Compulsive Notes
God this took FOR EVER! Because I wrote a lemon for the first time in like...MONTHS, so yeah...but I think it turned out rather well. Is it bad that I can talk to people normally, or entertain a four-year-old while writing a lemon? btw It's a lot about emotion...idk whats up with me and emotional stories. I should just be shot. x3
WARNING: actual lemon-ness-ness as you read on, haha
There was a quiet moment before he stopped, I found myself very closely drawn to him, and though his expression was empty, his body was full of emotion, arms loosely hanging off my shoulders.
"Yes..." He removed his arms, and I began to fiddle with blanket. "I apologize...it's been a while since I've done this." He stated, reaching up and play with a button on my shirt. I put my hand on his, and looked up at him.
"It's okay...I..." I stopped myself and began to take my shirt off, unbuttoning only the top three buttons before sliding it over my head and tossing it on to the floor. Sasori made no noises, but watched me curiously, as I wiggled out of my jeans as well. "Take them off." I said, pointing at his clothing.
"But..."
"This isn't about sex, it's about being raw. I want to get to know you...I want to get to know you raw. Skin to skin." I dropped my boxer-briefs, and waited. "This isn't about sex..." I repeated, quietly. He nodded carefully, quietly slipping out of his clothing, too.
"Why are we naked, again?" He asked, sitting back down on the bed in front of me.
"Clothes...they can mask what you don't want others to see...they can cover who you really are up. But when your naked...I can see all of you. And if you learn to be...okay with yourself naked...words come easier."
"Is that why you signed up for the class?"
"No, I told a friend of mine my theory, I don't think he understood it's not a group activity." Another silence filled the room. I pressed my hand to his chest. "Your heart...it's beating so fast..."
"It's been a while." He just said again. I slowly ran my hand up his neck, over his jaw, lips, cheek, and through his hair. "Your hands are cold." He said, staring blankly into my eyes. I took his hand, and intertwined our fingers. He pulled me closer, and pushed me on my back.
"Your...so handsome..." I whispered as he pressed his lips close to my ear.
"I don't know what's wrong with me." He said.
"It's okay, Danna. I'm just glad I'm in your arms."
"Danna?"
"Danna." I smiled, and in the corner of his mouth, I saw a small smile from his as well. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine.
It was different with him though. Even if I had been with many people, kissed many lips, this was different, so different. His lips were warm, and cool at the same time. When he kissed me I felt it in my stomach. I felt it in my chest. I felt it everywhere, from the bottom of my body to the very top of it. Every inch of me felt covered in this feeling. My heart skipped a beat, when we touched and despite all this all I could think about was all the people I'd ever been with. All I could think about was how beautiful he was, how graceful his stance, how peaceful his expression stayed, and how sexy he was through all of this. My head spun, and my heart beat just about out of my best.
He kissed my jaw bone, then my neck, as I wrapped my arms around his body and relaxed. He ran his hand up my arm and back down as he grabbed my hand. I watched him kiss my collar bone, then kiss my chest. He ran his tongue over my nipple and went back to kissing. I bit my lip as he began to get lower. He stopped just above my belly button and looked up.
"I...I'm not used to doing things like this...so I want to let you know...I'm doing this not because I long for touch, or that I long for your touch, I'm doing this because I feel drawn to you. And even if I'd rather just sit here and talk, I know you want this. And by that I don't mean-"
"Sasori." I said, placing a finger over his mouth, "As much as I'd love to hear you confess the things your feeling right now, I am undergoing them too. Everything, the head rush, the racing heart, the drug like feeling, I feel it. What I want to feel is you. And your stomach rubbing over my crotch isn't helping seeing as you just sitting there."
"Sorry." He whispered, now using his fingers to circle the base of my erection. He opened his mouth, and I watched as he dragged his tongue up to the tip, and sucked softly. I moaned quietly, and he sucked a little harder, slowly making his way back down. He began to move rhythmically up and down. I licked my lips and arched my back.
"Unn..." I felt him start softly clenching his teeth around my member, but also switching back to just using his tongue. The surprise turned me on even more. Suddenly he stopped and licked back up my body and back to my mouth. He pressed his lips to mine again and brushed his tongue over mine. He ran it around and over the roof of my mouth. I sucked on his bottom lip shortly and he broke the kiss. I ran my hand down his back and over his butt, giving his a soft affectionate squeeze. I let out a short chuckle, and kissed him again.
Just as I was really getting into it his sat back, and I propped myself up on my arms. He leaned over to his side table and pulled out some lube a condom. As he was preparing himself I took a deep breath and returned to my back. It had been some time since I'd gone off and let someone fuck me senseless. I hadn't really thought in depth about it until now. And just as I was about to think about it, I felt him inch forward. My heart began to race when I felt his fingers touch my waist. He pulled me onto his lap as I sat up and wrapped my arms around his neck. I could see the beads of sweat dotting his forehead. I wasn't sure if it was from all the moving around, or if he was as nervous as I was.
He started circling my entrance with his index finger and gave me a look.
