Recap: Mai has been told by Lady Tsunade that her mission is to get laid. (Me: *snickers* I don't know about you, but I think it's hilarious.
"So," I said to myself. "Where would you go to get laid?" I mean, I guess you could hire someone off the street, but then you didn't know if they had AIDS or something like that. Go to a bar? Nah, they'd probably be drunk.
Well, Ino might know! I ran to the flower shop where she'd been working part time to earn a little extra cash.
"Oi, Ino!" I yelled as I entered the store. "I need some advice."
She looked up from her magazine and smiled. "What do you need, Mai?"
"Lady Tsunade gave me a strange mission, and I need your help."
"Oh, yeah? What's the mission?"
"She says I'm too tense, and I need to have at least one night of hot sex." I whispered.
Ino burst out laughing…evil non-virgin llama face.
"Well," she said struggling to hold back her giggles. "You need to pick a man, and I know just the place to find one. But first, you need to get some new clothes."
So that's how I found myself being dragged to the Konoha open market with Ino and Sakura. Apparently they'd been wanting to make me over for some time now. Of course, I was the one paying for the extremely expensive, skanky looking clubbing gear/ man-catcher ensemble that I would never again wear in my life. Did they give a care? No, of course not. They weren't the ones forking over 150,000 ryo to the wizened old lady with the wild glint in her eye. I hope she tripped over that stool she was standing on and broke her head open, lousy money grabber.
Then came the dragging of my poor self to Ino's house where Sakura and Ino would slather makeup onto my person, pull my hair and torture it with unspeakable things like a curling iron, and bend my body several inhuman ways so I could "slide" into the stupid dress… But I have to admit, the over all effect was…ok.
Ok, so I loved it and it made me want to squeal and jump up and down like a twelve year old, but I was eighteen. I did have some self respect, you know.
From top to bottom: My dark hair had been pulled up into an elaborate twist and stuck in place with ornamental chopsticks (also horrifyingly expensive), while some of it was let down to frame my face. My lips had been painted with a bright red lipstick. I'm sure it had some ridiculous name like Come-Get-Me Red, or Cherry-Dipped Scarlet or something equally flirty and suggestive. Silver eye-shadow had been dabbed on carefully to set off my jewelry, and a light coating of mascara adorned my already black lashes. More volume and length? Sure. It was also more smear-able and sticky. I will never wear make-up again. Remind me.
One thin chain of silver was draped over my neck with the topaz pendant (also set in silver) settled so that the bottom brushed the top of my cleavage. The neckline of the black, oriental style dress with silver embroidery plunged rather low…low enough that I was afraid I was going to fall out. I wasn't what you'd call flat chested. Sakura was SO lucky in that aspect. The dress was like a second skin and the hem reached about four inches above my knees. I'd have to be careful about bending over. My legs were bear except for an unnecessary garter belt which, like I said, I didn't need seeing as I wasn't wearing any stockings to hold up. My shoes, I was sure, were going to kill me. Four inch heel, black, stilettos to make up for my height…Okay, yes, I was rather short, but did that mean I had to risk an early death just to find a …ah…partner? Apparently yes.
Ino, Sakura(both decked out in more revealing clothes than even me), and I then went to visit one of their haunts. Umm…It looked like a sex club…Oh whatever, beggars couldn't be choosers. And I was a beggar. Why else would I still be, ah, untouched? It wasn't for lack of trying, I assure you. It's just that most of the male population of the world apparently thought I was ok friend material. I could give out tips and advice and give feedback, but I wasn't good enough to be seen with on an intimate scale…well, screw them (Haha, get it? Screw?... Never mind, I'm nervous, ok?) You're probably thinking, if not now, then previously, "Is Tsunade allowed to order you to have sex?" Sadly, yes, if it's a mission. But, in her defense, this was probably the first and only time she was going to do it. The boys were her best ninjas. She needed them in the best shape and mental state possible and apparently I was screwing with that. (Heh, SCREWING…ok, ignore me…)
I minced my way past sweaty bodies gyrating on the dance floor. Lights flashed and strobe-lights blinked rapidly making everything have an almost surreal look. The music pounded with a beat you could feel through the floor. We found a dark corner table and piled in. The waiter, wearing low cut, black leather pants and a studded collar, and nothing else came with drinks for Ino and Sakura (apparently they were frequent patrons). I asked for a club soda with a wedge of lime. I wouldn't allow myself to become inebriated. That would just make things worse.
The waiter was cute. His white blonde hair looked as fine as corn silk, and his anatomy wasn't bad either…OK, let's not lie to ourselves here. Let's just say if he wasn't careful, he might be raped…probably by me. What the hell had they put in this drink?! I was practically salivating at the thought of following him, shoving him into a closet and having my wicked way with him. I mean sure I fantasized a lot. I AM after all a female with all the urges of a sex-deprived maniac, but…
Imagine my surprise when I found myself alone following the enticing sent of Mr. Waiter with the table, and my table mates no where in sight. Mental gulp. I saw him move into a hallway out of the corner of my eye. My body turned and went after him, I could almost taste his mouth, wet, hot, wanting…Jeez, I was like a cat on the hunt. Whatever they put in that drink, when the affects stopped, I'd go to the authorities…wait I WAS the authorities…God, he smelled so good. Warm, and…and…I saw him look back at me over his shoulder. He turned the corner, and when I went after him, I saw him leaning against a door. He smiled coyly, looking up at me from under that soft strokable hair and opened the door sliding inside.
I was breathing heavily. Before I knew it, I was inside the room, with the door closed and locked behind me with the ever-so-tempting young man underneath me. Somehow, I'd landed on my hands and knees. There was a bed strategically placed so that when I'd leaped, we landed right on it. (Hey, it really WAS a sex-club…not that I minded at the moment…) I pinned his arms to the mattress. I wasn't the only one with breathing problems. His chest rose and fell rapidly. I'd never noticed his eyes before. They were a piercing sky blue with streaks of darker blue pointing towards his pupil. A lock of hair fell over one eye and he strained towards me. I bent down to taste him finally, finally----
The door burst open despite the lock and a familiar voice pierced its way through the fog of desire. "What the HELL do you think you're doing?!"
To be continued…
