Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes or Secret Six. Please review separatley. Did this in a rush. Any problems I'll edit.

Scandal: Daughter of Vandal Savage.

Knockout: New God from Apokolips. Former Female Fury.


The House of Secrets. In the meeting room, by the roaring fire as the Christmas tree was set up with such care, two people sat.

"Hello faithful reader." The first spoke, a woman of South American descent. Her skin was tanned, her hair short and black, and carefully placed beauty mark on her cheek. "Welcome to the House of Secrets. I am Scandal Savage."

"And I'm Knockout." The second woman said. She was much taller then her companion, with a mane of beautiful red hair. "Although you may call me Kay."

"Because you might not be familiar with who we are, an introduction is in order." Scandal stated. "I am the daughter of immortal Vandal Savage, my mother one of the many women he has shared a bed with over his lifespan."

"My turn, poppet?" Kay asked. Scandal nodded. "I was once one of the Female Furies of Apokolips, under the command of Granny Goodness to serve all-knowing Darkseid."

"Kay isn't exactly a Christian." Scandal informed.

"I escaped to Earth, spent some time on the Suicide Squad, and then I was with Conner Kent in Hawaii, and then I met Scandal." Kay finished.

"We both work on a team-for-hire, you might not have heard of them. The Secret Six. Alongside some other people you've probably never heard of. Catman, Deadshot, and Ragdoll. We get paid to handle jobs. Assassinations, recoveries, bombings, whatever our employer wants. I guess in your eyes that would make us the bad guys."

"Poppet here ate Fatality's ear." Kay smiled proudly.

"You're making me blush. But I wish to make something clear." Scandal informed.

"We may kill, we may maim…" Kay started.

"We may brutalize and terrorize and follow the whims of our employers, no matter how twisted and cruel, but there is one thing we understand very clearly."

Kay leaned in closer and the two kissed.

"Love." Kay whispered as their lips parted.. They held hands closely in the fire's light.

"Which is why my Beloved and I were chosen to narrate this story together. About a wolf boy and the president's daughter, spending this Christmas eve together, as loved ones should, and baking…"

08. Gingerbread

"Ah, puppy! There you are!"

It was December 24th in Legion HQ. The lounge was decorated out in cheer and glee. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes the Saint Nicholas would soon be there. If they had a chimney. Tinya Wazzo, a.k.a. Phantom Girl, had just phased through the wall. Over near the Christmas tree, sitting in a lounge chair was Brin Londo, a.k.a. Timber Wolf. He looked up from the holo he was reading, The Last Christmas Eve, and cringed at the word.

"Stop calling me that." Brin told her.

"But puppy, that's your name." She pouted.

"Okay, princess." He said. "So, what do you need."

"I need a lot, but right now I'll settle for a favor." Tinya replied. Brin sighed.

"For the last time you CANNOT scratch behind my ears." He sighed.

"Not that!" She said. "I wanna spend some time with you." Tinya told him.

"Really?" Brin put the holo down. "Well, okay, I'll bite. What do you want to do?"

"Bake some cookies-"

"OUT!" He shouted. Tinya cringed.

"Aww come on. It won't be like last time."

"Wont' be like last time?" Brin repeated. "I still have the tick scars from last time! Wanna see?"

"If they are where they were last time." She said, grinning like a deviant.

"Forget it." Brin went back to reading his holo.

"Come on, I just wanna bake some Christmas cookies with my puppy. Spread a little holiday cheer…" she pouted like a puppy.

"Well I've had enough holiday cheer around here." Brin said. "I'm only reading this stupid thing because I lost a bet." He informed.

"What's so wrong with baking gingerbread together. Everyone knows what a great cook you are." She buttered him up, but it kept slipping off. "Why can't you teach me."

"Do I have to get a restraining order? ANOTHER one?" He threatened.

"Pretty bitty please with Christmas trees?" Tinya nudged.

"N-O spells no." Brin educated her.

"But-" Tinya started.

"No."

"But-"

"No."

"A-"

"No."

She opened her mouth.

"No."

Tinya sulked. The she pulled him out of the chair and put him in front of the wall.

"I see. Well, then I guess I must unveil my secret attack." She lowered her gaze.

"What?"

She stuck her palm out.

"PHANTOM GIRL!"

The wind seemed to pick up.

"What the sprock?"

"SUPER-SECRET FANGIRL BLACKMAIL BARRAGE!"

Before he knew it, Brin's outline was traced by dozens of sharp pieces of paper.

"What the-?! Where'd you-"

They were pictures, and holos. There were pictures of him in a box, with a fox, eating lox, on a date with Courtney Cox. There were pictures of him in a cab, and of him flexing his well-toned abs. Pictures of him dressed like a dude, and pictures of him in the nude! Pictures of him in the shower, this was well beyond his power. There was obscenities here and there, there was obscenities everywhere!

