Merry Christmas! Or Happy Hanukkah or whatever it is you're celebrating this time of year. So I'm planning this chapter to be pretty long, and I know it should be in Sirius point of view, I mean I was going to make it in Sirius' point of view, but I can't. It won't make sense in his point of view. So yeah sorry about that.

Disclaimer and warnings the same.

I watched Sirius' reflection. He let go of the hem of my shirt, and turned away closing his eyes.

"Padfoot? What is it?" I asked, walking over to him. He opened his eyes slowly, and let out a shaky breath. I frowned, pulling off my shirt, and looking over my shoulder at my reflection. The air left my lungs in a rush.

My back was purple like a giant bruise, but that wasn't the worse part. My whole back was covered in five giant words that looked as if they'd be burned on my skin with a giant cattle iron. There were raw red patches, some of it was badly charred and it was leaking some greenish pus. It was swelled in some parts.

I had to read the words backwards in the reflection. 'I am a filthy queer'. I looked at Sirius.

"When did this happen? Who did it to you?" He asked after a few minutes of awkward silence.

"When we were standing on the stairs. That's why I was holding onto the banister that way. I didn't see who did it. There were people standing everywhere. I doubt we'll ever know who did it unless they tell us." I said, hugging myself. Standing here, like this, I felt incredibly vulnerable.

He stayed quiet for a minute, before sighing. "This is all my fault."

I shook my head violently. "No, It's mine."

He looked at me fiercely. "If you had been with anyone else, it wouldn't have been nearly as bad. My 'family' is causing all this. Most of the problems and the rumors and the curses that get thrown our way are caused by my interfering relatives. I bet you anything, that thing on your back was made by someone in my family or one of their close friends."

"You know it would have been the same." I told him angrily. "I don't regret this. I can't regret this. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I think it's worth it."

Sirius' face softened. "We haven't made this easy for ourselves, you know that right?"

I smiled. "I know. It could be worse though."

Sirius looked at me skeptically. "Yeah right. Your back looks about as bad as it gets."

"I've had worse." I replied.

He frowned at me.

"It'll be ok. I'm fine. Really." I said, stepping forward, and pulling him into a hug. He held on to me as tight as he could without causing me pain. I kissed him lightly. "We'll get through this, ok?"

He smiled, and I slipped reluctantly out of his arms to go get dressed in my night clothes. I was bent over my trunk, rummaging through for my night clothes when the dormitory door opened, and James and Pete walked in, deep in discussion. I stood up quickly and turned around, but I wasn't fast enough. James and Peter were both looking at me. James looked almost angry, while Peter just looked sick.

Sirius watched apprehensively from by the bathroom door.

James finally managed to say something. "Who did that to you?" He asked, sounding strangled.

I stared at him coldly. "No clue." I replied, pulling on my night shirt, and turning back around to dig around for my bottoms. After I pulled those on, I turned around and James was still staring open mouthed at me. I shook my head, and climbed into my bed, flicking my wand at the curtains. They snapped shut, cutting me off from them. I could hear them moving and talking in hushed voices, but I couldn't care less about what they were saying. I flipped over so I was laying face down, back smarting as I moved.

I listened as everyone got settled for bed, and the candles went out. Slowly the sound of movement and restless shifting was replaced by deep breathing. I suddenly heard a slight swishing noise and then quiet footsteps as they padded across the floor.

Sirius pulled back the curtain enough to give himself room to come in, and then he closed them around himself again. I edged over so he could have enough room, and as soon as he was settled in, I moved closer to him and buried my face in his chest. His hair tickled my face as he bent to kiss the top of my head. I smiled slightly, and slowly drifted to sleep.

When I woke up the next day, I found my back was way worse, and it was starting to look infected. Sirius watched me moodily from his position where he was leaning against the door frame.

"You should go see Madame Pomfrey. I mean it. That looks bad." He said again.

I sighed, pulling on my school clothes. "I will after lessons. I can't afford to miss potions. I'm bad enough without missing a lesson."

Sirius scoffed. "Bad? You could easily skip the whole year and still pass exams."

I smiled despite myself. "After lessons, then you can drag me there. I promise." I said, grabbing my book bag and walking down to the spiral stair case.

He followed behind me closely. Even though his own cuts weren't healed yet, he was determined to stand behind me the whole time to make sure no one snuck up behind me.

The lessons dragged as usual, and were accompanied by the normal whispers, which seemed to have increased in volume ever since we'd started being physically abused along with verbally.

I had barley finished dinner when Sirius yanked me off the bench and pulled me, rather reluctantly, towards the hospital wing. Lily followed closely behind us, not wanting to be left alone at the table.

Madame Pomfrey saw us walk in the door, and sighed loudly. "Not you again," She said in exasperation.

Sirius shook his head. "Not me, him." He said, pointing at me.

She frowned at me. "What now?"

I looked around nervously at the two occupied beds. She sighed loudly, pulling us into a curtained area of the wing. I didn't want the people on the bed to see my scars. Then they might know.

"Now what is this all about Remus?" Madame Pomfrey asked in concern. I didn't answer her, just turned around, and lifted my shirt over my head. She gasped, and forced me to turn around and look at her, which allowed Lily to see it too, and she cursed rather violently, which Madame Pomfrey didn't even tell her off for.

"What happened to you young man, and why didn't you come to see me before now?" She scolded me, taking on her mother tone.

"I honestly don't know what happened and –" Before I could answered the second question, Sirius cut me off.

"I tried to get him to come earlier, but he wouldn't listen to me and insisted upon going to lessons and coming to talk to you after dinner." He interjected with a sharp glare at me.

