We made our way downstairs slowly descending the stairs. Time to be an actress, I thought in my head. But if I can fool a school I can do it in front of Jessie's family. Before we round the corner into the kitchen to head to their big table she turned around and gave me a soft kiss on my cheek. I gave her a crooked smile as if saying thanks and she smiled back. I always liked that, how we could communicate silently. She turned back around and I followed her. Taking a deep breath I sat down at the table sitting across from Lily and Grace and Zoey as Rick sat at the head looking tired.

"How are you girls?" Lily asked kindly.

"Good," I replied calmly, "How have you been with your new job?"

"It's going better, still a little stressful," she said back honestly. "How's school, Grace has so many projects going on I can't keep up with them."

"Oh the usual, I try to focus but my attention span is like…woooh look at that," I say with a hint of laughter in my voice. Zoey laughs and Grace just shakes her head a bit.

"What," I ask Grace in a light hearted tone.

"Nothing, you still manage to get the grades is all," she responds nonchalantly.

"I do not," I say frowning, looking at the food in front of me that makes me mouth water. While I'm looking at it my mind wanders and I'm glad no one realized I had to be taken to the hospital, being a part of gossip is not my idea of fun.

"Yes you do," Jessie says lightly. "I've seen your papers," she says gently, "I've even thought about saving them to use them for next year," she says in a sneaky voice.

"Oh hah, you cheater," I say poking her in her side, but that's smart of her. I just don't think about my grades because I rarely glance at them. I get them back and shove them in my locker or backpack, it's not worth it, I mean it's not like I'm about to go tell my parents I achieved anything, they wouldn't care either way, so long as I don't get into trouble they couldn't be bothered.

"I'm sure your parents are happy about that," Rick says, breaking me from my train of thoughts. I look back up at the table first at him then Lily who's looking at him and me. Jessie puts her hand on my thigh and gives me a gentle squeeze for support inconspicuously.

"Yeah," I fake happiness. "They gave me the car after I made honors a couple of times," I say modestly, even though I made high honors and the real reason is because my mom didn't want to drive me around anymore so she could be more independent and maybe sit home and be depressed. Jessie squeezes my thigh again and I look at her, she gives me a coy smile, knowing I'm downplaying my grades.

"That's nice of them. I'm so proud of all the ladies in this family," Rick says contently. I nod my head.

We continue to make light conversations and the topic drifts to clubs at school, what everyone's planning to do over the holidays coming up and soon enough everyone's finished eating. I look at Jessie's plate happy that she had a good amount of food as I was the last one sitting, trying to eat the last few bites of my second portion. Jessie looked at me happily.

"Thanks Lily. That was great," I say happily, lightly patting my stomach for emphasis. She laughs and says she's glad I liked it.

After taking my dish into the kitchen I tell Jessie I have to go back to my house and clean up things but I'll pick her up for school tomorrow. She hugs me by the front door and I wave to everyone, saying thanks again and step out. Jessie closes the door behind me after she watches me head to the car.

After I step inside my own house, I take a deep breath after looking around at the dismay. I go to my room and grab a my Beatles CD and head back downstairs knowing I'll need something to keep me in a good mood now that I'm forced to clean the whole downstairs. I place it in the player and press play and Hello, Goodbye starts playing while I grab a bottle of water from the fridge.

I start cleaning the kitchen, throwing out the broken dishes and putting everything back in its place. I start to dance around a bit as I sweep and in less than five minutes the kitchen is neat again. I go to the living room and start picking up a few small tables that fell over, a bookshelf that fell and magazines that fell out. By now I Am the Walrus is playing so I dance around some more half done with the room. Moving the couch into place where it was before, grunting with the effor. I picked up a potted plant I got months ago and place it back near the window, glad it wasn't destroyed. When I turn around, my mom is there and I nearly run into her, not noticing her come in with the music playing. She tilts her head and asks if I've gone grocery shopping with an odd nonchalant tone.

"No, I…" I say back with a tired voice. She slaps me across the face before I can think to say anything else. In shock I turn my head and put my fingers gently to the stinging pain. I'm sure there's going to be a red mark there.

