Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes.

Shrinking Violet: Salu Digby of Imsk. Size-Changing Abilities.

Brainiac 5: Querl Dox of Colu. 12th-Level Intellect.

Kinetix: Zoë Saugin of Aleph. Telekinesis.


We open to an alley in Gotham City at wintertime. A hooded figure swoops down from the rooftop and lands in front of a door in the alley. He steps in, and find ourselves inside of a large bar area. He flips the light switch, and we see the Christmas tree over in the corner. We get a better look at him. He wears a green cape and cowl, and a suit made up almost entirely of rags with no mouth on the mask.

"Hey there. Welcome to the Oblivion Bar at wintertime. Hold on, I gotta take care of this."

He reaches into his bag and pulls out a patchwork angel which he puts on top of the tree.

"The guy who runs this place asked me to pick it up for him. Anyway, the name's Rory Reagan. Call me Ragman. Some of you have probably never heard of me, so a little background is in order. I'm one of the other superheroes Gotham has besides the Bat-Family. My suit is made up of rags and tatters that can absorb the souls of evil-doers. Now I know what you're thinking, and I thought that was a little extreme too, until a while ago when I learned that this suit gives people a chance to work off their debt before passing on."

Ragman walks over to the bar and starts lighting up the menorah.

"Now I've been working with a team called the Shadowpact and we've seen some pretty strange things. So I'm gonna use my experience to relate to a certain tale about this time of year. It's about one girl's unyielding faith in a magical being. I may not celebrate Christmas, but I can say with absolute certainty that…

02. Yes Violet, There Is A Santa Claus

"No, there isn't."

"What are saying Brainy? Of course Santa exists!"

It was December 21st, the first day of winter. As snowflakes fall from the cold gray sky, Brainiac 5, the green-skinned, blonde child from Colu, and Shrinking Violet, the pale, black-haired girl from Imsk, were discussing one of the bigger figures of the holiday season.

"Vi, think about it. A morbidly obese old man who rides around in sleigh driven by flying reindeer, capable of visiting every single home in the universe and distributing gifts to children, all in one night."

"What's so crazy about that? Superman could probably do it."

"Superman is a Kryptonian. This man was supposedly a saint who died over 2000 years ago, yet he inexplicably popped up in the North Pole with hundreds of immortal midgets and a toyshop that cranks out vid-pads, hover cars, and anything else the hungry masses crave for this time of year. Where's the childhood wonder in that?"

"Brainy, before you saw Superman, did you believe he existed?"

"Yes of course."

"But even though you had never seen him."

"I've seen him now. Have you ever seen Santa Claus?"

"Just because I haven't seen him doesn't mean he isn't real."

Brainy shook his head.

"Vi, I knew Superman was real because there was proof he was real. Where's the proof that Santa is real?"

Violet sighed at her friend's skepticism and rationalization.

"Brainy when I was growing up on Imsk my parents told me that if I was good Santa Claus would come and give me what I wanted most. Well one year, my grandmother got very sick, and all year long I was a good girl because I believed that Santa would make her better."

"And let me guess, on Christmas morning you awoke to find your grandmother was all better."

"Yep!" She perked up. "And ever since I've always believed in Santa."

Brainy turned back to his computer and started typing something in. Violet looked up, and pictures and information pertaining the disease Violet's grandmother had.

"Vi, what you're grandmother had was the Laplace Virus. They discovered the cure for it on December 23rd."

Vi began to rub her temples. This was getting frustrating,

"But I didn't think Santa would just make the disease disappear! I asked that he deliver her the cure so she would get better, and he did. So there."

She crossed her arms in a triumphant matter.

"Vi that's flawed logic. What about everyone else who had the virus? And what about everyone else who asks Santa for something, like money, clean clothes, or food? What happens when they get ignored?"

"I, I…" Vi's lip was trembling.

"Vi, you've gotta grow up."

That was it. She stifled a sob before running out of the lab in tears.

"Vi wait!"

"You may be human but you're more heartless than ever!"

"Vi! Vi I'm sorry!"

He turned to see Chemical King and Invisible Kid standing in the hall, giving him twin glares.

"Smooth Brainy." Lyle told him.

"Or should we call you Scrooge?" Chem replied.

