Hey! So I got 5 reviews! Yay!


Thanx to
Kylie, x-rosepetals-x, catherine-moonlessnight,

jamstar4eva, and Alyce-Cullen.


Ya'll are the best!

So, I guess I better get on with the story.

Disclaimer: If I owned Twilight, Bella would not be Edward's girlfriend/wife……I would be! MWHAHAHAHA!

Rosalie just shook her head and sauntered off to find Alice while I skipped down the stairs to set the letters on the kitchen table so they could be mailed tomorrow.

EMPOV

At first light I snatched up the envelopes and my trusty spork and headed out to my Jeep. As I clambered into the front seat I realized I had forgotten to water Esme's flowers. She and Carlisle were busy debating the climate trends of eastern Canada so I thought I'd be the good son and help out with her cemetery...er, garden.

I ran to the side of the house and grabbed the water guns. I then proceeded to violently remove the weird green things on Esme's plants. It was a hard task. The green stuff was literally clinging to the stems and I finally resorted to beating the parasites to an oblivion with the blunt end of my weapon. Good, now the plants had water and the bad things lay in heaps on the ground.

I put the water gun back, pleased with myself for helping. Now they would all love me! I got back into the jeep and sped off to the post office.

When I got there the guy behind the counter gave a creepy look and it was then that I decided he was a "dude". Not the good kind of dude, but the bad kind. Like a bum, only creepier. I handed him the stack of envelopes, careful not to touch his skin.

"You need stamps on these, dude." he said waving them in my face. It was then that I remembered I had forgotten the roll of stamps on the kitchen table. I had gotten sidetracked last night making a stamp mosaic on the under side of Esme's coffee table and it had slipped my mind this morning. And for him to even compare me to a "dude" like himself was preposterous, so I decided to play dumb and give him a hard time.

"What are stamps, Mr. Dude?" I asked pushing the envelopes away from my eyes.

He looked at me for a minute and said, "They're these little paper squares that go on the envelopes idiot."

"Can they be made of cloth?" I questioned, smiling wickedly.

"I don't know?" He said sarcastically, as if he thought I was incredibly stupid. So I consulted with my spork a moment.

Then I ripped Mr. Dude's shirt off and shredded it up into tiny squares. I proceeded to lick the squares and stick them to the envelopes. He screamed and ran off so I shoved the envelopes with "stamps" into the little blue box and ran. I got back into my jeep and sped home without a backward glance. It was incredibly exhilarating to disobey every single traffic law ever written, so I enjoyed it while I could.

When I got back Jasper was standing on the porch laughing. What was it with my brothers? They were always laughing; and at the stupidest stuff. I put the jeep in park and hopped out of the high-up cab. My brother kept laughing as I sauntered up and posed like Batman. (I'm telling you, I looked like a flippin' awesome superhero!) So anyway, as I approached him like the cool person that I am he stood up.

"Hey! Whatcha laughing at?" I asked clueless.

"Mom's gonna kill you! Ha, ha, ha! You tore up her flowers so bad that she's been dry sobbing all day. I would feel really bad for her, except that the what you did was so incredibly stupid I can't help but laugh." and he kept laughing. He was glaring at me violently at the same time. It was a really weird combination and I had wished I had had a camera. Talk about Kodak moment.

So I said "Whatcha mean? All I did was water them and violently massacre the unsuspecting bugs!" I'm not sure why but Jasper laughed harder.

"Dude, those were the leaves and buds. You killed her garden!" and then he walked away. What was it with people calling me "dude" today? They kept saying it in a bad way, and believe me, I am so not a bum! I'm the most un-bummest person you ever met, so yeah!

Anyway, I was confused and stuff so I went into the house and I could hear tearless sobs erupting from the garden. I got kinda scared since my spork was still in the jeep. Much better to face this with my trusty spork. I turned around then and Rosalie verbally assaulted me.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! IF YOU WERE OFF MAILING LETTERS TO THE FANGIRLS AGAIN, SO HELP ME!" Whoa! What was her deal?

"No, chillax Rose. I was mailing letters to Mike Newton." Her face got real angry then. I'm not really sure why.

"WHAT?!?!?! YOU'RE SENDING MAIL TO NEWTON?!?!?!?! IS HE PART OF THE FANGIRL MOB TOO?!?!?!?!?!" She seriously was gonna explode one day and she would have no one to blame but herself.

"No, see I'm teaching this college-prep class because Jasper thinks I'm stupid." I explained hoping she wouldn't go all –crazy-vampire-chick on me again.

"Jasper called you stupid?" she asked angrily. "And I bet he thinks you're and idiot too! JASPER WHITLOCKE HALE!" oh man! What was with her today? She was acting like Bella when Bella's on sugar high or PMSing. Then Rosalie was gone up the stairs and I heard Jasper scream.

"Oh HALE no! Not my computer!" he screeched. I had never realized how girly Jasper screams before then. I mean he was all ahhh! And Rose was all GRRRRR!

I picked myself up off the floor then and headed out to the jeep to retrieve my spork. Finding it behind the passenger seat, I headed back to Carlisle's study so I could find Esme and learn whether my demented brother, who was now writhing in pain because of Rosalie, had spoken the truth.

