Jessie and Katie- everything will change NOTES:

I apologize, this is going to be a pain for anyone to read. I fully admit that I have no desire to write this out, but its been in my head and in notes for months. I wanted to make Katie kind of mean actually and I like the dialog, that's little of it that I worked out. I thought I made her really nice and I figured it was time to tear down the idea that she's the perfect girlfriend. Since no one is perfect.

It has come to my belief that I will never finish this story, as much as its in my head and finished in notes, I'll never finish it so here's the layout so who ever did actually read this knows how it was suppose to turn out and end.

Last I remember…Jessie and Katie were together.

I had it worked out that even though Katie is going through the process of becoming independent from her parents and living with her brother she and Karen talk more and professionally.

In the mean time Katie and Jessie are together but Jessie isn't out to her family or to people in school so she starts to flirt with a guy that's in her school to make it seem to people that she's straight. Grace and Katie watch on from the school parking lot as she flirts and at first Katie gets annoyed and then smirks and Grace eventually comes up and asks shouldn't you be annoyed.

Katie just says yeah, but I see what she's doing, she's not doing a great job but its something she'll have to figure out. Then she'll wait a bit longer till the guy leaves and granted he's a nice guy and Katie vaguely knows him so she doesn't see a huge issue in it.

Later in the week as Katie and Karen keep talking Jessie and Katie start to have tension cause Jessie makes it clear she doesn't want to be out. And Katie says that's fine, she isn't going to force her so again Jessie flirts with the same guy and this time in the hallway of school she brushes Katie off when she asks her if she wants to drive her home so at some point they break up cause Jessie is emotional and overwhelmed (keep in mind I think Jessie is sweet and just insecure and has too high of expectations for herself, in my story she just needs to figure out what she wants and her self value, etc) so Jessie and Katie break up. Its emotional and Katie says she wishes she could be with Jessie but she keeps pushing her away. They agree they love one another and Katie says that should be enough. Jessie isn't sure if it is. So Katie leaves Jessie's attic and goes back to her house where her parents are gone, as always.

The next day Katie calls Karen and they agree to meet at a coffee shop or her office from now on and eventually Katie and Karen end up in court with Katie's mom and dad. Her dad doesn't say much cause he clearly has no idea what to say but her mom says her daughter is lying about the abuse, and that Katie has never been grateful, she's spoiled and it isn't her fault that she's so selfish and then it finally concludes with Katie being allowed to stay with her brother. As Katie leaves the court her mom says she never wanted a daughter and it isn't a loss to see her go so Katie keeps her head up but breaks down crying in her car after Karen tries to talk to her but being Katie (the version of Katie in my story) she's stubborn and pretends everything is fine.

So weeks later after she's moved in with her brother who clearly loves her and supports her she gets a job in a café cause she wants to help buy a couple things at least like groceries and her car and gas and certain necessities. She and Jessie haven't talked, Katie can't bring herself to look at Jessie. Being that she's Katie and she's usually really nice to everyone she just pulls away from people and instead focuses on her job and her school work and for the rest of the semester her grades go up even higher cause she's actually trying and she ends up being third in class after she starts to not be able to sleep and she looks tired often and isn't as boisterous and upbeat as usual. Meanwhile Jessie is the same but tries to act like everything is the same, Katie's just tired so she doesn't bothering pretending, she just wants to get out of high school and go to London somehow. Mind that there would have been some humor thrown in cause Katie's brother is really sweet and protective and its refreshing for her to be in that environment so she embraces it and is relaxed around her brother who she can joke around with, even if she isn't very lively considering she's had to uproot her life and her girlfriend broke up with her.

But before she graduates Katie overhears Grace lecturing Katie about how she needs to talk to Katie cause she (Katie) looks miserable. And then Katie straightens her back more in a way that she tries to convince herself that she's fine and together but she just walks away and doesn't bother to listen to the rest of the conversation.

Grace tries to talk to her and in Grace fashion she tries to get Katie to be honest and open but Katie just looks up from her work as they're in the classroom and says-can you please drop it in a very tired and emotionally wrought voice that makes it seem like she's about to cry so she just can't talk about it and Grace backs off and doesn't try to her again figuring Katie at least knows she can talk to her if she wants. The rest of the day goes on with Katie going through her usual routine of now not talking to people, except Tad who just makes a point to hug her everyday or be goofy to try to get her to smile, which she only smirks, not really genuinely smiling.

One day when she's working at the café a guy comes in and orders his coffee and starts to talk to Katie saying she could be a model and he knows he can get her work and such. Katie frowns and raises an eyebrow and the guy notices she doesn't believe him so he gives her his business card so later than night she talks to her brother about it and she calls the guy to see if its legit so the next day he tells her after a typically, boring day at school that it checks out and so she calls the agency herself and talks to a woman who says she'll be her agent. Two days later the woman shows up at her house and goes over details. She says after she graduates from high school (which is in three weeks) she'll take Katie to London and start her there. In the meantime she starts to meet with modeling coaches, (just think people on America's next top model type thing) to help her learn posture and walking and attitude and such. The woman says Katie is refreshing cause she's honest and Katie shrugs saying she's just tired of people lying so much and says it in a tone that says a new topic is best so the woman tells her they'll go to London after she graduated and Katie is actually happy for a while until she looks over at her brother to see if he can handle her leaving since they've become really close since she moved in with her and he's happy for Katie too.

