A/N: Anyways I hope you guys like this one. I need to get moving a bit, so transition into the next stage is hard. *rubs temples* I promise next chapter will come by next Wednesday (I have the house to myself!).


3. "I'm a machine...but I'm a funny color."


"Backseat of your family station wagon

Listenin' to mom

100 years of solitude

And only 12 years old…""

~ Cold War Kids,God, Make Up Your Mind


"Stop being such a virgin, just take them off."

A whimper, followed by a boy's uncertainty.

"B-but, …I've never done this before…"

A deep laugh, followed by a man's certainty.

"That's why I'm here to teach you boy. Now c'mere."


"Well father, you should take time with your patient. I'll take my leave now."

Edward made a quick exit but not before taking a quick glance at Jacob. A frown and suspicious eyes glowered at him before disappearing completely. Jacob didn't know whether to be insulted or relieved with the quick exit. Jacob knew the man was obviously freaked, he shook his head. He didn't care to use on the fact. He and Edward had beautiful night. That was it. He'd experienced something pleasant. Something, magical, something that was very beautiful. He didn't need that soft tenderness in his life he couldn't afford to lose more of what he already didn't have to give. He didn't need to be selfish and maybe pursue another night with the Cullen boy. He was completely and utterly alone in this moment.

He stood before the smiling doctor, he stood behind hind his father's chair. Perhaps he would forever be forced to push the image of what he could never be.

"Please, come in."

Unable to take the bright smile any longer ,Jacob wheeled his father in.

Dr. Cullen's office was white with a single blue line going around the square offices middle. The walls had tall brown wooden book shelves staked with medical dictionaries and references. The books didn't vary in color and were in a variation of dark blue or a slate gray. Jacob knew they were probably filled with diseases he had never heard or be able to pronounce. The desk was the center piece, and was a black wooden desk mixed with some metal for reinforcement. The was a globe on the windowsill with white blinds, and a skull sat on the heater. The two chairs in front of the desk were basically gabled metal with cushions on it and far less comfortable looking than that of the rolling desk chair behind the desk.

Dr. Cullen was kind enough to remove the extra chair so Billy's wheel chair could take it place.

He immediate went behind his desk as Jacob made himself get as comfortable as possible. The doctor's long finger's made a move to adjust the golden name plate with 'Dr. Cullen' on it. He also shifted the picture frame filled with an image of a young Dr. Cullen, a woman, and three children in the photo. The way their perfectly white teeth gleamed you'd think Carlisle was a dentist.

"So I'd like to be blunt, we're all men here of course." the doctor began.

Jacob nodded, even though he had no idea why.

"How long have you been sexually active?"

Jacob nearly sputtered at the doctor's bluntness. It was intrusive, not only that Billy was here. Should he lie? Should he tell the disgusting vivid truth? Billy looked over expectant at his son. Billy's eyes were soft, almost concerned. Jacob couldn't lie about when it started.

"…." he mumbled.

"What?"

"I was twelve when I became as you put it, 'sexually active'." Jacob said.

He wanted to crawl in a hole.

"When did you initially start having sex." the doctor became pensive looking.

Billy leaned to the left as though to hear Jacob's answer better.

What was Jacob to say, I had sex with a twenty something year old man when I was twelve. Jacob couldn't answer, what could he do. Billy was right there, he'd find out that he-that…oh god. He couldn't do this. He could imagine the doctor next inquiring about his sexuality, and Billy flipping out on him. He could almost picture the look from concerned parent to undisguised, unabashed hatred in an instance. He clenched his hands together. Why did he have to be so strange? Why did he have this sick attraction to m- no he wouldn't say it. He would never admit to it, never to Billy. Everyone would know, everyone. What would he do then, where would he go. This was all he knew. Jacob wasn't ready to say anything else.

"Billy, I'm leaving."

The boy stood p but the doctor made no move to stop him as Billy sputtered and cursed him as he yelled for his son to come back.

What did Billy know, he hadn't been a parent until now.


Jacob didn't go home that night, he and Paul spent it huddled up in Paul's small room that was littered in papers. Most were newspaper articles, some random magazine tear outs, and a few things that were printed. The mess ultimately just formed out a series of strange stories and freak accidents. The were a few scribbles by the window and some drawings done on his bed post with sharpies. Needless to say Paul's room smelt like the markers themselves. It was a nice enough place to stay.

