A/N: Dude. Guys. I'm sorry. I so promised this about a week ago (no, I wasn't holding out because I only got 1 review on the last chapter, I wouldn't do that)... but... life got in the way. Correction: AP English summer work got in the way. In fact, it's very much still in the way. I sort of feel like this chapter is very ... not exciting. seriously, nothing happens. it's the shortest yet, I believe. ah, what a good author I am... I don't even like my own story. I feel like it's going downhill. Maybe it's just that I'm so not motivated. I won't abandon you, though, I promise.

When I got back to the common room, it was completely empty… save for two people. Dearest Jake and Remus. They weren't talking or anything… they weren't even aware of each other's presence. Remus was, in fact, sleeping. His books were strewn about on the table in front of him and it was evident that he had been trying to study. His tie was loose around his neck and his clothes were, well, untidy to say the least. I stared at him, amazed by how the sight of him just sleeping caused me to hyperventilate. I kept on thinking about that day on the pitch, when he—

"LAYLA. Are you in there?"

Oh. Right. Jake.

I tore my gaze away from Remus' peaceful sleeping form to face Jake where he stood leaning against a table.

"Yeah?"

He strode over to me, shoving his hands in his pockets. His clothes were neat. Ugh. Neat people. He reached out a hand and rubbed my upper arm. "I haven't seen much of you lately."

"Jake, I saw you about two hours ago."

He took another step closer, closing the gap between us. I could smell his cologne. It was

too strong. I resisted the urge to gag. "No, I mean, I haven't really seen you."

I sighed – gah, mistake, breathing in too much cologne – and shifted my weight to my back foot, subtly leaning away from him. "Jake."

He tried to do that sexy whisper thing and answered simply "Yes?"

It occurred to me that I could have some fun with this… yes, toying with Jake's emotions is dangerous territory, but it just seemed like so much fun! I think I was a bit overtired and out of it. But, regardless, I leaned in closer to him, placing my mouth about an inch from his ear.

"Jake," I said softly, bringing my entire body impossibly close to his without actually touching it, "I," I spoke louder, "am," louder, "not," practically yelling, "interested! What about that can't you get through your thick skull!?" I hit him on the head for effect.

"THIS," I motioned between us, "IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN." I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for his response.

He stood there stuttering. Okay, maybe I had been a wee bit melodramatic on that one… alright, fine, maybe way way too melodramatic. But SERIOUSLY, what does this kid WANT from me. No, don't answer that.

Apparently Jake's not good with the comebacks. He just stumbled backwards and ran out the portrait hole. After curfew, Jakey boy, tsk tsk.

I sighed, pausing to examine my surroundings once again. Remus. Right. Wow, heavy sleeper. Missed the entire rejection scene. You know what? I wasn't going to stand there ogling him. No. I would be STRONG! I turned away and headed straight up to the boys' dorms. I'd go bug the rest of them instead.

--

"Layla!" Sirius said when I shoved the door open.

"Padfoot. I'm shocked, you're not out with your latest conquest?" I pulled the map out from where I had safely tucked it in the waistband of my shorts – remind me why I hadn't checked the common room before I walked in? I could have avoided Jake altogether. – and placed it safely in James' trunk. Or not safely… he loses everything.

"Well now, I'm not the one who forgot to put on clothes this evening." He snorted.

I frowned, trying not to blush. I had forgotten about the Whore Shorts.

"Shut it, you stupid dog. Where're the rest?"

"James, finding Evans. He was not very happy with you for taking that map, you know. Pete has apparently gotten friendly with some of the Slytherins, God knows why, and

Remus … I guess I thought he'd be with you."

I sighed, thinking that it was probably hopeless to try to hide my feelings from Sirius. He's quite perceptive when he's not trying to get in a girl's knickers.

"Remus is in the common room sleeping," I said.

"Well, he will be very disappointed that he missed the Barely Clothed Miss Armone this evening, won't he?"

I gave him a warning look and walked over to sit on his bed. He came and sat next to me. Our feet dangled over the edge, and I kicked the bed with my heels.