"Where'd you get all these pictures?" Brin screamed. Tinya kept her smirk on.

"These walls talk. For the right price. And pretty soon I will too. Get the drift?" She asked.

He growled at her. He knew these weren't the only copies she had.

"… Get in the kitchen."

"WOOT!" She jumped in the air and flew out of the lounge. Brin sulked in after her.

"I hope Santa gives her an ass whooping for Christmas." He muttered under his breath.

"I HEARD THAT!"

And so they got together the ingredients in the kitchen. The cooking utensils, and the cookbooks. Brin was wearing a white apron, while Tinya was wearing a pink one with a little chirping chick and the words "Piyo piyo" written across. The tied their hair back in ponytails so it wouldn't get in the way. First thing first.

The flour.

"Now you have to open it carefully, or it'll-" Brin started. Too late. She ripped it open. It went everywhere.

"Explode."

He coughed. Tinya looked down at herself, then at him. An idea popped in.

"Hey, wanna go scare Lightning Lad?" She smirked deviously.

"Later."

The eggs.

"Now just crack it gently on the side of the bowl." Brin advised.

"Okay."

CRACK. She held it too hard and the egg spilled out on the counter.

"Again." He ordered.

CRACK.

"Again." He sighed.

CRACK.

"Again."

CRACK.

He threw his hands up and put the eggs in himself. He gave Tinya an incredulous look.

"Was that so hard?"

WHACK! Two eggs went flying at his head. The yolk stained his black hair.

"Think you're such an egghead, huh?" Tinya smirked.

Cut to the rimshot guy.

The molasses.

"No, Tinya, that's too much you," Brin stopped and started to look around. Something was missing. "Where's the spatula?"

"Uh, well…"

It was stuck to her backside. He blushed like mad.

"Heh." Was all she said.

The oven.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, STOP DROP AND ROLL!" She screamed at him.

Done. They were covered in flour, sticky, and hot.

"There, that wasn't so bad. All the kitchen needs is a fresh coat of paint. And something to cover the hole. And the smell. But look, they turned out great."

On the counter was a tray filled with happy, smiling gingerbread men and women.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure the hair on my ass will grow back in no time." Brin replied.

"Oh lighten up. And let me worry about your ass. It's my job." Tinya jerked a thumb in her direction and stood proudly.

"You're fired." Brin said.

"You can't fire me, Mister Trump! I've been with the company for fifteen years. Just wait until the union hears about this." Tinya pouted.

"What union?" Brin sighed in frustration.

"The OFGA. The Oppressed Fan Girls of America."

Brin scowled. "Can you be serious for five seconds?"

That was it. Tinya hit him on the back of the head with an empty serving tray.

"What is with you? Christmas is supposed to be a happy time and you mope like, well like you always do. What's the problem?"

Brin rubbed the bump on his head, then avoided Tinya's gaze.

"Christmas isn't something you look forward to enjoying when your mom's dead and your dad's a sociopath. Christmas back home meant the cage was decorated in red and green streamers."

"This is your home now, Brin." Tinya reminded him. "You never have to worry about that kind of treatment again." God she was getting sick and tired of having to remind him.

"You don't understand. You don't have to remember what it was like before." Brin moped. Tinya thought for a minute of what to say next, and then it popped into her mind.

"Hey it could be worse." She smiled. Brin's eyes shot open and looked at her like she just said the stupidest thing in the entire universe.

"WORSE? Are you kidding me?" He told her.

"Yeah you could be like Timmy's family."

"Who?"

"Timmy. Right here."

Tinya picked up a little gingerbread man, well in this case a boy. Brin blanked.

"You've been smelling the oven gas for too long." He said.

"No look, we have a happy, active gingerbread family. Here's Mom, and Dad, and Timmy, and Sissy."

She held up another gingerbread man, and two girls.

"They all lived happy little boring lives."

She set them up on the table.

"But then, Mom gets bored with Dad, and in comes Fernando." She explained.

"Fernando?" Brin asked.

"The gardener. Duh." Tinya rolled her eyes. She set up the gingerbread mom with a cookie that was designed like a gardener.

"Oh, of course. Figures." Brin said.

"'Misses Mom, I came to water hedges.'" Tinya said in a fake Mexican accent, holding up the Fernando cookie.

"'Oh don't worry about THOSE hedges,'" now speaking a seductive voice for mom, "'come and water MY hedge.'" "'Si, hedge.'"

Tinya then set them down and took a mug of hot cocoa., and put the two in up to their waist.

"So, one night their in the Jacuzzi out back, not knowing that Dad is coming home early from the big Anderson deal."

She took the gingerbread dad and made him walk on the table.

