The next day of school starts off slowly and tiredly. I wasn't able to sleep much because I was busy being distracted by the idea of a school day being enjoyable; legitimately and actually worthwhile, but not worthwhile in the sense of learning but more…in the sense of hugging Jessie.

Once I pulled up to school, I slowly got out of the car while trying to hold onto my cup of coffee, my notebook and book bag. Before I could even place my coffee on the roof of my car, sensing that I was about to trip, fall, or somehow crash into the ground someone took my coffee smoothly and grabbed my elbow to get my weight centered.

I looked at who had saved me with great timing I might add and I was greeted by a smiling Jessie. A beautiful, giddy smile which then turned into a chuckle. I frowned, my smile slowly disappearing.

"You're an accident waiting to happen." Jessie finally stated matter of factly.

I cross my arms in front of my chest. "That may be true, but that doesn't make it any less wrong that you're a thief."

She smiled again briefly, "My hands are cold." That's true, I thought, her hands are always so cold.

Instead of protesting I crookedly smiled and nonchalantly replied trying to be coy, "Keep it, its like a mini heater anyway…but…you owe me something."

"What?!" she said exasperated, but joking.

"A hug." I say chivalrously. She quickly replies, shaking her head and laughing to herself. She still holds the coffee cup as she leans forward and wraps her arms around my shoulders. I toss my notebook and backpack lazily back into the car, happy that the door was still open and slowly, contently rest my hands on her small waist, slowly embracing her more. She pulled me in even closer, surprising me and without thinking I breathed her in. She smelled like vanilla and before I realized it my fingertips were about to lift the lining of her shirt and trail her lower back when I quickly stopped, became really tense, pulled away quickly and said in a rush, "We have to go or we're going to be late." I turned, grabbed my things and shut the door all without looking at Jessie.

Once inside the doors, Jessie grabbed my elbow, trying to get me to look at her. I stopped abruptly almost crashing into the cup of coffee in her hand. "Sorry" I add quickly.

"It's ok." She said calmly. "What's wrong?"

"I uh…ah just feel a little sick suddenly and I ah..just want to sit down." I replied.

"Oh ok," Jessie said back, trying to believe my lie. I glanced around trying to decide whether to go to my locker or class. "So…I'll see you after class hopefully…if you don't decide to go home," Jessie said trying to look into my eyes.

"Yeah sure," I replied and then turned to walk to class. After I took my seat in class I slouched down almost beginning to feel as though I were sick. Possibly because I had lied to Jessie or the realization that I almost slipped up and completely ruined everything by letting hormones get in the way of rational thought.

The class went by so quickly as I was caught up in my own thoughts. I didn't even notice when the bell rang and Jessie took a seat next to me, staring at me. I visibly jumped when she put her hand on my shoulder, patiently looking at me.

"Hi," I stated, unsure why she was here.

"Katie…are you ok?" she asked worried.

"Yeah," I waved with my hand, as if dismissing the question, "I guess I did need that coffee after all…my brain doesn't feel like working." I continued trying to joke.

Jessie smiled and I smiled in reaction to hers. "I have to get to class…again," I say feigning annoyance.

She gets up from the chair and loops her arm through mine. I go rigid and she senses it. "Katie…" Jessie says slowly.

I let out a stressed breath. "Jessie…" I say waiting for her to say what she wants.

"Why are you being like this? You were fine yesterday. Is it…" she trails off and then her face changes and becomes almost dark as she frowns. "You don't trust me because I know about you and your…family?"

I flinch and she takes that as a yes, but really I was just shocked, that came out of nowhere. "Jessie, that's not it. You know I trust you more than anyone right now…I think…I just need..space…I need to think things through and..and" I say trying to grasp at the words.

"You trust me, but you need space?" she asks trying to understand me.

"I'm sorry," I say staring at the ground. "Can we talk about this later?" I want to get away and the realization that this conversation sounds like we're dating and we're not and I don't know which one bothers me more. We're in the hallway now and I know how much Jessie likes her privacy and not being looked at so she just stares at me and pleads with her eyes for me to continue. "Not at lunch," I say calmly…after school?"

"My house," Jessie asks and states calmly.

"Ok." I reply and then go to the next class, leaving Jessie to stare at my back.

The next classes fly by quicker than first period much to my anxious surprise I find myself heading towards lunch. After getting a seat and taking out my lunch, Tad grabs my orange and throws it into the air and catches it without any problem. I must admit his motor abilities are far better than mine compared to my natural clumsiness but I do happen to have charm, though that seems to be lacking when it comes to Jessie lately. With Jessie on my mind once again, as though she hadn't filled my head all day I'm surprised when she takes a seat beside me and stares at me, waiting for me to say something. I swallow visibly, finally noticing the v neck sweater she's wearing in the perfect shade of blue that makes her eyes appear even more beautiful.