So Katie keeps going to school and gets training on the side and a few nice but very professional people help her to become more refined. Meanwhile Karen makes a point to come into the coffee shop a few times a week just to talk with Katie. No one noticed at school cause she still walks the same when she's at school and its now quiet so she just does the café work, occasionally trains and continues out the school year focused on school and she's shocked to find out that she got into a college in London. She didn't know she would have been able to go when she applied, it was just a dream but she got in so she's excited and nervous about that. She talks to her agent about being a model and how she still needs to go to college. Her agent is actually happy for her and glad that she wants to pursue her education. Katie also makes other stipulations to her contract.

Soon enough Katie finished up high school and since she's been packing a few of her things for London she's ready to go the day after she graduates and she didn't even go to the graduation but she meets up with Tad much later that night and gives him a big hug. He says the graduation speeches were boring and he fell asleep, she pushes his shoulder and then she tells him she's going to London cause she hadn't mentioned it before. His eyes get larger and then he bluntly asks/basically says-this is because of Jessie (proving Tad isn't an idiot, but a big brother and has been worried about Katie the whole time) and Katie looks away. She stands there with her hands in her pockets but looks up and gives him a hug and says she'll miss him and that she'll fly him out and he can stay with her.

Even though Tad has some money, well his parents do (lets assume) he asks how is she going to fly him there? She smirks and say's my charms of course. And he rolls his eyes, glad to see the old Katie back for a few seconds.

The next day Katie is on a plane to London where she gets settled into a moderate but nice sized minimalist apartment with an exposed brick wall, dark floors, nice lighting a huge bookshelf lining one wall and she then decides to stock up on tons of books so when her agent isn't checking up on her and telling her when to go (a car picks her up and takes her to shoots) she's at school where she's focused on art history for the time being. She liked art and wanted to start there. So she's modeling more and becoming more and more popular month by month and she doesn't really talk to people expect by emailing Tad and sometimes Karen will even email her just to see how she is which Katie thinks is really sweet. She talks with a few models and rarely goes out with them (not romantically, just as friends) so she's focused on school and she doesn't mind modeling, it allows her to dress up and pretend to be someone she isn't so she's surprised that she likes it. So as her popularity rises she's shocked that her agent tells her a fashion magazine wants to interview her. She says she doesn't want to but her agent says it's a good thing and part of the business, blah blah blah so as Katie's popularity rises all she does is spend money on school, her food sometimes when the agency isn't paying for it, lots of books that she burns through and her little car she bought.

So she goes to the interview at a nice restaurant and after the agency picks her up and she's kind of nervous in the car but relaxes by texting Tad and asking him how his life is to distract herself.

At the restaurant she orders a grilled cheese and seasoned fries with water and a milk shake. The interviewer is shocked and Katie reading her mind in a way says she likes to eat, always has. So the interview continues and then it turns and the woman asks/more assumes that Katie has been drinking underage cause there are pictures of her drinking in a bar with other models (one of the few nights she went out instead of staying in) so Katie straightens up in her seat and stops everything she's doing cause she doesn't like the woman's tone. She looks her in the eyes and says those were sherly temples and the woman kind of rolls her eyes so Katie gets annoyed but still remains profession but says coldly, almost resentfully for having to be open about her life-I've had a great role model to never drink. My mother is an alcoholic, I choose not to drink. She finishes coldly and the woman drops it, shocked herself at how Katie disproved her and she moves on to other questions asking why she's never photographed with men with any sexual implications involved, she's always with women in a realistic way or alone and she never does any overly provocative photos. She's never been nude and Katie responds- I don't need to promote the heterosexual normative. It's present enough. I'm also not an actress, I'll be brutally honest and I think that shows in photos. I'm gay, I can't fake an attraction to a guy, its just not in my nature. Its also in my contract that I don't have to be photographed with guys and clothes stay on, she says bluntly.

Again the interviewer is floored but now has some respect for Katie so it ends on a better note rather than the woman trying to get a rise out of Katie. The interview gets printed and is in a good light so Katie is even more popular as she continues school but a break comes up so she flies Tad out for a couple days where she meets him at the airport wearing her new clothes and he's shocked and finds it odd how she looks more refined. Then he falls in love with her car and loves her apartment that has a huge elevator up to it and she bought a nice beg for him and dark blankets and everything for him so he jokes that he's never going to leave and she smirks. Then he says in all seriousness-you only smile when you're getting paid to (my favorite line) and she stops moving around and trying to accommodate him cause his voice is really sad. She just stands and looks him over and asks how he knows? He says he's been getting his older brother to keep in contact with her agent cause without Katie knowing her brother made him keep track. So Tad explains that and says she's looks good but jokes she actually looks like a girl. She stealthily picks up a pillow and hits him in the head.

