Kakashi
I'm so sorry darling...
Did I do the wrong thing?
Oh what was I thinking?
Wake-up call..........
I remember when I first found out what dickhead meant. It was just a few years back or really a long time ago what does it matter to me? I have no concept of time. All I know is that it was back when I was kissing boys to see if I liked the taste of myself. It was when back when I was taking soldier pills for every instant that I got because ANBU was not killing me fast enough. There is alcohol now. But once when I was with this guy who I didn't like who smelled like rusty wheels and had lips that cracked I pushed him away because I was becoming a womanizer on the low. And he shoved me into a plate glass window and called me a dickhead. I said oh man and laughed so hard that I started to gasp for air because it was the funniest thing conceivable to call somebody really. Especially coming from somebody you could have found the potential to love if you can look at you in somebody else who has your same parts and your same thoughts and fall in love which I can't. That night I laughed the whole night even though everybody stared the at me while I picked plate glass from my palms and bled. They say you have to laugh to keep from crying. But I wouldn't know.
The last person I ever loved really hard I killed with my bare hands. It was a combat partner in the SPECIAL OPS. who couldn't walk anymore because It got injured in battle and couldn't make the rest of the mission last with out slowing us down. So I cracked Its neck because I loved It and what It had been trying to accomplish because it's what we all had been trying to accomplish. They buried It with the dog tags. I don't remember if It was a man or a woman. Sometimes I think that might happen with me or kurenai. But I don't know if I'd have the balls. I don't know if I love her. I don't know much of anything. If you haven't noticed I'm stupid.
Anko is asymmetrical. One of her ears is bigger than the other one. One of her shoulders droops lower than the other one. One of her eyes is large and red and scarred. It's too much sake. It's the sake in my hand the glass is frosted. The glass is going up to my mouth until she takes it out of my hand and says give me that and sits down at the bar beside me on the stool that swings and starts running her mouth so the bar tender can look at us and oh man I don't even know what she 's saying. Kakashi are you listening to me? She says. You need to stop this. She says. This. She says. She waves the glass and shakes it and tinkle and it drops frost like seminal fluid on her hand and I'm guilty I'm freaking guilty because all I can see is me and kurenai making love in me and anko's space and anko is not there. Anko is somewhere else somewhere it doesn't take making love to realize you're not so good at taking care of somebody at the relationship thing and may'be we should just spend some time apart. I need to get a drink. I need to get my drink back. I reach for it anko pulls it away. The door behind us cuts the bar open and someone comes in and blow me over with a feather it's kurenai is walking in with asuma and jiraiya and tsunade an jonin into the bar but she looks at me only me. She smiles at me with her eyes something in my stomach curdles up my feet start to tap. Something happens when she looks at me only me. You've done enough of this okay? For tonight you're done. Says anko. Anko is still talking about the sake. Kurenai is sitting down kurenai's back is towards me kurenai's in a booth with that mother freaker that pig woman hitting mother freaker. I will kindly rip him limb from limb. Where are you going? Asks anko. I realize I am standing up. Kurenai looks over her shoulder between me and him who is order something from the menu I sit down. I cross my ankles uncross my ankles.
I reach for that drink. Anko covers my hands with her hands and I cannot get the drink. Her hands feel small and delicate her hands are cold. My hands tremble underneath her hands. This life is not killing me fast enough she leans into my face. She says honey are you okay? One of her eyes slides down towards her cheek her teeth look like jack o lantern cut outs. I will need more alcohol for this I will need more alcohol to balance this out I will need more functional brain cells I will be needing to get out of this body. I have got to get out of this one. Sometimes I have nightmares . In the nightmares I am pregnant there is a war growing in my stomach. When it comes to full term it rips out of me I bleed all over the place. The pain is unlike anything I ever experience. When I look at the baby I see it has several dismembered bodies all connected into one and several bloody faces all connected into one. Sometimes the features I make out belong to obito sometimes to rin my father anko kurenai sometimes the features I make out belong to me. Sometimes I wake up screaming at the top of my lungs sometimes its crying I wake up clawing at my belly at the nail marks left behind which are red and inflamed. Either way anko always pins my arms down at my sides caresses my hair and kisses my face and tells me I am going to be alright until I am silent. I wonder if kurenai would do this if kurenai would even want me anymore if she knew I was like this. I need to get to kurenai out. Who stands up and slides out of the booth heads somewhere that I cannot see is I stand up too and before anko asks To the bathroom I say.
I go outside the back and stare up at the sky. My back is to the brick. I am sipping the sake. I keep it in a vial in the vest pocket. I'm hoping that kurenai got the message and then hot dog there she is ducking out of the building with that expectant look on her face coming towards me like she is going to let me take her like I took her in the grass. I touch her face carefully because touching her does something to me inside her skin feels like heather. Her eyes are like waterfalls am I serious I will drown in them. I'm so determined to hear her say I love you when we get naked so I can keep it in my head and think about it. The last person I ever loved really hard I killed with my bare hands. She slides her hands up underneath my shirt she types her nails across my chest she makes me shiver. You came she says. That's what she said I say. Lets say we'll put our mouths together and see what comes out of it. Lets say her hands do crazy things to my body lets say she does crazy things to my head. My lips would like to live on hers. She laughs but it's breathless. Some crunching footsteps behind us. What was that she asks. Her eyes are alert her hands are somewhere I like them being lets keep going.
"And right over here is my secret make out spot." says someone else. Someone else is Jiraiya. He pokes his head around the corner. He is with a girl. She is short and brown. She has big brown breasts stuffed into a tiny shirt. She is freaking hot. She is not tsunade. Jiraiya looks at me and I look at him and he looks at kurenai who should be anko but is not anko. Because anko is somewhere else where it doesn't take making love to realize you're not so good at taking care of someone in a relationship. T he girl with the big brown boobs is silent. She is uncertain kurenai pushes against my body with her hands. She is willing us to separate too late she is frozen stiff. She is half undressed. Her heart beats very fast against mine in her chest. Oh says Jiraiya. Oh I say.
Okie dokie so there you have it! Updated with Kakashi's voice. If it sounded totally different from the rest of the story that is great! Because I was trying to give Kakashi his own voice and he just happened to be hopelessly drunk during this section(which will thicken the plot later muaahahaha) but I was trying to get him to sound totally different from kurenai, did it work?! So yes Kakashi and Kurenai have been caught by Jiraiya. What will happen next that's for me to know and for you to find out…..but not right now. That will be next chapter! So stay tuned and review as always!
