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Chapter 1: Understandable
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No one understands the way I treat her. But because I'm Brooke Davis, they don't challenge it either. Truth is though, half the time I don't even know why I'm so mean to her, its just a rhythm we've fallen into. I insult her, she calls me a name and its business as usual.
But I figure you might want a better explanation then that, so that I don't look like a complete heartless bitch. It started when I was five and my dad brought home my new baby sister. When my mom told me I was thinking a little, tiny, crying, screaming bundle of crap right? Instead she's this brown haired, brown eyed girl just about the same age as me. At five years old…I didn't know much but I knew enough to know this wasn't your typical "baby sister".
See when I was old enough to understand, they explained to me what had happened. Well they left out the vulgar details but I kind of pieced those together as I got older. So here's how it goes, apparently after my parents had gotten married they wanted a kid. That would be me. Anyways, around the time my mom got pregnant with me; my Dad had left on a "business trip" to New York. Enter Haley's mom, Lydia James (or as my mom likes to refer to her man stealing "harlot"). Apparently the two of them had a hot, two-week tryst which fizzled out once my Dad got called back to Tree Hill.
So Lydia realizes she's preggers and the rest is kind of history I guess, right? I mean my Dad had no choice but to tell my mom (who went into early labor because of it…maybe that's why I'm so screwed up) and paid a gracious amount of child support there after. Then unexpectedly Haley's mom died after getting hit by a truck. Something about sharp trauma to the brain, making little Haley my father's responsibility.
It sounds like such a sob story when you tell it like that and you're all like how can she even bare to be mean to a girl who's lost so much. What you don't understand is how much I lost because of her. It started the second she came into my life, when we started kindergarten together. She always brought home better grades. If I got a B, She always got an A, and if I got an A, well then she got an A plus. And my achievements were always outshined by hers.
I think that's when I started kind of well…hating her. Because from then on she was always better then me. My Father could only sing praises of her, Haley could do no wrong. When business friends came around Haley was the first he'd introduce. When there was a Christmas party at his job (that we all had to go to) Haley would get the first dance. And even when I got sick (Cold, flu, stomach virus), Haley would get something like the chicken pox or measles to take the attention off me. Can you even imagine what that's like?
Even my mom seemed to like her better…and that's saying a lot because my mom doesn't like anyone. Seriously. It started out because out of the two of us Haley was always the one who didn't quit all of the useless dance classes my mom put us in (Jazz, tap, ballet). I always did. As we got older, she and Haley seemed to get closer (How? I don't know because during my entire childhood, I remember seeing the woman like six times all together)She would always ask "Haley, does this make me look twenty-one?" or "Haley, is this trashy?" and that always kills me because Haley doesn't have a fashion sense! She owns a god damn poncho for god sakes!
So can you see why I might resent her a little? She came into my perfect life and turned it completely upside down. Winning the hearts of my parents and making me feel like the step daughter…when it should have been the other way around. It might sound mean, cold or cruel but it's how I feel. I mean the second she came into my house I began to get pushed into the background, and Haley had the spotlight shining only on her. Is it too much to ask to get a little attention from my own parents?! But she has to steal it all and whatever I do is never good enough.
I've always been second best and she's always been better then me so I guess somewhere along the line I got tired of trying. Instead, I just started putting her down—not that it really affects her. She doesn't care what I think, she thinks I'm just a brainless slut who isn't worth her time. So why should I?
It used to really bother me when I was younger, her being the favorite and me being the screw up. But now it doesn't really faze me coz I'm used to it. What's more? I'm cheer captain, queen of tree hill high, best looking and most popular. So you see, she can have my parents if she wants them that badly but she'll never have this part of my life. Because at school, while she maybe on the honor roll, I'm still the center of attention. And that's something she can never take away from me. And you know what else? At the end, my parents are hardly ever here so what does it really matter who they like better?
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"Davis!" That's my best friend Nathan yelling for me. He's my boyfriend Lucas' twin brother. All though they don't really look like twins. Don't act like it either.
I whirl around, my pony tail smacking me in the face in the process, "What?" I ask him, as he moves to stand in front of me.
He looks at me and smirks, why? I have no idea "I need a favor" He says, of course he does when doesn't he need a frickin' favor?!
I roll my eyes and pretend to be annoyed "What is it Nathan?" I ask.
