Atopos - I own nothing, please R&R, and all that jazz. Now I must sleep before my parents check the phone line.

Chapter 3

"This is the song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves! This is the song that gets on everybody's nerves, and this is how it goes!"

Clap, clap, clap.

"This is the song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves! This is the song that gets on everybody's nerves, and this is how it goes!"

Clap, clap, clap.

"This is the song that gets on--"

"If you fucking sing that one more time, I'm shoving a bomb up your ass and detonating it!"

Well, there goes my amusement for the rest of the day. Unless sempai wants to change the word bomb to dick and the word detonating to fucking, then I'm completely out of ideas.

Welcome back to the useless space that is my mind. Next to me, as you can probably already guess, is my beautiful and caring partner Deidara-sempai. He's not in a very good mood – compared to all the other days where he is in one – mostly for the two reasons: that we're going back to his home country Iwagakure (he hasn't told me the reason in case I screw this mission up) and because he's stuck with me for the long trip.

The song I started singing five hours ago has yet to lighten the mood any, and I've seen my sempai look over the edge of his flying bird multiple times to see if there was any sane way of escaping my…insaneness… It's been a very long trip.

"Can you give me a hint about the mission, sempai?" I beg in the most pathetic way I can. Honestly, I just want to help him out. He looks so stressed out over returning. I didn't know criminals returned to their homes unless they had unfinished business.

I think Itachi-san went back once to check out how strong his brother was, or to get his jinchuuriku…or to find a missing hairbrush. Maybe that's why Deidara-sempai wants to go home. Maybe he's forgotten something. Like underwear for example. Well I hope he has more than one pair because I have no problems with taking a few, filling my closet with them – among other personal items that once belonged to my sempai – and worshiping them.

"I'm telling you nothing, un," Deidara-sempai replies sharply. "You'll mess this up for me."

I already know that I'll mess it up. That doesn't mean he can't tell me what the mission is, though. Maybe I should start singing another song before we all go crazy from the silence. It's not like sempai's threat could hurt me anyways. That's right. All hail the coolness that is Tobi!

"This is the plan," Deidara-sempai starts slowly, catching my attention because I love the sound of his voice. It's not like I really pay attention to the words, I only like the sounds. I sometimes pretend that the sounds he makes are really moans… Yeah, I either need more of a hobby or more of a sex life. Guess which one I'm deciding on. "Would you quit looking at me like that, un! All you have to do is wait outside the doors until I come for you –" I honestly think I should be in the same room if I want you to…never mind… "- We're going to assassinate someone who's very powerful in Iwagakure, un. He'll be working late tonight before any holidays he takes off to spend with his damn family. I'm doing this work for very personal reasons…"

Did you notice that?! Probably not because you can't see the expression on his face when he's done talking.

Coughcoughloserscoughcough.

He had obviously paused right there and gave me a look as if he doesn't know what he's saying. Normally he'd say that the reasons he's doing stuff is none of my business, but he just said that the reasons he's going on this mission is more personal than why Leader-sama is sending him out. Of course, for someone who reads between the lines a lot (how else would I get things like 'I love you' out of 'go the fuck away'?), it's very easy for me to pick something important out like that.

Deidara-sempai goes very quiet for the rest of the trip, and so do I for a change. I merely watch the back of sempai's head, thinking that he could start crying at any moment. I know he's strong, but anything could happen when he starts thinking of his home village.

We stop the giant bird just outside Iwagakure. Don't tell sempai but I've named the bird Firecracker. The name not only resembles his pretty little bombs, but the name also comes from a giant bird in another (video game made) world.

Sempai throws me a bag to put my cloak in, and it also has a costume in it that I had to wear. We were both going to wear grey kimonos. They looked normal enough that no one would ask us if we were out-of-towners. We would have to act as if we were mere travelers, not ninjas, since neither of us had headbands. The kimonos had hidden pockets big enough to hide any of our equipment. Sempai put his clay pouches under his kimono, looking extremely sexy in the loose clothes.

"This will be a piece of cake, un." Sempai smiles brightly at the thought. I smile too underneath the mask sempai and I fought over. He wanted me to remove it, but I put up a good fight over keeping it on. I said that I would trade the mask for his clothes, though. So, I get to keep my mask on…unfortunately. "All we have to do is pretend to be travelers, kill the dude once I find him, and get out of here without any troubles, un."

I nod in agreement. Sempai means that all he has to do is pretend to be a traveler, all he has to do is kill the guy, all I have to do is stay out of the way and not cause him any trouble. No problem. As long as I knew sempai was safe, then there would no problem with me staying out of the way.

Sempai leads me around Iwagakure, pointing out some of the major attractions after that. He knows his stuff about almost every building there. We finally stop outside one large structure. Like all the other buildings, it's built of some kind of very strong stone, and the village looks as if snow or rain was a rarity.

"This is where I go in, un," Deidara-sempai tells me strictly. I nod for the second time. He gives me a look that tells me he doesn't completely trust me being outside alone, but I would honestly do anything for him. If he told me to jump off a cliff leading into a river with jagged rocks, I would gladly do it for his enjoyment. "Don't make an asshole out of yourself."

As my beloved sempai entered the building, I leaned up against the wall next to the entrance. I wish I could have done more for him, but sempai likes doing things on his own. I had to just wait for his signal, any signal.

This was going to be a very long wait…

About two hours later, I sort of realized that something was wrong. It didn't usually take sempai two hours to kill someone. There were only two possible explanations for this: he either decided to leave me or he got captured. Guess which one I chose. Yeah, the last one. That's why I ran right into the building, forgetting all my sempai's well-planned out instructions.

And there he was, sitting in a chair facing me.

He looked pissed.

He was also beaten up and tied to the chair, which wasn't very good.

The person he was supposed to kill (I assume since he's the one controlling the three guards that have my sempai surrounded) is standing behind him, clutching his shoulder in a sick 'yeah-I-own-him-but-I-can-kick-your-ass-and-kill-him-if-you-come-near-me' sort of way.

This was definitely an 'Oh shit' moment.

- Atopos