So, I know this chapter is a tad over due, by like a day. Not as bad as some of the others, but it's still not good. Anyway, here it is, hope you like it.
Remus' POV
I wandered aimlessly after I ran out on Sirius. I could barely see where I was going my vision was so blurry from the tears streaming down my face. The dull ache in my chest seemed to intensify with every step that led me away from him.
I ended up out on the grounds by the lake. It was pouring, but the cold rain helped to numb my body. The cold seeped into my bones, and I had a feeling I was going to catch a cold, but that was fine with me. I deserved it. I was nothing more than a monster. A sick, twisted monster that used his fake appearance to seduce nice, innocent, amazing, people into thinking they loved him.
I sat down under the tree, and pulled my knees to my chest. I laid there in the rain, mud and water seeping into my clothes, but I didn't move. The tears ran down my face, and sobs racked my body. I shook violently from both the cold and the sobs. I could barely breathe, but I guess I would live. I hoped I would live.
I couldn't breathe. I just couldn't breathe, and god, the pain was so intense. I'd never felt pain like this. Even on the night of the full moon, nothing hurt like this. This was something I knew would never go away. There wasn't anything I could do to make thispain. Not even Madame Pomfrey could help me now.
There was a point where I thought I could hear someone calling me, but over the wind, rain, and my own ragged sobbing, I couldn't tell. I was in no mood to look because there was only one person I wanted to see. The one person I couldn't see was the one I needed to see and he was the one person that probably never wanted to see me again. But that would be ok because it was for the best.
I heard something heavy fall into a puddle near me, and I got to my feet quickly, wiping my face on my damp sleeve. Not that it did much good, because not only did it not dry my tears, but it also got mud on my face. I turned around to face the noise, and my foot slipped in mud that was under the tree, I feel forward. Someone caught me, and for a split second I hoped it was Sirius. Even with the rain though, I could smell it wasn't him.
"Remus? What in the world are you doing out here in the rain?" The person spoke, and the last of my small hope was shattered. I quickly got my footing and extracted myself out of their grip.
"Nothing Severus. I was just… leaving." I ground out, trying to keep my voice steady. I turned around, but he caught my elbow.
"Are you crying?" Fail. "What's wrong Remus?"
"Nothing." I sniffed, but my voice cracked betraying me.
"Liar." He accused.
"Just stop, ok?" I snarled, yanking my elbow out of his grasp. My words came out harsher than I had intended. He pulled away from me quickly. He fell back and his head smashed against the ground, squelching in the mud.
"Oh. Sorry! Here, let me-" I helped him up as the rain, if possible, started coming down harder.
"Let go!" He spat, but he swayed on the spot. Sighing, I started up the hill, leading him to the castle.
I helped him towards the Slytherin common room.
"I really am sorry." I told him honestly, water dripping down from my hair and into my eyes. I could feel the mud on my face and in my hair.
"Yeah." He nodded slowly, and shuffled away from me. I watched him go for a second before I turned to go to the prefect's bathroom.
After I cleaned up, I walked towards the common room. I still hadn't gotten control of my emotions, but luckily when I got back to the common room, it was empty. The fires were dying. It was silent except for the last crackles of the fire.
I sighed, and started for the stairs, but then I heard someone moving upstairs in our dorm. I turned around immediately, and decided sleeping downstairs would be better. I conjured a blanket, and settled down on the couch by the fire for the night.
Sirius' POV
I stared up at the ceiling in the dark. Though my crying had calmed down, it hadn't stopped completely. I didn't know where Remus was. He hadn't come back from where ever it was he had gone after I'd yelled at him. I was worried about him, but I don't think he'd want to talk to me. I considered waking James up to go look for him, but he might not like that.
I sat up, and pulled the blankets off myself. Standing, I lit my wand up, and walked over to James' bedside table, where the map was resting open.
I tapped it, and scanned it for Remus. I was surprised to see that he was in fact in the common room. He just hadn't come up. I made to go out the door, but stopped. He obviously didn't want to talk to me right now.
I sighed, and instead of going back to my own bed, I walked over to his, and buried my face in his pillow.
And time went on.
James' POV
I watched both Remus and Sirius become more drawn into themselves. We all tried to talk to Remus, but he seemed bent on staying as far away from us as possible. The way he acted towards us drove us away. Lily even came back crying after trying to talk to him, when he told her to butt out and go bug someone else, or that's the nicer version of what he said to her, anyway.
The whole school seemed to know something was up, and that didn't seem to be helping either of them.
I wasn't sure what to do. I wasn't sure if there was anything we could do. Sirius turned to drinking and smoking, while Remus locked himself away from the world in the library, where he worked all day. I only ever saw him in person in lessons, and sometimes the fleeting glance I would catch at dinner or breakfast, even though it was obvious he wasn't eating much. I found myself watching the map, and more times than not, the dot labeled 'Snape' seemed to be alarmingly close to Remus. Maybe we were missing something crucial, and I didn't know what to think, but I was starting to get the feeling he wasn't as lonely as we thought after all.
Remus' POV
It was hard, but I was managing. Not well, mind you, but I was managing.
I was starting to get the feeling that the people that say they can't live without someone have some basis for their conclusion.
Seeing Sirius in the hall was like an intensified, psychotic form of Chinese Water Torture. Every time I saw him, and couldn't touch him, or hold him, or kiss him, or even just talk to him, was like another drop of water on my forehead.
The sad thing was, I think that this was worse than that. Chinese Water Torture didn't hold a candle to this. This water didn't just roll off before the next one, this stuck there, and stayed with me, everywhere I went. There was nothing I could do. No wiping it off, no washing it away, nothing. Even if I could, it'd all just build up again.
I cried myself to sleep some of the time, but most of the time, I didn't sleep at all. If this is how it feels to love someone, I have no clue why we fight so hard for it.
I didn't like this chapter much, but eh, whatever. Please review and tell me what you think. The more reviews I get, the sooner they get back together. ;D
