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Explanations
It had been 5 days. He hadn't called. Alice was fed up of me nagging her. I think everyone was fed up of me. When I am feeling strong emotions, I find it harder to control my thoughts. That meant everyone was hearing my thoughts of worry, indecision, confusion….
Everyone was fed up of me except Carlisle and Esme. They were there for me. Edward had been to see Carlisle just before he left. He told me that Edward had gone to Denali to stay with Tanya, Kate and Irina for a while. Well that would please Tanya at least. Carlisle wouldn't tell me anything else though; he said that was for Edward to decide. They both did their best to comfort me but they knew I wouldn't really feel any better until Edward was back.
Edward and me were hardly ever apart. I was pretty sure he would come back, but when he was gone I missed him so much. The house somehow seemed empty with him gone. I knew the others agreed. They missed the music that we did together. Edward playing the piano and me singing. I missed that too. Rose was good, she just couldn't make the piano sound like Edward does. I think she knows that, though Rosalie being Rosalie, she would never admit it.
On the sixth day, I was contemplating going to Denali myself. Everyone was trying to convince me not to go;
"He'll come back when he's good and ready" Carlisle reassured me.
"Even if you go, you won't be able to make him come back. You're too soft" Emmett had teased.
"Ellie, I'm pretty sure he's going to come back," Alice said.
'Pretty sure isn't good enough' I thought as I stalked away in the direction of the garage. I heard her sigh in defeat.
I stood, hands on hips in the garage, contemplating which car was the fastest. Edward had taken Carlisle's Mercedes. I stared at Edwards Aston, wondering if he'd mind if I used it, he let me use it sometimes, but he was quite protective over it. A stupid obsession in my opinion.
I grabbed the key for the Aston (I knew I'd pay for it later) and yanked the door open. I revved the engine.
"Step away from the car."
The quiet voice startled me, although it was the most familiar voice in my life. I looked up, expecting to see a face masked in anger, like the one that had shouted at me almost a week ago, but instead there was an amused expression on is face. I didn't study it for long. In about half a second I had flung myself at him.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, returning my hug, well assault really.
"I was really going to make you pay for it, but I forgive you." Dammit, Emmett was right, I am too soft.
Edward chuckled in response to my annoyed thoughts. He pulled away and walked off in the direction of the house.
"Where do you think you're going?" I called after him.
"To tell everyone else I'm back," he replied innocently.
"Fine, but then you and I are going to talk," I told him.
He just nodded in a resigned way.
*
Later, on our way back from our hunting trip, I made Edward stop and sit next to me in a meadow in the forest. It was a beautiful place, so quiet, perfect for the conversation ahead.
"What happened Edward? Why did you leave?" I asked him.
He continued staring across the meadow as though he hadn't heard me.
'Edward,' I thought 'you can't ignore me forever. Please just tell me.'
Still nothing.
I sighed in frustration. So this was how it was going to be. Well I could be just as difficult. And I could play just as dirty.
"Look Edward" I said, I might as well talk if he was going to ignore me both ways. No one would hear us here anyway. "You know all my secrets, every one. Even the ones I'd rather nobody knew-"
"You know that's not my fault," he said, finally giving up his feigning deafness.
"That's no the point Edward, you still know. And you know how much I think about my biggest secret and how careful I have to be around the people involved." I replied grimly.
"You know I would never tell anybody. But I think if you just told Emmett how you used to feel-" he broke off when he saw the expression on my face. "Still?" he asked in an incredulous voice"
"Always" I told him. "I can't just turn those kind of feelings of Edward. The first moment I saw him, I knew I loved him more than anyone or anything in this whole world. You know how hard I tried not to, but I love him so much it almost hurts. Anyway, he chose Rose. What good would telling him do?" I asked
"It might just-" he began. I silenced him with one look.
'It was a rhetorical question' I thought. 'Anyway, you're avoiding the subject. The point is, you know everything about me and you try to help. Can I not do the same for you?'
"Its complicated" he said.
I snorted. "I'm good at complicated" I said.
"It's Bella" he said.
"Who?" I asked, confused.
"You know, Isabella Swan." He explained glumly.
"What about her?" I pressed. Still confused. Not something I like to be.
"Her…her scent. You know sometimes, one of them smells so much better to us than all of the rest?"
I could feel the dawn of comprehension showing on my face. I had personally never experienced this thirst, well desire, for a particular humans blood. But I had heard stories about it. "But when were you that close to her?" I wondered aloud. had been on the other side of the cafeteria to her as far as I could remember.
"We sit next to each other in Biology" I saw him shudder at the memory. "There's also the added twist that I can't read her mind." He said. I could hear the frustration in his voice.
"You can't read her mind?" I asked, amazed.
"Told you it was complicated" he replied.
I looked at his face and pitied him. I couldn't remember the last time I pitied Edward, it was always the other way around. I knew how much he tried not to be the monster that is inside all of us. And I knew how much this would be hurting him. Not just physically, but emotionally as well.
I knew there were no words that would console him so instead I reached over and hugged him.
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