Contrary to popular belief, I have not disappeared off of the face of this Earth. I know, hard to believe, right?
This took for freakin' ever to write, and, in Seraephina's words, I felt like cutting my ear off with a toothbrush. But it was also fun to write at the same time. o.0
Also, good luck to Wielder of the Pen on his/her first fan fiction!
My website is (because you may want it when you get to the wedding part) www. thedramazing. piczo. com
I promised waves2622 and Sereaphina that I would write this, so here you go.
I couldn't think of a good name for a band, so I used the Goo Goo Dolls.
Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. Waves2622 and Sereaphina own part of this plot, as well as my friend Brooke. Nor do I own the Goo Goo Dolls or Spam ham. Hope you enjoy!
And now, your feature presentation:
Everything that could possibly ever go wrong at a wedding!
X
You May Kiss the Bride...
...unless she's already in the emergency room
It should have been a time of joy and happiness. People had seen this day coming for many, many years, and now the day was but a week away. How happy everyone was, when the news of Jericho and Kole's engagement had arrived. No one expected that the night would be filled with anything but happiness.
"But mom! Why do I have to be the ring-bearer? Why can't Victor do it? Better yet, why can't they find someone who actually knows them?" Jake protested. Raven put her tape measure down.
"Hmmm...we are going to need a smaller tuxedo for you," she muttered to herself. jake looked up.
"No, really?" he asked, lifting up his arms. The tuxedo he was currently wearing draped over his hands and went down a good couple feet afterwards. She glared at him.
"Jake, you should be honored. A wedding is a miraculous event. Besides, all you have to do is walk in, hold a pillow, wait for them to take the rings, and walk back out. It takes three minutes, at most," she told him. He rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, but I could be doing so many other, more productive things!" he whined.
"Like what?" she mused. At that moment, Mar'i walked out of the dressing room. Her parents were in another part of the store, buying their own wedding attire. Mar'i was trying on her dress, which was absolutely stunning.
"Like..." Jake watched as Mar'i glided into the room. Time seemed to stop completely for him. He was jolted back into reality at the sounds of Mar'i laughing.
"Like drooling?" Raven offered.
"Huh?" He looked down, to find that he had been drooling in his moment of zoning out.
"No, I just...uh...had some bad food this morning, and I was spitting the taste out of my mouth! See? Blah!" He pretended to be gagging in order to cover up for his slip. Raven raised an eyebrow.
"I made the last thing you ate," she informed him. Jake paled. He looked over to Mar'i, who merely rolled her eyes.
"You're getting yourself out of this one," she told him, "I've got to see if daddy approves of this dress or if he wants me in nothing less than a nun outfit." She walked out of the room, leaving Jake trying to cope with his mistake.
"Well," Raven offered, "The way I see it you've got two options. Option one: you admit that you hated my cooking. On the upside, you'll get out of eating my food. Downside is that you'll have to eat what your father cooks."
"Uh...what's option number two?" he asked, afraid.
"Option number two is that you admit you were drooling. You won't have to pretend that you're in love with Mar'i, but you and your father will have 'the talk.'"
Jake paused for a minute to think it over. "See? This only proves that weddings only bring pain!"
The next day...
Victor sat down at the lunch table, waiting for everyone else to arrive. Lian came first, and Mar'i followed her.
"I don't know about you guys, but I can't wait for the wedding!" Mar'i said excitedly.
"Well duh, you're the star of the show, the flower girl!" Lian told her.
"I'm pretty sure that the flower girl isn't more important than the bride and groom," she informed Lian, who only rolled her eyes and took a bite of her sandwich.
"Hey, have any of ya'll seen Jake?" Victor asked the two of them. Lian and Victor both shook their heads no.
"Here I am," Jake sounded, carrying a brown bag over to the table. He sat down and pulled out a sandwich.
"So, Jake, are you excited about the wedding?" Mar'i asked. "Lian claims that I'm the star of it." He made a face.
"Are you kidding? I despise weddings. And, as if it couldn't get any worse, the day of the wedding is also the day that my favorite band is coming to town! I already bought two tickets and twobackstage passes for it," His shoulders slumped dejectedly.
"Sell them on the internet and use the profit to buy tickets and backstage passes for the next time they come to town," Mar'i told him in a matter-of-fact tone.
Jake made a face before biting into his sandwich. Everyone was silent, until...
"Wait a minute!" Victor exclaimed, "You told me that they only had one ticket and one backstage pass and that was why you couldn't take me!"
"Victor, Victor, Victor," Jake shook his head, "I just felt that you weren't old enough to go to that concert."
"We're the same age," Victor pointed out. Jake shrugged.