"What happened?"

Paul was concerned enough to look up while undoing Jacob's pants.

Jacob didn't answer and only pulled Paul further up the bed for a kiss. Paul responded and pressed his tongue into Jacob's mouth. Jacob eagerly sucked on it eliciting a moan from Paul. Paul reached between them and finished unzipping Jacob's jeans. He stuck his hand into the opening and rubbed at the other boy's erection.

Paul moved from Jacob's mouth and began to suck on his neck.

"Ah- that feels so good…" Jacob moaned out.

Jacob began to rub himself at the same pace Paul was setting. Yes, Jacob thought, he needed this. He didn't to think about Billy, Edward, or his problems. He needed to just feel good right now and Paul was the one to do it.

Paul leaned up moved his hand and began to use it to lift up Jacob's shirt. He got it over the others head and tossed the long sleeved gray shirt to the ground. He leaned up further to pull off his bright red shirt and tossed it over his shoulder and made a feast out the now exposed skin of Jacob's chest.

He licked up the center and bit on his collar bone. He pressed himself hard against Jacob and pushed a leg in between Jacob's warm thighs. Jacob tried to continually grind against Paul's leg to create friction. He was acting needy and desperate, he wanted to skip all the stupid foreplay and have Paul fuck him into the mattress. He felt Paul's hand drift down into the waist band of his underwear. They were taking this way to slow, they both still had their pants on.

"Stop…no….forget that ..Paul, I just want you to fuck me, please." Jacob moaned out.

If Paul was aroused before, he grew even stiffer through his pants.

Paul pulled away from Jacob. He got off the bed and retrieved his shirt from the floor. He slid it back on while Jacob still lay back on the bed in some shock of what just happened.

Did Paul just rebuff him?

"Paul?"

His voice was little hoarse and a thin sheet of sweat covered him.

"What?" the other boy answered from his new place on the floor. The other appeared be sifting through a shoebox full of papers. Paul was visibly annoyed with a pensive scowl painting his face and he sat down Indian style. His erection was still very evident by the tenting in his pants, so Jacob wondered why he didn't go through with it.

"What just happened?"

Jacob leaned over the side of the bed, not even bothering to look for his shirt or zip up his jeans. Paul had seen him in less.

Paul's shoulders tensed as Jacob came to lean over him to better see what he was doing.

"What just happened is that I'm sick and tried of having you mother fucking using me." Paul said in dark tone.

Jacob rolled his eyes.

"I don't use you, we're friends Paul, we share things!"

"The stop using me for sex every time something doesn't go your way! You've always been like this, you don't care about anything but yourself. You never tell me anything…."

"That's not it Paul. We're supposed to be friends, I tell you things."

Paul stood up, only proving how physically disproportionate their heights were. Paul turned around to face Jacob. Paul seemed a bit livid. He inhaled and shut his lids tightly.

"Look we're not doing anything tonight."

He stood up walking over the light switch. He flicked it off leaving the room dark except for the glow of distant street lamps from he window. Jacob frowned. Paul crawled in next to him and Jacob laid to his side. His back faced away from Paul.

The weight of the other caused the bed mattress to sink down a bit. Paul was laying on his side. He reached out, He slid a hand under Jacob side an his other arm went over and wrapped around Jacob's smaller frame. He pulled the boy in slowly, cradling him desperately into his body. Jacob was genuinely alarmed. Paul was not the type always need this kind of touching. While he initiated small caresses and tentative pats he never hugged or felt affection on this level.

"Shh…., please just let me hold you right now."

Jacob fell silent.

The tense silence went about the room for several moments before Paul spoke.

"My mother was dying, you know when she dumped me with Sam."

Paul sighed, Jacob was unable to see his expression.

"She died about a week ago."

Jacob felt something wet hit his shoulder, nevertheless he said nothing.


