If Only

Part Four

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.


He was Fire Lord Ozai. Brother. Husband. Father. Ruler of the Fire Nation…for only sixyears. Once…he had been a master firebender. Once he had been the Phoenix King.

Now he was nothing but a prisoner. The irony of it was that he was the prisoner of his poor excuse of a son! Perhaps he should have given the fool more credit. It was hard to rant at the idiot when he was the prisoner. If it was the other way around…that boy would not be a prisoner. Ozai knew that at long last his body, which had once been powerful, was now nothing but a frail thing.

He was dying.

For the first time he could remember….he was afraid. It was an unfamiliar sensation to have the feeling slither down his spine. He was going to disappear from this world. A thought caressed his dark thoughts, "Leaving behind what?"

It echoed.

It screamed.

What was his mark on the world?

Nothing but fear.

Hatred.

A ruined family.

He acknowledged these things for he knew himself to not be a "good" man. Then again, what is it to be a good man? His son had imprisoned him with the hope that he could change. What a foolish weakling! "Banishing me was the best thing you could have done for my life. It put me on the right path; perhaps your time in here can do the same for you." His son's voice whispered tauntingly in his mind. That visit was the last time he had seen the boy. He had had no idea of what happened to her after she had been banished. Nor at the time had he cared…who would have when they were going to become Fire Lord? For one of the few times in years, his thoughts centered on her.

A kind smile. A soft touch. The smell of her hair. He imagined her sitting next to him with always that kind, but somehow tragic face smiling at him. Though it had been arranged…he…he had loved in his own way. Had she loved him?

He did not know.

When she had come to him with her "plan" he had been jealous of that weak excuse of a son. Who was she to love that boy more than him? All of his life Ozai had sought to be perfection. To be the perfect being for the title of Fire Lord. His own father had hated him! What had he done wrong? How could Azulon have loved Iroh more than him, especially when that man was a cowardly man?! Such thoughts raged and cried in a twisted storm in his thoughts.

What had he done wrong?

Ozai recognized a new realization that…he had hated the boy because…because he saw Iroh in him. Iroh had been the favorite one, even though he had clearly not deserved it! His favorite, Azula, was just like him. Ozai smiled weakly. No, she was a failure now. He had heard of what had happened to her.

"Ozai?"

He turned his head on his pallet to look at the boy. He was dressed up in all his finery while he only had rags to wear. He almost snarled. "What…what do you want?" He demanded, but his voice came out ragged from the effort.

"You're dying," The fool said, stating the obvious. Still the idiot as always.

Ozai turned his head back away from the boy. He was dying and did not want to have to deal with one of the people he detested most in the world right now. Agni, he'd rather have the Avatar taunting him right now.

"I have a message for you."

Ozai's attention was peaked at those words, but it was getting more difficult to pay attention. His thoughts were becoming more clouded and distant. Random really. Memories of his childhood. A proud moment observing his daughter. The first time he had seen her. Her kiss. The first time he held that weak son. So many memories and he was only thinking of the good ones. Not of the ones of his defeat and imprisonment. "She wanted you to know that she cared," The boy continued, "as much as she could anyways." Who was he talking about? Most of the boy's words he had spaced out in the last few moments.

It did not really matter now, he thought bitterly. Ozai ignored the boy as his heart's rhythm started to falter. One pound.

Another slower pound.

As if it were a slowly beating battle drum, each beat becoming further apart. Ozai recalled the days when he had tried once…to be a good father. That was in the early days before the true possibility of making the throne his became a reality. He…he did not regret it. That was what he had always told himself. He was Ozai. Better than any of his forefathers, especially Azulon and Iroh!

He had lost something in his quest for power and dominion. Something that held the empty part of his chest unfulfilled. The larger it had become, the more he had thirsted for power. When the hole was at its peak that was when he realized he had lost everything. That had been the day when his son had visited him after his shamed defeat.

He would never know now what it was that he had lost. In a way…he wished that he could have known what it was. But he did not forget who he was. Not one moment.

He was Ozai!

Yet he could not help that light tendril of a thought invade his last thoughts. Could things have been different?...

Ursa!...Zuko!...Azula!...

If only….

No, he told himself, he had done what he had needed to! He was Ozai!

Father's fault…and Iroh's!...

If only….


A/N: I think to do one for Zuko and Azula, perhaps even Lu Ten, though that would be the hardest one I think. Thanks for reading and please review!