Journal Entry – A Desolate Day

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"And if I did that, then someday, you'd return to Mana's side. That's what you promised me, Allen… or should I say… the Fourteenth?"

Cross's words shocked Kanda. From within the group of Exorcists, a few of them gasped. But not Kanda. He could only glare at the ground in shock. He took a quick glance and saw Allen with a grim, mellow expression on his face. He was reliving the shock, Kanda could tell. It disturbed all of them.

The tape continued to play. "It's probably not really awake yet, but surely you've started to feel the Fourteenth's presence inside you, haven't you, Allen?"

"You… what are you…?!" Allen's voice objected. Kanda could see Allen's fist tightening out of the corner of his eyes.

"Don't bother playing dumb. You knew the song of the player. That's his memory." The unintended menace in his voice was strong now. "You're the human implanted with the Fourteenth's memories—his host for his revival into the mortal world."

He gritted his teeth. His bean sprout… a Noah? No, that was wrong. The bean sprout, now. As a Noah, or a Noah-to-be, Allen Walker was now an enemy—the enemy. Kanda would have to remind himself not to be friendly to him anymore.

Allen gave Kanda a remorseful look. He didn't want Kanda to know, if possible. But it was out now, and Kanda wouldn't look at him the same anymore. Their relationship, which had been at quite a romantic level, probably wouldn't be the same anymore.

I sighed to myself. Panda-grandpa would probably scold me if I sighed out loud at that time, but I couldn't help it. Just a few days ago, they had been doing quite the inappropriate thing to each other… and now look at them. Desolate. Not a single drop of love in that desert of hatred, now.

"You knew the player's song and you played it, even though you had never touched a piano before. Those things aren't 'Allen'. Those are the memories of the Fourteenth." I remember that the words had been piercing. Allen's shock at the thought of not completely being himself…

"When you were in that room, you saw something, didn't you?" A pause followed, and I recall Allen not responding to his master's question. "Hey." I smiled, despite myself, remembering what happened next. Sounds of violence erupted from the record player, startling the Exorcists—even Kanda. The swordsman had been too engrossed in his thoughts to pay attention, and suddenly jerked up with a glare.

I could tell that he was really upset about this. His little bean sprout… a Noah, the enemy. Kanda's obsession over his work wouldn't allow him to continue being friendly to an enemy. Not now, not ever… not unless it turned out that it was a false alarm. That was probably the case that Kanda was hoping for.

As I glanced around the room, Cross's sloppiness was shown—it turned out he didn't know when or whatnot, but just knew that the Fourteenth was desperate. When Cross told Allen that it was a shame that the Fourteenth didn't choose some hobo who wouldn't be missed, I silently agreed—I felt as if the entire room did, too.

Kanda especially. After all, Kanda is a pretty, pretty, bitchy girl… and Allen's bitch. Oh, man, I love that joke. (Author's Note: I forgot to include this in the last entry, but credit for this line goes to my friend Chainsaw Mafia. Links in my profile!)

"Some bad luck for you, isn't it? The implanted memory will erode away at its host, and eventually, turn you into the Fourteenth."

I gritted my teeth, too, and saw Kanda's grip on Mugen tighten. I knew this was hard for him—losing his precious little bean sprout to an enemy would be a shame. Unfortunately, though, I knew that Kanda would put his feelings aside and tell himself that it was a sacrifice for war.

My fists tightened again. This next line… I would have to watch Allen and Kanda carefully. Kanda especially.

"If I told you that when you turn into the Fourteenth, you'd have to kill the people important to you… what would you do?"

Allen's face looked away from the group, his face angry and his hands in tight fists at his side. I glanced over and saw Kanda, glaring with a stupid astonishment at Allen. Allen's eyes lifted slightly, catching Kanda's, and they both looked away, ashamed. Then, slowly, their eyes drifted toward each others—Allen's with a remorseful gaze, and Kanda's with a discriminating one.

I could read the silent conversation as if it were spoken out loud.

"Bean sprout, is this true?!"

"I only wish it was a lie, BaKanda."

"Damn… we can't do anything, then, can we…"

Allen's recorded voice pierced the heavy silence. "Wait… What do you mean, I'll kill those important to me?! Master!!" Allen was being carried out at that time.

Cross sighed. "… Ask the Fourteenth. There's a hidden side to this war. And don't go dying on the way, this time."

I didn't bother listening to the rest. The hidden side intrigued me, but that stupid Panda-grandpa wouldn't let me talk about it. I looked at Allen and Kanda again, and noticed that the murderous aura that had once cloaked Kanda, but had disappeared after we came back from the Ark, had reappeared. Allen gave a look that said, "It can't be helped," and smiled kindly to him as a reply.

"… but I still love Mana! This emotion is absolute!!! I believe that my heart is my own…" I glanced up at Kanda again, noting his surprise. He looked over at Allen, who smiled kindly again. The smile told him that yes, his heart is his own. His feelings are his own. His love for Kanda is his own.

I hope they do their best from now on.

… Man, I feel like I'm writing some romance novel. Maybe I should sometime… featuring Allen and Yuu-chan! 3 And in the back, when I publish it, I'll put that picture of them that I took the other day… they still haven't found it. Lucky~!

Lavi, it's Allen again. If you ever do write that novel and publish it, I will give you a punishment worse than hell.

And thanks for the encouragement.

-Allen

Huh. He must have snuck into my room to jack my journal. I betcha he thought I wrote where I put that picture in here, didn't he… He's still never going to find it. I can guarantee that.

But you know… I'm a bit worried about Yuu-chan and Allen. Even though he said he's going to suppress the Fourteenth by himself, Yuu-chan must still want Allen to rely on him. How sweet of Yuu-chan. :3


I was rereading the D. Gray-man chapters leading up to the one on hiatus, and found this. After writing that last journal entry by Lavi, I couldn't resist writing this one. It's a bit more serious, but it's still kind of sweet. I hope.

For this one, I tried to write in Kanda's point of view first, but… -sigh- Alas, I can't write informally, like the way that Kanda talks. (Note the "Alas"? Kanda doesn't say "Alas." I think the world would crumble if he did.) Chainsaw Mafia just said to write as if she were talking, but there are a few issues with that. 1: She's a girl. 2: She's sarcastic, not incessantly mean like Kanda. Guess that Kanda's-point-of-view is never going to come. Sorry, you guys… I wanted it too xD

I actually really like writing from Lavi's view. I decided to make this entry a bit more serious, since the topic he was writing about was serious. I also thought that he would try to write it like a romance novel, just for the pure hysterics of it, so that's why he addressed Yuu-chan as Kanda. That, and because it was plain habit for me.

Oh, and, just so you know, writing journal entries is (in this case) part of Lavi's training as Bookman-- the ability to recall conversations word-for-word is quite the skill, isn't it? It would be handy to have as Bookman.

Like it? Review. Hate it? Review. Thought it could have been better in some way? Those are my favorite kinds of reviews. Gimme those, and I might just have some more inspiration… :D Bribes. Come on. Hand over those reviews. It don' cost you no moneh; why ain't ya doin' it, y'all? xD

Sora Pwns x3