"Layla," he said softly, looking about at my knee.

"Sirius, don't. The topic has been covered more than enough, and there is no need to go over it again. Just let it go." I flopped backwards so that I was lying flat on his bed, just my legs hanging off. He joined me lying down and twisted his neck to look at me.

"I know I know I know. I just … well, Layla, what is our friendship composed of?"

I scrunched up my eyebrows, completely unaware of what he was getting at. "Uh, four blokes and a girl? A lot of pranking and making fun? Uh… I don't get it."

"No, no, you do. See, we are friends because we have malicious minds. When faced with a challenge we don't just give up, we force the challenge to bend to what we want."

I was barely following. "Sirius, just spit it out. Stop trying to sound all sneaky. It doesn't suit you."

He rolled his eyes. "And they call you the smart one. Layla Armone. Remus is a bloke, just like any other. Right now, however, he's thinking with his head. We need to get him to think with his dick."

I sat up immediately. I hate that word. "SIRIUS. Can't you just think like a normal human being for ONCE?"

He laughed and sat back up, too. "Layla I'm not kidding. Can't you just think like a normal teenage girl? When all else fails, which it has, you need to seduce him. See, when you do things like forget to put clothes on, blokes notice. We've got hormones. This can be used to our advantage. So I have a plan."

"That evil grin of yours is not reassuring."

"Are you aware of the fact that there's a school dance coming up?"

I laughed at him. He couldn't be serious. We hadn't gone to the dances, banquets, or anything of the sort since we were in third year. They were the most pathetic things of the entire year. No one went. I pointed this out to him.

"Yes," he agreed, "but if I go, the female population of the school will go. And they will have to bring dates. So everyone will go." He grinned, proud of himself.

"Wow. You sure thinks highly of yourself… I still don't see how this relates, Sirius."

"Oh, right, I forgot that part. I take you. You will go with me. You with me. And I will ask a little favor of your friend Kayleigh… So here's the equation we get. We have

Irresistible Layla plus Irresistible Sirius and then Stunningly Gorgeous Kayleigh plus Ordinary Shmordinary Remus."

"Sirius," I interrupted, "you just said shmordinary. You do realize this, yes?"

He ignored my comment. "So then, when Remus can no longer think with his head because you are so irresistible, he will run off with you, and Kayleigh and I can have our fun while you run off and shag Remus in a closet somewhere."

I groaned. "There are so many things wrong with your plan I don't even know where to start."

"Well then don't, and just go along with it. Once he realizes that trying to resist you is just a plan that's bound to fail, he will give in, and you will fall madly in love and get married and shag like rabbits and have way too many babies and everyone will be happy."

I laughed in that way that's more disbelief than a laugh that ends up sounding like you're just breathing out really fast. "I can't believe you're actually taking yourself seriously."

"Good, then it's settled. I'll have to talk to Kayleigh right away, because she has a week to plan. And then I will meet you in the common room next Saturday at seven o'clock."

I was amazed by how I had been roped into this idiotic plan, but for some unknown reason I didn't disagree. I just stood up, walked down the stairs and through the common room, back up the stairs and into my dorm. "Kayleigh," I said, "Sirius wants to talk to you." And I lay down in bed and started to work on the impossible task of getting to the numbing mindlessness that sleep promised.

--

"ARMONE, GET DOWN HERE," James screamed at me through the downpour on the quidditch pitch. Oh how I wish he had never been made captain … he definitely didn't need that ego-booster.

He was ending practice early, but only because we weren't allowed to practice through the lightning. I flew down and stepped off my broom, racing after the rest of the team – the intelligent ones who had already started towards the locker rooms.

It was Friday, the day before The Dreaded Dance, and I was so most definitely not any more mentally prepared for Saturday than I had been a week before. Sirius had gotten Kayleigh extremely hyped up about it, and she wouldn't stop bugging me about dresses and hairstyles. God I so should not have been born female… I'm so not cut out for it.