"Oh Carlisle?" I called as I bounded into the room. Alice was shrieking about ice-cubes and credit card accounts, but I didn't care. Carlisle smiled warily as I went to sit on the weird blue sofa near the window.

"Is Esme mad at me?" I asked pouting. Pouting was always a good way to get what I wanted. If that didn't work, there was always a ticked Rosalie to use against people. Then I heard someone laughing.

"Hey! Shut up! I'm having a mature conversation with Carlisle!" I screamed and the laughing got harder.

"What ever you say, dear brother." Edward said between giggles from downstairs. "Just don't sick a ticked Rosalie on me! Anything but that!" he cried in mock horror. He was so mean. Then I heard a loud whap and smiled when he stopped laughing.

"Maybe that'll teach you not to eavesdrop on my head!" I called smugly. I heard another whap and Jasper stopped laughing too.

"Emmett, I listen to your thoughts, I don't eavesdrop on your head." Edward called matter-a-factly. He was such a jerk. I heard a third whap and all noise from Edward ceased.

"Ha! You tell 'em Rosy!" I said loudly, smiling. Then Carlisle started tapping his fingers on the desk in a sign of impatience.

"Oh yeah! How come Esme's mad?" I asked more quietly turning my attention back to my father-figure. (and everybody thought Edward was the only one who could use that phrase! Ha!)

"Um, Esme is with her garden right now…" he trailed off nervously. As if on cue a shrill wail erupted from the garden and I jumped up, suddenly afraid.

"What happened?" I asked confused. Carlisle just shook his head so I decided to go find out. I hurriedly left his office and instead of taking the stairs, I jumped over the banister of the stair case and landed on the sofa, snapping it in half. I then proceeded to roll around on the ground like they do in all the cool spy movies. I barely noticed that Edward and Jasper were pointing at me and saying "Ooooo! Look what he did!" until Rosy slapped them into silence.

She sure was sexy when she was mean like that, but I didn't have time to think about that right now; I was on a mission! I leaped over the kitchen table and smashed through the back door dramatically to find Esme bent over her flowers sobbing dry tears of anguish.

"My flowers! My true source of happiness! My inspiration! Why oh why is the world so cruel?!" she wailed desperately. I went to kneel beside her, and as I did so I noticed that someone had tried to glue the remnants of the carnivorous green things back onto the plants!

"Aha!" I cried. "So this is why you're so upset! Don't worry! I'll kill the bad green things with my spork, yet again!" I lunged for the dead flowers then, but Esme leaped up then and dove in front of me, shielding the crumpled corpses with her body.

"Don't touch my flowers!" she spat as I took a step back. Whoa!

"Why are you mad at me mommy?" I asked sweetly. "I was just trying to get the icky green things off your flowers." her facial expression changed suddenly and she started to laugh. I figured I was forgiven so I laughed with her, not really getting the joke.

"Emmett, those weren't parasites, they were leaves. That's the plants food source." I stared at her, not really grasping what she was saying.

"So I starved them?" I asked, confused. She shook her head, holding back a round of hysteria.

"No, you pulverized them with your water gun, but if you had just stripped them of their leaves, then yes, they would have starved." she smiled and then her face got real serious. "Speaking of water guns, yours will be confiscated for the next month. Starting now." Oh great. She had officially entered full Evil-Mommy-Mode. Well then I figured I would have to retaliate.

"But Mommmmy! I don't wanna get my water gun taken away!" Her stern eyes bore into my head.

"It's my best friend!" I shrieked pitifully. She still didn't waver. I bowed my head and trudged around to the side of the house to get my one and only ally. I begrudgingly handed it to her as I gazed at my lost water gun with sad puppy-dog eyes. What a cruel and unjust world it was when I couldn't even have a plastic friend to kill flowers with!

"Now, go tell Rosalie that if she doesn't lay off with that magazine then I'm gonna take it away too." With one last look at my water gun I went inside. Bella and Edward were at the kitchen table. I loved to watch Bella eat, so I grabbed a chair and sat down.

She blushed as I stared at her and concentrated her eyes on the grains of the table. I smiled. It was so funny when she got embarrassed over the stupidest things. Edward growled and rolled his eyes.

"Just ignore Emmett, Bella. He's gotten his little toy taken away so he's looking for someone to torment," Edward said softly. I laughed.

"Misery loves company," I commented and Bella smiled a little bit and went back to eating her food. Whatever it was it looked awful.

"Its cucumber soup, looser." Edward smirked, looking at me. Hey, looser was better than dude. I left them alone then, I figured Jasper might want to play tea party.

"Oh Jaaaaaaaaaasssssssssspppppppppperrrr!" I called deviously from the bottom of the staircase. I decided to give him a ten second head start. "Ten, nine, eight, one!" and with that I took off up the stairs.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So there you have it. Another fabulous chapter, written by yours truly. Hope you enjoyed it.

I know it's been awhile since I last updated. I could give you an entire list of excuses, but I'll spare you the time.

I'm really not sure when I'll update next, but I appreciate everyone who has read my story.

FYI: I've changed up the first two chapters ever so slightly as of 4-3-09.

I reread them and realized some things needed to be revised.

I bid you adieu now, my faithful leaders.

:)