By now Eleanor Rigby is playing and I find it oddly fitting. Really look at all the lonely people…maybe my mom is lonely. She and my dad should have gotten a divorce years ago. They rarely see one another. But I gave up trying to understand why she is the way she is. I used to think it's the depression and the drinking that she uses to try to mask it but either way it's no excuse and I can't change her.

"You were supposed to go and pick things up," she says almost screaming.

I stare down at her. It's odd how I'm taller than her, by at least six inches. But she still gazes at me coldly as if fighting for dominance. I'm tired of this game so after a quick glance at the room that's now clean and the way it used to look I turn to head back to my room. I go over and turn off the player in the process and leave it there wanting to get away from her, not wanting a confrontation.

She's right behind me though and she grabs my shoulder, harshly turning me around, my back slamming into the wall. I clench my jaw. There's nothing to say to her, it only angers her more. I put my hands up protecting my upper body and my arms are near my ribs, making sure they're covered. She doesn't care though. She punches me in the face. In the face! She's never punched me, a slap, a few slaps but never a punch. I rest my head against the wall, in shock for the second time as I lift my hand to my mouth and nose, looking back down seeing small, dots of red.

"Go shopping, now," she demands and I can smell the wine on her breath. I wipe my nose and look at again. More blood appears. Damn it!

"Ok, I'll go now," I say without any emotion. I push off against the wall and go to the kitchen and grab a paper towel, running it under some cold water before I dab it under my nose and on my mouth. I walk to the front door and grab my keys. Before I leave I glance at the clock, its 8:45. I'll be back in a half hour and I'll by her some pasta or something so she doesn't start complaining.

"Here," she says coming to me and gives me fifty dollars, placing it gently in my hand as if what happened a few minutes ago never happened. I try not to flinch when she touches me but I take a step back defensively. She looks at me without any readable expression and I leave.

At the grocery store I keep my head down, thinking about what we need. Things that don't need a lot of work, pizza, bread, cheese, blah blah blah. I walk around putting whatever in, the usual and some fruit. By the time I get everything loaded in the car and back to the house, carrying all the bags in I see her sitting in the living room, with a glass of wine. I try to put everything away as quickly as possible and place something in the microwave for her while she's in the bathroom. I put it in a nice bowl and set it on the table and am about to make my way to my room after ten minutes of that she says coldly, "I wanted a sandwich."

"Um, the deli was closed. They weren't making them anymore," I say with a slight shrug. Again for the third time she punches me in the face and this time her wedding ring catches on my lip. I can feel the small cut. On instinct I cover my face with my hand and run upstairs.

She doesn't follow me, I hear her moving around in the living room. Her glass scrapping the table as she probably indulges herself some more. I look around my neat room and my books and feel as though I'm in a tunnel. Some noises are pitched and are overwhelming while others sound like I'm under water. I look at my alarm clock near my bed. It's almost ten o'clock. I walk over to my mirror and look at myself. My nose isn't broken but it looks different. It's not bruised but it looks a little worse for wear. My lip looks worse. It's swollen a little… it looks like a bug bite. I quietly make my way to the bathroom and splash some cold water on my face and put a dab of Neosporin on my lip thinking that when she gives me that ring, which she will when she dies, she'll probably leave it in her will since she has no one else to give it to I'm going to pawn it.

For a second I feel sick, everything catches up with me. Now that I'm not in shock anymore it plays over in my head and I shake my head to make it stop. I hear a plate crash and shatter downstairs. Ugh! I can't do this again. I run on instinct again, feeling like a zombie as I grab my back pack, another bag and stuff a few clothes in, a pair of sleeping shorts and a red tank top. I don't know where I'm going to go but I'll figure it out after I get in my car. I open my window and slowly climb out, careful to not make much noise.

After I close my bedroom door and shut the light off. Once outside my window I close it slowly and toss my bags on the ground. I step over to our big tree, happy that I put some planks of wood in it years ago when I loved to climb trees. Slowly I work my way down the tree, almost hugging it for support and I leap down after it's a safe enough distance. Gathering up my bags I take out my car keys that were still in my pocket and slip in.

