I would like to start this off by saying that I respect all of these musicians very much, including the ones that I make fun of. Really, regardless of what I think of their sound, they are musicians, the farmers that toil to feed our ears. However, nothing is sacred. So...

Zexion sat in a chair with his laptop, hitting the "s" key exactly once a second, purely out of boredom.

"Hey there, Zexy."

Zexion glared at Axel over the screen.

"Oh, haha. Don't you feel clever?"

He looked back at his laptop and continued typing in cadence with time.

"So."

Zexion typed for a few more seconds before asking, "So, what?"

"Nothin'."

Axel took a seat on the couch that was facing Zexion's chair and put his feet up on it.

"Nice couch."

Zexion missed a beat. "Get your feet off of it."

"Oh, you don't like that?"

Zexion stopped typing and glared. "Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Stop rubbing your filthy shoes on my couch."

Axel glanced at his feet on the couch, then back at Zexion. "Can I use your computer?"

"No."

Axel rubbed his shoes around on the couch to Zexion's horror.

"W-w-w-w-w-what are you doing?!"

"Getting comfortable. So, Zexy..."

Zexion looked down at his computer, then up at the couch, then back at Axel, who nodded.

In the main hall

Xemnas scratched his chin thoughtfully.

"Come on, you stupid thing!"

Xemnas scratched his chin some more.

"Load!"

Xemnas paced back and forth in front of the breach that Bahamut had left in his mighty wake.

"Yes!"

Xemnas peeked at Roxas, who was doing a victory dance over his PC, then paced some more.

"Roxas."

Roxas gave the superior his undivided attention. "Sir?"

"Go onto the Internet. Look up musicians, famous musicians. No... look up... "
Xemnas turned to face Roxas fully. "Look up Ronald Jenkees."

Xemnas turned towards the massive aperture in the wall to face the sunset and whispered, "he's our only hope now."

Several hours later

The entire organization was busy now, working frantically to find the most famous pop stars, rockers, and musical masterminds in all the worlds, and where they lived. Someone shouted "Pomplamoose!" in the din and was immediately followed by, "Bach!" Roxas lifted his hand and shouted, "does anyone know who Yoko Shimomura is?" Axel smacked him on the back of the head. "Who do you think wrote our theme music, moron?"

"Oh. Right."

They all continued typing, coming up with groups and individuals like 30 Seconds to Mars, The Beatles, Nobuo Uematsu, Three Days Grace, Lincoln Park, Fort Minor, Pink Floyd, My Chemical Romance, The Beach Boys, The Fat Boys, The Boston Philharmonic Orchestra, August Rush, Tay Zonday, Fatso the Piano Cat, Southpaw, Sir Mix-Alot, Eminem, Will Smith, Mozart, Beethoven, Wonder Girls, Arctic Monkeys, Muse, Flight of the Conchords, Smashing Pumpkins, Jascha Heifetz, Yuki Kajiura, Plain White Ts, Rogers and Hammerstein, A R Rahman, Coldplay, Kings of Leon, AC/DC, Rage Against the Machine, Nine Inch Nails, Snow Patrol, The Killers, Tchaikovsky, Tori Amos, Koop, Lonely Island and a certain other band of "Brothers" whose family name stars with a J that the author doesn't think merits free advertising.

Xemnas held up his hands triumphantly and declared, "enough!"

Everyone's eyes shot up from the (macintosh) laptops they had assembled (stolen).

"Now. Send all of the dusks, all of them! We must gather these musicians together and create... THE NEW GREATEST BAND EVER!"

Two Days Later, The Main Hall

Bach, Mozart, and Beethoven were arguing over the placement of a whole note while Fatso the piano cat and August Rush took the opportunity to play with their pipe organ. Marluxia watched the cat with the same interest he would bestow upon a flower before looking over at Luxord, who was playing cards with Natalie and Jack from Pomplamoose. Luxord dealt a rigged hand and glanced over at Roxas, who was busy joining the Black Parade with Vexen. The combined screaming over the microphone between he, Vexen, and Gerard Way was drowning out Namine's muted chorus of "these are a few of my faaaaaaavorite things." Meanwhile, Larxene was flirting with that band whose name starts with a J, and trying to figure out how their pants get so tight. Yoko and Nobuo were trying to find new ways to remix "Those Who Fight" for the thousandth time, Joe Satriani was staring daggers at Coldplay while The Fat Boys and The Beach Boys (and Southpaw and Sir Mix-alot) did the same, Will Smith was trying to ignore the stream of profanity coming from Eminem, Muse shared a small piece of cheese amongst themselves for their daily ration, and Tchaikovsky was humming that infernal f*ck!ng Dance of The Sugar Plum Fairy AGAIN! Come on! Has anyone not heard that song a thousand times?!

Xemnas tried to take it all in. Somehow, if they could all get organized, they could easily become the most powerful musical force ever, and then the castle at hollow bastion could be stormed, and Namine could be rescued from the clutches of The Greatest Band Ever.

Namine thanked Roger's and Hammerstein for her audition and ran past Xemnas to sit with Sa'i'x and watch Jascha Heifetz play the violin. Xaldin and Xigbar were busy trying to share their Sake with Yuki Kajiura and Utada Hikari to no success. The noise was amazing, but quickly silenced when Axel and Zexion burst into the room, one on fire, the other being assaulted with a lexicon.

"You broke it! You soiled my couch and broke my computer!"

They jumped over percussion instruments, slid under benches, ran across the card table, and finally stopped by the pipe organ, where Axel was cornered. In a fit of rage, Zexion raised the lexicon above his head and swung down with all of his might.

There was a "meow?" followed by a deep resounding THUMP.

August Rush looked at the bench next to him. "Fatso?"

Absolute silence descended upon the room, and all eyes fell on Zexion and his massive, flaming tome.


Fatsooooooooooo! Nooooooooooooooo-oh well. Guess we'll see what happens in chapter 4.