I had promised her, in fact, that I'd meet her in the dorms after practice for a "pep talk and trial dress." Oh dear god what had I gotten myself into.

As much as I was dreading meeting up with Kayleigh, I changed quickly and ran up to Gryffindor tower, sneaking in through the common room without being seen.

"THERE YOU ARE!" she screeched, and she jumped on me, shoving me towards the bathroom and muttering incoherently about showers and wet hair and rats' nests and practice runs. I guess I was supposed to take one. Which was probably for the best, seeing as I usually do in the locker rooms anyway, but I had skipped that minor detail today…

Whatever. I stripped down and got in, resisting the urge to scream as the hot water burned my skin. The mud and grime from practice rushed off of me, and I realized that I was really, really grateful I hadn't run into anyone in the common room – I'm not that… clean… after practive..

Ten minutes later I was sitting on my bed with Kayleigh kneeling behind me as she calmly brushed and tugged at my hair, twisting and braiding and tying.

"Hey, Kayleigh?" I asked.

She grunted to show that she was listening – I assume she had bobby pins in her mouth. Either that or the missing pieces of my scalp that she had pulled out.

"What… what's with you and Sirius, anyway?"

She sighed, letting my hair drop and sitting back on her heels. "I don't know, Lay. I thought I knew what I was doing, but … I didn't think he'd be so addicting."

"Addicting?"

"Yeah. He's like this drug that everyone's into, and I was so above the influence before, but I really just… am apparently not as high and mighty as I thought I was. Apparently, Sirius' charm works on me, too. And now I can't get out."

I smiled and frowned at the same time. "You seem to have analyzed this quite a bit."

She shrugged, "It's not like I have anything better to do with my time."

This is true. Kayleigh is a genius. She gets high marks in all of her classes and... well, she does a ton of work, but she still seems to end up with tons of time on her hands. Bloody genius.

"Well," I began, unsure of what I really wanted to say, "I don't want to sound like I'm scolding you or anything, but he is Sirius."

"No, Lay, I'm serious."

I rolled my eyes – evidently she didn't want to talk about this. "I just want you to be … careful, okay?"

"Layla, I'm not a clueless idiot. I know his reputation, I've practically grown up with you, and have, by extension, had more than enough interaction with this man-whore we speak of. You really, really don't have to worry about me."

"But if I don't spend all my time worrying about you," I responded, "then I actually have to think about my own life." I shuddered. What a thought.

She pulled my hair for that one. "Layla, Layla. What are we going to do with you? Oh, wait, that's right, we're going to make you look really, really, super attractive."

I rolled my eyes, but stayed quiet, letting her work with my hair. After what felt like an eternity of pulling and twisting, she let me go, and stood back to admire her handiwork. "Ah, yes. Perfect. Now I just have to figure out how to recreate it tomorrow." She dragged me off the bed and shoved me in front of a mirror.

I … actually looked pretty good, I suppose. "It's cute," I shrugged.

She laughed at me. "Layla, Layla, Layla, no. Your hair isn't what's going to matter, I just had to get it sorted out tonight. It's your dress that will matter. And I suppose your makeup, but … he's not going to be looking at your face. But! That's for tomorrow. Tonight, you have to get some sleep."

I blushed. She made me blush. I hate blushing. She wouldn't let me see the dress that she had picked out for me. I'm pretty sure she was thinking if I saw it I'd refuse to wear it, and if I saw it before the night of, I'd make her go get a different one. Which was so comforting, you know… I do so enjoy being forced into dresses that make me feel uncomfortable.

Whatever. My hair was pulled into a sort of side ponytail, and it curled gently over my shoulder. She had also worked out some sort of braid contraption, that went across like a thin headband. Impressive.

"Well, Kayleigh, uh, thanks, I suppose. Hey, what are you going to wear?"

She beamed, and started cleaning up all the stuff left on my bed. "No problem, Lay. And don't you worry about that, I've got it all figured out. And trust me: you're the one he'll be looking at."

God, I hoped she was right.

A/N: So, thank's for reading, I'll try to get on the next chapter. wooo hoooo!