A/N: Sorry, dear readers, for the wait. It's easy to get caught up in the business of preparing for parties during the holidays. Also, it was kind of hard for me to write this chapter. Yes, of course it's going to be sad. A lot to give up, right? So it wasn't exactly something I was eager to get into. I very much put it off. But here it is now, Chapter Seven. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: If it was Christmastime and I owned anything Hannah Montana related, do you really think I'd have the time to be writing fanfiction?
Chapter 7: Not at All Fair
Lily dialed tentatively, not really caring to hold the conversation she imagined she was about to, but feeling it was fairly necessary. She held her breath, pausing, then gently tapping the last digit, closing her eyes and turning away so she wouldn't have to look. She held the phone to her ear and lay back on her bed regretfully. 'Why do you do this to yourself, Lily?'
Ring
God, what made her think this call was going to solve things? 'Hang up! Hang up, Lily!'
Ring
'Don't be stupid. It's not like he's not going to know. It's been two days.' Two weekend days where Will had miraculously still been in Lake Placid. Thank goodness his sister made the next round. She hadn't had to face him yet, but he'd be back later that afternoon, and she'd be there to welcome him home, of course.
Ring
Right, phone call. Focus.
"Lily?" The voice was deep, almost groggy sounding.
"Hey Mike," she exhaled. Bad Idea. Bad Idea. "Sorry, did I wake you?" she thought to throw in as a polite afterthought.
There was a pause. "Actually," Lily distinctly heard a yawn from the other side of the phone, followed by shifting springs, "yeah."
"I'm so sorry!" She had both hands on the phone now, anxious. "I'll just call back later."
"No, no." His words were reassuring, comforting. "Lily, you almost never call. And it was just a Sunday afternoon nap. I promise whatever you have to say is going to be more important."
Se groaned internally. "You mean you can't guess what I'm calling about?"
"What?"
Huh? He was Oliver's best friend. They'd pretty seriously messed up. He must know. "Didn't Oliver tell you anything about Senior Retreat?"
An extensive void of uncomfortable silence followed. Or maybe that's just what it felt like to a nervous Lily. "Uhm…" She took a breath. Then another. "Are you talking about the chicken and rice?"
"No, Mike," she almost laughed, but couldn't seem to muster it.
"Then no. Oliver didn't tell me anything."
Something inside her warmed just a bit; the boy was true to his word. "Well, can you promise that you won't tell anyone what I'm about to say?"
"Absolutely," his words came quickly.
"Really, Mike," her eyes closed again, scrunching tight.
"Really, Lily."
She waited for a sign, a beat, or something that would signal her that this was the moment to begin, but nothing seemed to fit, so she sucked in her pride and spoke. "Long story short, I think I might like Oliver."
Mike inhaled sharply. It was such that she could hear it through the earpiece of her phone. "Why are you calling me about this?" But it wasn't an accusation.
Lily hadn't given it much thought. She just knew she needed to talk to someone, and Mike seemed her best option. "I dunno," she mumbled, "Maya would get to gushy and unrealistic with me, plus, you're Oliver's best friend, and a guy. I thought maybe you'd have some deep insights for me or something."
Lily felt him nod through the phone, but he was quiet for a moment. "Well I sure bet Oliver's happy. Boy's crazy for you."
Well, that was decidedly unhelpful. It, in fact, got her nowhere. Lily felt her palms swell pink with warmth and moisture. 'My hands don't sweat,' she thought indignantly, switching the hand holding the phone so that she might wipe off its clammy partner. "Mike, I'm dating Will."
"I know. I understand, Lily. Are you asking me for advice?"
She considered it a moment. "I guess so, yeah."
"So you're asking me if you should date Will or Oliver?"
She sighed. "Yes." It was almost a whisper.
"Simple. Pick the one you like better."
"Mike," the laugh tempted her again, "Not so simple: Deciding which I like better." She added as an afterthought, "I wish I didn't have to decide. I wish I could have them both."
"Don't we all," he sighed wistfully. "But Lils, you know that wouldn't be fair to either one of them."