Vi was in the bathroom, grabbing frantically at tissues to dry her tears.

"Stupid jerk. What does he now?" Vi muttered to herself. "Santa is real. I know he is."

"…isn't he?"

A couple of days Later, now December 23, Violet hadn't talked to Brainy since that incident, despite warnings from Chem and Lyle to apologize to her. She was sulking in the main lounge, all decorated for the various holidays the Legionnaires celebrated. She was watching a 20th Century Earth comedy about Christmas, when someone came in for a surprise.

"Hey Vi."

"Oh, hi Zoë."

Zoë Saugin, a.k.a. Kinetix, telekinetic extraordinary with the ability to shape and remold inanimate objects, and one Vi's closest friends. Zoë wore a green costume that went well with her green eyes and her red hair, constantly in motion because of her powers.

"Hey what's wrong? Cheer up, it's Christmas Eve Eve!"

"I know, I'm still mad at Brainy."

Zoë rolled her eyes. "Why? What did our alleged super-genius do this time?"

"He said Santa Claus isn't real." Zoë sighed. "Give the guy a break. It's his first Christmas as a human." "But Zoë, he was so cold about it. So, matter-of-fact."

"Well, he's entitled to his belief and you're entitled to yours. You believe in Santa, so what? Good for you." "And Brainy?" Vi asked. "So he doesn't believe. Less presents for him. And if he forces you to think otherwise, go nuts on his ass."

"I guess." Vi wasn't sure.

"Come on. You have plans tonight?"

"No, I got stuck with monitor duty tonight, along with Garth." Vi, along with Brainy, Garth, and currently Zoë, were the only Legionnaires currently in HQ. Everyone else was running out and doing last-minute stuff for the holidays.

"Well I just got here from the outpost. How 'bout I go pick up a pizza and we can just veg out. We'll watch It's A Wonderful Life and A Christmas Story and all those other holiday movies Bouncy tries to make us watch."

"'Kay."

"Cool. I'll be back in a few."

Vi sighed. Even though what Zoë said was true, she still felt bad. How many people really believed in Santa nowadays. And maybe she shouldn't have yelled at Brainy like that.

There was a knock at the lounge door. Vi didn't look up.

"Open!"

The doors hissed open. She heard someone walking in but she still didn't look up.

"Hello? Who's there?"

No answer.

"Garth? Imra? Zoë, you back with the pizza? Who is it?"

The TV blared.

"Could it beeeeeee SATAN?"

Violet looked up from behind, and her jaw dropped.

"Oh… my…"

"Ho ho ho!"

"SANTA!"

Yes, there he was, the big man himself. Red suit, white bear, and jolly disposition. Vi was so happy she just glomped him without a second thought.

"Oh I knew you were real, Santa! I never doubted it for a minute! Wait. Are you the real Santa?" She eyed him suspiciously.

"I was expecting that question from the girl who wanted BloodLetter V for GameGirl when she was five." Vi gasped. "OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGod! It's really you! But why are you here so early?"

"Vi, your holiday spirit has brought me here. I realize that you needed some cheering up, so I came all the way from the North Pole to help put your holiday spirit back in order."

Vi laughed/snorted. "Just for me? Thanks Santa! But you're so cold! Your skin is like ice." Santa laughed. "Well it gets cold up in the North Pole this time of year."

An idea popped into Vi's head. "Let me go a nice cup of hot chocolate to warm you up."

"With some Christmas cookies I hope?"

Vi shook her arms like a fan girl. "Eeeeh! This is so cool!"

In the kitchen, Vi was preparing the jolly old timer a cup of hot chocolate as he sat at the table.

"Vi you should cut your friend some slack. Not everyone has the holiday spirit." He explained.

"But that's so sad, Santa!" Vi said. "I mean, Brainy has always acted kind of cold, but now it's worse than ever!" She handed him the cocoa.

"Well, you know what they say. Some wind up on the nice list, and some land on the-"

He stops after drinking the cocoa. Vi leans in to get an answer.

"Yeah?"

"Hgkh! Gklkgh!"

He starts spazzing out, clutching at his throat. His eyes bug out and foam starts shooting out of his mouth as he screams.

"Santa what's wrong?! What's-"

"NAUGHTY! NICE! NAUGHTY! NICE!"