"I never said that I felt as if I was too young to go," Jake replied. Victor opened and closed hi mouth, not finding the words to come back with.
"Just drop it Victor, he isn't going to tell you what he has done with the other one," Mar'i pointed out. Victor was just about to do what he was told, when an evil smile spread across his face.
"What band was that again?" he asked Jake. He put down his sandwich.
"Don't you remember? I bought the tickets for a Goo Goo Dolls Concert," he replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Victor's smile grew wider.
"I love the Goo Goo Dolls!" Mar'i exclaimed. Victor turned to her, and then to Jake.
"Jake, do you realize that you hate the Goo Goo Dolls?" Jake's eyes narrowed, finally seeing where Victor was going with this. "Now I know who the other ticket was for."
"Oh, how sweet!" Lian exclaimed. The only one not catching on was Mar'i.
"What are you guys talking about?" she asked.
"Nothing," Jake said in a monotone voice.
"Wow, man, I knew you had it bad, but being so lovesick that you have to lie to your best friend? What a shame," Victor said, shaking his head.
"I have no idea where you are coming from with this," he stated, but the fact that his face was beet red told another story.
Five Days until Wedding Day
"Do you have everything, Mar'i?" her mother called out to her. Mar'i zipped up her suitcase and put her flower girl dress on a hanger.
"Yes, mom!" she called out, picking up her bags and bringing them to the stairs. Her mother was waiting by the door, her own bags in hand. Mar'i got to the staircase and slid down the railing, her dress flowing behind her. When she reached the bottom, she handed her bags and the dress to her father.
She ran outside, making her way to her motorcycle. Just as she was about to hop on, she could feel a presence behind her. She turned to face her father, ho was raising his eyebrow.
"Yes, Daddy?" She asked. He smirked.
"Alright, you know what? I don't want to yell at you, so I'll let you ride your motorcycle to the airport," He said. Mar'i was suspicious.
"And if I do...?" she asked.
"You'll be wearing a sweater over your dress," he told her. Grumbling, she got off of the motorcycle and made her way to the car. She sat down inside, waiting for her mother to arrive. After what seemed like hours, and after listening to her father mumble on about how women always take so much damn time in the bathroom, Kori arrived, throwing her stuff into the trunk.
They dropped by Lian and her father's house, picking Lian up. Roy refused to go to any wedding. He said that they were too planned, and worked out way too flawlessly. Lian sat down next to the window behind Richard.
The car sped off towards the airport, where they met Cyborg and his family, as well as Victor and his family. After checking in, they boarded the plane. There were three seats to a row on either side of the aisle. Kori sat by the window of the plane, pulling Mar'i down next to her in the middle seat. Richard made it a point to sit on the other side of Mar'i, making sure that she didn't slip away and sit with Jake. God forbid she communicate with any boy over the age of three, let alone fall in love with someone before she was married, which wouldn't be until she was at least fifty years old. He didn't want to admit it, but he could tell that Mar'i was falling for Jake. He just had to make sure that it didn't happen.
They arrived at the island of Hawaii not long after. Once they had checked into their hotel, or should I say hotels, (Richard made sure that Jake and Mar'i were in different hotels) they met up with the lovely couple, Kole and Jericho.
"Glad you guys could make it," Kole told them, shaking their hands. Jericho, obviously, said nothing, but shook his head in agreement. After a short conversation the two departed, going off towards an authentic hut that they were staying in until the wedding.
Three Days later-The Wedding Rehearsal
Mar'i gracefully glided down the aisle, sprinkling roses of every color-all shades of red, pink, white, and yellow-onto the ground. She was followed by Kole, who was walked down the aisle by Gnaark. Because of him, the entire wedding and reception had to be lit by tiki torches, but no one was complaining. When she reached the end of the aisle, she walk up to Jericho, and faced the priest. The priest started preaching, and when it was time for the rings, Jake walked over to them, seemingly distracted the entire time. By this time he knew he had it bad; Mar'i wasn't even in her dress yet and he was wiping drool off of his face.
The wedding rehearsal went by flawlessly, so they went to eat at a Hawaiian buffet.
"Wow, your dad was right, Lian," Mar'i started, "Weddings are flawless. How disappointing."
"Yeah, I was hoping that something interesting would happen, but I guess not," She sighed, a little disappointed. They made sure to speak just a little bit quieter than normal, as to not upset the happy couple.
"Well, at least we get to go, let's look at it that way. Now we know what our weddings will be like," Mar'i pointed out
"Yeah, I guess you're right," Lian shrugged. Mar'i smiled.
"When am I not right?" She asked. Lian laughed.
"I wonder who we will marry," Lian sighed dreamily, thinking of all the handsome men who would possibly marry her. Mar'i rolled her eyes.
