Chapter 6: Out of mind

I was lost in is arms. Our lips crushing against each other hungrily, begging for each other. God how I had missed this, just to feel his cold, smooth hands pulling me to him like I was his. That was when reality hit me and I pulled away sharply.

His face was desperate like he was longing for more. I glared at him. I was mortified with myself but it takes two to tango.

"Get out." I whispered ever so quietly but I knew he had heard me.

"Bella, I…"

"GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!" I screamed at him as I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door. I heard the door to his room close, he had gone.

I sat on the floor with my head on my hands thinking what an awful person I was. But for some reason there was a little voice in the back of my mind which made me think about how perfect, passionate and fiery the kiss was. But then his name flashed through my mind…Jacob.

I had to see him. I went back into my bedroom and began to pack up what little things I had brought to the Cullen's house. I needed to get out. The guilt was eating me alive as I made my way to the door. But then I heard people talking in the hallway. There was no way I would get past them. This would have to be done the hard way.

I opened the window and looked down to see a wooden mesh that was easily climbable, my heart danced with joy. I lowered myself out of the window and began placing my feet steadily on the mesh. There were roses wrapped around the mesh and I could feel the thorns tearing my skin but nevertheless I continued to climb down the back of the Cullen's house.

I was about three meters from the ground when I noticed the glass patio door below me, the door that led into the living room and therefore would have most of the Cullens sat in the other side. I muttered several swearwords.

I considered just letting go and hopefully I would be knocked unconscious by the fall, at least I wouldn't have to face the shame and utter humiliation that would follow if anyone who lived in the house saw me shimmying down the mesh. There was a drainpipe on the other side of the door which (if I was able to climb down it) would allow me to get to the garden gate without being seen. I decided that I would take my chances and so I started edging myself along the wall.

"Bella…what the hell are you doing?" I sighed in defeat and then turned around to face Emmet who (to my dismay) looked as if he was about to die with laughter.

"I was just, you know… practising my climbing skills, they seem to be in good shape." I knew it was stupid the moment I felt the words leave my lips but unfortunately for me, I was all out of smart comebacks. Emmet nodded whilst holding back a grin and walked towards me with his arms outstretched.

"Need a hand?"

"If you would be so kind?" I lowered my self into his reach and he lifted me from the wall like I was as light as a feather and I had to remind my self that to him, I was. He put me down on the grass and looked at me whilst shaking is head and tutting.

"What are we going to do with you Bella?" he asked me. "I mean the minute we turn our backs you're climbing down the wall like an orang-utan." The laughter he had been suppressing freed itself and he began to double over in fits of laughter. I could feel my cheeks turning a shade of scarlet as I turned around and stormed into the house ready to face the music.

Rosalie was sat on one of the cream couches smirking at me like I had something on my face. I just marched past her and ran up the stairs. I felt so humiliated. I couldn't get to Edward's room faster. I didn't bother knocking as I practically threw the door open. He was lead on his leather couch listening to what I recognised as The Killers.

"Why did you have to kiss me?" I screamed at him as he saw me enter the room. "You know I'm taken and you know it's over between us! What were you thinking?" The only sound that was left was my harsh breathing as he stood up and started walking closer to me. "Don't…" I began.

"Bella you have made it quite clear that you and I are a thing of the past but that does not mean that I will not love you until I cease to exist. You were my world and although you have moved on I have already accepted the fact that my heart will always be yours. Whether you choose to crush it or cherish it I know it will always belong to you. I lived for eighty years thinking that I would never find… I was going to say someone but I believe that you are and always will be the only one for me. When I first knew I loved you, I knew that that would be the way it would be forever. I cannot move on for you are a part of me and know I have tasted what it is like to be loved by you, I will never be able to let go of you." He was inching closer towards me as he spoke and for some reason I couldn't find the desire to want him to stop. "I love you Bella with everything I have and there isn't a day that goes by that I do not regret ever leaving you. It was the worst mistake of my life and I think you know deep down that had I not left you we would still be together."

I knew what he was saying was true but I just couldn't bring myself to admit it out loud to him. Of course I loved him, I never stopped. I had just locked that love in a dark place in the back of my mind and thrown away the key. But now, with his words, it was like he had found that love and spread it everywhere in my mind. It was only now that I realised just how much I had missed him. But again, his name…Jacob.

"I can't do this anymore." I whispered whilst trying desperately not to look him directly in the eye. "You're killing me Edward."

"I hate hurting you. Trust me if there was a way I could punish myself for all the pain I put you through… maybe you're right. Maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore. I'm sure Carlisle would allow the family to relocate."

"No!" I could not bear the thought of them having to leave because of me and my selfish ways. "I won't let you and your family ruin everything you have built here because of me."

There was another reason I didn't want him to go but two sides of my mind were having a civil war about whether or not to tell him. The honest side won.

"And also… I don't want you to go." I looked at him then and his eyes bored into mine.

Authors Note

So sorry it took me so long =(

I am trying to make my chapters longer =)

So…what did you think?

Any Ideas?

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I've turned to bribery now

That's how low I have sunk

See you soon

xoxo