.Naruto
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Lies
Barriers
Fantasy
Not reality
Can you feel it?
The harmony between us
Breaking
Breaking
Love's like that
Only Heaven knows that
Only Hell will take us apart
But Love's like that
Only Heaven knows that
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Her voice had always been beautiful. Even while she cried.
"Naruto…"
He refused to look at her, fearing that his resolve might crumble. When she blew her nose, he did not know what happened but he looked at her. Her pale face was wet with tears and her eyes were swollen.
"I thought you'd understand." she said softly.
"No." he scoffed coldly, looking away stiffly.
He glowered, pointedly ignoring her sniffs. "I thought you'd always understand." Sakura pointed out miserably.
"I don't understand. I don't understand you at all." He did not see how his words broke her heart. But he felt it. He ignored his own pain. It can wait. He can endure it. He had endured for years. This moment, this pain… was just one of those many years and moments of pain.
"Naruto!" she clutched at his sleeve, like a pitiful child. He felt his heart cracked, his throat clogged but he refused to give up.
"Please."
"Why?" he asked coldly, finally glancing at her.
She responded with a sob.
He snapped.
"WHY SAKURA!" he never yelled at her and he regretted doing so for she shrank away from him, frightened. Fresh tears rolled down from her eyes, her bottom lip between her teeth.
He rubbed his face with his palms. "You always cry." He said in a low voice. Bile rose and he cursed himself. He wished he was somewhere else. He wished he was someone else.
"Naruto…" her soft voice sounded like lullaby. It was soothing in a way that he wanted to close his eyes and fall in a deep dreamless slumber.
"I'm not your little Sakura-chan anymore. This is the present me. What you always wished for me… what you always like doing for me… all of them, they're in the past. This is the present. I… I… want to build my own future."
"A future without me."
Sakura sobbed.
"Without Kakashi."
She buried her face in her palms.
"Without…HIM." He had said the last words with great difficulty. With contempt.
And she burst into new wave of tears.
"Why? Are you really this desperate? Do you really want to live all by yourself? What do you want to prove, that you don't need us anymore?" he pointed out furiously.
Sakura gasped, lifting her face from her palms. "No… no, Naruto, believe me! It's not true!"
He turned to face her, a contemptuous scowl on his face.
"You've grown arrogant, Sakura! Just because of your power, you thought you can live on your own! What is your problem!" he spat. He saw Sakura grew pale at his harsh words.
She was trembling, he saw but he chose to ignore. "Naruto, it— it isn't true! I'm not … I'm not arrogant!"
"Then, tell me!"
Sakura was silent, wide-eyed. Then, "I can't."
He glared and stepped in front of the door of her apartment, blocking her way out. "Then, you can't go."
Sakura gasped. "But… Naruto! Please, try to—"
He summoned all his will power to stop himself from shouting at her. And from hurting her. "How the hell do you think can I understand YOU if you don't talk to me, if you don't tell me WHY?"
Her trembling worsened.
"If you don't want to tell me, then don't. Stay here. And don't do something stupid." He snarled viciously.
Her hands trembled. "Naruto, stop doing this! Stop, STOP!" she said shrilly, shaking her head, her hair swaying gracefully from side to side.
"Stop what?" he snapped.
Sakura sobbed and again he felt a terrible twinge of pain. God, was I really this desperate? What's wrong with me?
"Stop caring."
He clenched his fist and punched the wall which cracked. Sakura jumped in shock and looked at him, horrified.
"Yes. And damn you."
She never looked this pitiful. For some reason, her tears annoyed him, making him guiltier and his pain to intensify alarmingly. His heart burst with painful sadness.
"STOP CRYING, DAMN IT!"
Sakura jumped and trembled, her green eyes wide in fear. God… the pain. He spun around and bit his lip.
This pain.
Damn it.
He was sinking. Drowning. The pain was… everywhere. Blinding, white-hot. Suddenly, he was consumed with a desire to cry.
"If you—" she gulped down her sobs, "care about me— then you'd understand why… why I have… to go."
"Is this about Sasuke?" he asked in a cold hollow voice. He heard a sharp intake of breath. He cursed vehemently under his breath. He rubbed his face, because he thought by doing so, he'd be able to keep the tears at bay. "I knew it."
"Naruto—"
"You're a cruel girl, aren't you?"
"…"
"You don't understand other people's feelings."
He clenched his fists. "What a cruel… girl."
"Naruto…"
He faced her, snarling. "I don't understand you. I don't understand why you have to do stupid things for… that bastard." Blue eyes narrowed disdainfully. "I…I really don't understand you at all." He hissed angrily.
"Oh, Naruto, I thought…I always thought you'd understand."
He snorted. "I don't understand! You make the stupidest things!"
Sakura's green eyes flinched, her expression turned frigid as if he hurt her physically. Then, she looked to the side, her hair, falling across her cheeks.
A few minutes of silence passed. He refused looking at her. It hurt so much to look at her. And he didn't know why.
He heard her hoist up her bag. Outside, it began to rain.
"You're right."
He frowned.
"You don't understand. Because I'm just your crush."
Startled, he turned to look at her.