"Hi," I say trying to sound casual.

"Hi back," she said in the same tone.

Luckily, seemingly all at the same time all of our friends sat down and started talking about the day and their complaints and gossip. I decided to tune out and make a strong attempt at avoiding Jessie's eyes. I was surprised to hear my own laughter on occasion and then I on instinct felt myself go tense again as Jessie sat closer and whispered in my ear that she wanted a ride home if it was ok with her.

I turned my head slowly and quickly pulled my head back just as our lips were about to meet. "Um yeah…no problem." And then I turned back to Grace and Russel who were just staring at us. Grace didn't really believe seeing but then decided to start up a conversation anyway.

Out of my peripheral vision I could see that Jessie let out a sign and slowly shook her head. I apologized in my head to her and then was happy when the bell rang, telling us to leave and go back to class. Jessie and I departed without saying anything to one another, consciously avoiding any more awkward moment.

Again once in class I looked out the window, the wall, my notebook, my cell phone…anything so I wouldn't have to think about the ride home with Jessie.

2 hours later I yet again surprised myself as I drifted through the halls and then found myself at few feet from my car, fumbling for my keys. I glanced down into my bag and searched, pushing away gum, mints, my Demon in my view book and then finally found them.

I pulled them out, looked up and was shocked to see Jessie leaning against my car staring at me. I tried to focus on the ground or behind her as I began to open the door. I shivered either from the cold or being unsure and frustrated at being unsure of what to say to her. It was never this hard to talk with Jessie. She then got into the car as I started it. As usual she found a cd she liked from my selection and put one in. We both reached for the volume as Billy Holiday began to drift more through the speakers, but our hands touched and I pulled mine back quickly,

from the contact or her hands being so cold. I turned up the heat a little more and finally said while staring out the window, putting the car in reverse then drive to her house, "There's mittens in the glove compartment…if you want them."

"Thanks." She said with a hint of sadness. I guess this conversation isn't going as well as either one of us expected.

While on the silent drive to her house a light snow began to fall. Without thinking I stopped at a stop sign for a really long time and just stared out at the atmosphere. I even rolled down my window and stuck my hand out to touch the soft flakes.

"It's a little early for snow," Jessie said, amazed.

"Yeah, but it's great," I replied happily and then looked at Jessie who had a small smile on her face and then she shivered. I quickly closed the window and apologized.

Finally we started moving again and we were at her house in about 4 minutes. I parked the car, glanced around the car, her front yard and suddenly was interrupted by Jessie's voice. "Well, are you coming in?" she asked as she already stood outside the car, her arms wrapped around her.

I quickly got out, feeling guilty for not noticing and making her wait. She ran inside and I walked slowly.

Once inside she took off my mittens, placed them on a bench near the door and headed upstairs. I followed, like a zombie, not really wanting to have this conversation, simply because I didn't know what to say. We were both upstairs, I had closed the door behind me and then was hit by the coldness of the place. It was an attic…so it made sense that it was cold. I wrapped my arms around me and then stared at Jessie who stood there shivering and shaking. She looked too small and kind of helpless. I rushed over to her bed and grabbed the blanket off of it and wrapped it tight around her, like a cocoon. She smiled and opened the blanket up for me to get in. I shook my head and finally said, "No, I'm fine."

Jessie looked annoyed as she closed the blanket to keep in the warm. "Katie…why..are you acting like this?"

"Like what?" I replied looking away from her.

"The whole day…you've moved or flinched at me being close to you." She stated unsure.

"I'm fine" I stated again, looking at the floor and then briefly at her eyes and then back to the floor. I hadn't noticed that I started shivering.

"You're lying" Jessie said coldly. I looked at her, letting her tone sink in. Jessie never acted cold.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Stop apologizing," she said shaking her head.

"I can't" I replied.

"God Katie, will you stop being so stubborn and get in here? You're going to freeze. I don't have a heater up here yet."

"I'm really fine," I said through clenched teeth in an attempt to make sure they don't chatter. But before I could stop what was happening Jessie opened up the blanket, stepped forward and engulfed me inside of it, her arms resting on my shoulders and pulling the blanket shut. I stiffened and then put my hands in my pockets. Yes, I was happy about the heat, but not the situation, the closeness, the hazy confusion that Jessie's perfume was causing.

I pulled away trying to create distance but Jessie got annoyed and still held onto me. "Katie, you haven't said what's been bothering you all day..what are you thinking?" she asked while peering into my face.

"I can't say." I mumbled.

"What?" she asked.

"I can't tell you. " I said more clearly.

"Why not?" she asked curious.

I shrugged. "I don't want to…" The sentence was left unfinished as I tried to grasp the words.

"Don't want to what?" she asked calmly.

