Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.
Because you demanded it, a bonus track.
Celeste Rockfish: An associate of the Legion from the Five Years Later verse. Originally Celeste McCauley, she was a P.I. who joined the Legion when it was discovered she had the ability to channel the emerald energy of a Green Lantern power ring. She gained the name Neon.
New Metropolis. There's a lot of stories in this city. And I know most of them. I'm Celeste Rockfish. Private Investigator. And this is one of them. It's a little something that happened on December 25th. A missing persons case. Something I call…
00. The Case of the Missing Present
December 25th. 9 AM. He walked in. He smelled of cheap mouthwash and Christmas cheer. Mr. Rizhards from the floor below.
"Celeste. You've got a client." Said Mara Williams, my secretary and personal busybody.
"Ms. Rockfish." He said. "I need your help."
That's what they all say.
"Whadda you need?" I asked.
"I need you to find someone." He said.
"Description?"
"Here." He handed me a snapshot. Tall, red, glossy. Decorated with silver bells. I knew the type. Flashy. Gaudy.
"When was she last spotted?" I asked.
"Last night."
"Where?"
"Under the tree."
"When exactly?"
"Before my daughter's nightlight burnt out."
"Take me to the scene of the crime." I told him.
It was a mess, alright. One of the worst I'd ever seen. Total massacre. Red, and gold, and green scraps littered around the barely visible floor. Tender loving care, handcrafted by professionals, dead in five seconds flat.
The stockings that were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that Saint Nicholas would soon be there, now thrown aside and gutted like a fish.
A plate of half-finished milk and crumbs was laid on a table by the fire. The clue to a major case unrelated to this one. Or was it?
I started with the most obvious suspects.
Sinthia Rizhards. Eight years old. Just got herself a new doll. Wonder what happened to the old one?
"Where were you last night?" I asked.
"In bed." She said.
"A likely story. Recognize this?" I flashed the picture in front of the smiling little blond as she stroked Barbie's head.
"Is that for me?" She asked.
"Don't avoid the question."
She shook her head. Then my client told me that it WAS for her, and it started to make sense.
"So, you got just a little bit too anxious. A little impatient." I spelled it out. "So, when no one was looking, you did your dirty little deed. Didn't you?" I demanded.
"No I didn't!"
"Prove it!" I told her.
"It was dark in the living room." Sinthia pleaded.
"So?"
"I'm scared of the dark."
I checked out her story. Turns out, five seconds in a pitch black hideout was enough to give Sindy a case of the loose bladder. The nightlight in her room proved her alibi, and so did the wet sheets from last night after it burnt out.
"Okay, you're clear."
Then, I went on to Sinthia's little sister, Petricia. Ah, the little sister. So cute, so innocent. So clichéd.
"So, one of your sister's possessions mysteriously vanishes, and here you claim that you were in your bed too, like a good little girl."
"Yep. I'm very good! Santa gave me a brand new dress!"
"I see. And did Santa decide to give you something that didn't belong to you?"
"No."
"Oh but he did, didn't he? I know your type Petricia. The little sister, always overshadowed by Big Sis. Always number two."
"No. Mommy and daddy love me just the same!" She denied. This was a piece of cake.
"Yet she's always getting better toys than you, isn't she? Better clothes, better grades, better gifts."
"No she doesn't. One year I got a new Theresa doll and she kept asking if she could play with it."
So. Revenge and jealousy.
"So I'll bet that's why you did it. You snuck out hoping to see mommy kissing Santa Claus, and instead you look under the tree and count one too many gifts for Sensational Sinthia. That is, if you can even count past one!"
"I can! One, two, three, Q…"
"Oh don't even try stalling." I said. "You saw that one extra gift, and it was just so tempting, wasn't it?"
"No."
"You knew it just had to be yours. To get back at your sister, didn't you?"
"No."
"You just had to get back at your sister for last Christmas, didn't you?"
"No!" I almost had her.
"So that's why you took it, didn't you?"
"No!"
"Not so much of a good girl, are you Petricia? Time to fess up before Santa puts you on the naughty list for next year." I threatened.
"But I saw Mommy near the gift last!" Petricia said.
