A/N: I have to apologize for sticking this chapter in here so randomly. There is a very good explanation for this. This was meant to be chapter 7, but it went in it's own direction and didn't fit in where I had initially planned. I wanted a chapter in which you would be able to see Jacob's thoughts on all of this imprinting stuff so I wrote this, but I did it in a way that would fit better right when he found out. So please don't be too angry at me, and I'll have the actual chapter 7 up as soon as possible. Review please, I really need to know how I did on this one especially. Thanks everyone.
Disclaimer: Belongs to Stephenie Meyer.
CHAPTER 5: Every Burden Has A Version
This was not what I needed. It especially was not what I wanted. Life could not get anymore screwed up. It couldn't be true. I was not going to accept this. I decided to leave the house and go for a walk; just thinking about imprinting gave me a headache. I made my way to First Beach, but once I got there I wished I had gone in another direction.
"Hey Jake," Leah came up to me. I groaned at the sound of the taunt in her voice. "Why so upset? I'd thought you'd be happy with having imprinted."
"Leah, not today, I'm not in the mood," I began walking away from her.
"God Jake, stop with the brooding. You really are pathetic," Leah sneered. "Poor Jake, he found the love of his life…"
"Shut up! I don't care what you think of me," I turned on her suddenly. I could feel myself shaking. I took a deep breath. "I don't give a flying fuck that I imprinted. I really could do without it. And if you're so tired of brooding, why don't you follow your own advice. We're all tired of your bitching." Leah stared at me with pure hatred in her eyes.
"Go to hell," She snarled before turning away and walking off. I watched her walk away not caring whether I had hurt her. She really was pissing me off. I continued on my way, ignoring anyone else that I came across. Finally I made it to my destination, the old white tree trunk that lay on the shore of the beach. The same one where I had my first conversation with… Yeah this was not helping either.
"Jake!" I turned towards the voice and groaned. Embry was making his way towards me. I should have just stayed home. "Hey what's going on?"
"Nothing Embry, just trying to find someplace quiet," I answered.
"Yeah, not the best idea to come out here for that," Embry said as he sat down next to me.
"Yeah I figured that out," I roll my eyes. "So why are you here?"
"Just hanging out, I have nothing to do," Embry shrugged. He picked up a couple of stones from the ground. He began to chuck them into the water. He finally broke the silence. "So when are you going to come to terms with… you know?"
"I'd rather not think about it," I answered. I began picking at the tree bark.
"You can't avoid it, this is something that is irreversible," Embry looked at me after he threw the last rock. "It would be better if you just accepted it."
"But I can't, I can't let go of Bella," I whispered.
"This isn't about whether you want to or not, you have to. She wasn't meant for you, Jake, Amy was," Embry said.
"NO! It wasn't supposed to be this way. This is all screwed up," I growled. "I don't want to feel this way about Amy. It was supposed to be Bella, but that leech, that leech took her away. He left her and she took him back. He should have just stayed away."
"Jake, calm down. This is your chance, just take it," Embry stated. I shook my head, before slumping down onto the rocky shore. Embry looked down at me with a sympathetic expression. That's how everyone looked at me since I received the wedding invitation. We stayed silent again watching the waves crash onto the shore.
"Sam told me that you went to visit her at her house the other day," Embry whispered.
"I couldn't help it, something just pulled me to her," I answered softly, with bitterness in my voice. "I hate that I feel so powerless in this. I don't see how it was so easy for Sam to give up everything to this. He didn't really love Leah if he was able to forget her so easily."
"Jacob, you've seen the memories. It was uncontrollable," Embry said.
"I know, but he could have fought, he could have tried," I replied.
"Are you going to fight?" Embry asked and looked at me with a hard look.
"Yes," I nodded.
"You didn't see what it was like when you ran off. We were all worried you weren't coming back, especially your father. You didn't see yourself when you came back. Jacob Black was gone, dead. And now you have the chance to bring yourself back and you're rejecting it. Bella Swan killed you, and you can't let her go? To be honest with you, I hate Bella Swan," I jumped at him, punching him at the same time. I heard him groan when his back hit the ground. Suddenly two pairs of hands grabbed my arms and pulled me off Embry. It was Sam and Jared.
"What is going on here?" Sam demanded as he held me back. I continued to glare at Embry as I answered.
"Nothing."
"It didn't look like nothing, so answer me," Sam's voice was full of authority.
"We were just having an argument," Embry answered as he stood up and wiped some blood from his lip. He then turned to me. "Jake you can't fight fate; it'll only hurt you in the end." With that he walked away, the second person to do so today.
"God damn it, Jake! You need to pull yourself together. We get it that you're not happy, but don't take it out on everyone," Sam shouted. "This is never easy, but it happens."
"I know," I muttered. The anger drained out of me, shame filling me instead. "I know."
"Jared check on Embry, then tell the other pack members we're having a meeting," Sam commanded. Jared nodded and headed in the same direction as Embry. Sam turned towards me. "Embry's right you can't fight against what is destined for you."
"I hate that I don't have the choice. I hate that she was taken from me," I said.
"She was never yours to begin with. But now you have Amy, and if you give her the chance she will be what you need. At times I feel that an imprintee happens to be what the imprinter needs most," Sam affirmed. I looked at him.
"Do you honestly believe that it was better to have followed what was chosen for you, chosen Emily, rather than have fought for Leah?" I asked softly. A sad expression came to Sam's face.
"I made my own decision, I chose what I felt was right for me. Now you have to make yours," Sam replied.
"So you don't regret what you did to Leah?" I asked. This question caused his composed face to crumble. He looked down at his hands.
"There never goes a day that I don't regret hurting Leah. You've seen for yourself, there are no secrets in the pack," He answered.
"Yes, you're right, but mainly you pity her. And Leah sees that and hates it. You don't want to feel that regret anymore, you just want to love Emily and not feel guilty about it," Our imprint situations weren't similar, but I could empathize with Leah. We were both left heartbroken by the ones we loved.
"Yes, I do want to love Emily, but if the situation would have been different, if imprinting didn't exist, Leah would have been it for me," Sam said. And those words bring back a memory to me. They remind me of what Bella told me when she chose the leech. If he had died when he was supposed to, I would have been her natural course.
"That sounds tragic, a big what-if," I sneered. I don't know how that is supposed to make anyone feel better. It just left a bigger hole in someone. It just led them to imagine what could have been. A could have been that never will.
"God Jake, you sound just as bitter as Leah," Sam said. "I thought you were fine with this. You were decent with Amy."
"I'm fine with her; she helps me to not think of what happened. But I- She's always on my mind, but there's still Bella," I explained.
"It might help you to know that all she needs right now is a friend," Sam stated. I looked at him and he shrugged at me. "I just thought that would somehow impact your decision. Maybe in the future it'll be different for you two, who knows?" He stood up and clapped me on the shoulder once.
"Just a friend?" I asked.
"Just a friend," Sam affirmed. Maybe being with Amy wouldn't be so bad. She was a breath of fresh air at the moment. Innocent and unblemished, someone who would be a good friend. "We better head to the house, the rest of the pack is probably mad that we haven't started the meeting." I followed Sam to his house where the entire pack was cramped into the living room. What Sam told me was still in my head, it didn't let me concentrate during the meeting. I could be Amy's friend. I could handle that.