"That's exactly it, I can't do…what I want…I can't say what I want…I'll hurt you and I don't want to Jessie, but it's inevitable." I said in a whisper as my voice cracked at the end.

"Katie…"she said with sadness. "What's wrong?" she asked pleading.

"I don't want to hurt you," I reply barely above a whisper as I felt a few tears roll down my face.

Jessie reached up and was about to wipe them away when I caught her hand. I couldn't let her touch me, it would only make this harder. She stopped and stared at me while my hand was still holding hers. In an instant she twisted her hand and held mine, bring it to her waist, forcing my arm around her. She released my hand and put her arm back over my shoulder. I clenched my jaw. This is not working, this is not making it any easier, I said in my head.

"You're not going to hurt me," she stated with complete certainty.

"One of us is going to get hurt." I said as another tear fell as I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Katie…please say what you're thinking," Jessie asked worried.

"I can't do this Jessie, I can't…be your friend," I whispered.

"What?" she asked unsure of what I had said or in disbelief.

"I can't be your friend like this," I reply, my voice raising as I took my hand off her waist and stuck my hands in my back pockets.

"Like what Katie? I don't understand. Why can't we be friends? I want to be friends. " she said as her voice rose more in more.

I shook my head, this was all too overwhelming. "Jessie…I can't be your friend if…ah.." I tried to say as my heart beat more in my chest, making me feel it and hear it in my ears.

"If what?" Jessie asked with a mixture of annoyance, impatience, pleading, uncertainty.

"If I want more," I whispered moments later, staring at the floor as I felt her gaze on me. "This…our friendship… isn't going to work if I fall in love with you Jess," I said in a rushed whisper.

Minutes passed and I swallowed the lump in my throat. She didn't say anything as I caught her eyes for a brief second, she frowned and then glanced at my lips in a split second which I did notice, but I wasn't about to do anything about that.

"I'm sorry," I said suddenly, trying to gain my composure. "I should leave…I won't bother you again." I turned then and was about to open the blanket for me to get out when Jessie grabbed my wrist and pulled me back towards her.

"You're not bothering me," she stated calmly.

"Obviously I did…you haven't said anything about.." And to my complete shock Jessie pulled me closer, one of her hands resting on my neck, pulling me closer and before I could think about what was happening her lips were on mine, soft and gentle. Slowly she leaned into me, her body pressing against mine slightly and my arms had to wrap around her waist so we wouldn't fall from the new positions we had maneuvered into. She kissed me more and I was surprised when her tongue grazed my bottom lip. I opened my eyes in an instant and stopped kissing her and took a step back. I took in a deep breath, trying to clear my head, Jessie just looked at me.

"Jessie…I don't want anything you don't want and…"

"I just want to kiss you," she said calmly, cutting me off as a slight content smile formed on her lips.

I smiled and bit my lip…Did she really want this? I asked in my head. Am I forcing her to do this because she thinks we won't be friends if she doesn't? Before I could question it more she pulled me in closer, her warm body fitting together with mine.

"Jess," I said quickly…she stopped. "I…I don't want you to um…" I blushed, knowing full well it would show on my face, "Kiss me…just because you think we won't be friends…I ah..don't want to force you…this isn't an ultimatum…we can be friends even if you don't want this." I finally finished.

"Katie…will you stop worrying and talking so much?" she asked in a light, demanding tone.

"I can't help it. I'm thinking too much. I didn't expect this to happen…I thought you would hate me and I don't want to scare you but…I don't know what's happening. You just want to kiss me…but I," I blushed a deep red knowing what I was about to say, "Oh god…I don't want to be friends with benefits…Even kissing benefits. It's not fair and I…I think you're beautiful and I want to hug you…all the time…but I'm afraid I'm going to break you and that I'll hurt you and I don't want to hurt you in any way…and I want to kiss you but I want you to..um..initiate it because I want you to be ok…with this…or anything." I said in a scared worried rush.

Jessie frowned and considered it all. "Ok…"she replied trying to think it through..."um..first off…I like you holding me..it..makes me feel safe…second you're not going to break me, you can even hug me more right now if you wanted…third I want to kiss you too…ah..fourth..thank you for saying I'm beautiful," with that she blushed," fifth..thank you for letting me decide…that's very respectful and sweet and kind of geeky but knight in shining armor of you," she teased and smiled happily, "and sixth…I don't want to be…um..friends with benefits, as you say…so if you asked…"she finished with a hint and again pulled me in closer, her hand resting on my neck, her fingers slowly gliding in my hair, almost tickling me.

I smiled in response to that and everything as it began to sink in. I bit my lip as I stared at hers. "Can I kiss you?" I whispered in fear of ruining the moment.

