Disclaimer: I don't own PotC or Enchanted (yes the world Sushmita falls into is "Enchanted"), Disney does.
Sorry for the long delay, school got to me and I'm intending on covering all three PotC movies so I'm trying to maximize each chapter so there aren't a gazillion chapters.
And don't worry, Sushmita will return to PotC very soon.
Sushmita landed in a patch of assorted flowers with a diameter only a foot larger than her bottom for maximized landing comfort. The flowers spoke, their voices muffled from being under Sushmita's ass.
Sushmita screamed, pulling the donkey away from the flowers. She screamed again, realizing that she now only had two dimensions to her name, and that her skin was a delightful one-tone pastel brown.
"Good morning Sushmita. What a lovely day it is now that you're here!" the flowers greeted her with much cheer. The donkey ambled over and ate some of the flowers.
"Where am I?" she gasped, clapping her hand to her mouth. "I sound so…so..."
"Beautiful!" the flowers piped in.
"Even more beautiful with red wine smothered across your face," the donkey said, passionately. Hastily, he added, "to simulate blood, of course."
"You're beautiful Sushmita," the beavers had wandered out of their dam to gaze upon the new visitor to their land.
An instrumental began. The flowers and woodland animals all gazed at Sushmita expectantly. She didn't fail to disappoint.
"What."
The animals ran away, confused about the strange girl who didn't know her song cues. The flowers withered and died. The donkey ate some more of them, noting that they tasted much better when alive.
Saddened, Sushmita sat down on a log and began a soliloquy. A couple of tears slid down her cheeks, but she stealthily concealed them by yawning. "Oh, I don't know where I am! I just…landed here and I don't know what to do!"
The horse galloped toward the little glen, its flanks rippling gloriously, the rider on its back a fair and fearless prince with long blond hair flowing behind him like a stream of white fire and white chocolate and milk and string cheese. He shook his head and his glorious mane shook with him. He was a sight to behold.
"Fair maiden!" he paused. "…Dark maiden! Oh, brown as squelching mud on a hot summer day." He sighed, gazing at her admirably. "I just," he began to sing, "wanted to say…I…love you..." The music swelled romantically until it realized that there was no voice accompanying it. The prince hesitated. "You are troubled, my dark lady. Return with me at once to my father's castle where we shall be wed!"
He was really handsome.
The doors burst open. "Father! Mother! I have returned with a bride!"
Jack Sparrow, as was expected of him, had outrun Magdalena. Her brain was turning abnormally quickly that day, however, and she devised another plan. By a stroke of luck, Magdalena managed to get across the square to Will. She waited, as he was preoccupied.
"Say goodbye!" In a super suave move, Will killed the burly pirate using only a sign and some Matrix moves. He even managed to throw in a one-liner. But he didn't know that.
"Goodbye."
"Hi…Will." Magdalena said as politely as she could. She didn't want to scare him off before she could explain things. He turned, the axe waving wildly inches from her nose.
"My nose!" she cried, smirking at her clever reference. She decided to hook Will in with unexplained knowledge of his lineage, "You're the son of Bootstrap Bill Turner." But Will had been distracted.
"Elizabeth!" Will's heart pounded. He had seen past the head of the stranger to find Elizabeth being dragged away by two imbeciles! How he had longed for her to be the damsel in distress for so long. Will thought he would never live his own damsel in distress moment down. How shameful it was to be rescued by a 10-year-old girl. But now was not the time for wistful dreams. Will stepped forward to rescue Elizabeth, win her love, and marry her, but he was tackled to the ground before he could do so.
"Hey!" He struggled to push the body off of him, but it was too late. Elizabeth had been dragged away. He placed his axe at the throat of his attacker. "You fiend…!"
"I'm not a pirate!" she yelled quickly. "Please take the axe off my neck. I want to talk to you."
Will pulled the axe away and dragged her into an alleyway. "What?"
"The last time we talked Mr. Smith, you reduced me to tears."
"What?"
Magdalena laughed at yet another clever reference. "Nothing. I know a way to rescue Elizabeth."
"If it weren't for you, I would have rescued her!" Will puffed out his chest indignantly.
"No! If I hadn't tackled you, you would have been bonked on the head by a pirate with a tin pot."
Just then, yet another pirate ran through the alleyway, stopping where they were. He looked, then smiled bawdily and whistled, pushing Will aside. "Move aside mate, I see you've done all the preparation for me." Magdalena screamed. This was the stuff people went on Oprah for. But she would not get a free car.
The pirate unbuttoned his pants, laughing as he did so. But that was all that he did, because in a fit of chivalry not seen since the days of King Arthur, Will smacked the pirate in the crook of where the back of his neck met his skull.
He slumped to the ground, unconscious.
"What were you saying?"
"Here? With the guy-Okay. Elizabeth's been kidnapped by Barbossa onto the Black Pearl and if you help me I can get you to her. Then you shall win her love and get married!" Magdalena chirped.
Will thought about it. He was suspicious, but if it was the only way to save Elizabeth, he would take it and ask questions later.
