Okay, do not own Harry Potter. Own all you don't recognize. Oh, don't own Elrond either… though he is a lovely sexy fellow. I mean. coughs
This is basically a filler chapter, and an attempt to show Remus and Adrian's relationship, and personalities… And I'm in a silly mood, so I'm going to try and make this chapter a little less dark. .
Chapter Four
"My imaginary friend Elrond thinks you should go fuck yourself…" Adrian mumbled, snuggling into her pillow.
Remus stirred, at peace in that moment before he realized where he was… Something was rubbing his chest, and he looked down through blurry eyes at the person on top of him
'It seems I fell asleep…' He thought back to last night, their long conversation, and how he had moved to Adrian's black sofa to converse better. And then they fell asleep on each other.
That was bad.
This was bad.
This was very very bad.
Remus had never really considered himself a sexual person. He knew that Sirius was a player… That James certainly wasn't a prude, and the reason that Peter spent so much time in the bathroom wasn't because of constipation.
Sure, Remus wasn't a virgin. His last girlfriend had even told him that he was rather talented… But he looked at sex from more of a scientific view… Never really experiencing the lust that his friends incorporated into their lives daily.
The Marauders had even gone as far as to call Remus asexual.
Sometimes he felt so lonely that he actually believed they were right…
But that wasn't the point.
He was supposed to be past this, puberty had ended a long time ago.
The girl on top of him mumbled something about tree-huggers needing friends too, and moved her leg up his, curling it around him.
A warm shiver wound its way up Remus' spine, and he bit back a groan. This was very very bad.
'Okay, Remus, pull yourself together. Think of something…not sexy. Fruit. Peaches. Breasts- SHIT! No, no… James in a tutu… Peter in a tutu… Adrian in a tutu… Adrian in a maids outfit…'
Yes, Remus had found himself in quite a predicament. And, to his horror, Adrian was beginning to wake up, and her leg was…squeezing him…
Oh god…
He gave it one more shot. 'Slughorn in a tutu!' Remus sighed, relieved. It was all better now. Then, thinking back to his saving thought, he began to laugh.
XXX
Adrian awoke to her pillow rumbling. Pretty pillow with pretty buttons on it… wait… she poked the moving pillow.
That's not a pillow…
Oh dear.
That's a Remus.
Damn. She should probably get up. But she didn't want to. He was just so… comfy.
"Adrian? Adrian, doll… I know you're awake." He was so soft and warm and at the same time hard… cuddly.
Remus poked Adrian. "Get up. My leg is going numb."
Adrian looked down to where his legs were. Her own long appendages were rapped around his, and her body was pressed against his.
Oh dear.
This was not entirely innocent. She should probably get up.
"Er… I'm sorry. What time is it?" Her face was flushed, and she couldn't help but notice that Remus' was bright red.
A clock appeared over the fireplace.
"It's only 6:30… We have time."
"That's good… I'm going to be in big shit… Izzy's going to kick my ass."
"Heh heh… Sirius and James will be… irksome."
Adrian grinned, and winked at him.
Wait.
She had forgotten something…
"Uh… Remus… I never did what I meant to do…" She avoided looking in his eyes. "I just wanted to tell you sorry for Saturday. I overreacted- I acted rashly. I get it, now."
"I really don't think you can get it." Seeing her slightly hurt look, he rushed on. "But thank you for the apology… It means a lot to me. And I'm sorry, too. I overreacted as well… You were just trying to defend your friend."
They smiled at each other.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX"Giddy-up, horsie! Adrian jumped on Dom's back, slapping his leg.
"Get. Off. Me." Dom ground out.
"Nay, bad horsie! You neigh, you don't speak English!" she giggled, and Dom resigned himself to his fate.
"Neigh…"
"Better! I'll give you a carrot for that. Now take me to Charms, horsie!"
It had been two weeks since Remus and Adrian had made up, and they had continued to meet in the Room of Requirement or an abandoned classroom. Sometimes they even brought there friends- Sirius and James were civil to Adrian and her friends as long as they returned it.
