Atopos - Merry Ho Ho one and all! I started this story around this time last year, so now I attempt to finish it at some point. Of course, at this point, I have fallen in love with some other anime, and I may test my luck with those at some point. Unfortunately, I was unable to get Naruto or any of the characters for Christmas this year, so I still don't own it. Please R&R, considering this chapter is a bit more serious than the others (my sense of humour dies a little when I'm dead tired). Hope everyone has a good New Years and a Merry Christmas (even though it is now Boxing Day^^).


Chapter 5

The jail cell was quiet…

Well, except for the criminals making death threats at me, Deidara-sempai slowly going insane, and the voice inside my head telling me to burn things. Other than that, this is pretty normal.

For anyone who cares, sempai and I have been in Iwagakure prison for about twelve hours. It's been cool because people now see me as a criminal.

Fear the awesomeness that is the Tobi!

It's been bad because the guards are thinking about giving us – or at least sempai – the death penalty. Which is actually very bad.

……

I'm bored now.

Deidara-sempai wants his clay so he can bust us out. Bust himself out in other words.

So here we sit for twelve hours…until we hear this noise coming towards us. Unless that's another voice trying to kill the other voice in my head, which wouldn't surprise me. But they keep coming closer, and closer, and closer until it feels like they're right on top of us! AHHHH! Save me sempai!

Oh yeah…

He's currently insane at the moment. Well, no need to bother him with trivial questions. That would be like asking Hidan-san what time it is during one of his rituals: suicidal.

So, I wait…

…and wait…

…look at sempai rocking back and forth in a fetal position…

…and I wait…

The voices are definitely coming closer, though, and I have a feeling that they're good voices. Of course, I've been wrong plenty of times before, and this time is no exception. The sound of Hidan-san cursing about anything and everything, and Kakuzu-san walking behind him surround us as they enter the room.

I should probably explain. Iwagakure – I've learned – holds a lot of prisoners before other countries decide what to do with them. Other countries can hold their own prisoners, but the prison in Iwagakure is bigger than those ones. The prison is divided up into about ten large rooms, about the size of the entire hideout. Three of these rooms are for those in charge where they can talk, and relax, and rule all. The rest of the rooms are once again divided into about thirty small jail cells where the prisoners are kept. If each jail cell can hold about two prisoners at a time, the entire prison will hold…

OW! That hurts! I hate math…

Back to the fact that we might be rescued. Hidan-san enters the room, his scythe tapping on the floor as if it's a cane for him. Perhaps Kakuzu-san has tested this theory before; seeing how far Hidan-san can get with just one foot and his cane/scythe.

Deidara-sempai immediately looks up. He almost looks relieved to be hearing Hidan-san and Kakuzu-san. He jumps to the bars and rattles them. "Let us out of here, dumbasses, un!"

Not the best way to convince someone to help you escape from prison, but Deidara-sempai is darling and unique.

Hidan-san automatically appears in front of him, smirking that evil smirk of his. It's kind of like that one where you know someone is thinking something dirty about someone else. If Hidan-san found out, I would tell…well, someone who cares. I wouldn't be able to deal with him because – like I've probably said before – Hidan-san is a bully. I don't know if I've said that before, but I am now, so…nyah!

"Look who we have here." Hidan-san laughs. Hidan-san would be the perfect bad guy in a film if he had enough motivation and if people who made movies weren't so afraid of him. "Kakuzu! We have some fucking blond jailbait here! Quick! Find a fucking camera!"

It was almost as if Deidara-sempai's anger is fueled by Hidan-san, which is totally impossible because Hidan-san is too sweet to make people angry. Also, as a side note, Tobi has learned sarcasm while in prison.

Deidara-sempai's answer is quick and heated…just like him in every way…(sigh)… "Shut the hell up, idiot! You just want to take a picture so you can jerk off to it, un!"

"Hey! Fucking loser! Don't fucking think I'm as perverted as you!" Hidan-san calmed down slightly when he heard something down the hall.

"We don't have the time for this," Kakuzu-san hissed. "Get them out of there."

Hidan-san raised his scythe, and *shing* the bars fell apart with one slice. Have I ever mentioned that I love Hidan-san? Well, I don't, but he had his useful moments.

The next target of Hidan-san's all powerful wrath is the window on the other side of our cell. He chops the bars in half once again, giving us enough room to escape. The first to leave is Hidan-san's scythe, mostly because he threw it out the now opened window to see if it would fit. We then watch Deidara-sempai scamper out.

Correction: Hidan-san and Kakuzu-san watch, I drool, daydream, and wish with all my might.

Next is me because – according to Hidan-san – I'm completely useless. If this is what worthlessness gets you, then I say 'long live being useless'.

Kakuzu-san leaps out the window next, followed by Hidan-san. Hidan-san picks up his scythe, swings it over all our heads with the pointy blade pointed for our heads, and leads the way out of the city. One of the many good things about this prison, it's on the edge of the village, so there's nothing at all next to it.

It's all rather quiet, and almost too easy, until Hidan-san begins to talk. With him and I in the group, it's never a dull moment.

"So," Hidan-san begins. He looks serious and he glances to his left to look at Deidara-sempai. "Did you become some fucker's prison bitch?"

Although I love Deidara-sempai dearly, I felt like laughing. His gorgeous blue eyes widen at such a question, and anyone could tell that his first thoughts were murder.

"Bastard." Deidara-sempai scowls, turning away with a…no way…is that a blush? Now either he's blushing at the comment (which would be a little weird since he hears those kinds of remarks all the time), or the fact that he doesn't want Hidan-san to know that he almost went a little crazy in the cell, or he's blushing at Hidan-san just saying that. Behind my mask, my jaw almost drops. Under my cloak, my heart skips a beat, making my chest feel sore.

So, this is what it's like. This must have been what Deidara-sempai felt when Sasori-san died. Or what Itachi-san felt when he realized his brother loved Orochimaru more than incest… I mean…nevermind.

It isn't a good feeling, trust me.

Up ahead, the two are still arguing. The only thing that breaks me out of my Deidara-sempai induced depression is Kakuzu-san yelling, "If you two don't shut up, I'll either wire your mouths shut or make sure you two have to share a room when we stop." He lowers his breath so only I can hear it. "Sound like a married couple."

First of all, this is weird. I usually think that Kakuzu-san and Hidan-san sound more like a married couple. Secondly, I don't like this at all. Deidara-sempai is supposed to be with me. Not Hidan-san. Not Sasori-san. Not Kisame-san. And not the time I had a wetdream about him and Zetsu-san in the garden, completely undressed, and Deidara-sempai was using his hands to…nevermind. That's for Tobi's own use.

"Face it, Blondie," Hidan-san laughed, "the only fucking reason you took this fucking mission is because it fucking meant something to you. Get the fuck over it."

Another stab through the heart because it means that Hidan-san knows something I don't. I hope we stop somewhere soon. I want Hidan-san to take a nice, long nap, so I can stab him in his sleep. Good thing, he'll survive. Bad thing, he might get turned on by it and there will be a mess.

Tobi's mind is getting violent, but the frustration sex will more than make up for it. Unfortunately, if I can't convince Deidara-sempai to join me, I'll be doing this, once again, alone.

to be continued...


- Atopos