"'Honey, good news!'" Tinya said in a male voice. "'I made part-' he says, but stops when he sees the two gallivanting in the water.'"

"And then Dad takes out the shotgun and blows off Fernando's and Mom's heads. BOOM!"

She pulled Fernando out and proceeded to bite off his head, then the mom and tossed them in front of the mug.

"Poor Fernando and poor mom." Brin said, sitting down.

"Poor Timmy and Sissy! They saw the whole thing."

She positioned the two gingerbread kids in front of their dad and their dead mom and the gardener.

"Timmy calls the police, and Dad gets sent to prison. So then, the kids get sent to live with Grandpa and Grammy. And they live on Grandpa's disability money."

"Why?" Brin asked.

"Cuz he lost his legs in the war. Look!" Tinya bit into the gingerbread grandfather's legs and tore them off.

""AAAHHH!! You commie bastards! Them's my walkin' legs!'" She said in a crocethy old voice.

"And Grammy thinks that kids are her old sorority sisters, so she makes them wear old flapper gowns and feather hats. 'Kay girls, who wants to go jitterbuggin?'" She started shaking the Timmy and Sissy cookies like they were dancing. "And then Grammy breaks her hip." Tinya bites into Grammy's hip.

"So in comes the creepy religious aunt Margo and her wage-slave husband Desmond."

She smiled like the devil.

"And the emotional trauma causes little Timmy to turn into a teenage cross-dresser," Tinya revealed that Timmy now had a dress pattern and a moustache made out of frosting, "while Sissy excels in lacrosse and metal shop while harboring a crush on her gym teacher, Mrs. Deseraux, ultimately stalking her until the night of the harvest dance, when she admits her feelings."

"'I'm sorry Sissy, but I'm your teacher, and you're a student. And besides that, I'm really a man.'" Tinya said in an androgynous voice, holding up a Mrs. Deseraux cookie.

"Ouch." Brin said.

"And then Sissy chops her head off", Tinya bit off Mrs. Deseraux's head, "and buries her body in the old abandoned disco," she placed the rest of the cookie underneath the mixing bowl, "where her brother was just happening to get a home run with the Corn Queen." Tinya set up Timmy and the new Corn Queen cookie like they were doing something naughty, "until finally ten years later Sissy's on death row and Timmy has just sold the rights to a movie based on the story of his life."

Brin just stared at her for a minute. She smiled, waiting for a response.

"Besides the obvious, how is that bad?" Brin asked.

"Timmy's being played by Jack Black." She said as she lowered her voice. Brin felt a twinge of pain.

"The poor bastard." Brin said.

"And then they all died. The end!" She ate the rest of them.

"Now, they didn't." Brin said.

"What?" Tinya asked, surprised that he was smiling.

"You forgot about Mom's parents."

"Oh well, her dad died in a drunken stupor and her mom disappeared in a freak waffle iron accident." She told him.

"You mean like this?" He asked. He took a girl gingerbread cookie and stuck inside a waffle iron.

"'Tell my husband I thought of his dad while we did it!'" He said in a falsetto voice. "Gingerbread pancakes, anyone?" He said, smiling broadly.

"Ah, I knew I could get a smile out of you!" Tinya

"Yeah, yeah. Wanna make more? I wanna find out just how screwed up Timmy's family is." Brin said as he started to get the ingredients together again.

"Oh yeah, bunch of nut jobs they are." Tinya said.

"Hey, Tinya."

"Yeah?" She asked, a getting a flour covered kiss.

"Merry Christmas."

"Why don't we try baking gingerbread?" Kay asked as they curled by the fire.

"I'd probably just destroy the stove. And then I'd have to listen to Blake complain that I destroyed his precious kitchen." Scandal pondered.

"I'd snap his spine if he did."

"You'd do that for me?" Scandal said in awe.

"Poppet I just did it five minutes ago to Kiteman. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Beloved." Scandal returned the sentiment as they embraced one another. Love.

"Yes Merry Christmas indeed!"

The two turned to the fireplace. Out of the stocking popped Ragdoll.

"You've been here the whole time haven't you?" Scandal asked.

"And not just me. Lloyd, come out and help spread the Christmas cheer!" Ragdoll motioned to the wall behind him. Kay destroyed the wall, revealing Deadshot with a camera.

"You're gonna castrate and nueter us now, aren't you?" he asked. They silently nodded as Scandal unsheathed the Lamentation Blades and Knockout cracked her knuckles.

"I'd sorry to say they'd missed the chance. But they can have the jar if they want! But you can only have one." Ragdoll told the advancing two, and Deadsot.

"For God's sake stop telling us the things, 'Doll!" Deadshot begged.

And Ragdoll and Deadshot were never seen again, until the next Secret Six series where it was revealed that it was really counterparts from Earth-53.

Next Track:

09. Better Watch Out