"Hey, you can wingardium leviosa a person, right?" Izzy grinned at Dom. "So can you do it to someone and like, make them fly?"
"I don't know… Let's test it out." An evil smile spread across Dom's face, and Izzy glanced up at Adrian, who was perched on top of Dom and singing.
"Life's a piece of shit when you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke; it's true!" She started whistling "Always look on the bright side of life!"
Suddenly, she shrieked. "Ahhh! I'm flying!" Izzy and Rami both had their wands pointed at her, and she was gripping onto Dom's shirt as she rose in the air.
Remus heard loud yelling coming from ahead of him, and he turned the corner to find Adrian screaming as she rose in the air, her friends laughing. Remus rushed forward, worried.
Suddenly she stopped, and twirled. "Oooh, I can walk on air." She took a step. "Walkity. Walkity. Walk." Hysterical laughter filled the hall, and she plummeted halfway to the ground as Rami fell on the floor laughing. Dom pointed his wand at her, and she rose back to her previous height.
"You know what I just realized?" The three glanced up at her face. "If you look up from right underneath me, you can see up my skirt." Realizing what she had just said, she blanched. "I mean, you can't- oh, fuck!"
Izzy grinned wickedly and moved under Adrian. "Oh, lovely knickers, Adrian!" She laughed, ignoring the girl above her, who had just resumed shrieking. "I never thought you were a pink girl… Oh dear, that sounded dirtier than I meant it too."
"Hey Rami!" Izzy was in a silly mood, even with the 'flying' girl trying to kick her head in. "Mars is bright of late!"
Even Dom cracked a smile at this.
"Oh really?" He asked, amused. "Uranus is especially large as well."
Okay, now Dom was down-right laughing. Remus realized that this was a very raucous group of friends, even as Adrian did a somersault in the air and flashed him. She was laughing as well, and he was sure she had noticed him.
"Okay guys, time to let me down and join in on the perverted fun."
"Ahahaha, but I soo like the view from down here." Rami snorted at Izzy's innocent smile.
Students were swarming around them, in the rush to get to classes, and they finally let down Adrian when they reached Charms. Remus entered the room only a little bit behind her, and took a seat next to James.
He found himself a little… hot… from that display.
"Damn."
James looked over at his friend, amused to see a flush on the pale boy's neck.
"Remus, what have you been getting up to?" He asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively, and laughing as the boy slammed his head down on his desk and mumbled something about 'panties.'
Professor Flitwick began the pre-lecture to a charm to improve dancing abilities and other such helpful spells.
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Remus was doing homework in the common room, James and Sirius playing a game of chess, while Peter watched.
An owl flew down into the room, and he recognized the parchment he unwound from its leg as Zonko's Illustrious Note-Passing Parchment.
'Hello?' He wrote on it, curious as to who wanted to talk to him.
'Hey, Remus.' The sloppy handwriting was easily recognizable as Adrian's, as he noticed the letters scrunching together.
'Hello. What's up?'
'Eh, absolutely nothing. Professor Flitwick's mustache is amazing, don't you think?'
'Uh… I've never thought about that before.' Now that he did, though, Remus realized that Flitwick's mustache… and the rest of his general hairyness was, in fact, amazing.
'That's too bad. Did you enjoy our little show in the hall?'
Remus was more than a little embarrassed that she had caught him, but decided to treat it with the same stoic-ness he treated everything.
'It was momentarily entertaining.'
'Oooh, you're no fun. Remus could practically hear her pouting.'
'So I've been told.'
'Hey, you know what's fun? Using a Quick Notes Quill to write your notes… or letters… or anything… I think I'm going to do that in a letter to someone. Or my notes… hmmm'
'Have you taken some sort of chipper-upper potion?'
'Er… No…'
'You seem especially sheepish.'
'Yeah well- PBBBBT'
'That's not even a word.'
'Meanie.'
'You're so eloquent.'
'Yeah yeah yeah… How do you eat your Chocolate Frogs? (It's from Witch Weekly- blahhh stupid girly magazine…) It goes on talking about romance and the starrrs, but all I could think about when reading it was that I watch mine hop around and try to keep them as pets (the fucking spell runs out after awhile… damn it all) and my brother likes to tear the legs off of them before he eats them. Isn't that kinda creepy? Hahahaha he's glaring at me as he watches me write this. Silly goose.'
