I Love Him, I Must Love Him Not

A/N: I'm back! I think I'm getting better at updating but I think I'm doing good for having two stories out that aren't finished. This chapter has some IshiNemu and very slight IchiMomo. Not a lot of IchiMomo because: a) Momo has a slight crush on Ichigo right now b) Ichigo is cold and is pretty much only decent to people he was friends with before war c) to early for them to fall in love! Wah! No one has told me who Karin should date!! I really need to know. More details at chapter in end. Here We go!

Chapter 2 Secret

Momo had a secret. It was a secret she had kept from Ichigo for years and she planned to keep it that way.

Momo jogged, no flew through the hallways in a desperate attempt to get to class. Stupid Human Anatomy Test, she thought breathing hard. One minute before she wouldn't be able to enter the class room.

She entered the classroom with fifteen seconds to spare. "Hinamori would you kindly take your seat? Oh! And refrain from causing disruption in my classroom again." Kaiya Ochini said glaring at the panting girl.

"Hai, Kaiya-sensei. It won't happen again." Momo muttered embarrassed. She swore that women hated her. When the test got to her she wanted to scream. It would take her forever to finish this. Shinigami didn't really study living things. It just wasn't the Death god way.

D

Momo let out a sigh of relief at stood up after finishing her test. A few other students were growling and erasing fiercely at their paper. She bowed to her sensei then dashed out of the stuffy room. She really hoped she passed. I wish Toshiro could've- her train of thought ended when Toshiro's death hit her dead in the face.

Tell Ichigo about her problem?

No she couldn't. She would miss the rest of her classes, rest at home, maybe even go to the Soul Society but she couldn't let Ichigo know about it. She was not too far away from her apartment, if she cut through the woods she could make it back before it happened.

She gasped as she ran through the woods. She was on a battle field. Everyone was dead it was her fault. No it wasn't my fault, Momo's mind screamed. It's over I'm in the woods not here… I'm not here! Over and over cruel images played I her mind's eye. This stupid disorder!

She panted and willed her legs to go faster. She needed to calm down and not pass out. She remembered clearly what Unohana had said to her that day.

D

"Momo, you shouldn't of done this to yourself. It was killing you and you knew it." Unohana Retsu muttered at the pale girl.

"D-don't… tell… don't tell Kurosaki-taicho. Don't make him worry." Momo muttered shaking. All she saw was death and blood. It should've gone away. Ichigo was back, why didn't go away?

"Momo, your body won't be able to take any type of stress. You haven't been taking care of it."

"Don't care. I'm fine." Momo snapped struggling to get up. She hurt all over. The last time she had eaten was a while ago. The last time she had slept for more than a few minutes seemed like forever and a day ago.

"Momo! Stop this! Is killing yourself your goal?! Your body may never have maximum functions again! Ichigo can't lose you too!" Unohana shouted. Momo visibly cringed at the last sentence.

"I won't be of any use to him without my maximum body functions. I'll slow him down, possibly get him killed. I'm Hinamori, Aizen's crazy fukutaicho! It's all I'll ever be!" she shouted shunpoeing away.

But not before she heard, "Ichigo would never think you as that…"

D

Now under a lot of stress she collapsed as if to prevent her from half killing herself again. She was sick and the only reason she wasn't currently residing in the 4th division was because her constant insisting hat she was fine.

Momo knew the only time her life was in actual danger was the first few weeks when she hadn't recovered from her emotional problems. If she was put into the 4th division it would be true that Hinamori Momo was emotionally unstable.

She pushed her legs and dodged low branches. If she didn't get there she will collapse in the middle of the woods. As the world spun around her he managed one last thought, Don't let him know.

She fell to the ground unconscious.

D

Momo woke up to a bright white light. She then heard to voices that she recognized easily.

"I, her fucking captain, should have heard of this!" Ichigo hissed.

"She didn't want anyone to know. Now kindly calm down Captain Kurosaki." Unohana said with a hard edge to her usually kind voice.

"This is quite a dangerous disorder!"

"Do you wish to remover her from your squad then captain?" Unohana. Momo held her breath. This was it. This is when I get a permanent trip to the 4th Division, she thought sadly.

"No, I wouldn't do that. But things do not need to be hidden from me when it comes to my squad." Ichigo said. Suddenly my door opened.

"Good you're awake." Ichigo said walking up to me. I felt like a child who just caught stealing cookies.

"I'm sorry Captain! I should've told you sooner! I felt you might-" she was cut off.

"Momo I'm not mad." I nodded and he continued, "I just prefer if you could tell me things."

"Oh I trust you very much captain! I didn't mean to offend you!" Momo yelled. Ichigo gave her a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

He messed up her hair and whispered, "Know problem." Then walked out the room.

"He has to check up on the 5th division." Unohana said. Momo jumped at the sound of her voice.

"Unohana-taicho, you scared me!" Momo said putting a hand over her chest. She apologized. "Can I go to the 12th division? I have something to deliver to Nemu-chan."

"You may go Momo. Ichigo plans on leaving tomorrow morning though." Momo nodded dashing out the room. Why did the 12th division have to be so far?

She ran through the hall like roadways of the Soul Society as fast as she could. She had know desire to face anyone especially the newly weds: Hisagi and Rangiku. She wanted her friends to be happy but she just didn't like seeing it. And when it came to that particular couple they showed a lot.

"Nemu-chan! Nemu-chan! Wait I have something for you!" Momo yelled as she noticed the girl walking by.

"What is it Momo-chan? I have to get some information to my captain immediately." Nemu muttered.

"It's a note from Uryuu-san! Here!" she said handing the other girl the letter. Nemu's face lit up and a light blush stained her cheeks.

"Th-thank you." Then Nemu shunpoed away.

She watched her figure disappear. She wished she had someone to love, care, worry and make her blush like that. She then thought about well someone where the feelings were shared.

She shook her head. She did not to think about these things when it came to her captain. It's not like she liked him or anything! Damn it I don't like it, Momo screamed in her head. She couldn't like him because he would never like her.

"Crazy! I heard you were back! How's Ichi?" Yachiru said flying at her.

Crazy? she thought.

"Oh hey Yachiru-san." Momo said dully.

"Why you sad Crazy?"

"I don't really like the name Crazy."

"Hmm, I can change it then…" she paused hand on her chin. "I'll call you Ichi's" Momo turned beat red.

"Why'd you call me that?" Momo stuttered.

"Because you are Ichi's lieutenant and you live with Ichi. So you are Ichi's and no one else's." Yachiru said. "Bye Ichi's!" she shouted running away. Momo wondered if the little girl would ever realize the impact of the words that she had just spoken.

"Ready to go home Momo." Ichigo said jarring her out of her daze.

"Yes." she nodded they left through a senkai gate. Momo was hiding another secret from Ichigo but this was a secret she would have to figure out herself. He wouldn't ask Why didn't you tell me to this question. He might not even care.

Momo glanced up at him and sighed. Something she wanted but couldn't have. Something she needed to say but she might not be heard.

A secret…

A/N: Yay its done for today! Someone needs to date Karin. Whoever gives me the best idea they will be personally thanked and mentioned in the story. You can make an OC or a character from Bleach who is not dead or taken. Please tell me what you think. Reviews are appreciated! Next chapter ha a Momo/ Karin confrontation. Thanks for reading! And thank you to my reviewers you make me keep writing even when I'm too lazy to do it! Bye-bye!

Danii