Then the skin on his face starts to bubble off, and we see a metallic surface underneath. The eyes are red, the teeth white, clean, and metallic, and the hair is fake. We see the processors and circuits in his head. He starts tearing up the kitchen as Vi stands their in shock.

"Wait, Santa's… a robot?"

Then, her face got red and her hands turned into fists.

"BRAINY!" she screams at the top of her lungs. Brainy flies into the room, oblivious to what's happening.

"So Vi, I didn't know we had-OH SPROCK!"

The robot Santa now has claws and tendrils instead of hands, lashing out and destroying everything they touch. Vi lunges at Brainy.

"HIT THE DECK!"

The two duck behind an overturned table.

CRASH! CRACK!

"NAUGHTY! NICE! NAUGHTY! NICE! DESTROY! DESTROY!"

Vi feels like killing Brainy right now, her face is so red.

"Brainy what did you do?!"

Brainy tries to cover his ears to drone out the destruction.

"I felt bad for what I said to you the other day, so I tried to build a robotic Santa Claus as a gift!"

"How did you figure that would help?!" Vi's hands were shaking as she said this.

"I don't know! To rekindle the magic of Christmas? He was fine when I scanned him! What did you do?!"

"I just gave him some hot cocoa! I didn't know it would short him out, because I didn't know HE WAS A ROBOT!"

CRACK! There went the fridge.

"This is impossible! I built his circuits so water wouldn't short him out!"

"Then why is he freaking out like that?!"

"I don't know! I think there was a malfunction in his naughty & nice circuitry."

"Well do something!" Vi yelled. The robot was destroying the kitchen. Brainy thought for a second. They needed a distraction. And it just came to mind.

"COMPUTO! Unleash the robot gopher!" At it's command, it released a thing the was half gopher, half robot into the kitchen, in front of the thing. The gopher's non-robotic eye twitched. Vi blanked.

"Brainy why did you have a robot gopher?"

"I don't know, Vi. That thing just popped up in my lab one day…"

FLASHBACK.

"GIRL WITH COOKIES! GIRL WITH COOKIES! Computer! Release the robot gopher!" The gopher remembers it's former master, the alien called Zim. It got called out to deal with a little girl selling cookies in Zim's yard. It starts burrowing around underneath the yard as Zim watches.

"Excellent, gopher! Just as I programmed you to do. Now! Complete your mission!"

The gopher popped out into the yard, facing the little girl, staring at it with unnerving eyes, when...

It does a little dance and disappears into a vortex in the sky.

"I don't remember programming that."

Brainy is working on a matter-transporter device, when a big vortex opens up in the ceiling and the little robot gopher pops on down to the floor. Brainy just stares at in horror for a minute, it not doing anything.

END FLASHBACK

"Gopher! Go!"

The gopher looks up at the thing destroying the room, when it stops to look at the gopher. Brainy and Vi wait in anticipation, then leave as the thing gets distracted, when...

It does another little dance and disappears into another big vortex.

"Well that was a big waste." Vi said. Then, the robot caught sight of them leaving the kitchen, and they hurried out as he crashed through the walls, trying to catch them with his tendrils.

"DELETE! DELETE! NAUGHTY!"

"Quick, to my lab!" Brainy cried.

"You go! I'll keep him busy!" Vi said. Brainy flew off down the hall to his lab. Vi turned to face the robot monstrosity, murder in his eyes.

"HEY KRINGLE! The Easter Bunny leaves better presents in my slippers!"

"NAUGHTY! NICE! DELETE! DELETE!"

Vi started to run down the hall in the opposite direction Brainy ran in.

"You can't catch me fat man! I'm the gingerbread girl!"

"NAUGHTY! DESTROY! DESTROY!"

Vi dodged the tendrils fired at her by shrinking down into the floor. She kept on flying until she got back into the main longue and hid inside the Christmas tree. The Santa Robot barged in through the wall.

"NAUGHTY! NAUGHTY!"

Give it a rest, she thought. She waited until it was vulnerable enough, then she would strike. It was flailing around it's tendrils and claws, ripping apart everything in it's path. Vi thought about what pain it was having to clean this all up, when a tendril shot through the tree and almost grabbed her!