Five minutes later I find myself in front of Jessie's house. It makes the most sense. At the same time I don't want to upset her, but I can't sleep in my car. I'll freeze, but how am I going to get to Jessie? Looking around the dark surrounding I see a hidden trellis; a strong, sturdy looking wooden structure near Jessie's window. Perfect. Thank you, someone or something. Looking around the car to see what I need to take with me I leave my back pack and grab my overnight bag, quietly close my door, lock it and make my way to the convenient structure.

Making sure the bag is set, I have it wrapped around my body and out of the way so I don't get caught in it, knowing me. I place my hands on the wood and slowly begin to climb, making sure my feet are placed securely.

After a deep breath I heave myself off of it and make my way to Jessie's window. I don't know what time it is now but I know she likes her sleep and tries to go to be earlier than me, a night owl.

Suddenly I feel really bad for disturbing her and consider leaving but I'm not sure if I can make it down, going up was easier. I lift my hand about to tap on her window and pull my hand back, still debating. When a chill spreads up my spine I let my knuckles lightly knock against her window. I wait a minute and she hasn't moved. Taking a deep breath I knock a little harder and I hear her move and turn on her light. She looks around her room groggily and I tap her window softer. She turns her head, focusing her eyes and looks at me. She looks surprised but not scared.

She gets out of bed, wearing long, thin pants and a worn in t-shirt. I smile thinking she looks adorable, hot even. Any girl that can look great in just a plain t-shirt makes me swoon. She lifts the window up and looks at me curiously then her face turns to horror and she puts her hands against my face.

"What?" I ask worried.

"Your nose is bleeding," she says with deep concern and annoyance. I lift up my hand and run my fingertips underneath my nose and look at it. There's blood there. Huh, the climb or the exertion must have done something.

"Oh," is all I can say without thinking.

"Katie, get in here," she says gently but with an undertone of command. I lift myself up from my kneeling position and make my way into her room once I put my bag down on the floor.

"I'm sorry…I didn't exactly know where to go and I don't want to get you in trouble. I could leave and maybe go to Tad's," I say a bit above a whisper.

"You're staying," she says in a tone that means there's no debating it.

"Oh ok…but I'm sorry for you know…waking you up and freaking you out," I say just as I lift my leg in and am now completely in her room. She looks at me and before I can fix my shirt that got twisted and move my hair out of my eyes that was partially obscuring my view her arms are tightly around my shoulders. I stand there for a moment and then my arms wrap around her after getting used to her strong hold.

"Jess, I need to breath," I say into her neck. She quickly lets go and looks at my face again, lifting her hand to…

"Don't. Please," I say catching her wrist. She looks at me sadly. "I…I don't like you seeing me like this." I say gently. She nods and retracts her hand, placing it on my waist.

"I'll go get our first aid…"she says looking at me and then turns slowly and heads downstairs. I stand for a few more minutes until I realize I how exhausted I am and I take a seat on the edge of her bed, pulling at the bottom of my shirt. She comes back up, her footsteps like ghosts and sits next to me. She gently places her fingers under my jaw and turns my head so I'm looking at her instead of the floor.

"Do you mind if I…"she asks considerately, tapping the kit that's resting on her lap.

I shake my head slowly, looking at her for a split second and then focuses on her walls. She silently sets to work on unwrapping some alcohol swabs and cotton.

I close my eyes not liking the smell and the fact that she's doing this. Not that I don't love her for doing this. I hate that she's doing it though, that she's seeing this side of my life. I wish I could keep it buried and not have to deal with it. But she's making light, feathery touches on my jaw as if to bring me back to look at her. I slowly open my eyes and she looks at me without judgment or pity, compassion is there instead.

"Katie..Did your mom do this?" she asks gently even though I think she already knows the answer.

I clench my jaw and force myself to not think about it but she senses how tense I am and repositions her hand so that its resting on my neck. Her fingertips slowly rub back and forth against the back of my skin, her fingertips tangling a bit in my hair and it's so gentle and calming. I sigh before looking back up at her.