There's always a strange clarity when you know someone is going to die. You come to terms with it, you come to appreciate the time spent with them. You want to know everything about them. You want to watch them breath at night to make sure it doesn't stop. You want to say some many things, you just can't express in words. You just want to say thank you, you want to thank so much. Jacob knew Paul wanted to say these things about his mom. He wanted to, I love you, please don't die. Jacob knew in the end Paul could not, he didn't love his mother but he mourned her passing as anyone would. Jacob knew Paul best, and Paul was eternally grateful for their semblance of something.

Paul tensed in the tub, the water was still warm.

She was not a mother, she sent her son away when he needed her most.

Paul was a boy trapped in family that quickly fell apart at the absence of a father who was never truly around in the first place. His mother who treated him like the ghost of his father, she yelled at him whenever he came home, and cried when ever he left.

"Oh God Tom, please don't leave me again."

She clung and sobbed into his clothing.

"I HATE YOU! I hope you die! I hope you rot in hell."

His mother was an emotional roller coaster that left Paul dizzy and nauseous. He was sick with the notion that his mother most of time had no clue who he was, and seemed not care and continuously brought home strange people. They'd break things and most of the time that Paul spent at the home was cleaning up after his mother's and her guest's leftovers. The leftovers, consisted of broken glass, cigarettes, some roaches, bear bottles, and a few other unsightly items.

Paul could remember waking up one morning and his father was gone; a few articles of clothing were missing and his car wasn't there. As a childe he imagined his father crawling on his belly and trying to slide out the window to escape his mother's clutches. He knew now that wasn't it. He walked out the front door. His father was a tall man who eyes looked like he'd seen and hell. The man's frame reminded Paul of a bent spoon, hunched over and looked like it was trapped in despair. He dug himself into a hole, marrying the woman who he so deeply fell in love with in high school only to discover she was a completely different wife.

For the most part, Paul knew he tried to be a father. But he was man fresh out school with a five year-old waiting for him to come home every night. He wasn't ready he was merely a child raising a child. His father, coddled all his life now had to care for a woman, and a little boy.

Responsibility?

No, he needed to go. Paul was a punishment in his eyes.

He didn't miss his father, and he felt only a deep sadness for his mother. He didn't need them though, he never had. He practically raised himself, from the microwave dinners to burnt toast. He had no one on parent teacher night, an empty seat at his middle school graduation, and a dark home to go to. He joined sports and managed to pay for the uniforms, he was okay. He raised himself just fine. Why did he even have parents in the first place?

Jacob snored and Paul squeezed the boy tightly to him.

Yea, he was doing alright.


Thanksgiving with his family didn't happen, most of it was spent with Jacob locking himself in his room and Billy alone downstairs going through old photo albums. Jacob hated the delirium Billy brought around the holidays. This was the loneliest time of the year, Paul was long gone with the Uleys and would be gone again for Christmas. Jacob didn't allow a thought of spending those days with James fester in his mind. He shuddered at the disapproving look James would probably shoot him if even inferred. James had enough shit with Victoria and didn't need a 'boy' around the house to take care of as well.

He sat in the dark living room watching TV. Billy informed him that his sisters would be in town for thanksgiving. He narrowed his eyes at the TV, it was only a saving grace that they would be staying at the already cramped house. They stay over at the motel in Forks and drive on over. Jacob stood up. He made his way over to the stairs.

"Jacob! Don't forget to but some coffee in town."

Jacob was getting even more annoyed. Why couldn't Billy just do things himself!

He made an about face as he heard Billy's zipping about the kitchen. He'd do the stupid thing, if only to leave the house. Being in the home the same time as Billy made it feel cramped anyway. Billy's presence was something that prevented him from doing any of normal home activities. He hadn't used his razor in a while he felt a physical craving to just cut himself a little. But this was vacation, and Billy seemed to lurk around every corner. The briefest of minutes he was truly alone was spent in the bathroom with his razor, which eagerly slid open his skin to reveal the red dribbles underneath.

He felt a bit jittery, he needed a smoke.

Jacob slid on a heavy coat to protect himself from the chill of late fall. He slid on a comfy set of shoes and made his way to the door.

He slammed the front door shut and made his way down the path and up the road.

He slipped his cig out his pocket and lit it with his new orange lighter, the cheap kind. Probably wouldn't last too long. He took a puff as he walked, the feeling warmed him up a little. He'd been feeling rather dry lately. Everything was rather dry as of late.

