A/N: Hey guys! Thank y'all so much for the wonderful reviews! It makes my heart happy to see them! AND HAPPY THURSDAY!!!! Woot! I'm so excited! Tomorrow's Friday, and then it's THE WEEKEND!!!!! YAY!!!!!! Talk about a relief!
And on a side note, I honestly forgot to do a disclaimer. Oops! Sooooo . . . .
Disclaimer: I totally don't own any of the characters/places/whatever. Not mine. I don't even really try and pretend their mine. Buuuut, I like to write about them. Yeah.
The bus ride to Denali was just like it was going to Harding's Ice Field - boring and tedious - except this time it was a longer ride. A much longer ride. I laid my head against the cool window, my eyes focused on the endless expanse of white snow. The bus driver must have been from hell, because the heat on the bus was unbearable. I would bet good money that I wasn't the only one wishing they weren't strapped into heavy winter coats.
I used to hate the cold. I still do, to some extent and especially coupled with wet, but ever since him, the cold was comforting. It felt like home. He felt like home. I angrily blinked away the tears threatening to fall. He left me. He didn't love me. He was busy with distractions . . .like I had been to him - just a distraction.
I tried not to let the misery overtake me. Really now, this had been why I had hidden within myself, why I had been perfectly content being Zombie Bella. I was hiding from the pain and the heartache that his departure had caused. From a world where he didn't exist, where he wouldn't catch me if I fell or hold me if I cry. I was hiding from the love that I still felt for him, even after all that he had said. Even if my love would never be returned.
I thought back to the voice I had heard yesterday. I had been purposely not thinking about it.
Of course, it hadn't actually been him. It had just been in my head. Best case scenario, it was brought about by the extreme duress of seeing a burgundy eyed vampire, who, according to the eye color, must have been hungry. Worst case scenario, I had finally lost it.
But with his voice had come painful memories of him. And as much as it hurt, I was desperate to hear his voice again. However, if it meant coming face to face with Laurant again, I could probably do without.
Or maybe not.
I remembered what the voice had said. Remember my promise? Rebellious thoughts flittered through my mind. Why should I? Why should I stay safe? It wasn't as if he cared! It wasn't as if he gave a damn about just another one of his distractions!
Maybe I would try and stay as unsafe as I possibly could! If he can lie to me about loving me, then I could certainly break a silly little promise!
And then I had an epiphany. Or it might have been a sudden theory, really. What if, when I was breaking my promise to stay safe, like I technically had by being in close proximity to Laurent, I could hear his voice? But no. That was crazy. I was probably crazy. But . . .what if?
His leaving had broken me. I had been unequivocally altered. I wanted to hate him. Maybe I needed to
hate him, but for the life of me . . . I couldn't. I loved him. I was doomed from the first day, and without him in my life, I had no life.
If I couldn't have him with me in the flesh, then having his voice in my head would have to do.
With a renewed sense of purpose, I let my mind get carried away in all the dangerous stunts I could pull to test my theory out. I honestly did not want to run into Laurant again, if I could help it, which I would definitely try. But what else less dangerous but still dangerous things could I do?
I wondered if there was an optional ski trip offered? After all, what could be more dangerous than Bella Swan's feet strapped to sticks while holding pointy metal rods and sliding down a mountain at top speeds?
Nothing short of coming face to face with Laurant once again.
I was interrupted from my daydreams of falling down a mountain by Emma elbowing me in my ribs. Luckily, the heavy winter coat, while certainly not helping on an overheated bus from hell, softened the blow to my ribs.
"Oh, Bella! Excuse me! I'm just trying to get my - ugh - bag out of . . .here!" she said, finally tugging her large bag out from under the seat. Apparently she had jumped on the bandwagon too. I saw Lauren and Jessica with similar bags.
"It's fine," I said, eyeing the rest of the group. Apparently while I had been lost to my thoughts, we had arrived at our destination.
I cringed at the thought of the imminent helicopter ride. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but then a thought struck me. I wondered if my inner vampire would find a helicopter ride threatening? I almost, almost, smiled at the mental image, but I sobered quickly.
Pathetic. I was all but stalking my hallucinations.
Nevertheless, I was suddenly very eager to get off the bus.
I breathed a sigh of relief as I felt the cold air hit my face once I'd climbed out of the bus. The wind was strong. I saw one girl, who I didn't know by name, slip and slide across the snow chasing her pink hat that the wind had grabbed off her head.
