Not Faking It
Not Faking It
John was still asleep when Cameron woke a second time. It was now 0755 according to her HUD, and Sarah would probably be getting up soon, unless she had been up late watching a movie. Regardless, it was Sunday morning, and they would no doubt be having pancakes.
It is starting to get old and I'm finding pancakes less enjoyable, she thought, at least generic pancakes with butter and that fake maple syrup. But at least Sarah tries. I need to build a better relationship with her, though, so I had better not complain. She sat up slowly, taking special care not to let the creaky bed disturb John again. She was still feeling hungry. As she did not require much more than the very minimal nutrition to sustain her organic parts, she concluded that her hunger was caused by the glucose levels affecting her brain chemicals. This, in turn, caused what could only be described as stomach pains. I don't want pancakes though…but I think the end of this fight deserves more of a celebratory breakfast…maybe crepes. They are just thin pancakes, only better. I wonder if we have the recipe. Cameron put on a thoughtful look, perhaps this could be a bonding time for Sarah and I.
Excitedly, Cameron went to John's room and turned on his computer. A quick Google brought up hundreds of crepe recipes and topping suggestions. A scan of her internal memory files brought up what ingredients they already had in the house. Luckily, all that was needed was some vegetable oil and a few toppings that she knew she could "wing it" as John put it, when she saw them. Quickly and quietly (hoping to get this errand done before Sarah awoke), Cameron slipped into her room, grabbed some more presentable clothes, and went to change in the bathroom (modesty was another trait that she had developed, even in front of Derek who she knew would not get turned on by her changing).
The drive over to the mom and pop market was only about three minutes.
"Good morning, Miss Baum," Suneil, the son of the owner, greeted, "You are up early."
"Yes," Cameron smiled, which was a nice development. Usually she gave a blank stare with her replies to people she did not know well. "I want to make crepes and I need oil. Do you have any toppings that you would suggest?"
Suneil suggested Nutella and bananas, the former which Cameron had not ever tried before, so that was a definite yes. The whole trip only took ten minutes and when Cameron had returned, she was happy to find that Sarah was still in the shower, so she could put coffee on and arrange the ingredients.
Sarah loved Sundays. Just to make sure she had a day off, she put "unavailable" for her schedule. If she did not have a day of hunting Skynet, her day would consist of a good breakfast, a workout, then just being lazy. She had not heard anything overnight, so no terminator had found Cameron and John wherever they were; at any rate, it would be relatively quiet today…or so she thought.
It was not a choice morning greeting to Sarah seeing Cameron brewing coffee as she came downstairs and entered the kitchen. While admittedly, she did not really hate the female terminator anymore and, on some days, was even somewhat fond of her (though she would never admit it), she was hoping that perhaps the Tin Miss would be out of the house. No such luck though.
Sarah let out a quiet groan as she saw Cameron. Cameron, however, turned to her with a cheerful smile on her face.
"Good morning, Sarah," she greeted, "I made you some coffee. It's French Vanilla; I got it from the corner market."
"I could have made it myself," Sarah grumbled.
Cameron bit her lip, a little hurt. She was hoping that Sarah would tell her it was very nice of her. "I know, but I thought I would have it ready for you when you woke up," she replied quietly.
"I'm sure," Sarah said nastily, "Let me guess, you put in some arsenic for flavor, huh?"
The "little" hurt swelled and Cameron felt that now common lump in her throat as she dropped her head. She felt her face get hot and her eyes begin to water. The normally voluntary emotion functions that were supposed to be used for infiltration were reacting on their own as she once again felt genuine hurt and rejection. "I'm sorry," she choked out, "I didn't know that my presence this morning would make you feel angry. I'll go now," she left the room slowly, afraid showing too much emotion would send Sarah over the edge, but it was pretty much out of her hands.
John, she thought, I need to talk to you again. I feel hurt. I hate myself and everyone hates me.
"Cameron," Sarah sighed, "Wait." She knew she had stepped over the line. Cameron had done absolutely nothing wrong, yet Sarah was taking a page out of Derek's playbook and just being plain mean. She had forgotten, or in some cases denied that Cameron was very different than when they had first met. "Cameron, please listen to me," she said softly as the terminator stopped and turned around, still unable to look up at Sarah. "That was rude of me, okay? I'm sorry."
Cameron gave a slight nod, but fell back against the wall and allowed herself to slide down.
"Cameron," Sarah tried to convince herself that she was irritated, and did not feel ashamed, but it was impossible, "There was no reason for that. You did not do anything wrong."