"Do it." I whispered into his ear. Just as I finished speaking, he pressed it inside. I let out a small gasp. As his finger moved in and out I began to grow impatient. By the third finger, I wanted to scream. When he pulled them out, I was very relieved, but wanted to move on quickly. He maneuvered me around, but abruptly stopped.
"What is it?" I asked. He opened his mouth, said nothing. I really waned to move forward with this.
"I don't know if I can do this..." He stated, flatly.
"Sasori, please don't do this to me. I'm on the edge of insanity, waiting for you to just fuck me. Just fuck me Sasori, please, just fuck me. I will beg if I have to, and I don't want to beg." He lifted an eyebrow and pushed me on my back. Re-adjusting my lower half, I let out a sigh, and let my eyes wander to the wall as he slowly pushed inside of me. "Ahh..." He began to thrust, and I closed my eyes. Many a time did I feel the sensation of being taken advantage of. Because of my old ways, there was a lot of times where I was on my back, taking it from someone who I never wanted to see again. Those men didn't want me, and I didn't want them. Not even for that night.
But this was totally different. As he gripped my sides, his hands were full of warmth. In that moment I wanted to be trapped in time. This wasn't comparable to anything I had ever once felt in life. With each thrust I wanted more, it wasn't a greed want, nor a lust want but a...need for more of him. Life a part of my life was missing until this very moment. He continued to thrust I felt him hit just the right spot.
"Un! There! Right there!" I yelped, and he did so, happily. I felt the end approaching, and did everything in my power to hold it off. I was trying my damnedest not to scream, but that too was a difficulty. I could tell his was rounding the corner into orgasm as well with every thrust getting a little bit rougher then the last. His mouth fell open, and I could hear the short breaths leaking out, meshing quietly with my moans. "Ohh!" I cried, gripping his forearms and letting my eyes roll to the back of my head.
And it was over. About two seconds after, he came and slowly pulled out to collapse on top of me.
"That was...un-fucking-believe." I got out in between pants. He pulled himself up close enough to kiss me, then rolled on his back and grabbed my hand. He turned his head to look at me, and I turned mine to look at him.
"For a long time...I believed I could never feel this feeling again...but, despite all odds, you've made me feel it. The empty, deadness inside, the part of me that was once filled with nothingness, feels renewed." And for the first time, I said something I thought I'd never say after having sex,
"Will you hold me?" A small smile appeared on his face, and he nodded, pulling me into his embrace. I lifted my leg, and slid it over his. I snuggled into his neck. "If I wasn't so exhausted, I'd let you fuck me again. And after that? I'd prepare myself for a third time. I'd fuck you until my limbs felt like jello, just so I could match physically what I'm feeling mentally. So I could make my self connected with you, body and soul. But I don't have that kind of energy, so this will have to do...danna."
"I really like that." He said, laughing quietly to himself.
"What?"
"Danna."
"From now on, that's what you are to me. Danna." I smiled, rubbing my face against his neck, our sweat intertwining. I could feel his red hair on my forehead, and let my breath cover his neck.
"I never want you to leave my arms."
"I never want you to leave mine." And with that, the night swiftly slipped away.
-:-
When I finally came to, I kept my eyes shut in fear of the sun filtering in through the blinds, hurting my still sleepy eyes. I shifted positions in the large bed. Slowly but surely the events from yesterday came back, and I remembered where I was. I felt around for the second body, but when I felt nothing I quickly shot up, I looked around. But there he was, sitting next to the bed. He was now in boxers, and I was still naked. I hastily reached for a sheet or blanket.
"I've already seen you naked...twice. Don't you think it's a bit late for those actions?" I left out a sigh of relief and fell backwards on the bed.
"What are you doing?" I asked, noticing he was behind a canvas on an easel, moving around a paint brush. He looked from the easel to me, and smiled.
"You're...just so calm when your sleeping. All day long, you had been tense...even as we..." He paused, and I wasn't sure if he was going to say it, or was just going to assume I knew what he was talking about. "Made love. But for the first time, as you lay there with the light hitting your perfectly you were calm...peaceful. So I began to draw you-"
"Did you say 'make love'?" I interrupted. He nodded.
"I've fucked before, and that wasn't fucking." And the idea that maybe this could be something much more then just some sweet sex, and a wandering though was almost unbearable. I sat up and scooted off the bed before running out of the room, with my mouth covered. I ran straight in to the bathroom and held back the sudden urge to weep. I slammed the door shut and locked it. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and wasn't sure weather to be horrified by the sight of me nearly reduced to tears by a few simple words, or ecstatic that maybe this time I wouldn't have to go searching for a new outlet of dead energy. I heard a knock at the door and recomposed myself.
"Hold on, Sasori-danna." I flung the door open and looked him right in the eye.
"I'm sorry if I was a little to-" I cut him off with a deep, passionate kiss.
"You. Did. Nothing." I said, bearly breaking the kiss. "When you have a past full of deception, you believe everyone's out to get you."
I know Deidara seems like a little pussy boy, but I'll explain that away in the next chapter...
