Waking up proved to be a hassle the next morning, this is always the case with me, but add Jessie into the mix and my arms around her comfortably I see no rational reason to get out of bed. I lifted my head and glanced over at the clock, its bright light telling me it's seven and everyone is going to be up in half an hour. As smoothly as possible I take my arm off of Jessie's waist but her hand catches my forearm and keeps a gentle hold. She turns over and nestles into me more, her arms tucked into her but my arm is still on her side and I try to remove it again. She grumbles and slowly opens her eyes.
"Why are you awake?" she asks quietly.
"I need to leave," I say hugging her a bit.
"No, you need to stay and keep me warm," she says back wittily.
"I'd love to but I promised someone I'd go see her mom…" I say trailing off, my voice becoming void of emotion knowing what the meeting will entail, my mind drifting off to how uncomfortable that situation is going to be. Jessie moves her arm away from her body and places her hand on my lower back, making slow, soothing circles. I close my eyes, enjoying the comfort and she leans in and kisses me on the cheek. After she pulls away I open my eyes and look into hers.
"Ok…she'll be heading to her office at 8 so if you leave now you can catch her at home and that way she'll see you right away," she says gently. I nod my head.
"So I just walk up to her and say hi Karen…sorry to bother you, Jessie told me I should come to you cause my mom likes to hit me sometimes and…" I trail off becoming emotional.
"Hey," she says pulling me in closer , "she's going to do all she can and you know she cares about you, you don't have to tell her anything..you don't want and she'll want to help," she finishes calmly, stroking my arm.
"I know," I say looking at the blankets, "I need to go soon..." I say as I turn over. Jessie lets me leave her embrace and I get out of bed, making my way to my back pack. Scribbling something on a nice sheet of stationary I hand it back over to Jessie, she takes it and reads it over.
"Please excuse Katie, she has the flu and will not be able to attend today, call…." She said trailing off and noticed that I made a forgery. She looks at me unexpectedly. I shrug.
"I do it when I can't go to school, Tad usually drops it off for me, so if you can give it to him, he knows what to do," I say nonchalantly.
"Ok, so I'll see you after school, you'll come over…when you can, when your done seeing my mom?"
"Sure, I.." I take a sigh… "I don't want her to pity me or anything, if we can work it out where I live with one of my brothers..that would be great. I'm sure they'd let me. I mean they know more about me than she does and they're supportive..they know I'm gay and they still love me," I say back looking at the floor realizing that when I told my parents they didn't care for a while and then she became angry, her yelling growing more insistent…I really don't think she cares. By now Jessie is sitting up completely in bed, her covers falling off of her, her t-shirt a little wrinkled but she looks adorable. I smile, forgetting my thoughts and she smiles back lightly. Turning to get the clothes out of my bags I rummage through it and get some dark jeans, a sweater with a hood and another tank top. Jessie's voice stops me from looking for socks and anything else…
"Katie, she's not going to pity you, she'll do her job and she'll do it even better because it's for you," she says soothingly. I nod and stand up to go to the bathroom to change. "Think of it as a date with my mom," she says joking, trying to lighten the mood.
"That shouldn't be hard, she is pretty hot," I say but not really joking. Jessie's jaw drops and I give a crooked smile. Come on, her mom is..um..attractive and that's a compliment, they share the same genes and everything.
"Katherine Singer!" she says in shock. "I don't even know what to say to that," she says exasperated.
"Awww is someone jealous?" I ask with a quirky smile, I find this oddly funny. She glares at me. "Jess, she kind of made you, this isn't surprising and it just means you'll look nice when you're older but you're beautiful so take it as a compliment." I say with a huge grin, I love telling her she's beautiful.
"Fine, you saved yourself right there," she said with her index finger pointed at me accusingly. I laugh lightly and head down a level.
Quickly after changing I stare at the mirror for a second and am a little shocked by what I see. There are some dark circles under my eyes…likely from some bruising and the cut has a scab over it on my mouth. God, Jessie didn't tell me I looked like hell. Shutting off the light I grab the last of my things and head upstairs, Jessie is asleep again, her breathing is calm and steady.