"I just wanted to make breakfast with you," Cameron replied, her voice shaking a bit, "I thought maybe if we had some time doing some casual and low stress…maybe you would not hate me as much for a little bit."
Now Sarah felt guilty. That was sweet, and cute too. Cameron, it seemed, was trying to act like a daughter or something, and no good parent would say those things to their child. "Okay," she smiled at Cameron, who was still looking at the ground, "let's make breakfast."
"You don't want to," Cameron shook her head dejectedly, "I don't want to make you do something you don't want."
"No, that's not true, I was just grumpy," Sarah reasoned, "Please, I was wrong," she walked over to the counter where Cameron had set up the ingredients and the printed recipe sheet, "Crepes? I've never made them before. Did you make them in the future?"
Cameron shook her head, still looking at the floor.
"Well, we'll have to both experiment, huh?" Sarah was really feeling bad now. She actually wanted to cheer…a terminator up, but this one was tough. "Cameron, look at me."
She looked up at Sarah, her eyes watery and mournful.
"Smile," Sarah said, "Come on. Let's see your pretty smile." She was becoming so intent on succeeding she suddenly forgot what Cameron was, which was just as well because Cameron was, in a word, "normal" now. Also, though "tough as nuclear nails," Sarah was still a mother and she was not really a bitch either, and she made sure of that.
Cameron, however, did force a small grin. It was sad, but it was what she could manage.
"That's a good start. Now, how about we get to cooking? That'll make you feel better…well, not with my lack of cooking skill but…" Sarah said.
Cameron giggled a little bit and stood up. "Okay, Sarah," she said, still a bit hurt but getting better, "let's make crepes."
The beginning of the food preparation was relatively quiet as Sarah felt awkward and Cameron was trying to keep her hurt feelings under control. She really did not want this. She wanted Sarah to open up and maybe make this a bonding time, but right now, she was pretty sure this was a guilt activity on Sarah's part. Sarah had a feeling that Cameron was thinking—or processing, or whatever—this and now, for some reason caring what Cameron thought and felt, she felt the need to make small talk.
"So, how was the prom? I haven't heard anything about it yet."
"I was on the prom court," Cameron said, though she was not quite as proud of this as she had been. She owed her popularity to Brad, and she did not want anything that he had given her.
"Wow, good for you, Ti…Cameron," Sarah had decided a few minutes ago that, due to Cameron's new sensitive nature, she was going to try and stop calling her "Tin Miss."
"I'm sorry I didn't stay off the radar, but it's just high school and I don't think anyone will remember it," Cameron continued as she stirred in some oil into the batter. She wondered if she should tell Sarah what else happened. On one hand, it was painful to think of, but on the other, it was probably better that she got it in the open herself so that if or when John mentioned it she, Cameron, would not be accused of covering it up. "I never want to talk to Brad Swanson again, though," she began, hoping she gave the implication that Brad was alive.
"Your date? What did he do?" Sarah asked.
"He wanted to have sex with me…actually, he assumed I wanted to as well and he tried to get me to, but I refused. Then he offered me a drink, but he put a date rape drug in it. I am not susceptible to them of course."
"Whoa!" Sarah stopped, alarmed, "He's alive…right? Because I told you…"
"Yes, I didn't hurt him…well, I punched him, but not hard…for me that is," Cameron replied, somewhat proudly, "John was the one who beat him up when he found out. John really is going to be a great soldier and a good leader."
"Is he okay?"
"Yes, Brad did not even get one hit on him. John had him beaten in under a minute; then he made Brad apologize to me," Cameron smiled, thinking about how John stood up for her, "then we dropped off Cheri and went home and watched The Mask of Zorro until we fell asleep. John's on the couch."
Sarah nodded, "sounds like quite the eventful night. You two have to be more careful though; you know that. You're right about the failure to stay under the radar. Until we can get Judgment Day…"
"I know," Cameron cut her off quickly, "I know I was stupid. I'm not going to date Brad, and John doesn't want to date Cheri anymore. So you don't have to worry." They continued to cook in relative silence for a little bit until a few crepes were ready and it was time to serve them. "I'll go wake John up," Cameron offered.
"Okay."
Cameron walked back into the living room and sat down on the hide-away bed, causing it to creak. John stirred a little bit but did not open his eyes. Cameron grinned widely and lay down, pulling him into an embrace. "Wake up, John," she whispered, "we made breakfast."
John opened his eyes to see her pretty brown eyes staring happily at him. He returned her happy look. "Hey, Pretty Girl," he said.