Ah, so a whole new player enters the scene. A whole new can of worms.
"I've got a witness who puts you at the scene of the crime."
"You can't pin anything on me." Mrs. Rizhards warned.
"You bet I can't. I just had a nice, friendly chat with your daughter. She told me EVERYTHING."
"Petricia wouldn't snitch."
"But your husband would. He told me all about how you hated the idea that he bought THAT."
"Maybe."
"Your husband always listen to you? Was that the first time he ever disobeyed your direct order?"
"Please. He never listens to me."
"Ah. So instead, you took it to show your superiority. After years of bending backwards for him, this was the straw that broke the camel's back."
"We've had our ups and downs."
"I'll bet you have. But this time, it was different, wasn't it? Something snapped inside, didn't it?"
"You don't know what you're talking about, Rockfish."
"I can see it now. The night before Christmas, and all through the house, only a single creature was stirring. A creature stirred by an inferiority complex who had much too much. But then, when the nightlight burnt out, and little Sindy is crying and peeing in bed, you saw the perfect opportunity. When no one was looking, you slinked in and grabbed it, waiting for the chance to get rid of it and show your husband once and for all. But someone was watching. And it wasn't Saint Nick, that's for sure."
"That's not true! I love my husband!"
"Tell me, did it feel good? Even though you knew it would be hurting the two girls you brought into this world?"
"No! I didn't mean to!"
"So you admit it!"
"Yes! I took it after the nightlight burnt out, but I wasn't stealing it!"
What did this mean?
"I went in to check to see if everything was there, and then I took it. But I was going to put it back!"
"Where is it?"
She sighed and led me to it. To an empty box.
"It was like that when I found it, I swear." She pleaded.
I inspected it closely. The box had a hole in the side. And a bunch of other holes on the cover. Something in my gut told me I needed to inspect one more piece of evidence.
"Take me to this nightlight."
I examined it closely. I didn't need to dust it. The evidence was right there. It hadn't burned out. The wire was ripped. Gnawed. I examined the room one more time. And then I led the suspects into the parlor for the unveiling.
"Someone in this room is responsible for the heinous crime which lies before us." I told them. "The heinous crime of kidnapping."
Mrs. Rizhards held her girls close.
"Sometime around midnight, little Sinthia Rizhards was wide awake in bed, waiting for a nightly visitor. Who was this man? He was old. He was fat. And he was jolly. But another visitor came, and he was an unexpected one. This visitor crept into Sinthia's room and destroyed little Sinthia's night light."
"Someone broke in?!" Mrs. Rizhards yelled.
"Ma'am, please. In that moment of darkness, little Sinthia's nyctophobia kicked in, and sent screams throughout the silent night. Running in to check his daughter, Mr. Rizhards didn't see Petricia waiting in the living room."
Petricia gasped.
"But she didn't do it. Because she was watching Mrs. Rizhards come in. But she didn't see her sneak the box right out."
Mrs. Rizhards avoided my stare.
"But she didn't do it either."
"But you just said-"
"That she took the box. Not what was inside. For you see, she was merely checking to see if the gifts were all there, because she knew that her daughter, her younger daughter, didn't suffer the same mental handicap as her oldest. She shooed her into bed before checking on Sinthia, and then checked the gifts to see if nothing was missing. But something was. For you see, the perpetrator of this most heinous kidnapping…"
Mrs. Rizhards leaned in.
"The one who shorted out the nightlight…"
Petricia and Sinthia leaned in.
"Was…"
"Yes?" Mr. Rizhards asked.
"The victim herself!"
"What?" Mrs. Rizhards asked. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying…" I smiled and reached behind my back to pull out the final piece of the puzzle.
"Merry Christmas, Petricia and Sinthia."
The girls laughed as they started to play with the little bunny I had in my hands. The bunny which had chewed out through the side, entered Sinthia's room, and hid before chewing the nightlight wire. They even named itself after me, Celeste Junior.
"All in a day's work." I said. I leaned back in my chair, watching Snow Shredder III which Mara had given me.
"Merry Christmas, kid." I said.
So that's it. It's now December 26.
I need some eggnog.
