You Should Always Drive With A "Might be" Attitude

Author: Dali

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. =]


Takasugi is crazy.

Not that fun kind of crazy that is evident in elderly family members that you don't speak of in public because they frequently referred to imaginary things that do not exists and happened to piss themselves while in the presence of important guests. No. Takasugi wasn't even fun 'Zura crazy,' that seems to fit in perfectly with the abnormality that surrounds the Yorozuya (what with all the bombings and jumping in and out of windows to evade psycho Shinsengumi prodigies). Takasugi was just plain old crazy. The kind that made you want to take maybe 5,183,756 steps back and run in the opposite direction in a manner resembling a chase involving an old hag and her rampaging robot maid on your tail for rent money that was three months late.

Yes, that was the kind of crazy Takasugi was. Maybe it stemmed from years of hardened bloodshed on the battlefield; perhaps a defense mechanism to shut down the inevitable progression towards a mental breakdown due to the weight of murdered lives crushing down on the soul, or maybe it was just because Takasugi was a crazy ass motherfucker. Plain and simple. Whatever it was, Gintoki knew for sure the bastard was crazy long before the whole Benizakura debacle and what more, no one had believed him till the shit actually started to hit the fan.

That idiot Sakamoto was always laughing in his idiotic way ("Ahahahaha, Gintoki, you're so funny. Takasugi doesn't eat children's souls for breakfast!") and was too busy staring off into the blank darkness of space to actually comprehend the warning Gintoki tried to give. After the first try, Gintoki felt that it might just be better to rid the world of Sakamoto's idiocy and call it a day.

Zura was a whole different matter. Zura, with his Samurai Bushido bullshit, couldn't believe that a comrade in arms could possibly turn rogue and try to kill allies (or God forbid, friends). But that didn't deter Gintoki from reminding Zura each and every day to watch his back. Just like how it didn't deter Gintoki from sitting Zura down to tell him to stop his revolutionary bullshit so that tax dollars wouldn't be wasted in fixing the damages caused by Sougo's bazooka and Zura's dumb justaways.

So, in the midst of this great public service announcement that Gintoki was doing for his friends and community, he couldn't comprehend why the Gods would punish him by placing him next to said maniac in a student driver vehicle on a faux driver's test course. The world was just too cruel.

"Maa—maa, Takasugi-san you shouldn't drive over pedestrians," said the meek, over-weight, more than slightly balding, middle-aged driving instructor. The poor man was in the midst of a conniption judging by the sight of his frantic breathing and flushed cheeks. Gintoki just sat in the back with his dead fish eyes staring out the window at the bloody trail of pedestrians being run over.

"Oi--, idiot, you're suppose to drive with the mentality that there might be danger and evade it." Gintoki shouted over a particularly blood-curdling scream of a pedestrian in the process of being run over by Takasugi. "You're a worse driver than Space Captain Zura," Gintoki grimaced.

Takasugi, crazy ass motherfucker that he is, just narrowed his eyes in the rearview mirror at Gintoki and swerved into another pedestrian without breaking eye contact the entire time. "This coming from the guy who gets around on a baby scooter. Really Gintoki, I think you're hardly qualified to be telling me whether or not I'm a worse driver than Zura." Another pedestrian bites the dust at the end of that sentence and Gintoki just rolls his eyes and goes back to staring at the trail of destruction.

Yup. Takasugi is crazy.