Jessie looked into my eyes for a few seconds before a full warm smile crept across her face. "Please," she said sweetly. I leaned down and waited, breathing her in…letting her close the remaining millimeters between us and she kissed me, again pulling me closer, my arms wrapping around her and squeezing her more, pulling her closer to me. She deepened the kiss, smiling into my lips as I placed my hand on her hip, my fingertips grazing her skin. She moaned into my mouth and I smiled at the sound.

It was so happy and still so sweet and beautiful. Everything about her was so soft. Again she trailed her tongue on my lower lip and I allowed her access. I gasped though when our tongues slowly met and in reaction Jessie pulled me in even closer, cutting off every bit of space there was between our bodies. I happily rested one of my hands on her lower back and felt her heat, which was comforting against the cold that was surrounding us.

Then without warning Jessie stopped kissing me and looked at my face which I'm sure looked drugged. I gave a lazy smile and Jessie laughed.

"What?" I ask in mock hurt.

"You look…really cute." she replied.

I raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Jessie replied in a curious tone.

"You look beautiful," I said calmly as a smile grew on my face.

"You keep saying that," she said shaking her head.

"And I will never grow tired of it. I wanted to tell you that the first day I really met you…when it wasn't dark out and so now I'm making up for all the times I wanted to." I reply with a huge smile.

She just rolls her eyes and pulls at the bottom of my shirt so our lips crash together again. Within seconds Jessie makes my heart rate nearly jump out of my body. And then Jessie begins to bite down on my lower lip and then gently sucks on it causing my knees to almost give out so I wrap my arms around her tighter and she bites down on my lip again. I moan and realize that it's time to stop.

I pull away and she looks hurt. I try to regain my breath which has now become labored. "Jessie…I…" I say through breaths.."I think we need to slow down…we don't have to…go so fast."

She smiles and says in a mocking tone, "Do you have to be so considerate?"

"Well…yeah," I say finally controlling my breath, "I don't want your parents to hate me." I frown growing serious.

"Good point," Jessie finally states. "So…"she continues.

"I um…should leave...I ah may have things to do at home…and speaking of your parents they may be coming home soon." I say guessing.

"Can you stay? It's the weekend," Jessie reminded me.

"I completely forgot…I was too…distracted by everything today."

"Yeah…well…I'd like you to stay…if you want," she added.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll stay if I can rush home for a little while and take care of a few things and when I come back we can talk or do whatever you want." I said happily.

Jessie looked nervous for some reason. I frowned trying to think of what she might be thinking. "Jessie. I want you to be my girlfriend, but that doesn't mean we aren't still friends. I want to talk to you and joke with you…and just be with you, nothing has to change if you don't want it to." I said trying to ease the nervousness out of her.

"How do you do that?" she asked calmly.

"What?" I asked quietly.

"I don't know…know what I'm thinking…or feeling," she asked.

"Lucky guesses," I said smiling happily. "But really Jessie, nothing has to change. You set the pace. You can ask me anything and we don't even have to have the label of girlfriend if it's too soon or too much. I just want you to be comfortable."

"I told you,'' Jessie stated, then paused…"you make me feel safe and I want to be your girlfriend," she said smiling.

"Ok," I said nearly ecstatic. "So when I come back you don't have to um…hold my hand or anything in front of you parents or anything, you know that right?" I asked looking into Jessie's eyes.

"Yes, yes," she said nearly in an exasperated tone.

"Ok," I replied holding my hands up as though I was under arrest.

She laughed and then wrapped her one arm around my waist and placing the other on my shoulder, cupping my neck, pulling me closer, kissing me again, very gently and softly. I placed my hands on the sides of her face and slowly trailed her jaw line with my fingertips. She smiled into the kiss and I tried to break off of her mouth. "I have to go now or I'll never leave."I mumbled into her soft lips.

"I can live with that," she replied laughing lightly.

"Jessica Sammler!" I said in shock and looked in her happy, shimmering eyes.

"Katherine Singer you had better come back or you are not going to have a happy girlfriend," she replied with her hands on her hips.

I just stared at her, my mouth open…Jessie could look really…ah..attractive when she's angry. "Scouts honor," I replied doing the hand symbol thing.

She laughed and added, "You used to be in the girl scouts?"

"Yeah," I said frowning, not seeing why she wouldn't believe that, "for a brief period of time until the kicked me out for being too hyper and doing too many cartwheels."

Jessie then doubled over laughing and fell onto the bed. Then I saw the perfect moment and seized it. I tickled her gaining more laughter which was why this was one of my favorite activities to do with Jessie and just as she was about to cry from laughter I got up and rushed to the door, "Hey, not fair!" she called out.

"I'll make it up to you," I called back over my shoulder and then I was half way down stairs. I knew Jessie couldn't catch up to me because she hadn't even caught her breath yet and then I was outside, starting my car and rushing to get back to my house.