My new favorite hobby: Procrastination

My new favorite hobby: Procrastination. Can I say anything more?

Disclaimer: I do no town Teen Titans. Also, "Suicidal" wasn't exactly originally my idea. It was sort of a spin off of Harry Potter Fan 1994. So...yeah...

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Suicidal

"Hehehe..." he had an evil grin on his face, showing that he was up to no good. It would normally be quite frightening, but to the members of the house, it was somewhat expected at that point. However, ever since earlier that morning when Richard had first walked in the door, he had worn this devastatingly evil look. He had sat down at the dining room table and sat there laughing to himself ever since.

Kori and Mar'i looked at each other, as if to plead the other to see what he was up to.

"Mar'i," Kori whispered, "I think you should see what your father is up to."

"Why me? I'm not his wife. Why don't you go see?" Mar'i responded quietly.

"Well, I cook and clean, and you don't. This is the payment."

"You gave me food poisoning."

"..." Kori looked around the room desperately. "Yeah, well...I'm pregnant, so I can't ask him."

"I can't have a boyfriend until I'm married." Kori admitted defeat, and slowly approached her husband.

"So...what, may I ask, are you doing?" she asked timidly.

"It's Bruce's birthday next week. He's turning 55, so I bought him this birthday card pretending that I thought it said '55' instead of '5.' It'll be great!" Kori looked at the card.

"Happy birthday to the cute little 5 year old princess," she read. Richard exploded with laughter. He grabbed the card, put it in an envelope, and ran to the post office. Mar'i, who had come out of hiding at this point, walked up to her mother.

"Is daddy suicidal or something?" She asked.

"That appears to be the case."

A few weeks later

"Happy Birthday Daddy!" Mar'i smiled. Richard began to eat some of Victor's patented "7-layer" cake.

"How has your birthday been?" Kori asked him.

"It's been great!' He responded. Mar'i walked up to him with a card.

"This came in the mail for you. It's from Grandpa." He began to open the card.

"Happy Birthday to my 2 year old daughter," he read aloud. His face deadpanned as the room erupted with hysteria.

"Augh! Well...I'm still better at golf!" he yelled to no one in particular. Mar'i came up to him and placed her hand on his shoulder.

"You just keep telling yourself that, okay?"

Traveling Salesman

It was Friday, at about seven o'clock. I was washing dishes, but I was more focused on the door. Any moment now...

DING-DONG!

Right on schedule. I dried my hands and put the washcloth back in the sink. As was my after-dinner Friday night routine, I slowly walked over to the door, making the person on the other side even more nervous than they previously were. Making sure my secret weapon was right next to me, I calmly opened the door.

There he was, staring at me with the same amethyst, terror filled eyes. It was as if he froze up the moment he saw me, which was actually quite funny. See, when he did that, he became unaware of my reaching down to grab the weed killer, which convienently killed the flowers he would always bring, and holding it up right in front of him.

I sprayed the flowers and quickly tossed the container to my right. He was still in that trance of his. By the time he had finally snapped out of it, I put on my best flower wilting glare and had to stifle my laughter when he noticed that flowers. His eyes darted back and forth between the flowers and I. Finally, in a desperate attempt to flee...

"So, I...uh...brought these flowers for...your wife...but they...uh...wilted...so...yeah," he shoved them at me, turned into a rabbit, and hopped away as fast as he could. I closed the door when I heard Mar'i coming down the stairs.

"Who was that, Daddy?" she asked. I threw the flowers in the trash and gave her the same answer she always got. "Traveling salesman." Fridays were always fun.

The day that that boy figures out that I can't really wilt flowers just be simply looking at them will perhaps be the saddest day of my life.

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In case you didn't catch on, the last one was told from Richard's point of view. Well, I have a chorus concert to go to, so I can't way much...

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