Author's Note: What if Mulder had made it back to Scully and William in Trust No1? What if he got off the train and met Scully on the platform like he was supposed to? - Just a few thoughts and MSR
Trust Some1
"Chance meeting your perfect other, your perfect opposite - your protector and endangeror. Chance embarking with this other on the greatest of journeys - a search for truths fugitive and imponderable. If one day this chance may befall you, my son, do not fail or falter to seize it."
Standing on the platform, Scully's breath rose in the chill air, just like the steam of a train pulling up to the small station. She hugged her arms around herself and drew her coat tighter against the sharp breeze. She looked up at the station clock. It was not time for Mulder's train yet; she still had ten minutes to wait. People got off the train and the platform was suddenly crowded with people jostling and milling about. Despite all the commotion, Scully felt completely alone. She stared down the tracks, hoping for a glimpse of the train's lights in the distant darkness. She shivered and sighed, crossing to a bench by the station house wall. She sat down, with her head leant back and her eyes closed.
A loud whistle caused Scully to look up. Down the tracks she could see some lights. Red and white lights approaching slowly. She drew breath sharply and stood up. The large grey and red train drew up to the platform and Scully felt nerves explode in the pit of her stomach once more. She took deep breaths and the train screeched to a complete halt. The doors opened and the travellers spilled out onto the platform. Scully looked all around for sight of Mulder but she couldn't see him. She turned quickly, looking frantically up and down the platform. She didn't see Mulder until he had walked right in front of her. He stopped and put his bags down at his feet. He spoke her name gently and held out his arms to her, tears beginning to form in his usually composed eyes. She ran the few feet between them and threw her arms around him tight. His name was all she could say. Happy tears ran down her cheeks as he lifted her into his embrace, kissing her.
As Scully opened the front door, Reyes stood up from the couch.
"Hey Monica." Scully said as Mulder dropped his bags down. "How did you get on?
"He was an angel Dana. He's been sleeping for about an hour. Hi Mulder…" She smiled happily and walked over to them. "I'm so glad to see you again!"
"You too Monica." He embraced her in a friendly hug. "Thanks for taking care of the little man." He tilted his head towards the ajar bedroom door where William was sound asleep in his crib.
"My absolute pleasure." Reyes beamed. "Well it's late…I think I should leave you to it. I-I mean I'm sure you have lots to do. I mean… oh, I'll see you tomorrow I guess." She hugged Scully. "You know where I am. Bye now, Dana. Mulder." She gave them a small wave as she closed the front door behind her.
Now that they were alone, and had expressed their repressed passion in a sudden flash on the station platform, both Mulder and Scully were slightly awkward. Mulder looked around the apartment.
"It hasn't changed…" He said, his eyes coming back to rest on Scully, who was taking off her coat. "…Neither have you." He smiled at her and she smiled back, the warm smile they had exchanged so often in the past; the smile which expressed more than a thousand words could.
Mulder bent down to pick up his bags but as he did so, Scully's hand covered his.
"Come on." She said gently, hushed, and led him into William's bedroom.
They stood in silence and looked down at the sleeping baby boy, their fingers entwined and smiles on their lips.
"Hey buddy." Mulder breathed. "I haven't seen you for so long…You've gotten so big!"
He reached down and gently stroked William's cheek with his fingertips. William smiled in his sleep, shifted slightly, but did not wake.
Mulder looked back at Scully. "I missed you both so much…" He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat at the sight of his sleeping son. Mulder removed his hand from Williams's cheek and reached out to stroke Scully's. She nuzzled her face against his hand, leaning into his warm touch, and pulled him closer for a hug.
"I love you." She whispered, holding him tight.
"Right back at you." He kissed the top of her head. "You know, I waited seven years for all this…"
Scully pulled back and looked at him. "Seven years? Wow!" Sadness crept over her face. "But it can never be truly perfect, not now." She glanced at William then back at Mulder. "I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love you both. I didn't think my heart could hold this much."
Mulder smiled down at her. "Me neither. I've never felt such a connection to anyone."
"You are my perfect other." Scully said shyly. "But you're also my perfect opposite."
He hugged her tightly and rested his chin on her head. They both looked down at their son. William was fast asleep, oblivious to his parents' presence in the room.
Scully led Mulder out of William's room and into the hallway. She closed the door behind them, leaving it only slightly ajar. In silence she crossed to her bedroom, pushing open the door and looking at Mulder before holding her hand out to him. He strode across to her, ignored her offered hand and crushed his lips to hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and walked backwards, still kissing him, until the backs of her knees touched the side of her bed.
As he laid her down gently on the bed, Mulder nuzzled the side of her neck, placing gently kisses towards her collarbone.
"I've imagined this every night since you left." Scully swallowed, staring up at him, searching his eyes, and running her hands through his hair. "But you're gonna have to leave again."
He looked down at her gently, trying to put her at ease.
"Don't think about that yet. I'm here with you now." He slowly ran his hand down her side and rested it on her hip. She looked into his eyes, the eyes she could never forget or resist. He eased further over her and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before moving to her lips. "Just relax, Scully."