Jack watched the Pearl lurk a few miles off shore. Thinking about her tattered sails and current reputation in the hands of Barbossa made him ache to suddenly gain superhuman powers and defeat all the men aboard. The way he had been crouching behind a wall for the past five minutes and his hunger made him ache as well. I can't just sneak aboard and start a mutiny, his thoughts were clear despite intestinal chaos. Most likely they would shoot me and ask later this time. He decided to sail to Tortuga first and get his own crew, so he could take back the Pearl in style. That would be a better story than a quiet stealth mutiny, and it would certainly overshadow Barbossa's "been to hell and back" schtick. That would be a tale that would last. Having no time to waste, Jack set out for the dock. From his conversation earlier that day with the two idiot navy officers, he knew that the ship to steal was the Interceptor.
Magdalena and Will rushed through the destruction, Will blazing a path with his axe, a heroic look on his face. Magdalena pulled him in the right directions, ducking her head and quietly screaming. She hoped they would end up at the dock.
As he ran, Will wondered where he had seen this girl's strange attire before. Rough blue trousers…scandalous, but at least her blouse was not as revealing as some of Elizabeth's dresses…he wondered how she put her blouse on, as it had no buttons.
She saw him, hunched under the bridge, just like in the movie. She ran faster, Will flying about behind her, and caught up to Jack Sparrow.
"Hey Jack."
Jack turned, his brow furrowing, his eyeballs growing intense. Then he pretended as if he had not just tried to leave Magdalena behind in spite of their deal and made a total ass of himself. "Oh, hello. Took you a while."
Magdalena leaned in. Jack's head curled down and his shoulder hunched up to his ear as Magdalena moved closer. "I know you tried to ditch me," she whispered. Then louder, she announced that she had some explaining to do.
"No you don't," Jack objected. He wasn't about to lose the Pearl again because he was wasting time listening to a girl who had popped out of a carcass.
Magdalena looked at Will expectantly.
"I want to hear it," he said, "and then I'm leaving. I'm not working with pirates."
"I'm not a pirate!" Magdalena half-screamed. "Yes, you are going to work with us, because there is no other way. Norrington's just going to search Port Royal. He won't launch ships after her; Jack will."
"Captain Jack."
"Sorry. Captain Jack Sparrow will." Jack grinned. No one ever corrected themselves before, they just rolled their eyes and continued their sentences. And maybe her logic was in the right place. In fact, his own plan had just begun to form in his mind. But first he'd have to confirm his suspicions.
"What's your name, lass?"
"Magdalena."
"And I'm Will Turner," Will butt in, just as Jack had hoped he would. And there, Jack knew exactly what he would do to take his Pearl back.
"And I'm Captain Jack Sparrow," he mocked.
"I know. You sacked Nassau Port without firing a shot." Magdalena said, her own plan in motion to convince Jack of her value.
"I am he." What hadn't he heard before?
She leaned in, because Will wasn't meant to hear this so early on, "You made a deal with Davy Jones."
"No I didn't. I've never met the man in my life."
"Yes, you did. Thirteen years." She reminded him.
Suddenly, Will, who had been in his own world for the past minute while trying to eavesdrop on Jack and Magdalena's conversation, lit up.
"The witch! You're dressed like the witch!" He began to back away.
"You're dressed like a eunuch!" She pointed at him mockingly. Will, even more convinced now because how could she have known of his conversation with Jack, started to run. Jack quickly leaped out and pulled him back. He needed leverage. "You mean Sushmita? Yeah, I'm dressed like her because we're both from the same place. Huzzah! We are not witches either!"
Will quieted. "How are we going to rescue Elizabeth? The Black Pearl will leave Port Royal any moment now."
"Unfortunately, we cannot chase after her right this minute."
"You lied to me!" Will pulled out his axe.
"Just wait a bloody minute mate…"
"Oh my god. No. Because three against a gazillion undead pirates won't win, and it would really be two because I can't fight. We need to commandeer the Interceptor."
"Three can't steal a ship either." Will pointed out.
"Commandeer," Jack corrected. "Nautical term. If you're going to be a pirate, might as well talk like one, whelp."
"I'm not going to be a-!"
"Shut up Will! We'll do it by tricking the navy. First we'll commandeer the Dauntless and sail it out as far as we can. The navy will chase after us with the Interceptor. While they search the Interceptor for our poor unfortunate souls," she grinned...reference!, "we'll sneak aboard the Interceptor, which will have been prepared for our journey by his majesty's brilliant navy."
There was silence as each took in the plan.
"I was just thinking the same thing!" Jack was impressed. Here was someone who thought just like him.
"I know."
Will piped up yet again. "How do we know the navy will come after us?"
"They will. Tomorrow we wait for the navy to be up and about, then we create the diversion and we will be off! Jack, uh…Captain Jack, maybe you could return to the jail and Will could rescue you in the morning…"
"Not on your life, mate." They settled in for the night, taking turns at the watch.