"DESTROY! DESTROY!"

The robot ripped off the top of the tree. The glass ornaments and lights shattered on the ground. Vi emerged out and regrew, giving the robot a square kick to the chest.

"Do you have any idea how long it took to decorate that tree?!"

"DESTROY! NAUGHTY! VERY NAUGHTY!"

The robot tendrils then destroyed the stockings hanging on the wall.

"Stuff this in your stocking!" she yelled as he went through the TV screen into the other room. A claw shot out at her, but she avoided it by doing a backflip. Then, another one grabbed her ankle and threw her out the door back into the kitchen. "OWW!" Vi yelled. "Watch it!"

"DELETE!"

Meanwhile, Brainy was trying to get one of the other Legionnaires on their communicator. He was having horrible luck.

"Come on, come on! Someone! Anyone! Kinetix! Phantom Girl! Guys, where are you?!"

"Brainy look out!" Vi cried as she flew in, the Santa robot right behind her.

"Sprock!" He cursed.

The two were huddled in the corner, the robot Santa was now in the lab and was destroying the place.

"I'm sorry, Brainy! I couldn't hold him off!" Vi said.

"No Vi! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have called your beliefs stupid!"

"And I'm sorry I said you were heartless!" Vi said with tears in her eyes.

"Vi, I love y-"

"Wait. There." Vi stopped him. He was confused.

"What?" All he could hear was the Santa bot.

"DELETE! DELETE!"

Vi held a hand up to her ear, trying to listen closer to what she heard. Her eyes became as wide as a deer in headlights. She whispered it to him.

"Sleigh bells ringing. Are you listening?"

They turned, the robot had stopped as well. There was now an old brick fireplace in the far corner of the lab. Soot came out, and then, they heard a thump, and a figure emerged.

"Ho ho ho!"

"Oh my God." Brainy gasped. The robot turned its red eyes to the person standing in front of the fireplace. A figure in red with black boots and large white sack came out. He had a crisp white beard, a noise like a cherry, a big belly, and a jolly smile.

"Merry Christmas!"

"Wow. Santa Claus IS real…" Brainy started.

And then they saw him take a giant bazooka from his sack.

"And he's packing heat!" Vi yelled.

"DELETE! DELETE!"

"Eat coal, you mechanized abortion!" Ol' St. Nick screamed at the rampaging robot.

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Coal went right through the robot and came out diamonds. This confused it for a minute. Santa took out a candy cane and started talking into it.

"Elf Strike Force! Move out!"

KABOOM! Dozens of elves started coming in through security lines out of the ceiling, They looked like kids with pointed ears, but they were dressed in Christmas-styled military gear. If this was an action movie, you could've heard heavy metal music being played as they started charging at the robot.

"Hup hup hup hup hup!"

"Move it you pansys!" the elf commander shouted, sounding like R. Lee Ermey despite looking like a five-year old African American boy. They fired icicles, snowballs, Christmas light bolas, and garland wreaths to pull apart his tendrils.

"We got him sir!" An elf named Vanilla told the commanding officer.

"Launch the tinsel shockwave at him!" A elf named Jolly cried.

Three elves set up a large cannon and aimed it at the robot, who was trying desperately to delete the elves. Vi and Brainy just stood there with their mouths open in shock.

"Ready..." the commander named Snowy ordered.

"Firing!"

"DEL-"

There was a large discharge of electricity as the robot sizzled and screamed in agony, a robotic scream, as the electricity fried whatever fake skin was left and destroying his circuits. The thing let out a squeak as it fell to a heap on the floor. Everyone let out a sigh.

"Finally he shut up." Vi said.

"There. It's over."

"Now as for you, Brainy-"

Suddenly, the robotic skeleton jerked back to life and lunged out at Santa.

"Del-8-T-9-!"

"Look o-" Vi and Brainy started before…

"Hyyyyya!"

The two stopped when they saw a red-and-peach blur do gymnastics onto Robot Santa's shoulders, then it twisted his head off using her thighs like a James Bond girl, and kicked it over to Santa.

"Whoa. Is that…" Brainy started.

"Mrs. Claus?" Vi said in admiration. Mrs. Claus wore a red-and-white furred bikini, red high heels, and a Santa cap over her blonde hair. They could see her awesome, well-toned body.