She sniffed away the threatening tears, to no avail, and reached for him. She pulled him closer to her, kissing him through her tears.
When he pulled away slightly, she looked at him and whispered "I'm okay, Mulder."
He looked down at her tenderly wiping her wet cheek with his thumb. "You sure?"
"Yes." She said a little breathlessly, as he leant down and kissed her again. She gripped his grey sweater and teased it up. He let go of her slowly, but only long enough to allow her to pull his sweater over his head.
Scully felt her worries slowly begin to slip away as Mulder kissed her, but they didn't completely disappear. Her mind concentrated on remembering every detail of this night; her subconscious knowing that it was going to be one of their last for a long time.
She pushed all thoughts of him leaving again from her mind as he buried his hands in her hair. She grasped at his shoulders, feeling the muscles there flex and contract beneath her hands.
He pushed himself up and supported himself on his elbows. For a long moment, they both stared into each other's eyes.
"You're so beautiful." Mulder told her, re-memorising her face. He stared at her with a look she had seen before. It was an expression of great love mingled with sadness, like in his hallway before the bee. Mulder brushed some stray hair from her face and tucked it behind her ears. He smiled at her and pressed butterfly kisses up her neck, along her jaw line, and onto her lips. His hands pushed her soft cream sweater up and over her head, removing his lips from hers only enough to remove her sweater completely. She kissed him, hoping to show in return how deeply she loved him. He broke their kiss so he could whisper words of love and comfort to her. His fingers, which had been lovingly caressing her back and chest, brushed against something cold. He felt across her soft skin again for the small object; her cross. He moved it around on the chain, between his finger and thumb, before placing it back down on her chest and pressing a kiss to it. She stroked the side of his face with her hand, letting her touch linger on his jaw, wordlessly telling him all of her thoughts and feelings in their special unspoken way.
Later as they lay together under the soft white sheets, beginning to doze off, Mulder held Scully closely. She rubbed her foot against his calf and rested her head on his chest. He nuzzled his face against the soft skin beneath her ear, kissing her mussed hair now and again. They both fell into the most content sleep they had had in a long time, finally back in each other's arms.
Just before midday, there was a knock on the front door and Scully opened it to see Doggett and Reyes standing there.
"Morning!" They chorused, smiling as Scully stood back to let them in.
"We bought breakfast!" Reyes beamed and held up the large flat box of donuts she was carrying.
"Great! Thanks very much." Scully said closing the door and leading them to the kitchen.
Mulder was sat at the kitchen table, reading a newspaper and bouncing William gently on his knee. Doggett placed down the tray of four cups of coffee he was carrying.
"Good to see you John." Mulder held out his free hand and Doggett shook it.
"You too Mulder." They all took a seat and began their breakfast.
William gazed up at Mulder as he took a bite from his Maple-glazed donut.
"You want some buddy?" He waved the donut playfully as William chuckled. "Too bad. Donuts are not for babies. But…"
He placed the donut back on his plate and held out a sticky to Williams's lips.
"Awww…" Reyes cooed as William relished the sweet icing on his father's finger. Doggett rolled his eyes, but was unable to hide the smile in his eyes as he watched father and son with a pang of long-suppressed memory.
Scully smiled delightedly as she watched the most important people in her life and nibbled her powdered blueberry donut, but the thought of Mulder's imminent departure soon tore the joy from her heart and replaced it with sadness.
Mulder spent the whole day playing with William. Scully entered the living room to find Mulder lying on his back on the rug by the couch holding William up and making silly faces at him. Scully stood silently and watched them. Every now and then Mulder would blow a raspberry against William's stomach and the boy would gurgle happily. Scully's heart melted as she watched Mulder set William on the floor and then sit cross-legged opposite him. They were having a conversation! When William said "Aahh", Mulder would say "Aaah" in return. Mulder carried on making funny sounds and encouraged William to mimic them.
When Mulder then played 'Round and round the garden' with William and finished with 'Tickly under there!' Scully couldn't keep quiet any more. She joined Mulder and William on the carpet saying, "I wanna play too!"
Mulder beamed at her and then looked at William.
"What do you say buddy? Can mommy play too?"
William reached his arms up towards her and Scully scooped him up in a hug. "Hello sweet William! Is daddy a good playmate?"
She kissed the top of William's head as Mulder reached over to grab William's plush frog from the couch.
"A big kiss for William! Mwah!" Mulder said enthusiastically as he held out Jeremiah the frog and made him kiss William's cheek.
"And one for mommy too!" Mulder pressed the plush frog to Scully's cheek. "Mwah!" He settled Jeremiah between William and Scully's arm and the small boy grasped at the soft green toy and gurgled again. Mulder knelt up and moved over to kiss William's head before kissing Scully on the cheek, then on the lips. She smiled against his lips and put her free arm around his neck. She held William tightly as Mulder wrapped his arms around the both of them and lay down. The family spent the afternoon playing, cuddling and laughing on the carpet; William delighted at the attention he was getting from his parents.
