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Chapter 6 – Doubt

It was Friday now, the week had drudged along amazingly slow for me after the realization. I was just as confused now as I had been before coming to the conclusion that I was in love with Jacob. I mean, yes, I had always loved Jacob in some way, but this was different. This was new; the fluttery stomach, the insane response to his slightest touch, the maddening self-doubt. I didn't like it one bit. What if I couldn't get Jacob to imprint on me? What would it do to me if he imprinted on someone other than myself? Was I destined to wallow in the pool of my unrequited love for him? I looked down at the magazine in my lap and threw it disgusted across the room.

Project Imprint was a bust. I couldn't make sense of anything he'd circled in the magazines. Trust Jacob to find a way to completely boggle me. He hadn't circled anything useful. Nothing. What the hell is wrong with him!? What kind of freaky person circles body parts and features when asked to circle pictures of girls they thought where perfect. I had been sitting holed up in my room flipping through page after page of circled eyes, cheekbones, hair, hands, feet, etc. etc. etc for most of the afternoon. Did Jacob have some kind of freaky body part obsession? I groaned flinging myself down onto the little couch in my room. Stupid Mutt!

My phone buzzed on the table next to me. A text message… it was probably from Jacob yet again. I had been avoiding him all week; making excuses to avoid seeing him and dodging his phone calls. Actually, I had been doing it to my family too. It was easier to avoid their empathy and Daddy's ever present mind reading than to admit to them, and myself, the problem. I sighed flipping open the phone to read the message. I was right, it was from Jacob.

YOU CANT AVOID ME FOREVER SUNSHINE, I'M TOO PERSISTANT FOR THAT.

He was too damn observant. I had hoped my avoidance was coming off as busyness. I pressed the reply button and typed out a response.

I'm not avoiding you Jacob. I'm just really busy. You know, cramming for end of the year finals and all that mess.
BULL. WE BOTH KNOW YOU CAN ACE ALL THOSE TESTS WITHOUT EVEN TRYING. DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?
No. I'm just being anti-social I guess. Haven't really been feeling like myself lately.

That didn't even begin to describe what I was going through.

WANT TO GO FOR A WALK WITH ME? I'M OUT AT THE BIG HOUSE WITH EVERYONE… OR WE COULD GO WATCH MOVIES AT HOME IF YOU WANT. HOW DOES THAT SOUND?

He was so sweet, always trying to make me happy. It made me feel even worse than I already did.

Not today Jacob, maybe tomorrow… k?
K.

I turned off the phone and shut it flinging myself back into my prior sprawled out position to stare at the ceiling. I lay staring, yet unseeing, for a few minutes before I heard a light knock on my bedroom door. "Go away!" I yelled and turned my face and body into the back of the couch. Maybe if I squished myself deep enough into the cushions and ignored whoever was at the door I would just magically disappear. I heard the knob turn, the door pushing open slowly. So much for turning invisible.

"Nessie?" It was my Aunt Alice. I mumbled unintelligibly into the cushion I was currently attempting to smother myself with. "Renesmee Carlie Cullen, look at me right this minute" she said harshly. I rolled over and glared at her. "Don't you dare give me that look. You, my dear, are going to get up off that couch right now, put your shoes on, and leave with me." "Ali.." I started to complain but she held up her hand stopping me. "You are in some kind of strange funk, the family is beginning to worry, and I'm not having any of it. You are coming with me. Now." I sat up defeated. "I'm sorry Aunt Alice, I just…" she held up her hand stopping me again. "I'm not here to drag anything out of you sweetheart" she said quietly. "I'm just here to take you with me for some retail therapy, and if at some point you feel like confiding in me, I'll be willing to listen. Capiche?" I smiled at her crookedly. She knew I hated shopping, but it was sweet of her to try to cheer me up. I would go just to make her happy. "Yes mam." I said and got up to pull on some shoes.

She grabbed my hand lacing her petite fingers through mine and ran through the woods to the garage. Jacob was there waiting next to Alice's yellow Porsche. I stiffened. He wasn't going with us, was he? I glanced at Alice for help. "Relax Ness, I'm not going with you" he answered for her. "I just wanted to make sure you were ok." He came and stood in front of me taking my chin in his big warm hand and raised my face lightly, staring into my eyes. "You are ok, right Sunshine?" he whispered. I nodded, lost in his onyx eyes. He wrapped his arms around me and I melted into his delicious warmth locking my arms tightly around his waist. If only he could hold me like this forever. "Nessie it's time to go" Alice said in her tingling bell voice. I un-wrapped my arms from Jacob's waist unwillingly and stepped back. He was still searching my face with a worried expression when he reached up his hand to cup my cheek and asked "still on for tomorrow?" I sighed and nodded.