"The missus got herself a makeover." She told them. Brainy's jaw dropped, and Vi felt jealous.

The Santa head rolled over to Santa. He aimed the coal gun at it.

"Feliz Navidad, baby."

BLAM! No more Robot Santa. The elves let out a sigh of relief. Mr. and Mrs. Claus exchanged Eskimo kisses. Vi slowly walked over to Santa.

"Santa? Is it you? Really you?"

"You tell me Salu." He told her. Brainy stepped from behind of Vi, looking very humble.

"Um, hi, Mr., uh, Claus. Sorry about that." He pointed to the remains of Robot Santa.

"It's alright, Brainy. My husband and I were prepared for this." Mrs. Claus told him.

"How'd you know my name?"

"We know everyone. It's what we do. We're like the CIA, except we don't torture people, we give them coal."

"This usually happens this time of year when some super-smart punk with a socket wrench mouths off to his girlfriend." One of the elves said.

"I didn't mouth off!" Brainy replied, not correcting the "girlfriend" part.

"Wait, Brainy…" Vi noticed. Her cheeks started to blush.

"Calm down now Holly." Santa told the elf. Holly grumbled.

"Holly's a girl's name." Brainy joked to the elf.

"I know."

Brainy got the hint. "Eww. Look, Santa, I wasn't trying to cause trouble. I just…"

Mr. Claus just laughed. "I know you had good intentions Brainy. But, I'm afraid you're still on the naughty list."

Vi stepped in for Brainy's defense. "But Mr. Claus, he was only doing it to cheer me up!"

"Oh not because of that." He told her.

"You're still working off when you tested a new type of sneezing powder on Chameleon Boy and told him it was Lightning Lad." Mrs. Claus informed. Vi gave Brainy a strange look. He was blushing.

"That was you?" "A-heh."

"So, what happens now?" Vi asked. "Well, I've got to be on my way for tonight."

"Wait, Santa. I have a question." Brainy stopped him. "Yes?" "How do you do it? Every house in one night?"

The elves and Mrs. Claus laughed. Santa smiled at Brainy and placed a finger on his noise.

"Brainy the truth is-."

"Well guys I-"

Zoë flew in with the pizza. She stood shocked at the scene.

"What the hell happened?" she asked.

"Huh?" The two blinked. That's when they noticed, Santa was gone! The elves, Mrs. Claus, the remains of Robot Santa, the fireplace, all gone! "Where'd he go?" Vi asked. "Who? Guys, what did you do?" Brainy and Vi turned to one another. Brainy cleared his throat.

"Look, what happened was-" Brainy started.

"The place looks great!" Zoë told them. "What?" They asked at the same time. ! "It looks better than when I left. You guys cleaned it up all by yourselves?" Zoë asked. Confused, the two left the lab and flew off. It was true. All the mess from the damage had been cleaned up. Nothing was broken, burned, or incinerated. Everything was sparkling and brand-new. They throught they heard bells ringing.

"Well? How'd you do it?" Zoë asked.

Vi and Brainy turned to one another and laughed.

"Well, we had a little help." Brainy said.

The following Christmas morning, Brainy and Vi were opening their gifts together.

"I got Snow Shredder III: The Coaling! Eeeh!" Vi squeaked. "What did you get Brainy?"

Brainy opened up a box in red paper, he pulled out the contents and smirked.

"…I got a rock." He held up a piece of coal.

"I'm sorry Brainy."

"It's alright Vi."

"Oh wait, you didn't open my gift yet." She handed him a box wrapped with blue paper decorated in silver bells. Brainy started to open the box, and he laughed as he took out what was inside. A stuffed white monkey named Koko.

"Thanks Vi, love it."

Then, she kissed him on the cheek.

"Thank you for trying to cheer me up."

He blushed madly. Vi laughed/snorted and looked up.

"Look, mistletoe."

"Who needs it?" he asked, and lunged at her.

"Merry Christmas Vi."

"So, what did you guys think? Who knew Saint Nick was such a player, huh? Well, here's to hoping you keep your faith in the spirit of the season, no matter what holiday you celebrate. Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year."

Next Track:

03. Revenge of the Christmas Trees