I shrugged sheepishly. "How bad is it?" I asked tensely.

She scowled, turning me back around so I was facing Lily and Sirius again. "It looks bad, but I'm not entirely sure. If it's like Sirius' was, then we may have a problem. Either way, this is going to leave a very bad scare." She said darkly.

Lily looked at me angrily as Madame Pomfrey bustled away to get what she needed. "Why didn't you tell us last night?"

"Well, I didn't want to bother yo-"

"Of course it wouldn't have bothered us! I can't believe you didn't come and see her the moment it happened." Lily screeched.

"I'm sorry!" I replied, trying to calm her down. She just crossed her arms and glared at me. I sighed. "I couldn't turn around while we were on the stairs and go the way we'd just come from. Besides Sirius was in pain and I wanted to get him back to the common room before his cuts reopened."

Lily looked at me for a moment. "And how much pain where you in Remus?"

I looked down at my feet, not answering.

"Exactly, you're too self-sacrificing." Lily said, more gently this time.

Sirius, moved forward and lifted my chin so I had to look at him. "Besides, if I had known you were in that much pain, I would have turned around with you. There was no stopping the stuff that had already happened to me, but we could have got you patched up before it got as bad as it is."

I kissed him lightly. "I know you would have."

Madame Pomfrey came back, arms full of potions and other things she was planning on using. "Remus, you have to stay her for the night. I don't know how bad it'll be in the morning, and I don't want to risk you not coming back." She said sternly.

After she got me all fixed up, and I climbed into one of the beds, I waved good bye to Lily and Sirius as they left the room. I hated staying in the hospital wing. It reminded me of everything that happened during the full moon. All the pain.

Moony howled loudly at the full moon that was shinning through the window of the shrieking shack. He was unhappy. He knew his pack was gone. They weren't coming. The human had messed up everything for him.

He howled angrily again, before tearing at himself. Trying to get to the human who was hiding inside.

He suddenly heard the floorboard creaking, and he turned sharply, jumping, at the sound. He grabbed the animal that was sneaking up on him by the neck and shook it violently. He let go when he finally felt it go limp. Stepping back in satisfaction, he looked at whatever had tried to attack him.

I was screaming inside my own head, but I couldn't do anything. Moony had control of us. I couldn't stop him, and as we saw through our conjoined eyes the limp body of a bear like dog, I couldn't do anything. I screamed and screamed for Sirius to stand. But he didn't move, and I began sobbing.

The wolf realized what he had done. He crouched down and crawled toward the limp body and nudged it with his muzzle. His life-mate didn't respond. He whined softly at him, but still no response. He looked up and howled mournfully at the ceiling.

I woke up with a sudden jolt. I was breathing fast, and sweat covered my body. I hunkered down under the covers, hiding. It had just been a dream, but it could easily become a reality. If Sirius tried to come by himself during the full moon, without Prongs there to help, Padfoot would be ripped to shreds. Moony wouldn't like the fact that he had lost his pack. He was dependent on them.

I would have to tell Sirius that he couldn't come. No matter what. Moony wouldn't be happy, but Sirius would be ok. Moony would rip me to shreds. I shuddered, but knew what had to be done. I would have to tell him not to come. I had to. I looked out the window, seeing how in two weeks, I would be turning into a salivating animal.

I avoided Lily and Sirius after this realization. The stress and the worry was wearing me down. I could tell Sirius was starting to get worried and upset as well. I don't know if it was for the same reason though.

I was sitting in the library when Lily cornered me.

"What's been up with you lately? You hardly talk to us, you disappear for hours at a time. I'm starting to think you're avoiding us, but you wouldn't do that because Sirius needs you." She said with sarcasm.

"I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind right now." I told her.

"You know where here for you right? We would listen to whatever is troubling you. You don't have to hold it all in. Sirius is starting to think you're mad at him. He thinks he did something to upset you." Lily told me urgently. "He's really upset Remus."

I looked down at the table guiltily. "He didn't do anything. I'm not mad at him. Or you." I added.

"I know you're not, but you've turned a cold shoulder to us, and I can't understand why." Lily said. "You should go talk to Sirius. Apologize."

I nodded, knowing that I should do that as soon as possible. "Thanks Lily." I told her, standing up and gather all of my things before I ran off to find Sirius.

I walked through the corridors quickly, not paying attention to anyone else. I rounded another corner, and I saw Sirius walking, head bent. He looked awful. I can't believe I hadn't noticed it before now. How could I have been so self absorbed? He had bags under his eyes, and his hair was lank and lacking its normal flow. I was so mad at myself for having let this happen. For causing it.

I ran forward, ignoring the weird looks I got as I did so. When I made it to Sirius' side, I slipped my hand into his. He looked up quickly. I smiled at him. He smiled back tentatively, and suddenly, it didn't matter that we were holding hands where everyone could see. Lily was right. We shouldn't care what every one else thought. They didn't matter.

When we got back to the common room, we sat cuddling together on the couch, and I explained to him why I was so tense and upset.

"I don't know what's going to happen this moon, but I know you can't come. Not by yourself." I finished quietly, looking to make sure no one had heard us.

"Moony will rip you to pieces if you're there alone again. You could die." Sirius said incredulously.

"It's a chance I'll risk. I won't have you up there and put you in danger for me." I told him firmly. "Promise me you will not come there alone. I mean it Sirius."

A strange light came into his eyes. "I promise I won't come alone."

So there is the extra long chapter that I told some of you I'd be writing! I hope to be updating soon. Review and tell me what you think! =D