A/N: God this was a depressing chapter to write. Sorry people, but if you're looking for something to cheer yourselves up with then don't look for it here. Just nearly made myself cry I did :(


5 – The Whole Truth

Rose woke up with a headache. Well, she didn't so much wake up as sit up. She had been awake for about six hours now, but she had been waiting until her alarm clock said a sensible time before she decided to climb out of her bed. She figured there was no point moping around downstairs in the middle of the night – she probably would have only managed to wake someone up and manage to spread the moping. Lying in bed and moping was a much better plan. Actually, the ideal plan would have been not moping and just sleeping. Apparently her brain wouldn't allow it.

She pulled on a pink t-shirt and a pair of grey jeans that had been piled behind her door a few days ago and set out onto the landing. She stood for a moment and listened. The house was silent, but that wasn't exactly unusual for six thirty in the morning. Tony normally waited until about seven to wake everyone with his gurgling. It was surprising how far his little voice could stretch in such a big house. That gave her about half an hour to knock back as many cups of coffee as she could before Jackie got up and told her how terrible she looked.

Better get started.

Rose stopped outside of the Doctor's room. It had never occurred to either of them to actually share a bedroom. Rose didn't particularly feel the need too. Sometimes he came into hers and sometimes she went into his – but it was always an unspoken act. Jackie loved to point out how strange their relationship was. They didn't act like a couple; they didn't even really class themselves as a couple. But they had moments. That's all they were really, just moments. What were you supposed to do with a clone of a nine hundred-odd year old Time Lord? Go to the cinema? Go out for meals at the Italian place down the road? Watch movies and eat pizza?

It didn't seem right to Rose. It just seemed… well… wrong.

With a sigh, she knocked lightly on the door and pushed it open. She wasn't surprised to see that the room was empty. It didn't even look like he had been in bed. Perhaps what she had said the night before had finally hit home. She kind of hoped she would go downstairs and find him on the phone to the hospital, making an appointment for later that day, but she knew that she was more likely to find him baking Dalek shaped cookies in the kitchen. Still, she checked. The phone sat untouched. Last call had been to Jackie's phone yesterday when she had been unable to find it.

The kitchen beckoned. Aspirin and coffee were calling for her, promising to rid her of the evil headache that was trying to drag her off into a dark room to sit and brood the day away. She fought both; the headache and its cure, and carried on down to the study. The Doctor would definitely be there. He seemed to spend most of his free time in that creepy and depressing place. Rose resented having to go in, but she did anyway.

The heavy oak door creaked nosily and a wave of nostalgia coursed over her. Seemed like every creaky door reminded her of the TARDIS, but this one managed to make her flinch every time. For a moment she wondered if that was why the Doctor liked the study so much. When she actually looked around she saw why that could be possible. In the dim morning light the bookshelves did seem to loom over the room like a dome. A rail ran halfway up from where the ladder wheeled back and forth – like the catwalk in the console room. Something else that had always struck Rose as peculiar about the room was the surprise you felt when you stepped inside. It always seemed bigger than you expected it to be.

'Doctor?' she said, tentatively. The high backed chair by the window was facing away and she couldn't see if he was there. It was likely that he had fallen asleep in the chair. A sudden horrific thought washed over her.

What if he's dead?

She pushed it away as quickly as it had arrived and cleared her throat. 'Doctor?' she said again. 'Are you in here?'

The chair didn't move, so she moved towards it to check for herself. As she approached the desk though, the light hit the empty glass bottle. She frowned and picked it up. There wasn't even enough inside to fill a thimble. She held it as she reached out to turn the chair around. It was empty.

Okay, now it was time to worry.


With a white beanie hat pulled down over her wild morning hair and Jackie's blue coat wrapped around her, Rose had set off to search the gardens. A search of the house had proven unsuccessful, and if she hadn't been so worried she would have been angry at having to stretch it to the garden; it was freezing cold and the brightness was making her head hurt even more. All of that seemed unimportant though. The fact that the Doctor was probably stumbling around out here somewhere, drunk as a skunk and with a heart that she suspected could just pack in at any given moment made a lot of things seem unimportant.