The Next Day; Day before the Wedding
Raven was up early that morning, helping with the decorations. She put up the torches around the alter, and made sure that everything was ready for the next day. She was taking it as a personal responsibility to make sure that this wedding went by without one thing going wrong. Of course no one wanted anything like that to happen, but when you invite about forty superheroes and their children, some of whom had problems mastering their powers, anything was possible. Just as she was arranging a group of flowers on the end of a row of chairs, a familiar voice was heard.
"Raven, long time, no see," Raven turned around to face the white-haired, one-eyed woman smiling at her. Raven couldn't help but smile just a little at seeing her.
"Rose, it's been a while. Are you looking for your brother?" she asked. Rose shook her head no and laughed a bit.
"No, not really. I'm not sure how he would react to seeing me at first. I mean sure, he did invite me, but it as still been a while," she commented. Raven shrugged.
"Good, because I don't where he is anyway," she told her. Raven and Rose weren't what you would call best friends, or even friends, really, but they had a mutual understanding. Both had fathers that they weren't necessarily proud of, and each was glad to know that there was someone on this planet whose childhood sucked as much as their own.
"Well, it is a good thing that I wasn't looking for him, then, isn't it?" Rose asked, observing Raven tying a bundle of light and hot pink flowers roses together, "Need any help?" she asked. Raven used her powers to reveal about eighteen gigantic baskets of flowers.
"Would you mind helping?" She asked, seeing Rose's eyes grow wide.
"If it keeps me away from my brother and his questions," Raven raised an eyebrow at this, "You know what I mean. Anyway, I'll help." As the two began to tie flowers together, other were doing things elsewhere. Victor was making sure that the caterers had everything that they needed, Garfield was asleep, Karen was making sure that the reception was being put together, Richard was double checking all of the security, and Kori was...well...we're not really sure what she was doing. Let's have Richard check on her.
As he was looking at all of the cameras by the ceremony site, he noticed his wife was mixing several things together. Knowing that his wife shouldn't be allowed to cook, handle liquids of any kind, or even touch alien substances, he ran over to the hotel and into their room as quickly as possible. When he burst through the door, he saw her adding a purple fizzy liquid into a boil of what looked like mud and peppermint sticks.
"Uh, honey? What are you doing?" He asked nervously, really not wanting to know.
"Well, remember how our flowers at our wedding were big and beautiful?" She asked. He nodded hesitantly.
"Well, I gave them a special fertilizer that made them that big! I remembered how Kole admired them so I whipped this up. Unfortunately, I was missing an ingredient, but I found the earthen equivalent: Grape Soda!" She pointed to a pile of about seventeen empty cans of grape soda. Richard winced.
"Are you sure you should be substituting anything? What if you end up killing all of the flowers?" he asked nervously. She glared at him.
"Would I be doing something like this if I thought it would end up horribly?" She accused. He shook his head no. She smiled. "Good, then let us go down to where the wedding will be held. I'll pour this in while Raven is working on the arrangements. On the way there, they ran into Garfield and Karen, both of whom were also on their way to the same place. By the time they got to the bottom of the elevator, the four kids were just waking up and followed them, too. When they arrived, they greeted Rose and Kori walked over to a plant.
"What are you doing?" Raven asked her suspiciously.
"I'm merely giving these plants some water," She lied. Raven raised an eyebrow.
"No alien fertilizer?" She asked.
"No alien fertilizer," Kori responded.
"No freaky death substance?" She questioned.
"No freaky death substance."
"It's not poisonous, is it?" she asked. Kori shook her head. "Alright, go for it." Kori poured the substance onto every plant. At first, nothing appeared to happen, but Kori knew that was normal for it to wait about twenty four hours. Suddenly, Kole ran into the room in a panic.
"What's wrong?" Karen asked her. Kole took a deep breath.
"The priest ate some bad fish last night; he got the stomach flu! We have no one for tomorrow!" A few people gasped, before Garfield walked over to her.
"Don't worry about it, Kole, I'll take care of everything," he told her. She looked suspicious.
"What do you mean?" she asked him.
"I've been to my wedding, Victor's wedding, and Roy's wedding, well, okay so technically he and Jade aren't exactly married and never had a wedding, but just live together. Where was I? Oh yeah, I have been to so many weddings before, so I can totally be the priest. I mean, hey, I've been to all three of Kori's weddings," He told her. Mar'i looked over at this.
"What do you mean by 'all three,'" She asked. He turned to her.
"You didn't know that Richard is her third husband? I mean, sure, third time's a charm, but still," He told her.
'Who were the other two?" She asked, curious as to who her mother had loved before. As far as she knew, her mother and father have loved each other since day one.