'That's… very interesting. And yes, it is creepy, but don't worry about him too much- Sirius likes to bite them in half, butt first. I prefer to just stuff them in my mouth whole… I really would rather not eat something that represents a moving, breathing thing, but they're just too tasty to pass up. And anyway, are you using a Quick Notes Quill now?'
'Awww.. You're cute. And, er… maybe. Okay, yes. But its fun, I can't pass it up. I like sharing my thoughts with people, though Rami says it's the ultimate torture. Izzy just rambles on with me about how sperm are the Ministry's secret agents because they climb up in a woman's uterus and infect the baby and the child becomes the Ministry's slave. I think sperm are creepy. They're living things crawling up a PERSON'S PRIVATES! Agggghhhhh!'
'You know, I don't think I needed the imagery that came with that note. And I really would rather not think about the things that live in my body, or sex for that matter. But Sirius looks (he's reading over my shoulder by the way) like he just got his manhood chopped off. Ow. That hurt. He just hit me.'
'Oh dearie me, the poor boy! Of course, I thought he was a eunuch. I didn't realize he actually HAS a manhood. Oh, I never thought about that- they live in you too! But hey, they DIE in US!'
'Hmmm… Maybe we're all slaves of the Ministry? And I believe Sirius' face is going purple, but then, so is James… For different reasons, of course- James is about to use himself as a lavatory trying not to laugh.'
'Oh, I like the way you think, Mister. And remind James that Lily told him that she'd rather fuck Slughorn before James.'
'Well, at least James doesn't have to use the lavatory anymore… Or at least, not for the urinal- he looks like he's about to puke. Actually, that is a rather terrible image… I really wish I had your crass ability to control the images in your head.'
'You old prude. Hahahahah… I don't have the ability to block the gross images out of my head, I just try and find them amusing instead of thinking about how disgusting they are…
I'm sure Slughorn wouldn't mind that image though; he certainly dotes on the poor girl enough…. Oh dear, that makes me think of Slughorn being the submissive partner and Lily being a dominatrix… Though, Lily as a dominatrix doesn't surprise me all that much- she is a very demanding, very stern girl. Tons of fun, but she has a glare to match McGonagall.'
'More horrendous images, thank you SO much. You do have a talent for finding inappropriate things funny, don't you? I think that James is going to have an aneurysm, I'm positive he's thinking of Lily in tight black leather and latex… I think you broke him! …Me, I'm thinking of Slughorn in latex, and I think I might have to find a bucket… Sirius, I'm sure, is
thinking of McGonagall in leather… Ow, he hit me again. But, he's laughing… At James. Well, whatever. So am I.'
'I don't know, Lily's hair would go really well in leather. I'll have to suggest it to her, though I'm sure James will ruin it by getting her to first and she'll end up glaring at me and going "you've been talking to Potter, haven't you! SEVEN MILLION POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN!" hmmm… I wonder if it's possible to take that many points.
Haha, I'm sure he's fixable. Though I bet he wishes Lily would be the mechanic. Wow, this is too fun. Dom never gets crushes so I can't ever pick on him. Ew, Slughorn in latex is disgusting. But you know, I bet McGonagall was a babe in her day. I can just imagine her and Dumbledore fucking like rabbits.'
'I really don't know if you can take that many points from a house… I'm sure it would break it- like James (who is still sputtering and gaping, I might add). I don't think we can test it out, either, McGonagall would have kittens. Oh no, I bet you're going to get images of her pregnant and giving birth now, right?
Well, of course you will, because I just gave them to you. Sometimes I worry about myself. Which brings me to my next point- I really really wish you wouldn't imagine teachers having intercourse… Then I start imagining it, and James and Sirius go off the deep end too. Then I think of Rabbits in it…
By the way, you don't mind them reading over my shoulder, right? Oh, James and Sirius want to know what a Mechanic is.'