"Sakura—"
Her green eyes were flashing now, even though there were fresh tears cascading down her pale cheeks. "Don't try to stop me, Naruto, because you DON'T UNDERSTAND what I feel. In fact, you don't have the right to interfere."
"Sakura-chan—"
"Don't call me Sakura-chan!" Sakura shrieked.
His drew away suddenly.
"You don't know what I feel. You don't know how it hurts. You don't have any idea what KIND of pain I've been through because…" Sakura looked confused for a while, her eyes shifting. "Because… because… -I'm just your crush. You don't love me, Naruto… It's just infatuation…"
"No… Sakura-chan…" he tried to reach for her. She shook her head in despair.
"I'm tired, Naruto. I'm so tired."
There was something in her voice that made his knees weak. And then, she smiled. A beautiful, sorrowful smile. And his heart broke, his defenses crumbled, his arms fell beside him like lead and he slouched, suddenly weak.
When Sakura walked past him, he did not stop her.
"Goodbye, Naruto."
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7 years later.
It was spring. The cherry blossoms bloomed. He paused in mid-step when a lone pink petal drifted before his eyes.
Sakura-chan.
"I'm tired, Naruto. I'm so tired."
He lifted his palm and caught the falling petal.
His heart started to throb painfully. So… tired.
I'm tired.
I'm… so tired.
"Sakura-chan."
Where are you? He let the petal fall between the gaps of his fingers. Where did you go? Are you… the possibility was endless, alive? He ignored the question. Are you going to return?
Cerulean eyes looked up to the sky, hidden by high and thick branches of an old cherry blossom tree. Flood of regrets consumed him. What if he tried to understand her seven years ago, would she stay? What if he pretended that he understood her, would she stay?
What can a man like him do to make someone like her stay?
"I thought you'd understand."
What if…
"I thought you'd always understand."
Why did she think he understood her?
He blinked as a fine drizzle of pink petals fell. There were few which adhered to his skin, stuck-up hair and clothes. The wind blew harshly suddenly, making a rush of pink petals. For a moment, he saw a mirage of her, standing with her back on him.
"Sakura-chan…"
"You're right."
"You don't understand. Because I'm just your crush."
He closed his eyes. The memories sounded so real as if she was standing close to him. He remembered the way she smiled. He remembered the way she laughed. He remembered the way she cried. He remembered how her voice sounded. The blend of her voice as she yelled. And the sad, little smile she gave him the day she left.
You don't love me, Naruto…
Slowly, his lids fluttered open.
"I'm tired, Naruto. I'm so tired."
"Me too, me too, Sakura-chan."
"You don't know what I feel. You don't know how it hurts. You don't have any idea what KIND of pain I've been through because…"
"You too, you don't know what I feel. You don't have any idea what kind of pain I've been through."
"Because… because… -I'm just your crush. You don't love me, Naruto… It's just infatuation…"
"You too."
The wind calmed down.
You don't love me, Naruto…
"You don't love me too."
After all, it was just a crush.
And yet, that time, he was desperate enough to cry. To beg. Anything. Just to make her stay.
I wanted us to live together. For a very long time…
Together. For a long time. Making memories, having fun, suffer together, fight together, cry together, heal each other, and love each other—
He stiffened.
"Sa—Sasuke…?"
Blue eyes widened. At once, his senses sharpened. This… chakra! His gaze cleared and a frown wrinkled his forehead. My mind… is playing tricks, right? The mirage was… I missed her. I thought of her everyday. I'm just a desperate boy who was desperate for—
And yet, her voice sounded real. The chakra was real.
"Sakura-chan…" he was walking faster. Then, he was running. "Sakura-chan!" the three people spun around to face him.
When she looked at him, he felt his world spun.
Then, when she blinked, the world stilled.
He stopped, frowning heavily. Around them, the world had stopped. He was looking at her, Sasuke looked at him and Sakura was… looking at—
me.
He opened his mouth to speak.
Sakura smiled.
And again, just like the last time, his heart broke, his defenses crumbled, his arms fell beside him like lead and he slouched, suddenly weak.
When Sakura spoke his name, he realized.
It felt like a powerful, chakra-filled punch in the gut. A stabbing pain somewhere. He did not know where the pain began and where it ended. He even did not know where it hurt. It was just there. Somewhere. And everywhere.
"I thought you'd understand."
Do you understand now? –a small voice asked.
"I thought you'd always understand."
No. No… no. Why? Why does it have to be now?
I thought you understand.
I thought we share the same pain.
I thought we share the same sadness.
I thought you understand my pain.
She wanted to tell me those things.
After all—
I wanted us to live together. For a very long time…
Together. For a long time. Making memories, having fun, suffer together, fight together, cry together, heal each other, and love each other—
He clenched his fist.
Together.
Now he understood why Sakura thought he'd understand.
"I thought you'd understand."
…It was only a thought.
A fantasy.
A lie to fool his heart.
A barrier that separated him from reality.
It wasn't just a crush.
And Sakura knew it. She thought, believed and hoped.
Do you love me… Naruto?
He failed to tell her. He forgot— so deliberately— to tell her. He chose not to tell her. He never told her.
He crushed the only thing she ever believed in. now he understood what that smile meant, that beautiful, sorrowful smile…
Oh, Naruto… I thought you loved me.
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