"I know." She let her loose fingers run over her cheek where Will held her face when they kissed, then lightly down her sides like Oliver'd done a few nights before. 'Stop, Lily,' she commanded herself.
"Do you dream about either of them?" He asked, clearly curious.
Lily blushed, not really desiring to discuss her romantic dreams with the best friend of a very possible subject of them. "Well, I've dreamt about Will for a while now, but I mean, we were dating, and," she swallowed, "I only just realized I like Oliver. I've hardly had the chance to dream about him."
"Okay," he took it acceptingly. "Well if you only just decided you liked Oliver, why are you going to throw it all away for him? You've wanted Will for forever."
He was testing her, damnit. And she hated most that he knew exactly what she was going to say before every answer. "You know why, Mike. I just got this feeling that maybe that might be right."
"But you might stop liking Oliver tomorrow. Those things come and go pretty fast."
"Not this time, Mike. I really don't think it's going to pass." 'There goes my pride.'
"How do you know?" His words came at her quickly. Was he reading from a book, or was this just something he did a lot?
"Well," she dug deeply into the creases of her mind to find a reason that didn't include a detailed description of their shared evening, but to no avail. "It was just something about…" Stalling. Real creative, Lily. "Uhm, it was something in the way he, he…" She swallowed hard. "I felt it when he kissed me."
She waited for the gasp, but it didn't come. Just knowing consideration. "He kissed you at Senior Retreat?"
"Well, I mean, he kissed me, I kissed him. It's hard to remember who exactly was doing what." Words came out of her mouth before she had a chance to stop them, all slurred together.
"Gods, Lil. Pretty intense, then?"
She gave an unrecognizable but affirmative sound that came out something more like a nervous squeak. A change of pace, she spoke slowly, deliberately. "I just felt like if I let go I'd be wasting time."
"That's all you wanted to do," he sighed, "I know the feeling.
"Mmhm." How had she confessed this much to him? Having a gossip fest with Oliver's best friend what not exactly how she wanted to spend her afternoon. She wanted an answer.
"Lily," he very frankly stated, "stop avoiding the question."
"What?" had spilled from her mouth before she'd realized. "I thought you—"
"No, Lily," he interrupted her, almost condescendingly, but she was thankful, somewhere not so deep inside her, that he'd caught on. "You want me to tell you to forget about Will and get things started with Oliver.
"No," she said, nodding, but he talked right past her, knowing exactly what she meant.
"You can't do that, Lily."
Her eyes shut tightly and she slid lower on her pillows. Exactly what she was afraid of hearing.
"You made a commitment to this guy, and he's gunna take that seriously. Will Giordano is no flake." She nodded along with him, sighing internally. "If you're going to go for Oliver, you can't just forget about boyfriend number one. You've got to let him down properly, and you've got to deal with all the consequences."
"I don't want to let him go," she sniffed, but definitely would not cry over this. Lily Truscott did not cry over boys.
"Then don't, but forget about being anything better than friends with Oliver," his words were harsh but necessary. Lily tilted her face upward so gravity couldn't trick the salty drops to fall from her eyes.
"I can't do that."
"Well pick one. The one you don't want to, or the one you can't. But you'd better hurry up, or someone's going to get hurt."
"I'm crushed."
"Well, Lily, what fun would love be if you didn't have the painful moments to remind you how special it is?"
"Thanks, Mike," she recognized the end of the conversation and hung up. The phone landed somewhere beside her when she curled up, letting confused tears run sideways over the bridge of her nose and down the other cheek, thinking a nap was not such a bad idea.
Xxx..xxX
She noticed him get off the plane before anyone else. The dark wash jeans, the blazer, the way he walked; Lily simply couldn't ignore it. No, in fact, she was completely mesmerized by it. And he saw her before anyone else, just to make it worse. His eyes caught hers, and his face, quite literally, lit up. The brightness seared Lily somewhere on the inside. 'Will, you're not making this any easier.'