"Gar, you know as well as I that I did not, in fact, marry Glgrdsklechhh. Richard, thankfully, stopped that one and told me that I didn't have to marry him right before I did. Oooh, that would have been awful," She shuddered. Gar shrugged.
"Yeah, well, what about that one guy, what was his name? Prince Karrot? No, that wasn't right. Uh, Prince Kayak? Not quite. Um...oh yeah! Prince Karras! Yeah, what about him?" he asked. Kori's eyes began to glow a bright green.
"Do not, and I repeat, DO. NOT. EVER mention his name. Ever," She commanded.
"Who was he?" Mar'i asked.
"He was a pervert and a lying man, who had the blackest heart in the all of the Vegan System, not just on Tamaran. I have never wished death upon any soul, but the day he died I was the happiest person alive!" She told her. Mar'i stepped back a few feet in fear.
"Yeah," Gar started, "When we heard that she had been captured and was forced to marry him, we flew straight to Tamaran. We were supposed to find Robin, who had been captured, but as always we knew that he would come riding in on a white stallion, stopping the wedding and whisking Starfire away. Only thing was, well, he didn't. None of us tried to stop the wedding because we thought he would want the honors."
"And what a terrible excuse that was, and still is," Kori commented.
Gar continued, "When he didn't show up, we thought something terrible happened, so the three of us returned home to find him sitting on the couch watching football! He asked us where we had been, and we had to replace every single window in Titan's Tower because Raven exploded in anger at his stupidity," he told her. Mar'i looked over at her father who was currently rolling his eyes and making faces.
"Yeah, so the first thing we did was put him on the ship and tell him what happened and we were there within the next thirty seconds. It took for freakin' ever to convince the guards outside the palace to let us in, and then we had to find Karras and Kori. Hey, Karras and Kori both start with a 'K!'" he exclaimed. Raven rolled her eyes and finished the story for him.
"So anyway, Kori was being kept in a dungeon-like cell underground, and was pretty beat up by the looks of it. Richard went crazy and killed Karras-" Richard cut her off.
"I didn't kill him all the way! I only mildly killed him. Someone else finished him off."
"-and we took Kori home. Richard was basically spoon feeding her and pampering her and he even went so far as to turn the pages of a book while she was reading for her," Raven told Mar'i.
"Ooh, this is my favorite part!" Gar exclaimed. Raven looked over at him, then back to Mar'i.
"Yeah, anyway, two weeks after the entire incident, Kori comes into the Opps Center. I was reading, Gar was playing video games, and Victor was making pancakes. So, she comes in and says 'Guys, I have an announcement to make.' So we all walked over to her and waited for her to talk. Then, she said, 'Well, it would seem as if I am...um...pregnant.' So the first thing we did was start cursing out Karras. We knew he was a pervert but we never thought he would go as far as that. But then, here is the best part, she says, 'Well, you see, Karras isn't exactly the father.' So we asked her who the father was, and, as if on cue, Richard just strolls into the main room and the first thing he said was, 'Ooh, pancakes! I love pancakes!'" Raven rolled her eyes at the stupidity, while both Victor and gar began to crack up in the back. Her father was mumbling something vulgar under his breath, his glare directed at the two laughing men.
"So, does this mean you'll do it, Gar?" Kole asked. He immediately stopped laughing.
"Of course I will! And, best of all, I'll do it for free!" he exclaimed as he picked up a book, "I don't have anything else to do today, so I'll just practice my lines for tomorrow." He left with the book, flipping through the pages.
"Great," Kole said happily, "I'll go tell Joseph! He'll be so happy!" With that, she left.
"We're doomed," Raven stated in a monotone voice. Richard, who was finally done throwing his fit, looked over at her.
"Why?" he asked.
"Did you see the name of that book?" She asked him. He shook his head no. "It was called 'Green Eggs and Ham.' And I seriously doubt he'll figure it out." Richard winced.
"Oh yeah, we're doomed."
Raven looked over at her son, "Jake, I have to go get some more string for these flowers. Please don't be late for the wedding tomorrow."
"Relax mom, I won't be," He reassured her.
Wedding Day
By now, the flowers were big and beautiful. The fertilizer worked out very well. At least something was better than it was supposed to be. Joseph walked up to the alter, where Beast Boy was standing in the priest's spot. The best man was Richard, who so kindly didn't kill Jericho when he found out about his father. The other groomsmen were Victor and Garth, as well as Herald, who would shoot dirty looks at Victor several times per minute. (A/N: You could wait to find out why, or go to my website before the week is over and read the spoiler.)
