Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I do not.
Songs That Inspire: Sic Transit Gloria – Brand New, Where is My Mind – The Pixies, Blurry – Puddle of Mudd, Pretty When You Cry – Vast, The World Spins Madly On – The Weepies
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20 Years Later…
AroPOV
Her mind had always been horrifyingly beautiful. The first time I heard it had been in the clearing those 20 years ago. I could not understand why she had transformed so, every thought she had had during her human years was painfully thoughtful and pure. In the clearing, it had been 2 to 1 the thoughts of evil and damnation. The tenor of the thoughts had been bitterness and anger, images of agonizing death and torture, the swell of power through her veins when she possessed a new skill, lust for blood and the need for those around her to submit to her will. The part of Bella that was still her was white light in a sea of drowning dark red, but the light of her mind had been overpowered by the dark since her body and her instincts had qualities compatible only to the monster.
After 20 long, gruelling years of careful training and restraint, she allowed me access once again to her mind as she had twice before. Ten years ago it had been lighter. It was not purity and compassion that had overpowered the dark, but a cultivated reasoning. In fact, it seemed as though the light and dark had merged, all thoughts tainted by both. Her every thought, every execution, was an art form, a delicate balance of ruthless violence and stunning beauty. It must be exhausting to balance them. But even the fiend within her could not bare the idea of one day existing alone on an earth made of scorched rock and emptiness. So she had tamed herself somewhat, in order to live in civilization. She was still overwhelmed with loneliness; she desperately missed her mate - Edward, one whom I had once coveted. But now she consumed me. I had want for no other and she knew it, perhaps even encouraged it to keep others away.
She glided into my chamber, more graceful than any vampire and more menacing still. She pushed the hood of her black cloak back. She still had long mahogany hair that fell about her shoulders in silken curls, excruciatingly perfect features and full lips; she had long strong limbs and curves that were neither soft nor angular, but always delicate in appearance. Wistfully I remembered the days when I truly controlled the Vampire world. I never failed to notice that were she not so powerful; my desire to collect all that was remarkable would have sought her just for her allure. Her eyes were unusual, the same soft deep brown they had been when she was human but laced with a strange silver shimmer. But still, she did not look human, she was always too ethereal, too still, too graceful, too terrifying in her silent promise of destruction. I wondered, as I always did, what she would look like in the sun. She was able to censor some of what was in her mind from me, thoughts of Edward and her greatest secrets of light. All that was dark was exposed; her guilt and self-loathing wanted it to be seen, so she may regret it more. She absolutely despised herself.
With those eyes piercing into me, her face was a mask, she gave me permission to access her mind and check her progress.
Bella's mind was more complex than any other, I understood why she had to be completely absent from her physical self just to move the shield from her mind. Her memory was littered with different powers, including my own. I had to search through memories that were not her own, courtesy of her use of my gift, sensations never felt before – each power had its own vibe, I stumbled across a few memories and thoughts from her years here at Volterra and I wondered how long I would have to stay in her mind to hear it all. I may have lived thousands of lifetimes, but Bella's head was as crowded as my own. I ignored all her human memories and thoughts, I avoided the first two years of her time at Volterra, two years of a self-inflicted coma, self-exile, and began at when she awoke, the demon was tamed during those years she spent dormant.
It's time to exist. Wake up your body Bella.
I had sat beside her during those two years, watching over her, waiting for this moment. She knew only the Volturi would be strong enough to endure her time as a newborn, only we would have the resources to help her train. The Cullens would be left alone and she would be her own master. Her body had come awake slowly, and finally, her eyes opened.
For a moment there had been nothing. She was ever in mourning for Edward, wanting but knowing she should not, could not have him. She registered that it was me sitting with her and her face remained blank. I finally heard what she had thought these first few minutes.
"Aro, I am so sorry to be such an inconvenience."
I had laughed, I had considered this the kind of thing Bella the human would have said and she had tensed up.
