Chapter 5: Amok Time
I watched Spock walk away with mixed emotions. I was sad that he was leaving me yet also slightly relieved at his absence, it would give me time to think. I didn't know what to think of Spock. He had been avoiding me for an entire week, and obviously hadn't been happy about the search party pairing. But now he seemed extremely attentive, almost caring- but that was an emotion. Something I know Spock wouldn't show, especially not to me. Oh Spock, why can't I get over you? Geez, how many times have I thought that? One would think after his Pon Farr I would have gotten over him. Pon farr, boy, what memories I've got of that day!
~~ooOoo~~
"We are going to Vulcan." It had taken all of my control not to squeal with delight at that one word, Vulcan. Spock would be so happy! I wasn't sure what was going on with him but knew if both the Captain and Dr. McCoy were worried it had to be awful. I spun around and practically ran out of the room. Spock, I just had to tell Spock the news! When I reached his door I realized I hadn't a clue about what I would say. The last time I had talked to him he had thrown me out of his room. Unfortunately though, when onboard the Enterprise one didn't get a chance to think about what to say when in front of a door- they open automatically. With nothing else I could do, I stepped through the doorway. Spock was asleep on his side. After a moments thought I walked over to him; he looked so innocent in repose. His strong face calm, his dark lashes gently covering his brown eyes. I reached to touch him, but thinking better of it turned to leave. I had just reached the doorway when I heard an enquiring "Nurse Chapel" coming from the bed. Turning around I saw him sitting up.
"Yes Mr. Spock?" he was so handsome, even as he sat up I could feel my legs giving out on me. Darn it! They always do that around him.
"I had the most startling dream" he tilted his head and gazed at me. "You were trying to tell me something, but I couldn't hear you." He moved to get up and instinctually I moved in to help him. Spock held up his hand to stop me and casually leaned on his bar. "It would be illogical for us to protest against our natures." he looked at me and I could feel my heart beat even faster than it was which I would have thought impossible. "Don't you think?" a tear raced down my cheek, dam it, I couldn't stop it from falling. He wasn't saying what I hoped was he? I had better make sure.
"I don't understand." instead of answering me he reached up and touched my wet cheek, wiping away the tear. The instant his hand touched me it was like an electric current went through my body, stopping my heart and stealing all my breath.
"Your face is wet" I had to hold back another tear, he sounded so clueless, and yet knowledgeable at the same time. Get a grip, remember why you are here!
"I came to tell you that we are bound for Vulcan we'll be their in just a few days" Spock looked at the ground, and oddly sad at this news. I didn't understand why, he would, didn't he want to go to Vulcan? He then nodded and looks up, still sad; he said "Thank you." I turned to leave when he called me "Nurse Chapel"
"My name is Christine" why wouldn't he just call me that?
"Yes, I know Christine" He called me Christine! "Would you make me some of that plomeek soup?" I had to force myself not to cry in happiness
"Oh I'd be very glad to do that Mr. Spock." I decided to end my memories of that day right there, if I went further I knew her heart would break again. Hearing Spock talk to that gorgeous Vulcan woman T'Pring and calling her his wife had broken my heart. It had taken some serious crying and thought to put it back together again. As much as I loved and wanted Spock as my own even I was ticked at T'Pring for rejecting my beautiful Vulcan. She didn't want to be his consort, humph! That was all I ever wanted in life- to be Spock's love. I groaned inwardly as I felt my eyes water again. Just what I needed to be crying when Spock came back. Then to my eternal horror I heard him at the entrance of the cave. I moved her arm to wipe my tears but wasn't fast enough- he was here.
"Are you all right Christine?" He walked over and kneeled in front of me searching my face.
"I'm fine Spock. I was just thinking." I could tell by his face that he didn't buy it.
"Very well Christine. I shall prepare you some nourishment." I had to fight back a wave of laughter. He made it sound as though he were making a three course meal. Spock got up and went to his pack; he reached down to grab something from it and then stopped. He turned towards me.
"Do you mind vegetable soup?"
"Not at all, I'm actually a vegetarian." I had made that diet change right after I fell for Spock in hopes that it would help attract him.
"I know you are." He knew? He knew! He had watched what I ate. He cared something about me; at the very least I fascinated him. Another wave of intense hate hit me. How could T'Pring have done that to Spock?! Not only did she betray him but she also forced him to fight his best friend. Logical or not it was an incredibly inhuman act. Spock had fixed the food and was pouring it in little wooden bowls. That was so sweet; he went to so much trouble to make me comfortable. I love you Spock nothing could ever change that. Not T'Pring, not Henoch, not even the Platonians. In that moment I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that I did indeed still love him, and would forever.