He just grins, "The directions to Bevin's house" he says, a mischievous glint in his cobalt blue eyes.
In a sense, Nathan's almost as screwed up as me maybe that's why we're best friends. Because of how alike we are. Lucas says that when you find something familiar you tend to cling on to it. Maybe that's how it is with me and Nathan right? A mutual need for something familiar "You're with Peyton, Nathan" I sigh, I've got some scruples. The girl is one of my really good friends. We've known each other since before we were born (Anna Sawyer was one of my mom's only friends).
He shakes his head and I can anticipate what he's going to say. We broke up. "We broke up" He says. See, told ya.
I don't skip a beat, "And you'll be back together tomorrow at the latest, so no" I say exasperatedly, I know how it is with them. In fact, the entire school knows how it is with them.
His eyes harden, now he's pissed "You know not everything is your business right? God, Brooke, I didn't ask for a lecture" He's an ass.
I open my mouth to retort but he cuts me off, "I don't get why you feel like you always have to protect her! Peyton doesn't even like you that much!" He says and that's pretty much a knife in my heart. Peyton is a girl who's more of a sister to me then my own, for him to saying something like that is just malicious.
He instantly regrets it as soon as it came out but he can't take it back. The thing you really should know about Nathan, he always says things he doesn't mean. He ends up apologizing to me afterwards but it doesn't take back how badly it hurt when he said it, "You're a dick" I say in a low, angry voice.
The remorse in his eyes disappears, "And you're a bitch" He says with a shrug, "And you know—
But the gym doors open and I see my boyfriend stepping in, he can tell that Nathan and I just had a fight because instantly he looks concerned. He walks closer in his untucked shirt, creased khaki pants and loosened tie. He always looks so sexy after a game, "You okay?" He asks, looking suspiciously from me to Nathan.
Nathan's the first to speak "This doesn't concern you Lucas" He's such an ass. I swear I don't even know why I put up with him. Probably for the same reason Lucas does. We have to.
Lucas narrows his blue eyes, they're the same shade as Nathan's "My girlfriend" He points at me, "My brother" He points at Nathan, "So yeah, it does concern me" He's not afraid of Nathan the way the rest of the school is. I guess coz they live together.
Nathan looks like he wants to say something but he doesn't, "Wanna drive me home Luke?" I ask softly, looking up at him.
He nods immediately, "Yeah, you done here?" His question is directed more towards Nathan though.
Nathan doesn't respond, instead shoots me a really bad look before turning on his heel to leave.
I breath out tentatively, I don't like fighting with him not really "You okay?" Lucas asks, taking me by the shoulders and looking into my eyes.
I hate it and love it when he does this. Because while I don't like him seeing me like this, it's refreshing to know that someone really cares. Since no one has in a very long time "Yeah, it's just Nathan…you know" I trail off quietly. I don't have to say any more because he does know. Lucas knows Nathan as well as he can. And by that I mean, Nathan's almost as guarded as I am. Growing up Lucas and Nathan were always in competition with each other (courtesy of their dear old dad Dan Scott) and Lucas would usually come out victorious. Some where along the line they realized that life isn't all about competition (I think it's when they both made Varsity in ninth and realized what "team" means) and they'd gotten closer. But that didn't do much lower Nathan's walls.
He wraps an arm around my shoulder and I lean into his embrace. He makes me feel safer then I ever have, like as long as I have him everything else doesn't really matter. "How'd I do tonight?" He asks me playfully, he's trying to lighten my mood.
Truth is, he was amazing as usual, "Phenomenal" I say, leaning up and giving him a kiss on the cheek.
He chuckles and places a kiss on the side of my head, "Do I get a reward, for playing so good?" He asks, raising his eye brows up and down ridiculously.
It's my turn to chuckle, "Hmm" I tap my chin with my finger, pretending to think about his proposal "Well, keep playing your cards right and I'm thinkin' yes" I tell him, because I want him just as badly as he wants me right now. Watching him play gets me horny and I think just seeing me gets him horny. What can I say? My uniform fits me well.
His eyes light up as he opens his car door for me, "You wanna go to your house or mine?" He asks, getting into the sleek new Porsche from Dan Scott motors. If there was one thing Dan knew how to do, it was bribe his boys.