Edward, who Jacob hadn't seen since seeing Carlisle, was obviously avoiding him. The man lived in the next town that Jacob practically lived in, and he hadn't seen him once. He was taking an effort just not to be around. The fact was that Forks and La Push put together weren't all that big. However, he wasn't seeking the man out, he just kept an eye for him.

Sex with a stranger wasn't new. It was gratifying to say in the least.

Jacob gave a dry cough from inhaling too deeply.

Shit, he couldn't forget that night.

It was beyond reason absolutely mind blowing, he wanted it again.

Jacob threw the remainder of the cigarette down on the moist road. He snuffed it out and continued trekking.

Edward, was a former resident of Forks from what he gathered. His father was very proud of his son. Unlike Billy who always seemed to hide him under a rug. He gritted his teeth, sometimes he wondered if Billy knew his horrid truth and that was why he hid him. Jacob frowned and stomped further down the road as a car whizzed on by.

He was getting himself worked up over such a small thing.

Jacob paused to look up at the midday sky. It was an ashen gray with peaks of the sun poking out from small holes in the fluffy clouds. He looked pensive for a moment but shook it off. Why was he thinking about everything now. He clutched again at wrist, a nervous habit. Nothing was ever okay, but he sighed and continued up the road.

He was to get coffee nothing else.


Rachel was the type of person who'd spend money on frivolous things. She wasted money on facial mask that promised to de-age the skin twenty-years, Then there are cleaning products that weren't even English, she was utterly foolish, she didn't care about anything that was within her little cautiously drawn circle, Jacob just loathed her.

She never came home for holidays and she usually sent Jacob's birthday cards to the wrong address up the road. Half of the cards didn't even know ho old he was.

Rebecca, was worse. She never had anything to say. She'd glare at Billy most of the time and did not even acknowledge Jacob most of the time she appeared.

The door was knocked on hard, Jacob made a move to answer, dreading it already.

He swung it open.

"Hello little freak."

Rebecca.

"Hey there Jakey!"

Rachel.

He gritted his teeth unsure of who to be more annoyed with. They pushed pat him revealing a an awkward looking man behind them. The man sheepishly scratched behind his head, before giving a tentative wave. He was tan, but not as dark looking as Jacob. His hair was an array of dark brown with light brown highlights.

He looked lean but he wasn't too tall.

"Hello, I'm Rebecca's fiancé, Ken."

Jacob's mouth fell open, that was a surprise.


Dinner was an array of clinking forks and scrapping knives. Billy looked uncomfortable, Rachel looked dreamily around the table, Rebecca had a scowl was constantly whispering harshly at Ken who looked around nervously. Jacob tore through his turkey eager to observe. Hopefully this will end in an argument and he'd be able to just go out or something, probably sleep over in someone's car whatever just anything more casual than this tense dinner. He shoved a fork full of rice into his mouth, he noticed Ken touched none of his turkey but ate up anything else.

"So, you don't like Sue's cooking?" Jacob said.

"Huh?" Ken looked up from his plate, "Oh, It's all delicious but I'm a vegetarian."

Jacob raised an eyebrow.

"I see, yeah that's okay too."

Billy cleared his throat.

"So Ken, was it?" Billy began.

"Yes, sir?" Ken said trying to be as polite as possible.

Billy narrowed his eyes, "How long have you been engaged to my daughter?"

Rebecca rolled her eyes, "Dad, that's none of yo-"

Ken looked thoughtful but cut Rebecca off, "Not too long sir, two weeks."

Billy nodded, "Uh-huh."

Billy folded his hands and shot Rebecca a look. Rebecca glared down the table at Billy. Jacob twirled the fork in the air. He sighed loudly but was ignored as Rachel began to take in the drama unfolding with glee.

"I mean it was only appropriate, since we had the baby and-"

"….WHAT?!"

"Sir...I-I figured you know, it shouldn't well, …um you know-"

"WHAT THE HELL REBECCA! TELL WHEN DID THIS 'BABY'HAPPEN?!"

"I DON'T THINK THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS FATHER!"

