Yeah, another Gallaxhar/Computer fic. Premovie.


Gallaxhar watched as the last chunks of his home planet spun away from the dusty void in which it once stood. "Well, that was satisfying," he remarked mildly. "Computer, did the recording capture all of that?"

"Yes, Lord Gallaxhar," the automated voice droned in a flat monotone.

The alien frowned. "That's going to get real old, real fast. Access programmed personalities."

"Yes, Lord Gallaxhar," it repeated. His teeth ground slightly. "There are three personalities in the computer archive."

"Only three? Rrrgh! Why do I only think of these things after I obliterate an entire race and the sum of all its knowledge? Very well, load the first file."

"Default personality zero-one loaded!" a chipper male voice exclaimed brightly. "What are your orders, Lord G?"

"Oh, flagnog, the default?!" Gallaxhar groaned. "No! Change it; delete that file!"

"File deleted," a tinny version of his own voice informed him.

"Hmm... Well, that's certainly better."

"Confirm changes?"

"...Wow, do I really sound that nasally?" the destroyer of worlds asked himself.

"Yes, you do," the computer answered in Gallaxhar's own familiar inflections.

"Ugh, this is going to get far too existential. What's the last file?"

"Custom personality zero-two."

"Like that's helpful. Upload."

"Upload complete," a slightly whiny, high-pitched feminine voice informed him. He immediately blanched.

"What possessed me to download my ex-wife's personality file?" he lamented. "There's no way I can travel the infinite reaches of space listening to--" He shuddered. "--that."

"Lord Gallaxhar can modify the settings of the file," the computer suggested.

"Of course! It's so simple! Hmm, you're already an improvement over my ex. Change the voice to something less... screechy."

"Is this satisfactory?" the computer purred, voice much lower and now possessed of a silky quality.

"That should do quite nicely. Save changes."

"Yes, Lord Gallaxhar."

"Say it... a little slower."

"Yes... Lord Gallaxhar..."

The alien grinned wickedly. "Computer, I think this is going to be the start of a long, beautiful reign of terror."


A/N: Well, I finally did throw in a Hitchhiker's Guide reference (overly chipper male computer voice? Anyone? Just me?). And a Casablanca reference. Both of which I've been dying to weave into an MvA fic. Why? I dunno. I really don't.