Is neither a choice? Just kidding "Mine I guess, Nathan's gonna be at yours" I decide, because even though I really am not too fond of my cold, lonely house—I really don't wanna see Nathan.
Lucas just nods, "And could you stay…like the night?" I ask and I feel a little silly because it sounds so…childish, but I hate being alone.
He looks over at me, "Course baby" He says, grazing my cheek with his fingers.
See this is what makes Lucas Scott different then any other boy I've ever dated, if you can call every other boy before him "dating" (it was mostly a string of hook ups and one night stands). If it was any other guy I probably would have never asked because it would mean showing them how vulnerable I feel and that was never really an option for me. I always felt like if I showed my true self I wouldn't be accepted. Because at home, I was never good enough so you could say that it just started to feel like I would never be. To anyone.
But Lucas has always made me feel comfortable, probably because of how long we've known each other. He's like Nathan, but better? I'm not really sure how to explain it but he's different. He's the first guy who's gotten in my heart before he got in my bed.
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My house is dark and quiet, Haley is either asleep or not home but probably the first one because let's face it what's she got to do on a Friday night?
Lucas flips a couple of light switches so that it's a little more welcoming. For him anyway. This place will never feel like home to me. "Your house always reminds me of your mom" He says and I know what he means. Frigid, Dark and Fake.
"Ugh, come on I really need to get out of this uniform" I groan, because while it fills me with pride to wear it, I just cant keep it on for longer then I have to.
He grins, "I can help with that" He wraps his arms around my waist and lifts me off the ground. Why? I don't know. He's weird like that.
"Lucas!" I giggle because he makes me laugh no matter what he does.
He just kisses my cheek before putting me back on the ground, "C'mon" I lace my finger with his and tug him up the stairs.
He pads along behind me, "Is Haley asleep?" He asks.
My body tenses at her name, "I don't know" It comes out a little harsher then I meant and I know he heard it too because his hand drops from mine, "I mean, probably but I don't know" I rephrase it in a softer tone.
I know its not good enough but I honestly don't really like talking about her, not even for a second, "Sorry" I mumble, turning a left to go to my room.
He walks in behind me closing the door behind him as he has done so many times before. He's been my boyfriend for almost a year now, an incredible feat if I do say so myself, "It's okay, I just think—" But he stops right there, I think he knows a little better then to lecture me about Haley. She's always been the off limits topic between us.
I kick off my shoes and crash on my four poster bed, I'm so tired I can barely feel my legs. Not just physically tired but honestly, I'm emotionally spent too. I mean between my failed math test and the fight with Nathan, it's been a long day.
Lucas runs a hand through his messy blonde hair (something he does when he's brooding) and steps out of his shoes. I sit up and rest against my back against the head board waiting for him to come over. "I said I'm sorry" I mutter a little annoyedly.
He looks at me with tired eyes, "You know that's not it Brooke" He says, but I don't respond. He knows we aren't going to talk about it any more because I don't want to. Instead of pressing it though, he just shuffles over and put his head on my lap, stretching out along the width of my bed. I subconsciously run my fingers through his soft hair and just wait for him to say something.
"What happened with you and Nathan?" He asks finally, staring up at the ceiling.
I sigh loudly, "I told him I wouldn't give him Bevin's address and he just…" I look towards the floor, "I mean you know how he gets Lucas" I mention.
He runs a hand down my leg comfortingly, "He'll be fine tomorrow" He says and I know that too. Because that's just how Nathan is. He's got this hot headed temper that is so quick to surface but it cools off just as fast. He doesn't hold grudges and he knows when he wrong, even if he hates admitting it. He's so much like me sometimes I wonder if I should've been his twin instead of Lucas.
"Whatever, I don't wanna talk about this anymore" I sigh, bending down and kissing his lips.
He reaches his arm up and puts it behind my head pulling me closer to him as our tongues engage in a fierce battle. He breaks the kiss momentarily to better adjust the awkward position we were just in. Which is good because my neck was starting to hurt. I wriggled under him comfortably, before bringing his lips back to mine. Is it weird that you can be around some one all time but still not get enough of them? Like no matter how much time you spend with each other you'd never get sick of them. It's like that with me and Lucas, I never tire of him in fact it's the exact opposite. I can't wait to be with him and that's something I've never felt before.