After everything is put away in my bag and slung over my shoulder I make my way over to her and kiss her on her forehead, next to her eyebrow, breathing in her perfume that still lingers and turn to leave but she lightly grabs my wrist and pulls me back, even as she's still snuggled in the same position. I grin as she pulls me closer to her, rolls over, pulls me down and kisses me on the lips, not a very passionate one, but a supportive, sweet kiss. She lets go of my wrist, pulls back, smiles and turns over to fall back asleep.
I make my leave and slip downstairs, careful to not step on any creaky steps. Unlocking the door and quietly stepping outside I'm glad they don't have an alarm system making this easy. Taking a few long strides to my car I unlock it and toss my bag on the passenger seat. It is too early for this, I notice looking at the dew on everyone's lawns and their cars that are still in their driveways…passing out sounds nice right now. Starting the car I glance in the mirror again and then reach into the glove compartment, looking for the little bit of concealor I have, which isn't much. I don't care about wearing make up much…so dabbing a little under my eyes I look in the visor mirror again and am content with the result, everything is covered. Off to go see Jessie's mom…
Before I head to Karen's I make a stop at Dunkin Donuts to grab a cappuccino for myself and some coffee for Karen, why not? It's too early for breakfast, not that I would eat it anyways. Quickly paying and getting back into my car I make sure the coffee is securely in place and drive to Karen's as different scenarios of the conversation playing in my head, growing more and more nervous in the process and sweat begins to bead on my forehead as I work out what I'm going to say, but I stop myself when I find myself in front of their house. Grabbing my cappuccino and her intended coffee I head to the door after noticing its around 7:45. She'll be on her way to work soon I guess as I lift my hand to knock on the door after flexing my other hand to work out some tension. Just as I'm about to tap on it, it opens and Karen steps out, almost running into me. She stops in her tracks and drops her bag.
"Oh god, I'm sorry," I say bending down to pick it up. As I pick it up, balancing the in one hand and setting the other down I wipe my sleeve across my face to get the sweat away and then stand back up once I have everything in my hand. "Here," I say gently, unsure of myself as Karen gives me an odd look as to why I'm here when Jessie isn't and at this hour. Then she looks at me more and her face changes to a look of shock and concern as frowns make their way into her brows and around her eyes.
"Katie…what happened to you?" she asks with a raised tone after she's taken her bag from my hand that was reached out towards her, the other holding the coffee.
"Um..that's…what I came to talk to you about…Jessie said..I mean..I hope you don't mind…me just showing up here…she told me…" I say trailing off, looking at the ground as I feel her staring at me… "I was wondering if I could maybe talk with you," I say looking back up at her. She looks sad and then she takes a deep breath.
"Do you want to talk here or at my office," she asks casually but with gentleness.
"Whatever works for you..I'm keeping you away from your work right now.." I say trailing off again.
"It can wait, you're more important than my work," she says with a slight smile. I smile back, still unsure on what to do. She takes a step back into her house and gently asks if I'd like to come in.
"Thanks," I say taking a step in, glancing at my hands and realize I'm still holding onto two cups. "Oh, this is for you…" I continue, holding out the cup a little ways, "I hope you don't mind, I only got you black…I don't really know what you'd want in it." I say nervously.
"Great, black is perfect," she says taking it from me, shutting the door and moving into the living room. She takes a seat on the couch and I sit in the chair across from it; putting her brief case down and opens it taking out a few note pads and a ball point pen.
Nervously tapping my cup and moving the hair out of my face I glance at the floor and then at Karen who waits patiently for me to begin. A few more minutes of this continues and I can't sit anymore. I get up and start pacing back and forth slowly to try to get myself to relax. I wipe my face again, my long sleeved shirt rubbing across my eyes and cheek. When I take it away and look back at my hand there's make up on it. I stare it and frown knowing that Karen knows before I can even tell her. Placing my hands in my pockets out of nervous habit I stare at the ground again and mumble out…
"I think I should live with one of my brothers and…get emancipated from my parents," I say to the floor.
"Ok," she states calmly, not bothering to start asking questions right now which I'm thankful for. "Who would you like to live with," she asks professionally.