The maid of honor was Kori, and the bridesmaids consisted of Raven, Argent, and Karen, who would shoot dirty looks at Herald several times per minute. Finally, Mar'i stepped through the glass doors in her beautiful, white, sleeveless dress and long, elbow length gloves. The top layer of her hair was pulled up to the top of her head, forming a small loop. The bottom layer of her hair was down in curls, and, had he actually been there on time, probably would have made Jake faint.
She glided down the aisle once more, gracefully dropping the petals down as she went. When she reached the end of the aisle, she retreated to the back of the room. Her father had made it clear that morning that she was too watch the entire thing from the back so no one would see her in such a revealing dress, which, in all reality, wasn't that revealing. If she didn't, then she would be sporting an ugly plaid sweater.
Following Mar'i was the bride and Gnaark. Kole looked beautiful as well, and was actually tearing up in happiness when she saw Joseph. Raven was extremely happy; everything was going perfectly.
But that was just about the end of the perfection.
As soon as Kole got up to Joseph, every single flower in the room wilted. Every last one. At first, all of the occupants of the room looked over at Garfield, but he shook his head.
"It wasn't me! I swear!" He pleaded. Raven turned to Kori.
"So, no poisonous alien substances?" She asked. Kori smiled meekly.
"Well, maybe I shouldn't have used so much grape soda..." Raven groaned, signaling for everybody to pretend that it never happened. Everything once again, went well, until Garfield picked up the book.
"Oh, God," Raven mumbled to herself, "He really hasn't figured it out yet."
Garfield looked up at the guests. "We are all here at this very moment to watch as Joseph William Wilson and Kole Weathers get hitched. Alright, so, let's see what we have in this book." It would have been bad had he read 'Green Eggs and Ham' normally. The fact that he was reading it upside down, however, was another story.
"Alright, this doesn't look too hard," he said, reading the book, "Alright, so, if your name is Sam, and you have a strange fascination with moldy foods, then you will be extremely annoying and bother people. However, it seems like you're life will be better if you meet someone instead whose name is Sam. Man, I wish I had a friend named Sam who carried moldy food around in his pocket. My life would be so much cooler. Anyway, I guess what I'm supposed to say is: Joseph: Will you love Kole for all of eternity, even if there is a mouse, a fox, a goat, and a strange man named Sam following you around? And will you love Kole even if you are really poor and have to live in a house with Sam, a box, a car, a train, boat, the dark, or even in the rain?" he asked Joseph. He looked around the room, trying to see if anyone knew what was going on. Seeing as everyone was just as confused as he, he looked back at Gar and shook his head yes.
"Alright then, Kole, will you love Joseph here or there?" Gar asked her.
"What?" She questioned, confused.
"Wait a minute...make up you mind, you stupid book! Does she have to love him here or there? Or is it here and there? Where is there anyway?" he asked, squinting at the book as if trying to read something that was very small. "Oh well, it probably wasn't all that important, anyway. Have any of you noticed that this book sounds a lot like 'The Cat and The Hat?' Maybe it's just me. So, uh...I guess we get the rings now. Hey, where's Jake?"
Jake
"Ugh, what time is it?" he asked, just waking up. He had been up all night with Victor, who was sharing a room with him. See, Victor had caught Jake scribbling hearts and things like 'Jake & Mar'i' on a piece of paper, and wouldn't let him get any sleep after that, for he had been mocking him the whole night. Jake reached for the alarm clock, and picked it up, only to discover that it was 1:00 PM.
"Oh, good, it's only-Wait a minute! I was supposed to be there a half an hour ago!" He quickly jumped out of bed and threw on his tuxedo. He was about to run out of the room when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Instead of being the incredibly handsome person he was used to being, he saw a guy who really needed to take a shower and had a horrible case of bed-head.
He was able to fix his hair quickly, but he still smelled awful. He had forgotten his cologne at home, (By 'forgotten' I, as the author, mean that the second Mar'i expressed her hatred for the particular smell it had gone flying out of the window and onto the neighbor's dog.) and his father's smelled like zoo animal. That brought up several questions, but he didn't ask any of them. Victor didn't use cologne, actually, neither Victor did, and he wouldn't dare touch anything of Mr. Grayson's. In fact, there was only one person who had something he could use.
About three seconds later
"Alright, Jake, just calm down. I'm already in Mar'i's room. All I have to do is find her perfume and spray it on myself. No one will know. I'll be absolutely fine," His communicator rang, but he chose to ignore it. He decided to let the answering message pick it up.
"Jacob Mark Logan! If you do not get here at this exact moment, you will be grounded for so long that you will be home schooled so that you never need to see the light of day AGAIN!" his mother's voice rang over the communicator. He shuddered at the thought of that and quickly found the perfume. After spraying himself with the peaches and cream perfume, he decided that he loved the smell. Maybe he would go home and buy some of it to spray his room with everyday so it smelled liked her. He was just about to teleport over to the wedding, when he noticed it. There it was, in full view.