"Mhm." I say playing with her blanket, trying to keep myself distracted so I don't become emotional. Jessie picks up the alcohol swab and I hold my breath. She slowly moves it under my nose and softly makes sure to get it all off. By now some of it has dried a little and I flinch when she goes over the cut on my lip that was covered by the blood. She jumps a little and looks at me apologetically.

"I'm sorry,'' she says sweetly, a few tears forming in her eyes.

"Please don't cry Jess. I'm ok. It's going to be ok,'' I say mirroring what she told me a few days ago.

"I'm trying not to," she whispers.

I look at the ground, annoyed at myself for upsetting her.

"Katie…you can't keep doing this…god, this shouldn't be happening." She finishes growing annoyed.

I place my hands on her sides, rubbing her skin a little to try to keep her from becoming more upset. I move closer to her and rest my forehead against hers not sure of what to say.

"We need to talk to my mom," she says hesitantly, unsure of if she's pushing too much.

"I know," I say calmly. She placed her arms around my shoulders and pulls me a little closer. She moves her head back and looks at me, not breaking her gaze.

"Tomorrow?" She asks, but still has that tone that I always find cute when it seems she's putting her foot down.

Looking at her for a few seconds, getting lost in her eyes that have become bluer now that she's almost cried I get lost in my thoughts about how I've almost made her cry again. I want to make her happy. I don't want to be the cause of..any of this, anything associated with this.

"Ok," I say looking at her whole face. She tries to smile but gives up half way through, the effort wasted. She turns to the wet hand towel she brought with her and gently places it on my lips, wiping away the alcohol, making sure all the bodily and medical remnants are gone.

Once that's done, with her arm still around my neck, still grazing the back of my head and my arms still around her she leans in and kisses my cheek. I'm thankful and I smile slightly from the warmth.

She pulls back and looks at me to see how I am. I look at her tiredly, drained from today and all the emotions. She gets up and goes over to the window, closes it gently and grabs my bag, handing it to me. I take it and say give a gentle thanks.

"You can change in the bathroom. Everyone's asleep."

I nod my head and grab a few things out of the bag, my shorts, tank top, tooth brush and head down as quickly as I can. I hastily change, trying not to glance in the mirror, but I can't help it.

Once I'm fully changed and I've finished everything else I examine myself. I look healthy. I look tired. I look like someone punched me in the face and my upper lip has a definite small cut on that hopefully heal over night, since it's not a deep gouge. I take a deep breath and let it out in a sigh, turn off the light and head back upstairs as quietly as possible.

Shutting Jessie's door gently I make my way towards her bed seeing her already on one side, leaving enough room for me. I get in and try to relax. Jessie turns over to me and looks from my eyes to the rest of my features, lingering on my lips making me paranoid and self conscious that she's looking at the cut.

"It'll go away," I say without emotion. She moves her head back a little and looks into my eyes again as she slowly moves closer and places her arm across my waist, her hand lingering against my lower back.

"I wasn't looking at that," she says with sincerity.

"Then why…" I say trailing off, uncertain why she would stare.

"You have nice lips…you're beautiful," she lets out in a whisper and an embarrassed tone. I look at her, shocked she would say that. I expected something about…well…the cut, the blood, the whole thing, but she didn't. I relax more. She notices and pulls me closer. I don't know what to say, being thrown off guard I shrug.

"Don't you know that?" she asks as if it's crazy I wouldn't think so.

I shrug again. After looking at my reflection a few minutes ago I don't feel that way.

"God Katie, you're so important to me," she says gently, pulling me closer still. Our legs are forced to wrap around each other and my arms pull her in, appreciating her warmth and soothing touches.

"You're important to me," I say inches away from her lips, falling into another haze smelling Jessie's perfume more. I bit my lower lip, forgetting that it makes Jessie want to…

She leans in and captures my lips with hers, not forcefully but soft and delicately, barely touching in fact, just lingering.

I shiver. It feels so good. She pushes against her arm and rests her body against mine. There isn't any more room between us and she stops kissing me, waiting for me to kiss her more. I slowly glide my hand from where it was on her waist, up her side and cup the side of her head and neck as I pull her closer and ask "Can I kiss you?" as my lips barely touch hers.