"Probably Thomas," I say with a shrug, "He's great…he's a chef and he's not living with anyone. I think he gets lonely sometimes and he's protective of me…so…that would be nice," I say honestly.
"He sounds nice." She says as though trying to make casual conversation.
"He is, he's the one that taught me how to cook and he's really supportive and kind of a goof ball but he's got a kind heart," I reply happily.
"Do you think he would be willing to become your legal guardian?" Karen asks.
"Sure…I hope so. He lives a couple miles away, I probably wouldn't have to change schools and it wouldn't be that much of a hassle I don't think. I can't see my parents putting up much of a fight," I say gently but sadly knowing that they don't care much about me. She nods her head slowly and continues to look at me without any expression.
"In order for this to plausibly work you would need to get a stable job. It doesn't need to be anything all too serious, so long as you prove that you'll have an income," she says stating the facts. I nod my head in response and frown trying to think of any places that would hire me. There's a new restaurant that opened I could do whatever is available…waitress or dishwashing. A Starbucks opened near Thomas, so that could work. Hmmm…maybe Barnes and Noble.
"Katie?" Karen asks gently.
"Hm…I mean what?"
"Is that going to be an issue?"
"Oh…no. I can go pick up some applications later…" I say dismissively to her concern.
"Alright." She says and pauses, looking me over. "There needs to be a strong reason for someone of your age to petition the court for emancipation. If your parents are going to fight it I would suggest evidence to help your case." Before I can respond I cross my arms over my chest and debate how to say what needs to be said.
"Okay…well…the reason would be…because my mom has become..abuse. I don't know if she realizes it when she drinks but she's never punched me before…" I say drifting off, trying to make my mind stop from replaying the scene in my head. "So...I know it's less than a year left of school and I can leave for college but I think…it would be best to move out," I mumble the last part.
I look up to read Karen's facial expression since I've been looking at the ground the entire time. She's trying not to look visibly shaken but her shoulders have tensed. She takes a deep breath and looks from me to her paper work and back at me.
"There's no easy way of saying this Katie, but we will need to take a few photos of you right now," she says gently. I nod my head slowly expecting as much. I mean I watch Special Victims Unit…I know that there needs to be evidence and visual. Karen slowly stands up and goes to the back room and comes back out with a manual camera. I finally take a seat across from her chair and prepare myself for the ordeal. This creates a mix of so many emotions that its difficult to break them apart, separate them and understand them. It's slightly overwhelming. I place my hands on my thighs and roughly press them into my muscles to my knees and back up in an attempt to release any tension, keeping my head down as Karen gently sits beside me. This is embarrassing…I feel like running out of the house from being forced to share everything I've tried so hard to keep away from people.
"Katie, would you mind if I take a few pictures?" she asks gently, drawing me back to the real world instead of the one in my head where I've made up an alternate world where I have a mother who cares about me, who doesn't drink and overall a mother who makes sure that I never have to go through this.
I turn to her, bit my lip, stop moving my hands on my thighs and force myself to look at her and nod my head. "Do you need me to do anything?" I ask unsure.
"Try to relax and…" she cuts herself off staring at my face more, "you need to take off the cover up," she says gently.
I nod my head, mumble okay and head to their bathroom down the hall. Less than two minutes later I've taken the make-up off, trying to avoid the tender areas and run some cool water over my face.
Taking a seat on the couch again Karen looks me over and looks even more upset. She and Jessie say so much through their eyes that they don't need to verbalize anything sometimes.
After Karen has checked over the camera I lean back into the cushions, pleading for them to swallow me and let me disappear but that dreaming is useless so I close my eyes and pretend I'm back in Jessie's room sleeping in her bed with my arms wrapped around her, curled together, my face buried in the back of her neck, breathing in her smell that so relaxing.
A flash disrupts my thoughts and I squint my eyes tighter and remind myself to relax. Jessie would be holding my hand right now if she could be here…I hope. Actually I don't know if she would in front of her mother. But I know she would at least hug me afterwards, that's something to look forward to. All I have to do is get past this and everything will be okay. Another flash goes off and two more following as I take in deep breaths. I feel my hand being squeezed gently and I open my eyes.
"We're done," Karen says with a slight smile. She seems just as relieved as I imagine I look.