Why would she leave that there for him to see? Then again, it's not like she knew that he broke into her room and stole her perfume, but why on Earth did he have to see her bra just lying right there just as he was about to leave? This would surely delay him about seven seconds. After getting angry at his arm for reaching out towards it, he was finally able to leave. Unfortunately, he teleported himself right outside of the glass doors. Being in too much of a hurry to read what the door said, he tried to open it by pulling on it.
Nothing. He tried again. Still nothing. No matter what he did, the stupid door wouldn't pull open. Of course, everyone in the room on the other side was getting a kick out of seeing him try to open the door, and it wasn't until Mar'i had pulled it open did he realize that he was pulling on a push door. But instead of having his humiliation be his only punishment, he had only a second to figure out what Mar'i was doing with her hand when...
SMACK!
"You idiot," She whispered to him, "You said you wouldn't be late. Can't you read?" He rubbed his face, where he now had a red imprint of a hand. She handed him the pillow with the two rings on it, and he walked down the aisle, noting that he had only taken 29 seconds.
When he reached the bride and groom, both of whom were glad that he actually showed up, Joseph reached for the ring and picked it up, along with the pillow itself. He frowned and tried to pull the ring off again, but it seemed to be stuck to it.
"Why won't it come off?" Kole asked. Jake smiled smugly, which actually hurt due to his facial injury.
"Well, I didn't want to lose it, so I super-glued it on," Everyone groaned, but Joseph was determined. He pulled and pulled and pulled until-
"Where did it go?" Garfield asked, after seeing the ring do flying into the air.
Kole looked down, "It went down my dress!" she squeaked. Everyone had a terrified look on their face, with the exception of Garfield, who only smiled.
"Well, you're the almost-husband, Joseph, so why don't you reach down there and get it out," Obviously, that was not an option, for his facial expression told the world that it was not something he wanted to be doing right then and there.
Richard, thankfully, had stepped in there and told Raven to teleport Kole back to her hotel so she could take it out while they tried in vain to get the other ring off of the pillow. Jake was sentenced to the back of the wedding by his mother, which made Richard hate her even more. Now his daughter in her "revealing" dress and the "crazy kid," as he always described Jake, were sitting next to each other, way back there where no one could see what they were doing.
Once Kole finally returned, the horrific ceremony began once more. Way back behind all of the tortured guests, who were probably making a mental list of all the possible things they could be doing right then instead, a conversation was taking place.
"Hey, Mar'i?" Jake whispered. She leaned over.
"What?" She whispered back.
"How come we look like miniature versions of the bride and groom?" he asked. She turned to face him.
"Because even though it is not always done like this, the flower girl and the ring bearer are supposed to be mini versions of the bride and groom. I guess so they can look like a couple, or something," Well, for at least the next 27 seconds that kept him quiet.
"Wait...are we a couple then?" he asked. Mar'i turned red.
"NO! Of course not!" She whispered quietly back to him.
"Why is your face red?" he asked. She knew she had to change the subject quickly, but nothing seemed to come to mind.
"Um...it's because of an allergy. Yeah, I'm, uh, allergic to your cologne," She told him. That had always worked in the past.
"What? But this is your perfume, not my cologne," He said, before realizing his mistake.
"What do you mean by 'my perfume'?" She asked.
"What are you talking about, I didn't say anything about your perfume," He replied hastily.
"Then what did you say?" She inquired.
He thought about it for a moment, before responding, "Hey, Mar'i? What rhymes with perfume?" he asked her. That probably wasn't the smartest move ever.
"What?" She asked, a strange look on her face, "You stole my perfume, didn't you? I mean, sure the peaches and cream scent is amazing, but...wait a minute...you woke up about fifteen minutes ago, right?" She asked. He nodded, "That means you broke into my room!" She glared at him.
"I didn't touch anything! Well, except for the perfume, but still!" He claimed. She looked as if she was about to strike, but thankfully for him refrained from doing so.
"Hmmm..." Gar, at the front of the room, started, "I think that there was something that I was supposed to say at the beginning of the wedding before the rings and the preaching. What was it? Oh yeah!"
"Hey, Mar'i?" Jake whispered.
"Does anyone here-"
"What do you want Jake?"
"-For any reason at all-"
"I was just wondering if-"
"- Think that this lovely couple-"
"-By any chance-"
"-Should not in fact-"
"-I was annoying you?"
"-Be together forever?"
"YES!" Mar'i screamed at Jake. The room was filled with gasps, and suddenly she was aware of the wedding that was going on. She turned to look at everyone else; the bride, the groom, and the horrified faces of her parents.