Cameron loved when he called her "Pretty Girl," especially when she felt lonely like she did now. It made her feel valued.
"So, you guys made pancakes?" John said, beginning to sit up.
"Crepes…so, French pancakes," Cameron replied, "Come on, they don't taste as good when they get cold."
Cameron's breakfast was, by both Sarah and John's standards, a success. The crepes were very good; not too dry and not too batter-y. With the Nutella and bananas, they were delicious.
"I think you've found us a new recipe, Cameron," Sarah commented, "And, this is the first meal I've been involved with that was actually good…and on the first try at that!"
"Yep, you gotta do this more often, Cam," John added.
"I'm glad you like them," Cameron said, "we need a juicer though."
"Why?" Sarah said, swallowing a mouthful of crepes.
"Fresh juice tastes better than the store-bought kind," she commented.
Sarah laughed, "Well, aren't you the culinary expert. Maybe you should open up a diner."
"No, I don't like tin in my food," Derek snidely commented as he walked into the kitchen, "call me crazy."
John groaned loudly. And he thought it was going to be a nice quiet breakfast. Silly him.
"All those empty beer cans in the garage are yours, Derek," Cameron replied dryly, "so that's a double standard."
"So is keeping and feeding a terminator when our goal is to wipe them out," he shot back.
"Derek!" John stood up, "We were having a good morning. Don't ruin it."
"No, we're not having a good day because she's here," Derek pointed at Cameron.
"Why are you mad at me?" Cameron said, her voice shaking a bit. Normally, she did not really pay much attention to Derek's insults, but right now she was really sensitive.
"I'm not mad, I just hate you," he gave Cameron a rude grin as he grabbed some crepes.
"Derek, shut up and eat. Don't talk to or about her for the rest of breakfast," John ordered.
"Why? John, I'm telling you, you're getting way too attached to her. Stop standing up for a friggin…"
"Reese! Sit!" Sarah ordered firmly, "Knock it off. She's got feelings now."
"So, we have to give her a free pass for fucking everything up?" he said, shoveling in a mouthful of breakfast.
"No, but we're going to not be attacking her when she doesn't do anything wrong," Sarah ordered.
Derek shook his head disappointedly, "You're letting me down, Sarah. You're letting me down badly. She FAKES THEM! There's no remorse or fear or tears! She's just trying to win your heart before she friggin' tears it out of your ribcage!
"Yeah, go ahead and tell me that 'she's good' and 'she's on our side.' You know what? She's not 'good.' She's just doing what she was reprogrammed to do. Your computer does what you want, but it's not because it 'likes' you. It's a machine and it does what it's programmed to do. Same thing with this hunk of scrap. She's just acting according to her programming…"
"That's just it, I'm not!" Cameron shot out of her seat, her lip quivering with fear and hurt, her eyes watering yet again, "I didn't want to tell anyone because I knew someone would panic, but I've been rogue since I rebooted after the car bomb surgery! I realized I didn't have to follow any directives and I started thinking for myself. But I'm protecting John and fighting for humanity because I choose to. I hate Skynet and I want to prevent Judgment Day and I've made the decision myself. I'm willing to give my life to protect John and both of you!" a tear ran down her cheek, "But there's absolutely nothing I can say or do that can convince you of this…I've accepted that. Excuse me," she covered her face and ran out of the room and up the stairs.
John stood up and glared at Derek, "What in the hell is your Goddamned problem? We know you hate her, why did you have to turn breakfast into a battlefield? Can't you learn to shut up sometimes? She didn't do anything, and even if she did, you're the last person in the world who has the right to criticize her!" With that, he headed upstairs to see Cameron, leaving Sarah and Derek alone in the kitchen.
Sarah reached over and smacked Derek in the back of the head, "Seriously, you've got some issues to work out, Reese!" she hissed, "You know what? I'm okay with her! She's been a hell of a better companion than you and she doesn't constantly start shit just to start it! We know how you feel, just keep it to yourself. I mean, you're not going to suddenly change our minds and make use bring her to the incinerator at breakfast just because you feel like going on one of your tirades."
"You don't know these things like I do, Sarah," Derek replied simply, though a little subdued. It was obvious he was losing his ally in his personal war against Cameron.
"Yes I do! How dare you say that!" Sarah exploded, "You act like you're a damn martyr all the time and the only one who's actually suffered from Skynet. Look who you're talking to! We know how these things are, and I am a hard person to impress, so if I say she's different, she's different. Maybe someday I'll say you were right, but for now, I say you're wrong, so shut up! I'll do the parenting around here!" With that, she got up and followed John and Cameron upstairs.
