Love at Last Sight
Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel rights or anything Dark Angel... in fact I don't own a whole lot.
A/N: I know I've been forever, so if there is anybody who is still reading this, thank you. Letting this sit has given me a bit of perspective and I think I know where I'm going now.
I Don't Care
It was amusing to say the least. Alec attempting to tie his bow tie.
If I wanted to get all girly about it, I'd even consider it adorable... not that I ever would.
Finally like a four year old boy insisting on tying his own shoelaces he sputters for my help. Of course I grin like an idiot, it's amusing, remember?
I tease him a little because he can't do it himself and know my words will cool him down. I hate asking for help too. He loosens up and jokes back.
He's still acting the way he acted then. Like the rest of the world doesn't matter, like the only thing he sees is me. I guess the only thing I see is him too.
I have to wonder that maybe if I hadn't been so cruel and unfair to him half of the time that he might've stayed with me. If I would've had the chance to realize I never really wanted Logan like I want him. That he wouldn't be just another guest on the day of my wedding.
Even as I finish tying the tie he is still watching me intently. I glance up momentarily, just to reassure I'm not imagining it and can't help my eyes from fleeting away. It's unnerving, that gaze, it burns me.
"Who knew you'd look good in a tux, huh?" I say light-heartedly. However my words are anything but a joke. He looks good in whatever he wears, but I've never actually seen him all formal and sexy. My joke sort of falls flat and I know it sounded lame. I know it came out like a croak, but hell if I could help it being near to trembling.
As if sensing my discomfort for the first time he turns away from me and toward the full-length mirror. But still only a few seconds later, almost involuntarily his eyes drift over his shoulder and back to me.
The longing heated look he's giving me first makes butterflies flutter in my stomach, but quickly turns to resentment. He shouldn't look at me that way anymore, just like I shouldn't be dreaming he'd be the man in the tux up at the altar with me.
A flame is stricken within me as the thought becomes this glaringly painful throb in my heart, and I blurt out almost unwillingly "so... is Jessie coming?" It sounded invidious even to my ears.
And I know I've hurt him now, because he's snapped out of it almost instantly. And I feel a different kind of hurting.
He freezes and drops his hand from the coat he had been smoothing down. I have to wonder what that guilty look means. But I shouldn't make him that way, because he deserves someone to care about him like Logan cares about me. Even if saying her name leaves a pungent char in my throat. He deserves her after all I've ever put him through.
Quickly I amend at his agonizing expression "I mean it's none of my business... just Logan's pretty much invited you to the wedding and you're entitled to a date" and I know it's useless. I've already done the damage. The insinuation was already there and I already accused him with my tone.
He lowers his head and seems to be deliberating what to say next. I prepare myself for the worst. "No... uh..." his face contorts and looks me in the eye "Jess and I haven't been seeing each other for a while" he mutters. Which only confuses me... because he doesn't look so hurt anymore.
All I can manage now is a nod, as I look away uncomfortably. I don't want to know anything else. It seems that the more that I ask, the more questions I'm left with.
"Well, I guess this is the one then" he says turning back into the change room and grumbling something about a 'penguin' as he pulls back the cloth curtain.
I charge the tux to Logan's account and we get back to Alec's car.
I wait as patiently as I can for him to fumble around for his keys. Bored, I reach into the left pocket of the inside of that diehard leather coat. I feel him catch his breath and freeze up. I don't look at him and instead shake them in front of his face to make a point. I smirk a bit smugly, maybe a bit because I'm one of the couple girls that make him lose his head, and maybe a little because I'm always right.
He smiles sarcastically back at me with quick thanks.
He makes it a big gesture as he opens the door and I scowl at him. He's such an ass.
We drive in silence, until I play with the mp3s in the decked out stereo system.
You aren't stopped for sector passes so much in this part of town, because rich people are good people, who apparently can do no wrong. So when Alec stops I am a bit surprised. But what surprises me even more is the look he is giving me.