"Uh, oops, sorry. I...I didn't mean that. Heh, heh, heh..." She laughed meekly, "Continue," She squeaked, sitting down. Just as they were about to resume, Jake spoke up.
"Mom! She's being mean to me!" He yelled. Raven sighed' obviously she had failed at yet another wedding. Roy would have loved to be there. She gave everyone a look of "Just carry on, I'll deal with it" and sank into the floor, reappearing at the back of the room.
"Do you think that I honestly should need to come yell at two teenagers during a wedding?" She asked trough gritted teeth. By this point both Jake and Mar'i were holding onto each other in fear, shaking uncontrollably.
"Uh, no ma'am," Mar'i told her. Jake silently agreed.
"Good, then stop making distractions this instant!" She was about to leave when she noticed the two holding onto each other. "Oh, and Mar'i?"
"Yes?" she asked.
"Your father has been trying to develop better vision ever since I sent Jake back here with you, and even though it is impossible, God knows he'll find a way, so I'd sit as far away from each other as possible," She told them. They let go of each other, suddenly realizing that they were supposed to be fighting. Just as Raven was about to leave, Mar'i asked her a question.
"How do you know that?" She asked. Raven pointed to Richard.
"Because he looks like an idiot trying to do it," She was right; he looked as if he was trying to make one eye bigger than the other.
"How did I miss that?" Mar'i wondered aloud. By this time, Raven was back at the front. However, the second she got there, another distraction was provided. At that very moment, Kori promptly fainted.
"Oh my!" Kole said, bending down to help her up.
"No," Raven said sternly to Kole, "I'll take care of her. I'll get her to the nearest hospital. Richard, stay here and make sure that these two are actually married when I get back, got it? I'll meet you at the reception." She teleported away, and the wedding resumed.
"Alright, since that is over," Gar began, "let's continue. So, I guess we get to the 'I do's' now." Everyone looked thankful that the pain was almost over. They were so wrong. "Okay, so, Joseph, or should I say Jericho? Or how about J-man? Anyway, do you take the lovely Kole Weathers to be you wife for ever more?" He asked. Joseph nodded. "Well, are you going to say I do or not?" he asked. Joseph looked confused, and shook his head.
"Wait, so you don't take her to be your wife?" He asked. Joseph rolled his eyes and pointed to his neck. "Neck? That's not an answer." By this time, Richard had gone through this long enough. He pushed Gar out of the way.
"Alright, Joseph, do you take Kole to be you wife, to have and to hold, for rich or for poor, for better or worse?" He asked. Joseph nodded once more. "Cool. Okay, Kole, same to you. Do you take Joseph to be your husband, to have and to hold, for rich or for poor, for better or for worse?'
"I do," she told him.
'Then with the power invested in me I now pronounce you man and wife! Kiss the bride1" He commanded. Joseph did as he was told, and cheers were heard throughout the guests; more of them were about the wedding being finally over than congratulations, but they made do.
At long last the wedding was over, but the reception was still to come...
The Reception
About an hour after the wedding, everyone was gathered at the reception, where there would be free food and music, but most importantly, no Gar and no ceremony.
But they soon realized that they would not get any peace here, either. How did they come to this conclusion? Well, it started with Garth complaining about the seafood appetizers, and was followed by the bride and groom's first dance.
See, guess who the performer that they hired was? Yeah. Apparently the priest did multiple jobs. And since it was the priest who was supposed to be up there, Gar took it upon himself to be the musical entertainment.
"Don't worry guys, I can play the guitar! I've been playing since I was a kid!" reluctantly, they agreed to let him play the bride and groom's first dance.
Oh, he played guitar, he didn't lie about that. However, it would have been nice to tell someone that he only played air guitar. Finally someone had to pull him off of the stage.
"Well," he said, "I have this song burned onto this CD that I love and I always have with me, but it's not exactly a good choice for a first song..." he told them, pulling out a CD.
"Is it heavy metal?" Kole asked. He shook his head. "Well, it's good enough then. Put it in." The music began to play and the bride and groom began to dance.
Space travel by Yellowcard
I heard a voice last night
It said wake up and open your eyes
Wake up, walk out tonight
Cause she don't care if you're dead or alive
At this point, Gar had pushed Jake and Mar'i out there, too, saying that since they were supposed to be a mini version of the bride and groom that they should be dancing. Since they were technically still fighting, they had hoped that Kole or Joseph would disagree, but they thought it was a wonderful idea.
She moves like beams of light
Straight through this universe in my head
Where I get peace of mind
I'm free from the stupid things that I said
She's all in my head
Did I get lost while I was gone?
