Chapter II
We were sitting in a small, empty coffee shop. We weren't talking; we didn't even look at each other. I had my hands wrapped around a large iced green tea. Axel had opted out of caffeine and instead ordered a glass of water. I stared at his transparent plastic cup, he had yet to take a sip, and perspiration was beginning to bead on the exterior.
'Why don't you drink caffeine?' I asked, glancing up to see his green eyes. I flinched away from the familiar color as he finally lifted the water to his lips.
"Last time I had a highly caffeinated drink I set my sister's boyfriend's car on fire." He glanced to the side, clearing his throat. "Don't get me wrong-- he deserved it, but I don't want something like that to happen again." I nodded in understanding as I took a small mouthful of my tea, shivering at the way the cool taste started in my throat and filled my body.
"That's your seventh cup this hour, it really can't be good for you." Axel murmured, pointing at the cup that I was gripping like a life line. I grimaced at the liquid cupped between my hands.
"It's probably not," I replied, "but it has to be better than coffee, and it keeps me awake, that's all I ask." The nightmares had come back, but I wasn't about to tell him about those. I looked up to find he was staring at me.
~the funeral was strange. People I had never even met came. Every single one approached me, touching my arm, grabbing my hand, or even brushing my cheek with their hand. That's when I started to hate physical contact. ~
"How much did you know about your Reno?" He asked me, tilting his head slightly to the side as I finally met his eyes. Something at the bottom of my stomach clenched in pain and I had to look back own at my tea.
"Not much," I admitted, "but I always knew there was more to him. When we moved in together he told me that he had a lot of secrets. He asked me not to try and figure them out, said I was safer not knowing who he really was." I looked up again to see Axel was frowning at my hands. They were shaking, making little ripples in the top of my drink. I set the cup down and curled my hands under the table where he couldn't see them
"Sora had an alias," Axel said, his voice a low rumble as he looked at the empty spot that had recently been occupied by my hands, "a complete double life, I knew that it was total crap, and he didn't care that I wouldn't believe him. After the first few weeks of my suspicious stares and disbelieving silences he finally told me that I would just have to be happy with what I got. He said it was for my own safety should anyone start asking questions. No matter how much he didn't tell me I never cared, I was actually okay with it."
We lapsed into silence as I finished my drink; I was just about to order another when Axel signaled the waitress over.
"Can I get the check please?" he asked, throwing a worried glance in my direction. The waitress, Tifa, nodded before giving me the same look. It didn't surprise me; I was a regular during the times that I shouldn't keep the nightmares away. I had been known to leave only after they refused to serve me because I couldn't hold on to my cup due to my shaking. But usually, like now, it wasn't even the caffeine that made me tremble.
Once Axel had paid for our drinks, despite my offers of paying for my drinks, we made our way over to the door. I couldn't grasp the door handle long enough to open it. A cool pale hand reached from behind me, helping to open the door.
"Come on," Axel's voice spoke in my ear, "I'll walk you home." He placed his hand on my back, leading me out of the building as I flinched away from the contact. We didn't speak as we walked; the air around up seemed to buzz with the coming of a rainstorm, and I found it ironic that the sky was overcast for the first time in months. We were almost to my apartment when Axel stopped, grabbing my arm.
"Roxas, I know that we've only known each other for a few hours at best, but… God… I don't know, for some reason I feel that I need to protect you," Axel gently grasped my chin, making me look at him as I tried valiantly to avoid his eyes, "Roxas I'm worried about you."
I pulled my face out of his hands, looking away.
"I'm fine, there's nothing to worry about."
"No Roxas." Axel shook his head, "There is a lot to worry about. When Sora died I…." Axel sighed before continuing, "Jesus Roxas, how long were you and Reno together?"
I looked up, frowning, "Almost three years, why?"
"Sora and I had just celebrated our one year anniversary when he died. We were still in the phase where passion is hat held up together. When he died I felt like he had taken my soul with him--my desire to live just withered." I watched as pain filled Axel's eyes at the memory, "Roxas, when was the last time you looked in a mirror?"
"I…What…what do you mean?" I managed to stumble out, his question taking me by surprise.
"To be blunt Rox, you look like shit." A crease appeared between Axel's eyebrows, "you look like you haven't slept in weeks, your hair is a mess, and you can barley stand you are trembling so badly."
I didn't respond, realizing that it had been months since I'd actually seen myself in a mirror. I felt my shoulders drop as my body attempted to shake itself apart.
"I'm so tired Axel, I just," I leaned against him, resting my head on his conveniently places collarbone, leaning into the warmth of another being for the first time in months, "I just don't know how much longer I can do this."
Axel wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my head, the sky choosing that moment to open up on top of us. Thunder rumbled across the sky, nearly making me miss Axel's quiet, mournful mummer.
"I know."
~After the funeral my entire world crumbled--my life just fell apart around my ears. I stopped hanging out with my friends, too tired to put up with the worried glances that they gave each other. They never stopped acting like I was going to break at any moment, and when they would meet my eyes I could see them thinking, "What do I do? What happens if he breaks now?" None of them wanted to clean up the pieces; Olette couldn't even look at me without nearly bursting into tears.
In a way, their concern for me hurt worse than if they would have just pretended that nothing had happened. I began to retreat even further into myself, but it wasn't there fault and it couldn't be helped. I just had had so much invested in Reno; I had loved him far too much for my own good. In the beginning I wondered how I would ever live without him, I wondered if I would ever be able to move on. I knew one day I would have to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart and keep going.
I doubt any of us would have guessed that by path to recovery would begin with me sobbing into the chest of a man I had known for less than twenty-four hours.~
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A/N:
Hey guys (if anyone is reading this) sorry it took me like... a year to post this chapter
and sorry it's so short...
aaaand, sorry if things are misspelled i havn't had this read through by anyone other than me.
my life basically went to shit after i posted the first chapter and I've finally gotten things back into a semblance of normalcy, soooo hopefully i will have the next chapter sooner than i had this one.
anyway~ if you've read this far you should review, reviews warm the heart and make me want to write more :D