"I know you want to ask" he says to me in a deep, rumbly, undeniably, attractive voice. I can't help but be affected by it. He looks at me soberly, but about what? I couldn't tell you. All seriousness drains from his face almost instantly, probably in response to my pitiful look of confusion.
"Alright" I sigh, trying my best to be annoyed and not intrigued. "You got me..." I say unsure "now what did I want to ask again?"
Gleefully he smirks at me, cheery that I've played along with his little game. It's relieving.
At least now I can breathe and think straight.
"You know you want to drive this amazing machine" he says cockily. And I hate to have to admit it, but ever since he's come back I've been admiring the car.
"Maybe a little..." I admit shamefacedly "but this thing's got nothing on my Ninja" I say glowering.
"Driving this will make you forget all about that bike" he grins. I frown even deeper. Right. He laughs at my probably pouty look and walks around to my side while I slip from the passenger seat to the driver's.
I can't help that the first thing I do is rub the steering wheel joyfully, Logan never lets me touch his rust-bucket. He's afraid I'll break it, like I busted up my bike. Not that I would've killed my poor bike had I been able to help it though... it was my poor baby Kawasaki or potentially saving poor Josh. If he knew me well enough he'd already know this.
Alec jumps in beside me and watches me silently, not interrupting my pensive moment.
He turned the ignition off when we stopped, likely so that I could experience the beast roar to life. Tenderly I twist the key and sigh contentedly after the car snarls to life. And god do I ever miss my Ninja in that very moment.
I smile over at him making sure he hasn't changed his mind. He just grins back, and makes a point to strap his seatbelt on. I roll my eyes... I do not drive that fast.
The drive home was exhilarating. I got to wheel around corners in the suburbs and speed through traffic signs. I was almost tempted to drive down the interstate but reminders of my wedding tomorrow and bachelorette party tonight made me resist. Alec hardly flinched in the passenger seat, no snivelling that I was going to fast or that I would crash. He just seemed to understand how it would soothe me. And he trusted me.
We laughed as we sped past an old lady in diamonds and an outdated Cadillac who looked horrified.
Eventually I drive us home; it is almost dark by this point.
As I recklessly park next to the said rust bucket I sigh annoyed and make a face at the pitiful excuse for a motorcycle parked in my driveway. Why is she here anyway? Suddenly I can't help but be disappointed I hadn't accidently crashed into the hideous thing.
I reluctantly give Alec his keys back. "Not bad" I smirk.
I already knew she was here before I took a step through the door. That ugly bike Logan insisted on buying for her was destroying the curb appeal of my home. I still can't believe he bought her a motorcycle... he wouldn't even help me with my bike. He said it was because he wanted for her to get across town so that he could still do business with her. What about my sanity?
Funny thing because the puffy red eyes that she is trying so hard to hide from me says that their relationship is more than business. The fact that the blonde always seems to come here when I leave the house should make me suspicious, but I could care less. The fact that Logan jerked his hand out of hers the moment I set foot in the living room should hurt me. The fact that I've come home to her stink in my dining room mixed with the lingering leftover scent of Beef Bourguignon, with evidence our most expensive bottle of Burgundy three-quarters empty on the table and boyfriend missing, should put me in a homicidal outrage.
I suppose that it does look peculiar. My fiancé to be sitting on our expensive suede furniture intimately next to a woman who is so clearly infatuated with my man.
And it's then I see the disgusted look Alec is giving the scene. Apparently he thinks so too. Oddly this simple reaction of his is enough to make me feel alive again. I'm amazed that even after all I've ever done to him, he still cares.
"Oh... Max... Asha was just leaving" Logan jumps to defence in stammering words as though I could give two shits. "We were just discussing a... um... dilemma of hers" She snorts and glares at him feebly. I nod and walk away from the space and toward the balcony in the back.
It's not like it's the first time I've come home to this since he proposed.
I don't have to turn around to know he followed me out here. I grin as I hear him pop the cap off of a bottle of beer and turn to him with an outreached hand.