"Okay…do you need any other ones? Was that enough?"
"It'll be enough," she says as some bitterness seeps out.
"Oh…um…do you need to ask me any more questions?" I wonder.
"A few," she says as she gets up from beside me and moves back to her seat, taking her paperwork in her lap. "What is your brother's phone number?" she asks switching back to her professional demeanor. I tell her and she keeps on with the questions.
"Do you remember the doctor who treated you when you had to be taken in from exhaustion?"
I frown trying to remember… "Dr. Cameron," I said sure of myself. She continues to take down notes.
"Have there been any other instances where you've had to be taken to the hospital because of your family?"
I bite my lip before answering, pull at the tips of my fingers and fidget. "Once, last year…a few ribs were broken, but I don't remember the specifics. I kind of blacked out after…it happened," I say while looking at the floor.
"Katie…I know this is difficult but can you tell me what happened before you were taken to the hospital?" She asks concerned. I continue to fidget with my fingers, occasionally cracking them...trying to distract myself.
"I came home from school and the laundry wasn't done. I forgot to go grocery shopping the day before so there wasn't anything to really eat…" I say trailing off, knowing how ridiculous it sounds out loud. "She was drinking when I got back and she had been crying. She's depressed," I say lightly. Trying to defend her, but why am I defending her? Because subconsciously I want there to be a reason for why she acts the way she does? Even though there clearly isn't a reason. Maybe it would be easier if there was one though. Karen nods her head and continues to write down various things, pausing ever so often to look at me.
"What happened once you got inside?"
"Um…I tried to go up to my room but she stopped me before I could make it to the stairs and started yelling at me. I told her she could have gone to the store and then she slapped me. I tried to go up to my room but she grabbed my elbow and pulled me back and so I fell forward on the stairs and…then she grabbed my arm, pulled me up and told me to go get her groceries. I told her I couldn't right then," my voice growing more distant, recalling the event and picturing it happening to another girl that coincidently looks like a twin I could have. "She slapped me and told me to do the laundry. I tried to make my way upstairs again but she pushed into my ribs and pushed me against the wall, I remember it hurt to breathe, because she pressed her arm harder into me…so I told her I would go." I pressed my hand against my head, a headache starting to form a bit, remembering that I agreed because I didn't want her to see me cry or give her the satisfaction that she could elicit such a strong response from me. "Ah…she took a step back and I tried to head to the front door but she pushed me on the stairs and then I felt a sharp pain on my side so I couldn't get up for a while…she told me to do the laundry..so…after I could breathe normally I got up and did the laundry as fast as possible as she sat in the living room. She told me to leave after I was done…when I left the house I called Tad after I got a few blocks away and he came and picked me up and took me to the hospital. I don't remember the rest…apparently I passed out in my car while I waited for him at grocery store parking lot." I finish calmly, knowing I didn't have anything else to share. Karen nods slowly after she's finished writing.
"I'll need to speak with Tad to verify the events and provide more evidence. He might be able to add to it and fill in anything that you may have forgotten," she says in a controlled voice, seemingly set on the case and reaching her goal.
I nod, knowing Tad wouldn't hesitate to do anything for me. He once tried to tell me to move in with him in his own weird way where he attempted to make it sound like a joke.
Karen asked for his number and I gave it to her. She explained that the records for my hospital visit would be documented and easily accessed after I give her my member code and the paper work can be sent to her. I gave her my cards after getting them out of my wallet from my bag and asked if there was anything else. She said it was enough for now, but paused to ask where my father was when I was in the house with my mom.
"He was away on business," I say nonchalantly while shrugging. "He usually is," I continued, but left it in a tone that implied there was nothing else to be said about it.
She nodded her head, stood up and I followed her actions. She stepped towards me and gave me a supportive hug and gave me a reassuring smile. I tried to smile back but not sure if I succeeded. I made my way to the door, Karen opened it and stopped me from walking away by telling me, "Katie, you know you're welcome here, anytime." She says gently but in a way that implies I shouldn't hesitate to stop by if I want to.
"Thanks," I say back with a genuine smile and head back to my car. Once in she smiles and closes the door and after letting out a sigh I drive off.
