Act II, Scene I • The Muppet Theater
After the third attempt at the beginning of Act III had gone to the chickens (Gonzo had insisted that Camilla should play Flute to his Bottom, which had led to Camilla's fellow chickens being cast as Starveling and Snout, and none of the chickens were succeeding in staying on script), Kermit had called a ten-minute break.
The rest of the cast had made a beeline for the lunchroom, but Gonzo had sat down on a prop rock. "Maybe I should give up and shoot myself through the roof into orbit," he said unhappily. "This just isn't working." He glanced up at the balcony, but even Statler and Waldorf were gone. They had, however, left large white placards leaning against their seats; Statler's read Thou dost snore distinctly, to which Waldorf's added There's meaning in thy snores.
"That isn't even original!" Gonzo yelled up at the empty balcony. Statler's placard promptly fell forward onto the seat of his chair, revealing another behind it that read We know. An instant later, the card in Waldorf's chair did the same; behind it, the second placard read The Tempest, Act II, Scene 1.
"Oh, good grief," Gonzo said, slumping forward, his head in his hands. "Now I'm being heckled by remote control."
Scene II • The Faerie Wood
As before, somewhat later. Titania and her train continue to lounge beside the pool. A moment passes, then Puck enters.
Puck:[breathless]
Hey-ho and 'ware – Lord Oberon's at hand,
'Tis time, O Queen, to draw aside the cloak
That hides from us your purpose and intent—
Titania:
Be still withal; watch now what I invoke.
She raises a hand on which a brightly jeweled ring glitters, sketching an invisible sign in the air and gesturing at the viewing-pool as if pushing the rune into the air above its surface. As she completes the motion, Oberon enters, slightly winded, and Titania turns from the pool to face him.
Oberon:[bows]
My puissant lady, what disturbs thy calm?
Good Robin brings me news that thou art raxed
By charm or cantrip like a nettle's sting,
Too small to truly harm, yet 'nough to tax.
As Oberon speaks, faint tendrils of mist spiral upward from the pool's surface. Titania's attention appears firmly fixed on the faerie king, but she is idly making small stirring motions with her ring-hand as the mist rises.
Titania:[inclines her head slightly]
'Tis so, I fear. Some while past, I drank
From, as I thought, yon pure and crystal pond;
Now visions bright and strange do range unchecked
All through my daydreams – and, I fear, beyond.
Oberon frowns and approaches the pool, eyeing it thoughtfully as the mists grow thicker. As he reaches the water's edge, some of the mist-tendrils seem to reach out and wrap themselves around his ankles, then begin to twine upward as he speaks:
Oberon:
I know this glen of old, this pool as well;
'Tis one used sometime as a scrying-place.
Yet water's not the agent of tha--
The mist has reached Oberon's waist when Titania softly snaps her fingers, there is an eyeblink's flash of blue from her ring, and Oberon is frozen in mid-word – much to the consternation of the queen's courtiers.
Moth:
What?
Cobweb:
He's 'tranced, I ken, yet not for very long
can such spells hold . . . .
Puck:
The queen must needs be quick.
Titania gestures for silence – with her other hand – and the courtiers obey. With her ring hand, she makes a sweeping gesture, and the mist abruptly billows up, almost entirely shrouding Oberon and forming a cloud of silvery fog above the scrying pool. Within the cloud, vague, smoky images swirl like dancers wheeling to and fro across a stage.
Titania:
Faerie magic, faerie ring, freely given binds a king.
Veil 'twixt the worlds is drawn; through it now pass Oberon.
Yet he can and shall return, if he'll but this lesson learn:
Pride in stature, body, form, cannot make a heart grow warm.
Joy of heart, delight of mind; these the virtues he must find,
All while wrapped in mortal guise, seeing through a mortal's eyes.
So say I, the faerie queen: Stage is set. Begin the scene!
There is a sudden whirl of wind, and Titania's ring flashes again as the mist roils fiercely for a moment, then curls and twists itself into a thick spun-silver cord of gossamer light, one end wrapped around Oberon's waist, the other plunging straight into the center of the pool. All is still for the briefest of instants as a silvery pulse runs the length of the cord and back again. At one last gesture from Titania, both ends of the silvery mist-cord unweave themselves, contract, then connect, forming a faint ring of shimmering, spider-silk light around the water's edge.
Only then does the magic binding Oberon's body seem to release. He shakes his head fiercely as if to clear it, then pauses and slowly turns completely around. Finally he speaks, in a voice that is rather squeakier and higher-pitched than the faerie king's usual measured tone.
As he does so, everyone – Titania, her courtiers, and Puck – eyes him as if he's suddenly grown a donkey's head (which he hasn't; he still looks exactly like Oberon, King of all Faerie). But he sounds for all the world like Gonzo the Great . . . .
Gonzo:
What happened? Where's the stage? Hey, you've got wings,
But none of you are chickens! Say, that's weird,
I'm talking kind of like the Shakespeare script.
Hey, Kermit? Piggy? Where is everyone????
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