Everyone Knows That Jar Jar Binks Killed The Star Wars Franchise

Author: Dali

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. =]

Note: Thanks to XxabridgedgirlyxX for noticing my mistake in Chapter 3 regarding Gintoki's name. I fixed it just for you! Also, thanks to Runaway Roadkill and Snow Cover. I love your long reviews, Snow Cover, and I am very appreciative of how you carefully dissected my writing style. You make me very happy inside!


There were those nights where sleep was elusive and all that clouded his consciousness was the stains of blood and otherworldly screams of pain and death. Shiroyasha. Shiroyasha. Shiroyasha… the name echoes amongst the chanting mass on a desolate battlefield fill with carnage and gore. There's a sense of savagery in the name. A distinct scent of iron and blood in the oncoming rain fills his nostril as he breathes in deeply. Slaughter was on its way.

Gintoki's eyes slowly opened as the sunlight filtered into his room. Sitting up on the tatami mat, he slowly blinked away the sleepiness in his eyes. He had that dream again. Looking out the window, Gintoki just knew that today was going to be a bad day.


Takasugi looked out of the window from his perch on the ledge. Small wisps of smoke escaping from the end of his pipe. An aromatic scent of tobacco and opium swirled in a delicate dance before a summer breeze decimated its fragile life. Takasugi smirked widely. Not bothering to even look over his shoulder, Takasugi called out to the other man sitting across the room from him.

Bansai sat against the wall with his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. Stoically, the music producer noted a slight change in posture from Takasugi. Shifting his shoulder a bit and slipping his right hand into his left kimono sleeve, Takasugi let out another puff of smoke before saying, "We should take over the world."

"I thought we already are taking over the world."

"No, no, those were just pre-emptive measures in the process of taking over the world. We should probably start taking over the world soon. Like right now." Another plume of smoke drifted off into the wind.

"Well, I'm busy later today," Bansai said as he uncrossed his ankles.

"With what?"

"I have an Otsuu concert."

"Oh, ok, we can push it to the day after, I suppose," Takasugi shrugged his shoulder nonchalantly.

"You wanna go? I got an extra ticket."

"Yeah, alright. I have nothing better to do than watch that Lady's Twelve rerun. But if I see that megane kid, I'm going to punch him in the back of the head."

"As long as you don't start any riots or mosh pits. Those always scare Otsuu and then she gets angry and rips off Kimura's mole."


The concert hall was crowded with overweight and desperately lonely otakus. Takasugi could make out Bansai's spiky head from the side of the stage. Pushing himself off the wall he was leaning against, Takasugi was about to take a step towards the center of the crowd when he felt something slam into his side.

"So—so—sorry! I didn't mean to bump into you."

Takasugi looked down at the dark brown head bowing at him. There was something slightly familiar about this bowing figure. The person straightened up and smiled at him good-naturedly while rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. Takasugi's only visible eye narrowed in glee and amusement once recognition hit.

"Oi—You're that megane kid," Takasugi said.

The kid opens his eyes and they widen in the most comical fashion. Sweat drops start to form at a rapid pace as the kid's face sour into a scared expression, "Ta—Ta—Takasugi-san!" The kid exclaimed as he point his index finger at Takasugi in fear and surprise.

"Now, before you start running off to wet your pants in a corner somewhere, kid, I just want to give you something," Takasugi drawled. And without further ado, a punch to the head was delivered, leaving Shinpachi facedown and twitching on the ground.


Gintoki yawned before flipping on to the next page of Jump. Ichigo had just achieved bankai and was about to kick some espada ass when Gintoki heard a slam of the front door. Not bothering to move the magazine, Gintoki called out, "How was Otsuu-chan's concert?"

A small whimper replied. Raising an eyebrow, Gintoki slowly shifted his head to the side so half of his face was showing from behind the Jump magazine. Shinpachi looked worse for wears. The boy's glasses were askew and there was a large, red bump on his head. "Ara—Shinpachi, why do you look like Doraemon just body-slammed you?" Kagura-chan asked from around her mouthful of rice.

Shinpachi spazzed out, "I wish Doraemon just kicked my ass! No, it was Takasugi-san! That dangerous guy was at Otsuu-chan's concert!"

Snorting at the absurdity of the situation, Gintoki flipped to the next page, "Yeah, that crazy fucker would do something like that just to throw people off."

"Gin-san, how can you be so calm? I almost died!" Shinpachi wailed dramatically. "And after hitting me, he also said that I was the Jar Jar Binks of Gintama. He said I was an offensive stereotype to otakus and that I was going to ruin our ratings, so if he ever sees me again he's going to kill me!"

Kagura swallowed her mouthful of rice, "Ara—he's right, yanno. Aside from your glasses and frequent freak outs, you're really not doing much to bring in the ratings."

"WHAT!?!? I DO MY PART! UNLIKE YOU, YOU MONSTER-GIRL!"

"You can't even fight properly. And your comedic relief is weak. The running gag of the show is that we only see you as a pair of glasses."

"WHAT!?!? I AM A COMEDIC GENIUS! GENIUS, I TELLS YOU!"

"No, you're more like the 7th season of Naruto, a complete disappointment and a waste of time."

Loud crashes accompanied that last sentence. Gintoki sighed. He knew having that dream was an omen. Today was a bad day. Briefly, he wondered if could send Takasugi a cake with a bomb in it. Or better yet, get Zura to do it for him.