Don't be weak now Bella. This is not a man you should be vulnerable in front of. He will manipulate you and bend you to his will.
I don't want the Volturi Empire now, if I take any power, the side of me that wants it will thrive and I don't want that. What will I do now? Do I stay with them?
Take the empire, take it all! We've rested long enough!
She seemed to sigh. My demon has been reasoned with but it will not be ignored. I must stay with them.
"Aro, I am going to tell you now what is going to happen."
She was her own master, but she did stay with us. All these years though had changed her. The demon within her had faded, but she was not content. She was silent and unresponsive. She did everything with grace but never with any enthusiasm. As her demon faded, the girl she was faded as well. She was a ghost. The promise of power lay in her features but she controlled everything, nothing slipped.
She filled her time with learning, history, science, all of it. She played every instrument, but refused to even listen to a piano, she learned every language but shied away from Spanish, she learned how to fight - though why she would ever need to was beyond me. She ran, she read, but never anything romantic and sometimes she sang.
We were all in love with her, but never more than when she sang, because she made us all feel the heart that seemed so unnecessary, we felt it break with her. She would lie on bench in the courtyard, delicate and ethereal as a faerie, the shadow of the moon twisting over her graceful form as the trees swayed above her. She would stare up at the night's sky, at the stars, as her voice softly floated, making the air thicken with emotion. I wondered if she could feel our presence, all of us drawn towards the shadows around her, dreamily sighing at the pleasure of her song, sad though it was. I even had a favourite, one she simply hummed, an unknown lullaby that drifted to its tragic demise each time.
It was her solitude that disturbed me. She was always alone, and by her choice. Many of the guards imagined themselves in love with her and many more lusted for her, none more so than Felix. His persistence grated on my nerves and I speculated on just how closely he had managed to get. His scent seemed to always be on her skin. But no, she was ever distant; no doubt the smell was due to how often he would try to drape himself around her.
I had come to think of Bella as a daughter and I wondered, as I often did, if it would be so bad for Edward to join her. But as quickly as I thought it, I hated the idea. If he came, she would no longer be mine. And she was mine, though I was equally hers, because while she could obliterate me, I was the only one she had.
Felix POV
I had had her, many times in fact. Nobody knew, not even Aro, for since it first happened, those 18 years ago, he had not touched me, it was our memory, ours alone and I treasured it and thought about it often. But I knew it was not the same to her as it was to me.
Isabella Swan. I had lusted for her blood the first time I saw her and as I had walked along with her and the two insignificant vampires who felt so possessive of her, I watched her body shiver and felt something more. I had felt lust many times before, but never for a human. Watching her shiver, pressed against the insufferable bronze haired sop, I briefly found myself overwhelmed with the idea of her pressed against me and shivering not with cold, as she did now, but with ecstasy.
I wondered if her boyfriend could hear these fantasies, and at first, I was embarrassed, but I became emboldened as he ignored me, I thought of more obscene fantasies, hoping to get a rise out of him, I continued to sigh dramatically for effect, but he did not react.
I, on the other hand, did, I imagined pushing into her and tasting her at the same time and I imagined the bliss. As I felt my body reacting I shook myself out of it. Finally, we stepped past the familiar heavy wooden door and into reception. I winked at Gianna and she giggled. I could have her any way, any time and I smiled at the thought.
It was only when Alec sized Bella up sceptically and I called my claim on her – body and blood, that Edward reacted. But when I challenged him, he was subdued by the spiky black haired one, the fortune teller.
She must not have foreseen that would eventually lay my hands on Bella.
Volterra buzzed with the gossip that Bella had awoken. Two years she had rested beneath Aro's watchful gaze. None, not even the Brothers, could understand what she was, how she could shut down for two years, never to feed. My curiosity was piqued when Demetri rushed by saying she was running free in the city and somehow I knew where she would be.
I picked up her scent in the alley I expected it to be and once again I found myself pushing through the wooden doors. The chambers below had been abandoned with the creation of larger more luxurious chambers, but the smell of human sacrifice lingered.