She had been searching for about ten minutes when she finally heard his voice. It floated along on the breeze and seemed to whip around her, disorientating her for a moment. Finally she managed to pinpoint the source and made her way towards it as quick as she could. That didn't turn out to be very fast taking she was wearing Pete's shoes (they had been the first ones she had grabbed at the door) and scrambled up one of the steep banks that surrounded their garden. When she made it over the top, head throbbing worse than ever and cold air stinging her nose and lungs, she saw him sitting cross legged with his back to her. He had his blue jacket pulled over the top of his head and his left arm was flitting about in the air like he was conducting some invisible orchestra that spanned the vast, empty field that stretched out before him. That wasn't the peculiar thing, though. The peculiar thing was that he was singing. It was a song Rose had never heard before – probably because it wasn't English. It wasn't even human. But that didn't matter; it was still a beautiful song. Even with the Doctor dropping in and out of tune every now and then it was beautiful. She stood and listened, waiting for herself to recover from the trek. Surprisingly, listening to him made her headache melt away. After a few minutes, she decided to make her presence known.

'Doctor, what are you doing up here?' she asked.

The Doctor glanced around at her, looking ridiculous with his jacket pulled up over his head. His face was pale and he looked sickly. His eyes had purple rings around them. Just from looking at his face, Rose was quite sure he had been sitting there all night. He looked at her, and then spluttered with laughter.

'Oh Rose, Rose Tyler,' he giggled. 'Even when you look ridiculous you look lovely.'

Rose frowned and wrapped her arms around herself. 'I'm quite aware of how stupid I look, thank you,' she snapped. 'I shoved on the first things I got my hands on because I thought… I don't know what I thought! I thought I was going to find you frozen solid in a ditch! You drank that whole bottle of whiskey, didn't you?'

The Doctor chuckled again. 'Did you know your dad hides bottle of whiskey around? Not surprised, having to deal with Jackie.'

Rose scowled. 'Watch it, mate.'

'Sorry, sorry.' He sniggered like a schoolchild and then shuffled around on his bottom so he was facing her. 'So, Miss Tyler, what can I do for you?' He desperately attempted to keep a straight face, but failed and began giggling again.

Rose rolled her eyes and shook her head. 'I don't believe you. Look at the state of you. You're a mess.'

'I wouldn't be calling anyone a mess if I were wearing those shoes, matey.' The Doctor sniggered, and then shook his head. 'Sorry, sorry… think that was a bit of Donna seeping through there. Been trying to keep that under wraps. Comes out more with alcohol, apparently. You should have come out earlier! I belted out a brilliant version of Club Tropicana. I think that was thanks to Donna because I can't recall ever sitting through the whole song before in my life.'

'Get up.' Rose said sternly. 'Get up and get inside before you catch pneumonia.'

The Doctor sighed and leaned back on his hands, allowing his head to flop back so he could stare up at the sky. 'Came out here to see the stars.' He told her, ignoring her demand for him to get up. 'I can still name all of them. Noticed three that I never got to see.' He sighed heavily. 'I miss the TARDIS. Do you miss the TARDIS, Rose? I bet you do. Miss her loads, me. I miss everyone. Miss Donna, miss Martha, miss Sarah-Jane. I even miss Jack. The strange thing is though… the strange this is that they were never mine. I remember them all. All the places I went. All those planets. All my ten lives. I remember everything, but they never happened to me. Is it right that I should miss it if it never happened to me?'

Rose watched him, eyes filling up with tears but refusing to let a single one of them to escape. She wanted to say something, but she couldn't think of anything to say.

'I'm not really the Doctor,' he said, screwing up his nose and speaking like he was expressing a mild distaste for something. 'I mean, not really. I haven't done half the things he has. Only met you for the first time in the TARDIS when we were taking the Earth back.' He chuckled. 'That was fun, wasn't it? It was good to see the old girl full like that.' He was silent, a small smile on his face. He sat forward again with a sigh and put his jacket on properly. 'All gone now though. Just me and you.'

Rose looked down and wiped her eyes, unable to meet his gaze. The Doctor regarded her sadly for a while, looking like he was about to cry himself, and then pushed himself to his feet. He stood there for a moment, swaying a little. He looked like he was going to say something, but decided against it. He walked right past Rose, his head down, and made his way down the slope back towards the house. Rose stayed where she was, tears streaking her face. After a moment she went and sat in the spot he had been sitting, and hung her head.