His tongue flicks in and out of my mouth and I can't seem to get close enough tonight. I'm unbuttoning his shirt ferociously quick now, I think a button even popped off and he chuckles, "Its new shirt" He breathes against my lips.
I giggle, "You'll get a new one" I trace his jaw with kisses, to me that's one of the sexiest things about him. That strong, slightly stubbled jaw.
In one swift motion he's got my cheer top on the floor, damn he's getting good at this. But the second my hands find his belt, the door swings open "Oh God! I'm sorry" And the award for worst timing ever goes to…Haley James.
Lucas groans in frustration and partial embarrassment and rolls off me, I, on the other hand, am just plain old angry. Who the hell does she think she is barging into my room like that? With out even a frickin' knock? Oh no, this shit does not fly with Brooke Davis.
I jump off my bed and stalk towards the door, I am so ready to give her a piece of my mind. But the second my hand curls around the doorknob, I feel Lucas's hand on my elbow "She looked kinda freaked baby" He says timidly, "Maybe you should let this one go…" He trails off.
Okay so maybe he's right. I mean he probably is because she looked like she had to tell me something when she came in. Usually she doesn't just walk into my room, in fact we hardly see each other at all and we live in the same house. When we do cross paths, we usually just insult each other before one of us walks out of the room. So why on earth would she come into my room? Ugh and why did she have to have such bad timing?
My hand was still frozen on the door knob as I mull over what he just said, "I guess I can yell at her in the morning" I run a hand through my dark locks, "Besides, I'm just tired now" I stifle a yawn.
Lucas puts an arm around my shoulders and places a kiss on the side of my head, "That's my girl" He mumbles into my hair fondly, leading us back to my bed.
And that night we didn't have sex, kiss or even talk. He got undressed and I pulled on a pair of shorts, then I fell asleep in his arms. And it's the most comfortable position I've ever been in. I've never slept better in my life then I do when I fall asleep next to Lucas. That's how I know I'm in love with him. He's the one for me. Because he makes me feel, really feel and no one has ever been able to do that before.
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It isn't the half drawn blinds with the streaming sunlight that wakes me up, or the steady drip, drip of the tap in my bathroom. It wasn't even the light snoring coming from next to me. No, it was the sound of muffled fighting coming from outside of my room. There were voices that I hardly recognized and they were suspicious.
"Babe" I nudge his shin with my bare foot, but he obviously doesn't stir the boy can sleep through a damn earthquake, "Lucas" I say louder this time, lightly shaking his shoulder.
His eyes begin to open as he removes the arm he had draped over my waist to stretch, "What's going on?" He asks groggily and if I wasn't so scared that someone had broken into my house, I'd kiss him for being so cute in the morning, with his messed up hair and lightened blue eyes.
But alas, I think I'm being robbed so his cuteness has to take a backseat for now "Lucas, listen" I tell him urgently.
He looks alert as we both become silent to listen to what was going on outside, "Someone's out there" He mutters conclusively. No really, Lucas?
I roll my hazel eyes and throw the comforter off me, "Stop" He says, getting off the bed, "First of all there's no way in hell you're going out looking like that" Oh right, the whole shorts and bra thing…yeah. "And second of all there's no way in hell you're going out there" He's grouchy in the morning.
I narrow my eyes up at him, "I'm not letting you go out there alone and what if they have Ha—" But my voice breaks off, truth is a part of me is worried about Haley but I don't wanna admit that.
He stares at me for a second as if he's reading my thoughts, "You're not going" Lucas says decisively, going over to my closet. I dunno why though, what is planning to do smother the robbers with a halter top? Or maybe beat them to death with a pair Manolo Blahniks.
He's still rooting around in my closet when I respond, "Luke, c'mon I don't wanna be by myself" I say softly, grabbing his discarded button up shirt off the floor.
He doesn't say anything for a minute, "Fine" His response is stiff but he's given in.
I put his shirt on one arm at a time before crookedly doing the buttons. I notice the two that I broke and I can't help but grin. "Better" He notes, emerging from my closet with a bat. A freakin' bat?! Where the hell did that come from?
"Nathan put it in there like three years ago, back when there was a "stalker" on the loose" He can totally read my mind, I'm telling you "Remember?" He asks. And honestly I don't. I mean I remember the so called stalker who just ended up being the creepy neighborhood watchman, but the whole bat thing I don't.