I found her standing in the middle of the cavernous room we had once entertained the idea of slaughtering her in starring blankly at the musty thrones. I stood at the door feeling unsure of myself for the first time in a long time. I felt lust and fear mingle. God she was beautiful, but the memory of her in the clearing horrified me. She could kill me, as easily as I could have killed her when she had been human.
I could see her hands balled up at her sides; unconsciously I moved closer and grabbed both of her hands, pulling her back up against my chest. She did not startle, knowing as I had known that she could feel me there. She seemed to tremble against me and I found my eyes closing and my face moving into her hair, smelling the intoxicating sweetness of her, the memory of her blood seemed to mix in with the scent of strawberries.
I wondered if she was sad, my hands wrapped around her fists at her side, she smelled intoxicating, I wondered-
Suddenly she whirled towards me, tearing her hands from mine, no, she was not upset, she was livid.
Oh fuck.
I waited to be torn to pieces and I was shocked by how quickly I felt resigned to my fate, I didn't even tense up or crouch in defence. I closed my eyes and waited for the end, but before I knew what was happening I felt her lips crushing against mine and her nails digging vengefully into the back of my neck and in my hair. I groaned into her mouth, already anticipating the roughest sex I would ever experience. God, I hope I live through it, but if not, it'll be a hell of a way to go!
BPOV
I felt Aro's hands on my face, softly comforting as he assessed my progress over the last two decades. I did not let him see it all, but I knew I could not help the way my every thought and memory was tainted with the sadness of lost love. I saw all of him too, all of his darkness and duplicity and his more recent light. He embraced me as a father, a mentor, and that love, though unnatural in its possessive nature, improved him. I could hear how he had contemplated bringing Edward to me and his dismissal of the idea, ever selfish in his love. I was glad for it; Aro did not need to know that if Edward should come, as quickly as he arrived he would leave. Aro did not know how disgusted and ashamed Edward would be. I was no longer innocent or pure, I was tainted.
I told Aro that I would stay, but that I needed time alone. I told him it was his Empire and that I wanted nothing to do with it. I told Aro that I would never call him, or Caius or Marcus "Master". I belonged to myself, and no one else. And after, I took off, seeking the only memory I had of this place that included Edward. I knew the guard was in a frenzy, Aro was unperturbed by my defiance and he sat in silent contemplation, mindless of the frantic chaos that was caused by my awakening.
I found the underground alleys quiet and still, as though none had stalked in their darkness for months. It was strange to remember how it had felt before. Once the darkness had pressed insistently around me, but now I wore it like a cloak. I reached the door much quicker this time and ran my fingers over the wood slowly, lovingly. I entered the reception and found myself wondering what had happened to Gianna, I noticed the counter was no longer polished to a shine, but covered in a fine layer of dust. As my eyes landed on the sofa at the far wall my mind was consumed with Edward and I was struck again by my grief.
If she was killed, perhaps Gianna had been lucky. She had been so much like me, wanting, though for different reasons, to become part of this world. I had gotten what I wanted and ended up almost destroying my love.
I moved through the antechamber and into the room where I had seen Edward curled on the floor, incapacitated by an unseen force, pain contorting his beautiful face. I remembered how distraught I had been, mindless of Jane's attempt to attack me. I would never have guessed that a few years later I would inflict a similar attack on him, shocking him again and again, angry that he was losing hope for me, for us.
I felt rather than heard the huge bulk that was Felix lingering in the doorway. How did he know where to find me? I pondered over the possibility of him trying to rip me to pieces once again and I knew he would be unsuccessful, no matter what he did. Nothing could ever tear me apart like my remorse.