He adjusted the backpack slung across his shoulder and picked up his speed a bit, wanting to reach her faster. "Lily," he dropped the bag and raised a gentle hand to her cheek. She grinned and nodded, so he bent in to kiss her lips lightly, then pulled her gracefully into a tight hug. Why did it have to feel so good? Why couldn't she have realized it wasn't going to work and just let him go like that? Why did she have to want them both so badly?
'Selfish. You're so selfish, Lily," she antagonized herself while still wrapped warmly in his arms. 'You worked so hard for this boy, and now you're just going to send him packing because you think Oliver will bring anything better? He's been dealing with being alone for forever. You can't just give up what's good anytime something new tempts you.'
Lengthy inner monologue aside, she let go and looked up to him. His grin overpowered his face, and she couldn't help but reply just the same. "I was thinking we could go get lunch," she told him pleadingly.
He nodded, "Just a second." He turned back to meet his parents who were taking a while longer to get there things off the plane. A few words were exchanged, nods, questions. Then he smiled and returned to Lily. "You've got a car?"
"Of course," she said, looking past him to spot Greta holding tightly to her mother's arm, still shy despite her age. 'Sweet,' Lily thought. She felt Will take her hand and readjust so their fingers were intertwined. As he pulled her away towards the baggage claim, she turned to smile back at Greta, mouthing a faint "Congratulations" as they went.
Xxx…xxX
As much as it pained her to say it, there was something undeniably sexy about beautiful Will Giordano driving. And driving her car, to add to the appeal. His arms so strong, but his body was so relaxed, while his attention was focused ahead with a passion. The control he over her machine was an overwhelming turn on. Then he swung one arm around the back of her chair. 'Dirty thoughts, Lily,' she thought, checking herself and remembering the reason they were going out to lunch. Something inside of her tightened.
He, as always, opened the door for her after pulling into the parking lot of a local diner. When she'd gotten out, he placed his hand again where it fit so well, firmly on the small of her back, and lead her chivalrously inside. Four o'clock was hardly prime dining time, so they were seated quickly, and within the first few minutes, they'd each contently ordered a cheeseburger and just water, please.
"So tell me about Greta," Lily tossed in, trying to seem caught up in the conversation as a disguise for her distraction.
Will grinned broadly, clearly proud. "She took sixth place. I can't believe it," he seemed genuinely enthralled with the success of his little sister. "It's higher than she's ever placed. Oh, Lily, you should have seen the turn she landed at the end. She'd been so worried about it, too."
The corner of her mouth curled up lightly, amused at the joy he took in it all. "It's so great that your whole family gets into it the way they do." She took a sip from the glass of water before her. "It must be really encouraging for her to have all the support."
"Yeah," he said simply, "Plus it's kind of cool to see all these different places, meet the new people. While she's busy skating, my family and I do a lot of exploring."
Lily smiled, absent-mindedly picking at the ice in her glass with the end of the plastic straw. Classy.
"Here are your cheeseburgers," a sweet voice Lily had forgotten would return piped up from beside her, and a warm plate was slid in front of her. The meal didn't even look appetizing to her. She wasn't sure she could stomach it at the moment. Will looked up graciously at the waitress, nodding their thanks, then returned eagerly to his burger and immediately took a few bites. Lily picked only at the french fries on the side.
"Not hungry?" he asked her after a minute or two of silence.
She looked up at him curiously, giving him a very matter-of-fact sideways "grin". "Not really," she admitted, biting the end off of one of her fries.
"Is something wrong?" His words were honest, curious, concerned. She wished she didn't have to do this to him. She wished he hadn't have asked.
"Uhm," she began shortly, unsure of how to get into it. "Yeah, sort of." She refused to meet his gaze.
"Aw, Lily, I'm sorry. You're having a problem and I just leave for the weekend. I should have realized—"
"No, no," she cut him off, shaking her head subtly. "It's not like that."
A silence ensued that Lily found incredibly uncomfortable. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Will set down his cheeseburger and wipe his hands on his napkin. He scooted his chair just a little closer, leaning in. "Lily, do you want to talk about it?" His eyes pleaded with her, all wide and bright green. How could she resist?