For a couple days she shows him the town and The Beatles Yellow Submarine and everything and she occasionally smiles but it seems painful. One evening as they're at a fashion event with Tad in a nice but not overly fancy tuxedo and Katie in a nice but classic and simple dress they're politely talking with people and Tad is excited to be surrounded by models and Katie is a little bored so Katie walks away to get a drink (non-alcoholic) and makes her way back over to Tad but runs into someone. She stops dead in her tracks and is lucky she's standing right next to a table cause she sets her drink on in and walks away.

Jessie tries to grab onto Katie's hand, barely touching her hand but Katie flinches away and turns around again trying to make her face appear expressionless. But Jessie can read her eyes that look intense. Katie stands rigid and coldly asks, what are you doing here? As though Jessie is intruding and impeding on her life, which she is in a way. Jessie responds to talk. Katie lightly snickers and tells her-you could have talked to me for months, you should have stayed in the states. Then she shakes her head as though she's trying to clear it and she tries to leave again but Jessie says Katie in a way that makes it seem like she's about to cry. Katie turns around again, this time annoyed and asks irritated, what? There's almost a degree of impatience to her tone as she stands there even though she doesn't have anything to do or anywhere to be. Jessie hesitates looking around at the people feeling exposed but says with sincerity- I love you. I want to be with you.

Katie looks like she's been slapped across the face. She looks around at the people in the room, they're wrapped up in their own things and Jessie just seems really nervous (cause she's out of her element, in a new place, being really honest basically)

Katie's response is-that means nothing. It holds no weight. These people are strangers, they don't matter. Your family matters to you and they aren't here so your declaration falls flat. Katie says without emotion. And she starts to turn away but Jessie barely gets out the word-Katie?

But Katie stops again and looks at Jessie in the face, completely locking eye contact and says-Jess, you aren't my world, you're the destruction of it. This she says with bitterness and resentment, finally some real emotion. Then she finally walks away to the exit, she's sick of being there now. Now that she's walking away Jessie doesn't stop her.

Jessie stands there unable to move but can sense Tad standing next to her at some point. She hasn't let a tear fall but they're brimming her eyes and she doesn't look at Tad, she focuses on nothing and says-that wasn't Katie. (trying to rationalize the moment).

Tad says-no, that's her, she's cold. What did you expect? He asks.
Jessie says…something else, and swallows the lump in her throat.
Tad keeps standing next to her and says, "I don't mean to be harsh but you turned her into that, are you going to try to turn her back or just stand there?" he says trying to be diplomatic even though he's annoyed at Jessie for leaving his best friend as a shell of her former self. (cliché wording, but I'm tired) Jessie finally looks at him, tries to subtly wipe her tears away but goes to the exit, trying to remember the way Katie went. When she gets outside it doesn't take long to find Katie, she's the only one there on this well cared for lawn. Slowly Jessie makes her way over and stands about three feet away from Katie, behind her but to the side and about five seconds pass and Katie startles her by asking what now?

Jessie moves closer to her and finally stands in front of her. Even though Katie looks exhausted and like it hurts her to be there and breathing Jessie can't stop herself from stepping closers, smoothly putting a hand on Katie's waist and the left hand near her shoulder, barely cupping her face as she leans closer and kisses her. Katie resents herself for giving in and sighs, frustrated that she's letting this happen but she hasn't felt Jessie with her touching her and her scent in months, too many months she realizes. And she starts to cry, a few tears slipping out and Jessie pulls back and stops kissing Katie, but remains holding her and even though Katie won't open her eyes as though she's willing herself to not be there but Jessie's voice cuts through her desire to escape.

Jessie-I'm not going to leave, I love you, I'm sorry, she says bluntly but with conviction and somehow with a lowered voice. Katie slowly opens her eyes and they're more intense than before even, but they start to soften just a bit. She extends her hand, wants to touch Jessie but is weary as though touching her will hurt so she pulls her hand back and looks at the ground and Jessie very gently moves closer to Katie but is still careful and very slowly Katie moves her arms around Jessie, encircling her. And she loosens her body to fit with Jessie's and breath's in Jessie's smell as she lets her head fall to the nook of the younger girls neck breathing her in a bit more then pulls back to look at Jessie.

Katie says- I hate that I missed you, but I love you. She says softly, barely above a whisper. Again Jessie leans in and kisses her, this time Katie kisses her back fully and with her own desires instead of kissing her begrudgingly because she missed kissing Jessie. This time she kisses her to make up for lost time, but also kissed her like she was going to get hurt again, it was a kiss with great ambivalence. Jessie sensed that Katie felt like this was still going to be it, after this it would be the end, not the start or a new beginning. Jessie pulled back, looking Katie in the eyes that seemed cloudy and still teary.

Jessie- I promise to tell my parents, I want to.

Katie-Okay Jess. Then smiles and moved her hand to Jessie's lower back and the other to her side to hold her more as she leans in and they kiss again.

I think it's a dull ending, even I don't like it but I wanted to give the impression that Katie gave in. I have no intention of writing this all out, so I guess please be content that this is what you got, since my bones hurt as they sometimes do and as much as I'd love this to be really written out its just not going to happen. Feel free to share your thoughts and thank you for reading these notes. Its all I have to offer. Enjoy yourselves.