It would be an understatement to say that I was shocked when I felt his hands on mine, his strong torso wrapped around my back, his mouth and nose nestled in my hair. I realized what I needed to do. If I were to exist here, I needed to shatter the memories I had of this place, I needed to make new ones. I needed new hands to mark my flesh, a new taste in my mouth. I needed to prove how unworthy I was so I would relinquish my hope and my claim over Edward. I needed to let go of him and I needed him to do the same. Tanya would be more than willing…
With that thought I found myself tearing at Felix, my mouth smashed against his so hard it was painful, even for me. This would not be tender, this would not be us making love, this would be primal and ferocious, it would be what I needed it to be, and Felix was more than compliant.
I let him back me up until we were a foot from one of the stone walls, I let him slam me against the cold bricks, unsettled dust and grim falling around us like snow. Not snow, this was not Forks; this was not clean and white. He ripped at my robe, opening it impatiently and digging his fingers into my breasts, lifting me off the ground and grinding his hips hard into mine, growling like a feral animal.
My hands made quick work of his clothing, shredding his expensive designer slacks and button down till they fell to the floor in a tattered mess around his feet. I raked my nails down his chest; it was not a passion of love but of despair and rage, he would know this was not about sweet emotions. He shuddered under my fingers as I wrapped my hand around him, guiding him towards me, impatient for obscurity.
Felix POV
I marvelled at my role of dominance. Her legs wrapped around me, pinned against the wall as she was, she was breathtaking. Everything about her demanded this be sex of the most violent sort. I would never again be able to connect her to the frightened human she had been. She was a wrathful goddess quaking beneath me. I drove into her again and again, sliding most of the way out and then slamming in; anyone of a lesser strength would have shattered apart. I was shocked that she was not a virgin but reassured myself that her Edward could have never physically possessed her like this.
All too soon I found myself tensed against her, buried to the hilt, I imagined my scent would linger on her for weeks.
I was disappointed that she did not find her release. After the most amazing sex of my life I had hoped to insure an encore. But a few weeks later I found that I did not need to worry. I was watching her, which I did a great deal of the time, when she finally made eye contact and silently left the immense Volturi library. I followed her through the streets, her eyes fixed on the twilight sky above, when she disappeared down into the tunnels.
This time was just as vicious, but we did not make it to the throne room, instead we found ourselves on the receptionist counter. Afterwards Bella asked about Gianna, we had killed her only weeks after Bella first left. Silently Bella slipped out from beneath me, restored her robe around her shoulders and left, without another word. Just like she had the last time, and like she would again, weeks later after we'd been together on the sofa.
She never did find her release, but for 18 years it has continued this way and I am ashamed to admit that I live for it now. My whole life revolves around the one hour every couple of weeks that she gives me and after a few attempts at gentleness I know if I am anything but rough and direct I will be denied. I have not deceived myself, this is not how a woman in love wants it to always be and it is not difficult to summon the fury necessary to keep her in my arms, all I have to do is imagine the one she truly wants holding her.
BPOV
After my visit with Aro, who was satisfied with my control, I found Felix. I was disgusted with the baleful looks he'd been giving me and I coldly reminded him that I did not love him. I couldn't help but be reminded of Jacob and somehow it made me angrier. Did Felix really think, as Jacob had once thought, that he could make me forget Edward?
This time we were pressed together on one of the thrones, I was straddling him and glaring at his face wishing it was another. As if he could read my mind his hands suddenly wrapped around my throat, squeezing as though trying to cut off the air I did not need.
My God, he was furious; he would destroy me if he could.
What a silly notion, if I could have been ripped apart I would have seen to it long ago and when his hands slackened, shock registering in his expression, I began to laugh maniacally. His hands tightened again and in an instant he was standing up with me in his arms and then slamming me to the ground at the foot of the throne, pushing against my windpipe with all his strength. But in the same moment, our bodies still connected, he had come crashing into me and he completely lost it.
His hands moved around his back to my knees and he pried them apart, and opened my legs as wide as they could go, until my knees were chaffing against the cold ground. He rose up one last time and his entire frame came crashing down on top of me. As soon as his trembling began to subside I rolled him off, still shaking, to the ground beside me, rose, grabbed my cloak and left.
His scent humbles me, reminds of the despicable creature that I am.
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