinging on tightly to my hand.

"Well done!" I congratulate her, proud that my message has finally sunk in.

We start off up the stairs, Suzy humming a little tune (What do you do with a drunken sailor, I think).

At first, this was annoying. After a little while, I come to realise, it's actually quite soothing and addictive!

I start joining in, humming a little counter melody. We eventually get so carried away with our humming, I fail to realise what's happening.

A sudden familiar lurch, wobbling of the knees and blackness alerts me to what's happening.

"Suzy! This time I really will kill you!" I yell. Not that it makes much difference, but it makes me feel better!

Yet again, Suzy comes round first.

I groan, and then listen to her endless torrent of questions.

"What are them big old machines for? And why are there lots of people staring at us? Why am I holding your hand? And who the hell is Jeremy Kyle? Ooh, tea!"