Disclaimer: I don't own anything CS Miami - Vanessa Pedrosa is my own invention.

This chapter contains spoilers for "Dispo Day"

Tim closed his eyes trying to concentrate on his breathing, tried without success to lower his heart rate to an acceptable level. He could still hear the cacophony of noise ringing in his ears – the bullets striking the Hummer, Hollis's head exploding, the assorted yelling and swearing he muffled whump as the bullet slammed into his chest. He could remember lying on the slick asphalt struggling to breathe as the sounds of the motorcade evaporated…Horatio's concerned face filled his field of vision as his mentor called his name repeatedly.

"Speed! Speed. Hold on brother, let me see, I think you've been hit." Horatio's hands ripped open his shirt, searching, hoping, praying.

"My chest…My chest." Speed had managed to gasp between shallow ragged breaths.

"All right, hold on. Wait, wai-wai-wait…the Kevlar caught it. The Kevlar caught it, man."

Tim struggled to breathe trying to comprehend what Horatio was saying. If the Kevlar had caught the bullet how was it that he couldn't breathe? How was it possible that he felt as though his chest had been crushed?

"Now just breathe. Breathe easy. Keep breathing if you can, please." Horatio knelt next to his friend his hand reassuring on his chest, his eyes never leaving Tim's panic stricken face as he screamed for somebody to get rescue.

"Rescue! Get me rescue right now!" he demanded across the scene as he stayed with his fallen colleague trying to reassure him, to provide him with some measure of comfort.

Tim's body ached – an ever present weight laid heavy on his chest, he wasn't entirely convinced it was due to where the bullet struck him. His hands still trembled. He was trying to calm down but his mind still reeling from the disastrous events of the morning. He'd left the house pleased with himself, he'd requested this assignment it was an excellent opportunity to get out of the lab for a while – it was a rare chance to do something a little bit different. It was supposed to be a confidential route, nobody outside the team participating were supposed to know when or where it was taking place – Tim hadn't even told Vanessa what he was taking part in that morning even though she'd known he was doing something that obviously had him excited.

"You're not going to tell me? Not even a little hint?" she asked him trying to coax the information out of him.

"Sorry babe, it's confidential – maybe tonight I can fill you in." He laughed at the look of dismay on her face.

"Okay. You just be careful out there today – don't be a hero." She leant down taking a mouthful of his coffee and pressing a firm kiss to his full mouth.

"I'm in court all day but I'll see you tonight?"

"You just try and stop me."

He grinned cheekily kissing her again drawing her closer as he slipped his tongue passed her lips probing and teasing tasting the coffee she'd just drank as she melted into him. Vanessa pulled away hesitantly frowning as she caught sight of his watch face.

"Damn, I'm going to be late!"

"But it was worth it." He grinned watching her snatch up her brief case and fly towards the door.

"Love you!" she called over her shoulder, running out of the house without waiting for a reply from Tim.

Tim sighed dropping his dark head into his hands, his discomfort bone deep. He knew that IAB were going to look at him for this – they were going to consider that he was the leak; after all he'd been shot but survived his partner had suffered a more tragic fate. Not only that but he had requested to participate in the disposal – he'd asked to be specifically assigned to the disposal truck itself. He knew he'd done nothing wrong, he'd never broken the confidence, never disclosed a breath of information that could be used against them regarding this case. IAB could smell blood, he knew that and he was definitely not looking forward to the polygraph he was required to take to prove his innocence.

The silence of the locker room became louder than the roar of the gunfire from the gunfight there was something that Tim needed to do before he took the polygraph but looking down at the cell phone in his hands he realized he couldn't make the call. For one his hands were still shaking too much to dial the number but more than that he knew that this was a conversation that needed to take place face to face not via an electronic medium. "I just need a few more minutes – then I'll call…I don't want to worry her…" he thought stubbornly refusing to take action.


Vanessa strode along the hallways bright sunlit of the Miami Dade crime lab, trying to maintain a cool, calm exterior whilst inside her stomach tied itself into a thousand knots. She made her way into the break room glancing around quickly hoping to see a familiar face – once again she can't find who she's looking for but she doesn't slow down her search. If anything it only spurs her on harder – her breathing is erratic, her heartbeat pounding against her ribcage as her anxiety increases exponentially with every second that ticks by. Desperately she continued her search looking in laboratories, trying to catch a glimpse of the familiar dark curled head.

After tearing the upper floors of the building apart searching for her quarry she finds herself standing in the doorway to the locker room. As she walked along the rows of cool steel lockers she could feel her anxiety intensifying, threatening to engulf her unless she could get it under control. If only she could find him, all she wanted to do was see him and know for certain that he was all in one piece. If she was being entirely honest she wanted to scream and shout and cry and shake him vigorously, to try and convey to him exactly how she'd felt when she'd heard the talk down in PD but she knew she wouldn't, at least not at first.