The voices are more hushed now and my worry for Haley gets stronger and stronger. Whether I want it to or not. "C'mon" Lucas motions towards the door, lightly pushing me behind him. "And you stay back there" He adds sternly.
He's holding the bat as if he's about to hit a baseball and I have to hold back a giggle because it's evident that Lucas has know experience in this department. Slowly we come out of my room, peering around ever corner. My heart is pounding in my chest as Lucas slowly climbs down the stairs, stopping only to offer me his hand. Which I take because I'm scared out of my mind. And I'm really worried about Haley, it's something I can't control. I wish I could be indifferent about her but I just can't. I just wanna know if she's okay.
I can hear the voices really clearly now, "We should have given them more time!" It was a feminine voice, an all too familiar one at that.
And there it is, standing in the middle of the living room are my disheveled looking parents and Haley on the couch. "Mom!" I shriek in surprise. It was involuntary, I swear.
They both whip their heads around to face me and an almost naked Lucas, who is turning redder by the minute. "Cookie, finally awake?" My dad acts as if it's noon or something, instead of it really being eight in the morning on a Saturday.
They stare at Lucas judgmentally, obviously they're none too thrilled about or current images, "Wh-What are you doing here?" I stutter, because I'm a little scared. My parents never go anywhere unannounced. Not even to their own home.
Lucas looks at me sheepishly and I nod my head towards the stairs, signaling that he can leave if he wants. Because I know he's only standing here for me, the bat still hung loosely from his hand.
He looks relieved, "Thank you" He whispers, before darting up the stairs. I kind of wished he would've stayed though; having him standing next to me was comforting.
Their attention is off me again. It seems that they've settled whatever argument they had because now they're both staring at Haley. My mom's got a smile on her face that says Botox! And my dad's beaming like he's just won a new Cady. They both go to sit on either side of her and engage in a conversation of her latest achievement, while she sits there faking modesty. It makes me sick. And to think I was worried that she'd been kidnapped or something.
And five minutes into the conversation it's like I don't even exist anymore, like I'm part of the floral wall paper. Pretty to look at and good for nothing. When my mom does look up at me, I think it might be to congratulate me on becoming cheer captain. Just like her. But instead she gives me a distasteful look before saying, "Go put some clothes on Brooke, you look indecent" I wanna laugh at my own naiveté because I actually thought she might be proud of me.
I turn around with out another word and bite my lip to stop it from trembling. I drag my feet up the stairs and force back tears. It hurts so bad I can hardly stand it. They don't love me and they never will, will they? I always try not to expect anything from them because they always let me down. But I can't help it. They're my parents.
I take a deep breath, recollecting myself and making sure I don't cry before going back into my room. But when I see Lucas looking at me with his knowing blue eyes, and when he comes over and takes me into his arms, soothingly running his fingers through my hair. My resolve breaks and I begin to cry into the crook of his neck. "They don't love me Lucas" I sob, and I hate myself for breaking down but I can't do anything about it.
His arm just tightens around my waist, "Shh, don't cry pretty girl" He soothes, kissing the top of my head, "But I do, so don't cry" He murmurs into my hair.
His neck must be soaking but he doesn't seem to care, "I love you too" I stare up at him with wet eyes and a broken heart.
Lucas just kisses my temple "I know" He says simply, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, "You're beautiful, smart, talented and an absolutely amazing girlfriend Brooke, don't ever feel like you're not good enough" He says the things that I've been needing to hear all my life.
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My life, like me, is far from perfect. It's screwed up in every way imaginable and I don't think I'll ever be able to fix everything. But if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that as long as I have Lucas I'll be okay. Lucas and Nathan. They're all I really need in this world and convenient for me they come as a two for one deal. Ha Ha, small joke. So, while I will never be able understand why my parents can't seem to love me, I've come to accept it.
Because in the end you can't make some one love you if they don't want to and I guess that's....
…Understandable.
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A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Especially TypoKween, just because I'm such a huge fan! I love all your stories and I'm so hooked on Comfortable Liar it isn't even funny! I swear, it's an unhealthy obsession. Anyway…thank you everyone!
I hope you enjoy the latest installment!
Ciao for now,
-Liya