We were a small group. Probably numbering somewhere around thirteen or fourteen. Apparently Tyler was one of few who had been excited about the helicopter tours. I saw him gesturing wildly and conversing with a similarly eager Mike. I reluctantly followed the girls to where the boys were.
" . . . can't wait to tell my cousin all about it! He's been dying to ride in a helicopter since he was three!" exclaimed Tyler.
Mike laughed. "How old is he now?"
"Sixteen. He'll be so jealous!"
"Well my Aunt used to fly helicopters in the military," said Lauren, somewhat prissily.
Tyler chuckled. "You mean the military lets girls fly helicopters?"
Lauren huffed, obviously taking offense.
"Of course they do, idiot! Girls can do all the things that guys do in the military!" exclaimed an equally offended Jessica.
"Well, not everything. Girls aren't on the front lines," added Emma.
"She's got you there, Jess!" said Mike.
I tuned out the conversation. Instead, I surveyed the building we had entered. It looked more like a Lodge than anything else, and the inside wasn't much better. The decorator must have had a taste for the rustic. We entered into a large, open room, dominated by a huge stone fire place at one end. It had a gigantic moose head mounted over the mantle.
We were met by the helicopter guides.
"Alright everyone! Welcome! How many of you are excited about the helicopter ride over the mountain?" yelled a petite female. She looked like she could have been of Eskimo descent.
A loud whoop of excitement from the small crowd of gathered students followed her question.
"That's great! Now I know some of you might be worried about the storm that's supposed to hit, but don't you all worry. It's not going to hit here until night time, so we have plenty of time for air tours! It's a little windy, but this is perfectly normal for this area, so no fear!"
The woman's reassurances did very little to calm my nerves. Jessica had mentioned a storm that was supposed to hit. That was why she had packed a bag. I almost forgot her reasoning.
"Now, let's get a head count," she paused as she counted.
"Okay! We have fifteen here -"
"Excuse me, Miss! I'm not going on the tour. I'm afraid I'd get terribly sick," interrupted our Biology teacher. I remembered that there had been a mishap on the first bus ride with out Biology teacher becoming ill.
This didn't seem to deter the small, grinning woman. "Not a problem! Okay, so we have fourteen! I want you to break yourselves up into groups of four! We can only take up four at a time, and then the two remaining can go last!"
Jessica and Lauren immediately attached themselves to Mike and Tyler. I saw Mike give me a wistful look - no doubt he wanted me and him to be the two leftovers - but I steadfastly ignored him. Instead, seeing that everyone had found someone, I gestured to Emma.
"So?" I asked.
Emma smiled. "I guess we're the group of two."
"Looks like it," I nodded.
The helicopter tours lasted about thirty minutes. So that meant I had two hours to wait until Emma and I could board. I was secretly amused to find that they were offering free snowboarding lessons out behind the building for the bored teenagers. I briefly played with the idea of trying it out - just to see if my inner vampire would make an appearance - but I figured it wouldn't be dangerous enough.
Mike, Tyler, Jessica, and Lauren were among those who opted for the free lessons. Emma decided to play around with the jumbo sized checker board balanced on top of the barrel in the corner. A guy I didn't know joined her soon enough.
I preferred sitting in the overstuffed chair and watching the flames dance in the fireplace. The flames mesmerized me. They were very beautiful. A sudden wave of grief washed over me, causing my eyes to well with tears. Very beautiful things would bring back memories of even greater beauty, and I had been thinking about those memories too much today - much more than I had in months. I tore my eyes away from the flames, starring at my hands.
"Bella?"
I looked up into the concerned eyes of Emma, the girl I barely knew.
"Are you okay?" she asked, keeping her voice quiet.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I was afraid of what would happen if I opened my mouth. I knew I was being silly. I could barely do anything that didn't remind me of him and not get upset these days. However, I should at least be able to keep myself together in public. I had been doing a fantastic job up until this trip.
"The last group's come back. It's our turn," she said, hiking her bag higher onto her shoulder.
I blinked. Exactly how long had I been staring at the fire?
"Tha - That was quick," I replied.
Emma smiled kindly. "Time flies when you're having fun."
I grimaced. Fun. Yeah, I was having loads of fun all right.
I tightened up my coat, walking after Emma, and prepared myself for what would hopefully be a "dangerous" ride. My chest ballooned with a sudden excitement and wary expectation. I was either certifiably insane or a victim of wish fulfillment. Hopefully it was the later.
Maybe I was about to find out.
A/N: All right guys! Y'all know what to do! PLEASE review!