"You don't always have to ask," she says with a smile.

"I know, but I like to," I mumble into her lips and I push against her a little more.

"Mmmm," she hums and she sounds so musical, not surprisingly. She has a great voice.

I smile into the kiss as she presses hers against mine harder and licks my bottom lip, asking for permission to deepen the kiss. I let out a soft moan that's escaped my lips once our lips meet and my fingers play with her soft hair some more. Without realizing it Jessie's hand has moved from my lower back and rests against my waist, slowly pushing my shirt up and tingling my skin.

I shudder and kiss her more, she pushes the fabric up and slips her hand under, grabbing onto my hip and applying more pressure with her hand as she moves it up and then trails my back with her fingertips while she kisses me harder. I gasp, Jesus. Ok, enough.

"Jess, we need to stop," I say pulling back, moving my hand away from her neck and bringing it against myself, resting it on my leg, over her arm.

"Why?" she asks as she repositions herself. Hovering over me a little, her lips leaving kisses against my neck that turns into playful nips at my neck and jaw.

"Ugh," I say in frustration and the fact I'm enjoying this too much.

She goes back to kissing me, her lips against mine, but not as gentle as before, though not demanding either. I instantly place my arm around her waist without thinking and she takes my bottom lip biting it softly. A moan escaped my lips to my annoyance and Jessie smiles into the kiss she's started again.

I push her away and she sits up, slightly straddling me. God, I'm an idiot, she looks beautiful, painfully so. But I don't want this, I want…

"Jess, I want to go on a date." I say in a rush. She looks at me confused but then a wide smile spreads across her face.

"A date?" she asks happily with curiosity.

"Mhm," I say resting my hands on her thighs but never breaking eye contact. "A real date, like dinner and a movie or something. We can even do something that won't look like we're…together..if you want," I say trying to be considerate.

We haven't talked about how she feels about having a girlfriend. And I get it. It doesn't matter to me, she's Jessie. Not only a girl but she's so many different facets and has many identities. It's not as simple as loving a girl. It's her as a person, not a gender. It's her personality, her voice…

She leans over me some more and takes my lips into her again. I love the feeling too much to say no right now.

We continue for a few more minutes until I feel her hand slowly pushing my shirt aside and moving up to rest on my stomach.

I sit up then, with my arms wrapping around her waist to make sure she doesn't fall while she continues to kiss me but she stops moving her hands. My movements forcing her to put her arms around my shoulders. Our shifted position has made it so her legs are to the side of my hips as I'm sitting up, our arms around each other for balance. I stop kissing her and look up at her while she gazes down at me.

"Jess, I want to go on a date…perhaps multiple before we…" I say trailing off, not wanting to say the words so I bite my lip.

"You need to stop biting your lip," she says as if the only way we're going to have a conversation is if I stop doing what's become second nature to me.

"Sorry." I say with a smile, then clamp my mouth shut.

"Ok," she says gently, then lets out her own frustrated sigh. "When would you like to go on this date?" she asks playfully.

I think it over, bringing my index finger to my lips and looking off to the side as if in deep thought. Tomorrow she wants me to see her mom. We have school tomorrow, I could skip it and forge a note like I usually do if there's something that looks really obvious…that leaves Thursday.

"Hm, Thursday?" I ask smiling up at her. She shifts her hands to the side of my neck and pulls me up towards her delicately placing her lips on mine again but she doesn't try to deepen it this time.

"Great," she says happily once she pulls away.

"Ok," I say with a lopsided smile and then I pick her up and shift my arm so I can move her to the side of me and place her down on her side again.

She laughs lightly and settles into a sleeping position. She turns her back to me and turns off the light on her side table. I edge closer to her. She gets the hint and moves her back into my chest, her whole body fitting into mine. She turns her head, pivoting her whole body and kisses me on the tip of my nose then goes back to her previous state. We lay like that, my arm over her side, holding her protectively and in a few minutes we drift off to sleep.