Alec hands me the beer and takes a sip of his own. He doesn't say anything at first, which I know is killing him. He always has something to say, but today... today he just seems like he's walking on broken glass. Like he's afraid to say something that's gonna make me forsake him again.
I groan and roll my eyes "come on I know you have something to say, just spill".
He hesitates, and doesn't bother looking at me when he speaks. "So that doesn't bother you then Max?" he asks warily like I'm gonna snap. I might've, had he asked me this a year ago, but now, I just can't bring myself to care.
How can I possibly tell him that I stopped putting effort in with Logan, the day Alec became the center of my life? How could I tell him that Logan and I aren't in love with one another anymore? How could I possibly explain it to him when I can't even explain it to myself? How could I tell him that I already gave my heart away? That I knew the only reason Logan bothered to propose to me is to keep up appearances and hold a gala with a whole roomful of potential clients? That I am a prop to him in this little fairytale life?
"He's a big boy Alec. I'm not about to go telling him who he is and isn't allowed to care about" he just nods, clearly holding back something more from me. So we both stand there in comfortable silence, leaning over the railing just looking over the beautiful view of the sun setting over the ocean and drinking our cold beer.
"Sounds like the bachelorette brigade is here" he muttered at the commotion down the hall. I can't help but sigh a single time more.
"Led by the crazed bridesmaidzilla" I snicker when I hear OC shoe Logan to his own party. I know he won't bother saying goodbye to me. He mentioned that he's going to a swanky joint with some rich cousins for his stag, for all I care he could rent a stripper and call it a night.
"Guess that's my cue" he laughs.
I smile and say "Oh! But you could stay" jokingly, and I kinda wish he would. I don't know half of the women at the party, most are relatives of Logan's. Logan insisted and went behind me inviting a million old aunts and cousins as if I don't have any friends of my own.
Can I help that most women and I don't get along?
Cece and a couple other female transgenics said they'd try to make it. I didn't invite anyone. If I had it my way it would've been Sketchy, OC and me. In another universe I would've invited Alec and Joshua and my siblings too, but life is just unfair that way, isn't it?
He opens his mouth to respond to my theatrical invitation when OC gasps "He-ell no!" Alec looks at her and nods in agreement. "Hot-boy, when did you find your way back to the face of the planet?" she asks incredulously demanding a hug. "It's been a long time, where you bin hidin' at?" I couldn't help but feel guilty because I know it's my fault he's been MIA, and not his.
"Oh you know, here and there" he said squeezing her back.
Still touching his forearms but stepping back OC looks up at him "Stirring up trouble no doubt" she says with a mischievous snigger. "It's been too long, what six months?" He nodded with a bit of a shrug. "Well you're invited and you boy are staying. We gotta catch up". As he began to protest she ignores him and drags him toward the front door while stealing a cheeky grin my way "I have a whole trunk of booze and junk, help a sista out."
I couldn't help but snicker a little. No use in telling Cindy "no" she's never actually understood that one. Alec just grins at her persistent yet evasive trick and I can tell by the way his shoulders drop that he's surrendered.
This is my last night of freedom I get. And I can't stop those inkling feelings of that hope I felt when Alec told me he wasn't with Jessie come back to me in that moment that he boyishly grinned at OC.
I take another mouthful of my beer and watch Alec smiling as he carries in bagfuls of groceries for the party and Cindy laughing as she follows him in with a single bag. I realize that I miss my friends all being together at some bar or even just chilling. I don't really go out anymore, Logan frowns upon it. I don't do a lot of things I would like to. The Space Needle too far away from this home, my Ninja in some junk yard, unsalvageable. It's disappointing. I even miss jackass Normal with his 'Bip Bip Bip'. So I have to wonder, will I be able to do this?
I know Logan will take care of me. I know his intentions are mostly good. But is he gonna be faithful and loyal to only me forever from that day on? Will he actually love, honor and cherish me until death do us part? Or will the world that needs saving be more important? I'm not so sure.
A/N: Please give me opinions so that I know if I'm still going in the right direction with this one.