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We were at the shopping mall in Seattle in 30 minutes thanks to Alice's racecar driveresque driving. I trudged alongside Alice from store to store following our usual routine. She collects the clothes, I stand in my unmentionables waiting for the things she'd throw to me over the top of the dressing room door. I'd try them on and turn this way and that as she inspected. I was trying on some sort of dress when she cocked her head at me and asked how I felt about getting a haircut. I was shocked. She had always forbidden me to get my hair even so much as trimmed. "What changed your mind?" "Well… you're not exactly a little girl anymore Hun, I figured it's about time for a more womanly hairstyle." I clapped my hands excitedly bouncing up and down. "Yes! Yes! Yes! I would love to have my hair cut!" She pulled out her cell phone and checked the time. "Well you're in luck. Frederick is still in and he's the perfect one to cut your hair." She quickly gathered the many articles of clothing she'd chosen for me and checked out.

We walked into the salon and a flamboyantly dressed man with a shiny bald head immediately greeted Aunt Alice warmly, giving her a small hug and air kissing her on each cheek. This must be Frederick. "And who's this lovely little creature you've brought with you darling?" he asked eyeing me. She turned and gestured at me flamboyantly "This is my good friend Renesmee… your newest client." They stood in front of me turning my face in different directions and angles as if I were a sculpture they were studying. "I have a few thoughts on what I'd like. I'd like to hear your ideas as well" Alice said pulling Frederick to the side. I sat down in a chair waiting as they discussed whatever it was they were planning for me.

JACOBS POV

I stood in the garage watching them leave. The pain shooting through me from her separation was almost unbearable. I had never gone more than a day without seeing her since the day she was born. Her avoidance throughout the week was killing me. I was so lost without her; it was like the most important part of me was missing. I had been antagonizing myself all week thinking of our last moments together, wondering what it could have been that I'd said or done to cause her to push me away. I'd decided that my whispered comment in her ear Monday morning was the culprit. I had moved too fast and it had forced her to run away. You stupid idiot.

"While I agree with the sentiment Mutt, that's not it." Edward said from behind me. I'd been so wrapped up in my self imposed misery that I had missed hearing his approach. I turned and looked at him continuing the conversation in my head. "What do you know that I don't Ed?" "I'm not ready to give up my little girl Jake, let me just make that very clear before I tell you anything else." "I understand. I love her too, you know." "I do know, maybe a little more than I want to" he added giving me a direct look. "Sorry, I'm not making excuses, but you know I can't help it."

He sighed and shook his head slowly. "She loves you too Jake but she's confused about it. You know we've never told her that you've imprinted on her, that's up to you. But she's hurt and scared that you may imprint on someone else and not return her love." What?! Was she insane? "I heard that Jacob" Edward said flatly. I grinned sheepishly. "Sorry about that." I was so I excited I was nearly bursting out of my skin. "Can I tell her Ed?" "Give her a few weeks to get her thoughts in order Jake; I'll let you know when the time is right. But, in the meantime, you could give her a few more hints at your feelings for her; I don't think I can handle listening to her miserable thoughts too much longer." "Thanks Ed." Edward patted my shoulder with an icy hand. "If I could choose anyone for my daughter it would definitely be you Mutt." "Thanks leech" I said laughing.

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RENESMEE POV

"Oh. My. God." I couldn't believe it was my own reflection staring back at me from the mirror. I was hot. I leaned in closer to get a better look. Frederick definitely knew what he was doing. He had cut a good foot of length off my hair, maybe more. It now fell in loose sultry curls just past my shoulders. He had parted my hair slightly to the left and given me a long side-swept bang that fell just over the outer corner of my right eye. "Am I going to be able to do this on my own" I asked looking back at him. "Here darling, I'll show you" he said grabbing a jar of hair pomade and dipping out some onto his palm then rubbing his hands together. "First you are going to part your hair just like it is now, and then while it's still damp from your shower just run your hands through it with a little bit of this product like this" he said running his fingers through my curls and twisting them here and there to make them more defined. "And wa-la! Instant sex kitten" he winked.

Alice came up behind me studying my reflection in the mirror messing with my hair here and there until it was exactly to her liking. "You are a god Frederick. It's exactly what I'd imagined." He bowed courtly with a huge smile on his face. "Anything for you Alice. I was thinking… could we maybe do a little make-up on her too?" he asked. Alice looked at me for the answer. I shrugged. Alice nodded her head at Frederick and he clapped excitedly before he took off yelling for someone named Amy.