'Bloody poofs, I'm not going to explain it- you'd be better at it anyway! And I really don't mind them reading it, their reactions are entertaining, to say the least. Oh, too bad that we can't experiment the points thing, there's this really stuck up Ravenclaw that I would just LOVE to use as a test subject….. Do you think McGonagall is a kinky woman?
Surprisingly, I did NOT imagine McGonagall having kids- I don't think I can imagine her away from Hogwarts… Dumbledore and she are always in a classroom when I think of them getting fleshy.
Uhhh… No, I can't avoid thinking of people having sex. It's funny, I like to laugh. And its natural- I don't like it when people go on about having to be private about those things! Oh, sorry. I was just thinking of my cousin, she's always going on about how I should learn to be lady like and shit. I know the things I think about- and make you think about- are grotesque sometimes… Though I still think Lily in leather would be hot.'
'Sirius would like me to inform you that he takes offense to your comment about his sexuality- he'll have you know that he's well known as a ladies-man. He also says that you shouldn't be talking; you're the one talking about how good-looking Lily would look in leather. Just so you know, I cleaned up his language a bit.
I think it would be best for all our mental health if you stopped thinking about professors engaging in intercourse.
I'm sorry about your cousin- she sounds immensely dull. I honestly can't say that I don't enjoy your lack of "lady-like" behavior. It makes life more interesting, though I'm not sure that can always be a good thing, considering who my friends are.'
'Oh you're a doll, Remus. Even if you made that comment about me being the cause of everyone's lack of sanity- I always thought Sirius was to blame for that. Tell Sirius that I don't give a fuck, please… And try and refrain from cleaning up my language, will you? Hey, I gotta go, gotta study. Dom can be a real prick when he wants to, and he wants to go NOW. Oy vey, boys. Talk to you later, just send a message if you want to talk and I'll try and get back to you.'
'Okay, go study. Pay attention, be a good student, don't do drugs.'
'Hhaha, like that's gonna happen. Bye bye.'
It wasn't the most productive conversation they'd had, but definitely one of the more entertaining ones. Remus liked talking to her, even if he was wasting precious class time.
He found her incredibly fun, and sometimes she managed to tear his thoughts to something happier, a feat that only James and Sirius had mastered. She was a strange person, though, not stoic (she wore her emotions on her sleeve) enough to be a stereotypical Slytherin but too cunning, ambitious and manipulative to be in any other house.
The one thing he really liked about her was her empathy. It was what had made her apologize to him, and to accept Sirius and James… Remus almost wondered if he would be able to tell her about his monthly problem… No. He couldn't.
And that was why he refused to let the eensey weensey crush he was developing on her to form and stick to his brain. (An image popped into his head- of a purple goopy mass with bubbles popping on it stuck to his head like gum being pulled off a shoe.)
All of his friends really were weird.
But then, he was too. So he really couldn't go there, without getting playful glares from his fellow Marauders and 'humorous' criticism from Adrian.
'Though,' he thought, 'I'm very glad to have them. Without Sirius, James and Peter I wouldn't be able to handle the wolf, and without Adrian I wouldn't be able to handle the people.'
Maybe… maybe he should consider telling her?
Maybe he should discuss it with his fellow Marauders first.
Maybe he should just forget about it right now and make Sirius do his Transfiguration homework. Yes. That sounded like a good idea.
(Who was he kidding; he wouldn't be able to forget about the wolf. But at least he could distract himself for a while.)
And stop thinking about Adrian's legs.
Or her breasts.
Or her pink underwear.
It hadn't been the best idea to tell Prongs and Padfoot about Adrian's "flying lesson." Especially when he brought up Izzy looking up the other girl's skirt. And it certainly didn't help to mention "pink bits."
That hadn't been mortifying, oh no.
Yes, that was Remus' lame attempt at sarcasm. He was usually quite good at it too, but it seemed that thinking about Adrian in all sorts of naughty ways (Adrian with Lily in compromising positions… wearing leather) made him quite daft at being witty.
Remus decided that he should definitely try to stop thinking about her kissing other girls. That was a very bad idea.
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