Jacob covered his ears at the noise. This how holiday dinners always were, Billy and Rebecca always found something to argue about. The baby was a shock but Jacob knew this was going to happen, when his sister ran off to college there were no more 'family dinners'.

"YOU THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE MOTHER DIED IT GAVE YOU T?HE RIGHT TO STOP BEING A FATHER?! FUCK YOU!"

"DON'T YOU DARE TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME OR I'LL-"

"YOU'LL WHAT BILLY? WHEEL YOUR ASS AROUND THE TABLE AND HIT ME? HA-!"

"I SWEAR TO-"

"Billy.." Jacob tried.

Kevin looked scared, Rebecca was clutching her glass and looked ready to throw it at Billy. Kevin for the most part looked like he'd seen better days.

"YOU-"

"I SOHULD'VE NEVER-"

Jacob pinched the bridge of his nose.

"BILLY!"

"What!" Billy gave Jacob his attention.

"I'm leaving, I'll be back tomorrow." Jacob said standing up and pushing his chair back.

"Fine!"

Jacob gingerly made his way around the house, grabbing a hat his heavy coat and a scarf. He slipped on his sneakers and went to the door.

"SHUT UP! I'M SO GLAD I LEFT HOME!"

"I'M GOING TO-"

He slammed the door shut behind him.

Yep, things were normal.


Jacob spent the night sleeping in the park. The chill of night was better than being at home. He made his way into the market and called up James who sounded pleased to hear from him.

James pulled up pretty quickly. The two of them ended up pulling over so James could fuck him into the car seat, they were barely in the house when the activity began to repeat itself.

In the end he spent another day a way from the house.

It was very late now, he and James were wrapped up in a mess of blankets on the floor watching TV. Victoria's stuff was nowhere to be seen other than her car. Jacob felt a little relieved, did this mean Victoria wasn't here anymore?

"Where's your wife?"

"Victoria? Oh, it's over."

James didn't sound mournful in fact he looked very pleased and amused.

"So you're a free man now?" Jacob said turning around to face James. He leaned closer to James' face expectant.

"Most certainly am, boy."

James devoured the boy's mouth desperate and hungrily. He rolled the boy on his back and the two of them wrested a bit each one of the m grabbing whatever body part they could grope. James bit hard on the boy's lip breaking the skin and giving a taste of blood. James sucked eagerly at the damage.

Jacob moaned, it hurt but it felt good.

He once again thought of Edward, it was different.

James pulled away and Jacob tried to follow.

"No no wait."

James stood up and made his way over to a bag. He dug around in it and pulled out a bottle.

"Try some candy for me will you?"

Jacob gave a pointed look.

"C'mon."

James gave annoyed pout.

"Fine."

Jacob snatched the offered bottle and sat. He twisted and pulled the cap off and shoved a bunch into his mouth. He took them dry, eager to just get it over with. They slid down his throat like a wad of bread.

"How do you feel?"

James looked eager.

"Give me a minute."

James did.

Jacob sat in silence until a sensation came over him, the room was spinning in an array of colors never known to man. Everything in the room was beautiful, the lights the ceiling everything, he smiled leaning back into the grass wet ground.

The brightness and warmth was a comfort it was amazing.

His chest tightened and he felt like it was getting sucked in. A cold sweat over came him and the colors began to blur and spin out of control every bone began to ache. His stomach was being squeezed.

"We need to pump his stomach."

Everything was a haze, there was blue lots of blue and white lots of white.

"I think we're losing him!"

A shock went from his chest as spots began to flash before his eyes. He jerked up into the spinning sky which began to darken.

"CLEAR!"

"Another set of spots as the color faded to gray."

"…he has a pulse…"

Everything was dark.


Part One: FALL [END]


Next chapter, the long awaited intervention. Edward is there. Jacob focused a and an extremely detailed first meeting of James as well as Jacob's first time, well doing anything.

I focused more on events rather than feelings, so next chapter should be filled with emotional emotions! I'm warning you now its going to get ugly. (rehab)

Thanks to everyone again.: lilli kitty, rebelwilla, Fruit Fly, stella-calvary, l', mia-dwcut-09, ekp95m, Davii-Hime, WeasleyLover927, and alparker81.

Don't forget to show some love.