Mulder placed William down in his crib, covered him with the light blanket and twiddled his ear lovingly. Scully tucked Jeremiah in next to her son and stroked the baby boy's cheek gently. "Good night sweet William. See you in the morning." Mulder took Scully's hand in his and lead her to the bedroom.
Scully sat down on the edge of the bed, while Mulder began to get undressed. In his boxers and undershirt he turned to look at her. She sat with her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. Mulder squatted down in front of her and placed one hand on her knee, the other going to her neck. "Scully…Dana." He said quietly, tilting her head up to look in her eyes.
"This will be the last time." She whispered, sliding to the floor and reaching out to hug him. Mulder enveloped her in his arms and held her tightly, rocking back and forth gently on the balls of his feet.
When he pulled back slightly to look at her he recognised the look in her eyes. He stood up, taking her with him, and laid her on the bed. She traced his jaw with one fingertip, and thought again about losing him, losing this. She didn't want to think about it, not now, but she couldn't help it. "I lost you before…" she whispered. "I don't want to again."
He turned his head to press a kiss to her forehead. "Don't think now. You'll never lose me," he promised. "No matter what happens, I'll always come back to you. To both of you."
She managed a slight smile. "You can't make that promise."
"I can." he said. "You and William, you're always with me. You're the best parts of me, so I'll never really leave you."
She smiled as the tears in her eyes began to streak down her cheeks. "You always know what to say."
He smiled and lowered his head, kissing her so tenderly. Scully let out a soft sigh as she grasped at his shoulders.
"Dana," Mulder whispered softly. Scully loved the feeling of waking up to his warm breath on her ear. She pretended to be asleep, hoping that he would keep speaking to her. He lay back down with his arms around her.
"I know you're awake." He said dryly, a smile pulling the corners of his lips. Scully smiled and tried not to laugh. She could never trick Mulder, he knew her too well.
"Do we have to get up?" She mumbled sleepily; her eyes still closed. Mulder smiled as he buried his face in her hair, kissing her head.
"Yes. I need to get going…" he paused. Scully sensed something in his voice and turned to face him.
She looked at the clock over his shoulder.
"Is it time already?" She asked softly, sadness creeping into her voice. Mulder nodded silently as Scully wrapped her arms around him, enveloping him in a hug. She began to sob quietly as she held onto him; if she hugged him as tight as she could, he would never be able to leave.
Scully stood beside William's crib, staring down at him. Mulder entered the room, walked over to her and leaned down to kiss her. She turned her head just in time so he kissed her cheek instead.
"I can't Mulder. Not if you're leaving."
"Scully…" Mulder began sadly.
"Please, just leave quickly. No goodbye."
"Scully, please." He grabbed her hand. "It took me seven years to make a move on you, and now…I have to leave. I have to live without you again. And William." He added. "This is hard for me too. It's unbearable. After not having you for so long… then being back with you for such a brief time…I almost can't stand it."
"Mulder, don't you think it's hard for me too? I mean, we were able to restrain ourselves for seven years, but now I…I just can't do this." Her voice quavered and she pulled her hand from his, pushed him away. "So if you're going, just go."
"I have to… If I go again, all three of us will be unhappy, but if I stay you are both at risk…All I've ever wanted is for you to be safe and happy, Scully. That's my goal; my aim."
He took her hand again, holding it firmer this time, and repeated, his voice breaking this time, "If I stay, you're both in danger."
He looked down at William, who smiled up at them from his crib. "I can't stay Scully, no matter how much I want to." Mulder tore his eyes away from the smiling baby boy and focused once more on Scully. "I missed you both so much, and this short but wonderful time with you both has made me so happy, but it has shown me exactly how much is at risk if I stay. D'you understand?"
Scully nodded sadly, the movement loosening the little grip that her tears had on her eyelashes, and they slid down her cheeks. Mulder reached a hand to her face and wiped her tears with his thumb.
"I don't want you to go." Scully whispered. "We don't want you to go. You should be here…"
"With my family." Mulder whispered back. "But if I stay you will be in danger…" He shook his head and took her hands again. "If I stay you will need constant protection...I will just endanger you. It's selfish."
"I admit it, Mulder. You do endanger us. But you always protect us." Scully said hugging him. "I'm willing to take the risk. William needs his dad … he needs you. I need you…"
Mulder wrapped his arms around her and nodded against her shoulder. "I love you." He mumbled and placed a kiss on her shoulder, then on her neck. She sniffed back her tears as she clung to him. He sighed and cleared his throat before whispering finally "I'll stay Scully." He pulled back, clutching her hand and looked down at William. "I'll stay, buddy."
Scully tore her gaze from Mulder and looked down at her son who smiled up at her and reached out his hand. Scully took William's small hand gently, Mulder still holding her left hand. Now none of them would ever be able to let go. Gently, Scully spoke to William,
"The truths are out there, William. The truest truths. They are what keep us painfully, desperately apart, but they also hold us together, forever."