She met his gaze briefly, reluctantly. "Not really," she near-whispered, "But I suppose I really need to tell you something."
Lily watched every possible bad situation flash before Will's eyes; he looked like he might start sweating from nerves. "Lily, are you okay?" he put in before she could say anymore.
'Always concerned for me. Why are you doing this to him, Lily?' "In the way you're thinking, yes, Will, I'm fine. Please don't worry about me, though," she submitted herself to looking at him, knowing it would only add to the guilt if she spent her time watching her plate. "But uhm," she paused, not sure of how she wanted to bring it up. "Please don't feel bad about getting mad at me," she pleaded.
"Please tell me, Lily," he offered her a hand to hold across the table, and she took it thankfully.
She let the words come softly and slowly from her lips in honest sadness. "I can't be your girlfriend anymore, Will." She watched his face change almost to relief, but there was a flash of painful acceptance that lingered as well.
"Lily," he breathed.
"I'm so sorry, Will." Her words were choked.
"No. Lily, I'm glad; well almost. You had me worried. I thought you were going to tell me something bad was happening to you." He stopped just long enough for a terror to take his face. "It's not that, is it?"
"No, it's not that," she grinned faintly, warmed by his concern.
"Is it something I did?" He guessed, already armed to apologize.
"Will," she smiled genuinely, "It's nothing you did. You've been better to me than I could have hoped. And I hate telling you that I've got to do this, and it's not at all fair to you; you've been perfect. But I just feel like I have to, as selfish as that is."
"Lily, you're not selfish," he tried to reassure her. "But please tell me, what is it?"
She almost couldn't bear to say it. She was absolutely mortified at her actions. She was just like a little girl, tempted by all that was advertised to her. She let go of her inhibitions and spoke. "It's someone else."
She listened in the silence to Will take a long, deep breath, then speak. "Another guy, you mean?"
"Yes," she choked on her near-silent words. "I just, I just realized that I might really like him, too. And something tells me I'm not going to be able to let him go if I'm dating you. And it's not fair to you that you can't have all the attention of the girl you're with, and—"
He cut off her rambling. "It's okay Lily. I, well I sort of understand. He waited, and an order bell dinged somewhere nearby. "Can I ask you who it is?"
Lily knew she must look like she were about to cry. But it was just honest anguish that plastered itself across her expression. "He's my best friend," she admitted.
"Oh," the realization hit him, "Oliver?" He sounded deeply jealous.
"Yeah," she spoke softly. "I know you don't deserve this. Neither of you deserve this, but I just couldn't have both of you, so I had to make a decision. Oh, Will, you have every right to be furious with me for dropping you like this."
"Lily, please," he smiled, "I'm not at all furious with you. I get it. I'm, well, I'm upset. I'm sad, and I'm reluctant to let you go, but it's just not my decision to make."
"I'm sorry," she mumbled tightly. "I'm so sorry."
"I think, I think I'm gunna go." He set his two hands firmly on the table, pushing himself up until he was standing straight, then reached into his pocket. He fumbled a bit before pulling out a twenty and tossing it on the table next to her. "Here," he said lightly, "for the bill."
She nodded sadly, "Are you sure you don't want a ride?" she asked as an afterthought, concerned for him walking home in the cold wind.
"No." His words were quick, almost harsh. "Sorry," he let out a strained laugh, "But no. I think it would be better if I just walked." He turned away and stepped plainly to the door, grasping the handle and pulling heavily. He let it fall back against his open palm, turning finally to catch her glance. "Lily," and his next words broke her. "You look beautiful today."
A/N: Aww. I hated writing this. I just feel so bad for Will. He's not completely out of the picture yet, though. I'm not sure this is exactly my best work, so feed back is very much appreciated. Other than that, stay tuned for Chapter Eight. I hope to get very close to the end before school starts again on Monday, or else I feel like I'll never get around to it. Writing takes a darned long time. Well, on that note, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY! (And please review) =D