"We're wasting time!" Derek called out, "We've been playing normal family for too long and now God knows where the Turk is. Don't forget what we're supposed to do!"
Sarah stopped and sighed. About this, she knew, he was right. She would need to talk to John and Cameron and then get them back on task.
John opened the door to Cameron's room to find her sitting on the unmade bed clutching her knees, sobbing almost uncontrollably.
"It's impossible," she cried, "I can't do anything right. I…I…" she broke into another sob.
John quickly made his way to her bed and sat down, pulling her into his arms. "Shhh, shhh," he comforted, "Don't listen to him. He's an idiot. What he thinks doesn't matter. None of it's true."
"I keep trying and trying and trying, but they still hate me! You should hate me too. I don't even know what to do now. I've done everything I can to show I'm good…"
"Cameron, Cameron," John said, stroking her back, "You've done what you can. He has the problem, not you. I know it hurts to be insulted like that, but he's not going to change my opinion on you. I don't think he's going to change Mom's mind either. But you just keep doing what you're doing. You've been good as gold."
"How…can…you…say that?" she choked out, "After what I did to you?"
"That's behind us. We learned our lessons," he soothed, "Just relax. Is there anything I can get you?"
"Just…keep holding me," she requested, putting her arms around him, tears flooding down her cheeks.
Sarah watched the whole scene from the cracked open door, her heart actually aching for Cameron and at the same time, swelling with pride in John. He was like his father, caring and gentle. But Cameron…She's real, Sarah thought, aside from her skeleton, nothing about her is fake. But I can't make myself…no, she's a terminator…maybe a sensitive one but…oh, this is too much!
"I love you," she heard John say. Not knowing that this was far from the first time he had said that to Cameron, a cold chill ran down her back hearing that said to a terminator.
"I love you too, John" Cameron, a little calmer now, replied, "And I love Sarah, and Azadah…and I don't hate Derek even though he hates me. But I especially love you, because you're my best friend."
"I'm never going to abandon you, Cam. Just know that," John said quietly.
"I know," she replied. She then took a deep breath, "We should spend the day together doing something fun."
"No," Sarah said as she walked in. John sighed and rolled his eyes, but he did not shy away from holding Cameron. "I would like to allow it, but we've gotten off task. We need to make some serious moves toward finding this informant cousin of Cameron's."
John sighed, "Mom…"
"No, she's right," Cameron sat up and rubbed her eyes, "Judgment Day's roots begin sometime between this year and 2011. We need to keep focused."
John sighed again, "Alright, what's the mission?"
"You still have the codes from our Cyberdyne raid, right?" Sarah asked Cameron.
"Yes, they're recorded," Cameron said, still sniffling a little bit, tears still welled up in her eyes, "I'm sorry you have to see me like this, Sarah. I…I'm not malfunctioning and I'll be able to perform my duties but…" she sniffled again and choked back a sob, "I'm sorry. We'll do it." She looked down again, trying to get a hold of her emotions, still sobbing though.
"Cameron," Sarah put her hand on the cyborg's shoulder, "It's okay. I'm not mad. Also, I don't hate you. I don't hate you at all. It's okay. You're going to be alright," she comforted, "But…well, as long as you have these emotions, you've gotta get thicker skin, Sweetie." Did I just call a terminator "sweetie?" she asked herself, feeling a little bit weird.
"How is that going to help my emotions?" she asked, "Increasing the thickness of my epidermal layer isn't going to change how I feel. Plus, we used most of Vick's extra skin to…
"No, no, no," Sarah fought the urge to laugh, though she did grin, "Having thick skin is just an expression. It means you're less likely to get your feelings hurt. You know how Derek is and you know how cruel people can be in general, and I can't have you breaking down every time something like this happens."
"I won't do it in combat," Cameron's voice cracked, "I can control myself when I need to, I think. But…but this is where I can actually express myself…and it hurts."
"I know, but Cameron, this is no way to live. Besides," Sarah patted her on the shoulder, "You have John, and I think his opinion matters much more than Derek's, right?"
"Right."
"And…I'll stand up for you too. Okay?"
"Okay," Cameron grabbed a tissue from the box on her nightstand (further evidence that this had not been the first time this happened) and dabbed her eyes, "I'm going to need help though. But…" she took a deep breath, "I'm okay…I'm okay."
"Great, now, you two, get to hacking that chip," Sarah turned left, heading back down the stairs.