It wasn't until she heard a familiar drawn out sigh from the bay closest to the entrance did she realize just how scared she had been – she swallowed down a sob and headed back towards that direction. Trying not to run in blind panic Vanessa moved quickly towards the sigh, her high heels clicking sharply on the tiled floor. She stopped in her tracks as she saw him sitting there, his dark curly head heavy in his hands, his shoulders hunched over with tension from the morning's ordeal. She slowly walked up to him and as calmly as she could manage she sat next to him.

"Hey you." She whispered his usual greeting.

"Hey." He murmured, running his hands over his face before stealing a brief look at her.

His five o'clock shadow had long since hit twelve, he had a small graze on his cheek and a different shirt from the one he'd been wearing when he'd left her apartment in the early hours of this morning.

"So I uh, I heard you got shot." She whispered reaching out to softly graze her hand against his where it lay in his lap. She almost couldn't get the words out, when she'd found out what happened that morning during the dispo transport she didn't believe it, she thought it was someone's idea of a sick joke. Tim sighed again before answering; he savored the feeling of comfort her small, soft hand provided as it gently stroked his.

"My vest caught it. Hollis wasn't so lucky." He looked over at her, the disappointment he felt at himself shone clearly in his eyes.

"IAB is involved." She stated rather than asked, she'd been involved in officer involved shootings before she knew the procedure.

He nodded letting out another heavy sigh and looking back at his hands folded in his lap.

"My gun misfired…it misfired because I didn't clean it. This is all my fault."

"Thinking like that is poison Speed. You know what went wrong, don't let it happen again."

He pulled her small pale hand between his and squeezed it affectionately, thankful that she hadn't told him that there was nothing he could have done to prevent it – she'd given him the gentle kick in the ass he needed, even if it was too late to save Hollis. He had no idea exactly what was running through her mind behind those beautiful blue eyes but he could guess. She was pissed that he'd been so careless, scared at the thought that she could have lost him that day, relieved that he was still with her pretty much all in one piece and anxious about what would happen to him next. He knew that that was only the tip of the iceberg of her conflicting emotions – selfishly he was glad that she had held it together, he didn't know what he'd do if she were to cry in front of him. Seeing Vanessa cry was one of the few things in the world which rendered the normally quick witted investigator speechless and unsure of himself.

Vanessa slid her other hand along his far cheek, pulling his head closer so she could place a firm kiss to his temple. She leant her forehead there for a few beats before asking him –

"Will you be alright?" He gave her a halfhearted shrug.

"Just tell IAB the truth, there is nothing they can do to you. You made a stupid mistake Speed, just count yourself lucky that it wasn't any worse." Vanessa chided him honestly.

There was no point telling him there was nothing more he could have done, he already knew that. Even if his gun was fully functioning he couldn't have saved Hollis, sure he may have been able to take down the gunman that killed him but even that wouldn't have changed Hollis' fate in the slightest.

"You could have died out there today Tim – we could have lost you because you didn't clean your damn gun." She told him bluntly.

"I could have lost you!" She snapped suppressing a sob, her anger at the stupidity of it all bubbling up inside her chest. It may seem harsh but he obviously needed to hear it, he needed to know just how serious this morning's events could have been.

"I'm sorry Nessie." He whispered earnestly.

He chocked down a sudden lump in his throat – hearing from Vanessa's mouth that he might never have made it home today was seared into his memory. He could see how distressed she was even though she was trying her hardest to hide it from him – knew that if anything serious had happened to him she would have been alone again, without him.

"Don't be sorry Tim, fix it. I don't want to have to bury you." She snapped looking away as tears sprang forth - she did not let him go, if anything she gripped his hand tighter.

The honesty of her outburst hit Speed in the centre of his chest, the pain was worse than when the bullet had slammed into him earlier that morning. Tenderly he guided her face back towards his and held her gaze for a long moment not speaking, simply squeezing her hand trying to reassure her, his fingers affectionately caressing her pale cheek.

In that moment he vowed to himself that he would never not clean his gun again. If he had been fatally wounded this morning she would have had no one to blame but him, it would have been his own doing. Vanessa could see the promise in his eyes and she nodded before pressing a second kiss to his temple, getting up to leave the room when he soothingly massaged her hand again, "I'll call you when it's over." He pulled her slender hand to his lips, letting a tender kiss linger there. He watched her slow retreat from the locker room suddenly hit by one final realization as she reached the doorway.

"Nessie!" He called after her waiting till she turned back to him.

"I love you." He whispered gruffly needing her to hear it as much as he needed to say it out loud.

She simply nodded before moving out of his field of vision.

Tim stood slowly once more running his hand across his scruffy face – it was time to face the music.

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