Turns out Amy was the salons make-up artist. I sat in the chair listening to her explain everything she was doing as she came at me with odd looking contraptions. When she was done she handed me a hand-held mirror. "So what do you think?" she asked. It was perfect. "You guys are great." She had left my skin free from whatever it was that most women had caked all over theirs, instead opting just to line my eyes lightly and go heavy on the mascara and some sheer pink gloss. The overall effect was amazing. I felt and looked like a completely different person. I felt beautiful. Hell… I felt sexy. I got up and went to the lobby area where Alice was waiting. "Oh Nessie" she sighed. "You look even more gorgeous than you did before!" I hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek. "Thank you Aunt Alice, I needed this. This is why you're my favorite aunt. You always seem to know what I need even when I don't." She beamed at me "I am so going to throw that in Rose's face the next time she gets cocky." We gathered our many shopping bags and left the salon laughing.

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She dragged me through a few more stores making sure to get me the hair product and some make-up so I could recreate my new look later. While she was in an accessories store I ran across the way to American Eagle so I could grab a few more pairs of jeans. I was browsing through their selection looking for the correct size and style when I heard someone approach me from behind. I glanced over my shoulder and groaned. Adam. "Well damn Renesmee, look at you. You clean up nice" he leered stepping close enough that I could feel his body brushing against my back. I turned and pushed him away from me. "Back off Adam. You're invading my bubble." "I'd like to invade more than just your bubble" he said bringing his body back up against my front this time, backing me into the shelf of jeans. "Adam, if you don't get off of me now you are going to regret it" I hissed. "Oh I don't think so sexy" he drawled "I don't think I could ever regret getting to touch you." "Alice, I need you" I said quietly under my breath knowing she would easily hear me from across the mall. She was there in an instant.

"Excuse me little boy, do you have some sort of problem?" she said sweetly. He looked over at her running his eyes up and down her body, his body still invading my personal space. "Well I do now, why don't you come over here and solve it by joining us" he said suggestively. Alice hissed quietly and shot out her hand wrapping her fingers around his wrist squeezing. "Why don't you get the hell away from Renesmee before I crush your wrist?" He buckled down to his knees on the floor from the pain she was causing; fright making his eyes wide, and pain contorting his features. "If I ever hear that you've been harassing her again, I won't hesitate to hunt you down and squash you like the nasty little cockroach you are." He nodded and squeaked out a yes mam when she let go. He got up quickly leaving the store. When I was sure he was gone I explained to Alice about his constant harassment at school.

I finished getting my jeans while Alice walked around the store picking out more items for me. We were checking out when Alice got that familiar glazed distant look on her face. I quickly stepped in front of her grabbing the credit card from her hand and finished checking out for her. While I was chatting with the clerk I felt her hand on my shoulder signifying she'd come out of her vision. I eyed her over my shoulder raising an eyebrow. She just shrugged. After we'd grabbed the bags and added them to group we were already toting around she said "we have one more store to go to." I groaned. "Aliiiiiice, come on. We've been here for hours." She just shrugged again. "You'll thank me later" she said cryptically.

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"Alice! Are you crazy? Victoria's Secret!" She slyly grinned at me and dragged me inside. I looked around nervously. She wasn't going to make me try on these things was she?! Alice started laughing hysterically. "Oh Nessie, the look on your face is just priceless!" I glared at her. "Relax you goof, we're here for me, or more accurately for your Uncle Jazz." Too much information! She looked around thoughtfully. "Actually we are here for you a little too, go assume your position in the dressing room…" she said taking off. I sighed and made my way into the dressing room and sat on the bench to wait.

I hadn't been waiting long before it started raining unmentionables with the occasional bikini and pajama set onto my head. I held up a pair of lacy panties. What the hell… what could I possibly need these for? There was entirely too much lace and not enough underwear. I sighed and tried the pajamas first. She had picked out some cute tank top/shorts sets that I actually liked. Until I put them on. "Alice!" I shrieked flinging open the door to show her. "Why would I need pajamas like this?" I questioned turning around for her.

The shorts barely covered more than the bikini I'd worn to the beach with Jacob, my cheeks where most definitely hanging out. The icing on the cake was the tank top that came down dangerously low in the front, revealing more of my chest than I was comfortable with and it wasn't nearly long enough, seeing as my navel, along with half my stomach, was visible between the top of the shorts and the hem of the top. "Oh Nessie it's super cute!" Alice squealed. I crossed my arms in front of me and humphed waiting for an answer to my question. She started looking around at nothing in particular and finally sighed. "Well your already fuzzy future for tonight completely blanked out on me Ness… I'm thinking you may end up staying the night at Jake's, and well… the pajamas might help you on your mission." I opened my mouth wide in shock. She knew! "Don't look so shocked Ness; it's obvious that you love him. These things might just give him that little push he needs to admit his feelings too." I turned and looked back into the dressing room at the pile of unmentionables. What the hell!? Did she think I was going to seduce him or something?!

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Quick note for twihard from my reviews: Thank you for the review! I didn't want to go into detail on Jacob's apartment just yet since Ness was in such a hurry in that chapter and I knew I'd be doing something more in-depth regarding his apartment later. Later as in the next chapter coming up! xD I hope you enjoy it!