I traveled space for much too long
But there's a planet that I have found
And you are far away for now
Somewhere behind her eyes
Some supernatural energy takes me for quite the ride
Across time where I defy gravity
All this energy
Did I get lost while I was gone?
I traveled space for much too long
But there's a planet I have found
And you are far away for now
What do we do now
We wait
For what
For her to come back
I don't think she's coming back
So
I'm sick of waiting
Did I get lost while I was gone?
I traveled space for much too...
Did I get lost while I was gone?
I traveled space for much too long
But there's a planet I have found
And you are far away (far away)
You are far away
You are far away for now
As the song ended, Victor looked over at Gar. "You have a girly taste in music, you know that right?" He asked. Gar nodded. "Good, I just wanted to make sure that you were aware.
After the first dance was done, they had to repeat the same song over and over and over again in order to have music, so by the end of the night not even Gar wanted to hear it again. Anyway, About an hour after the first dance, Joseph was listening to a conversation his friends were having, when he heard a different, more familiar, voice from behind.
"Joseph, so good to see you again!" Joseph froze, slowly turning around to meet his father's face. He gave the man a dirty look. "What? You thought that I wouldn't show up to my only son's wedding? I can't believe you! Say, where is the bride?" he asked. Gar, who was sitting next to Victor, (Who was feeling pretty uncomfortable about Herald staring at the back of his head) looked up.
"Uh-oh," he said. Victor looked over.
"What?" he asked.
'It's more like 'where is Richard?'" Before they could say anything more, Richard, in his Nightwing uniform, jumped down from the rafters screaming. He accidentally knocked down several tiki torches.
"Ayayayayay!" he wailed, crashing down on top of Slade. At that moment, Raven and Kori returned, seeing a few of the tables engulfed in flame and Richard attacking some random man who wasn't at the ceremony.
"EVERYBODY QUIET!" Raven screamed. The entire reception stopped; even the flames stopped burning in fear.
"Richard! Get off of that poor, innocent man!" Kori screamed. Richard stopped trying to kill Slade.
"Innocent?! Innocent?! He's not innocent, Kori!" He told her. She frowned and helped the man up.
"What did this man ever do to you?" She questioned. Richard gaped.
"What are you talking about? This is Slade, the guy who tried to kill us and conquer the city several times! He's even in uniform!" Sure enough, Slade was in his black and orange suit, taking notes.
"Alright, so, Nightwing's real name is Richard, and Starfire's real name is Kori..." he mumbled to himself.
"Look at him! He's even writing down our secret identities! He's pure evil!" He turned to Raven, "Raven, what medications is she on?"
"None," She replied with a smirk, "But guess what the doctor told me to tell you to tell Kori?" She asked. Mar'i and Jake, who were just finally getting over their feud, looked over from the punch bowl, where they were standing. Lian and Victor (Jr.) also walked over, happy that Jake and Mar'i weren't ready to tear each other's limbs off.
"What did he say?" he asked, still holding a stick that he was going to hit Slade with.
"Guess who is, once again unexpectedly, a father-to-be?" She asked. Several cheers were heard from around the room. At the exact time Richard dropped the stick, Mar'i spit her punch out.
"Excuse me?!" They both cried.
"Aw man, and I was just getting used to pancakes again..." Richard whined. Mar'i stomped over.
"No, you can't have another kid. I'm fifteen. That would never work! I want to be an only child!" She cried. Richard just sat on the floor mumbling about his dang pancakes. Slade eventually left, seeing as Kori was jumping-er, flying-for joy and creeping everyone out.
"Hey, where are the newlyweds?" Gar asked.
"If they have any sense in them," Karen began, "Somewhere far, far away."
Somewhere Far, Far Away
"Man, I'm glad to get away from all of that craziness. I can never look at any of them the same way again!" Kole told Joseph. He nodded. He was about to sign something to her when a short man walked over to them.
"Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, but my name is Sam and I work for the Spam ham company. I just wanted to know if you wanted to try some free samples," he told them. Both Kole and Joseph screamed. Alright, so only Kole screamed, but Joseph would have had he the ability to.
"Hmmm," Sam said to himself, "Normally the people try the ham before running away and screaming.
About Four Days later in Jump City
"So, how was the wedding? Did it prove to you that they are always flawless?" Roy asked as Richard returned Lian to her home. Everyone looked at each other.
"We'd tell you, but you'd never believe it," he said, before driving off.
"What do you mean by that?"
X
Wow. It's really sad when your drabble is 7,822 words long. O.0
How did you like it? Please Review!
BTW, these specials won't happen very often.
XxNightfirexX
I, personally, think that gar would be a great priest had he had the right book. I want either him or Richard to preach at my wedding...
...Then again, Richard will already be there because I'll be marrying him! : )
