Justin's POV
Brian was still talking to Gus, but everyone else had gone. I had cleaned up a bit, but, now, I was lying on my new Japanese platform bed, gazing at golden gardenias, in ivory, orange, and yellow, the symbol of forever, of eternal love. I was so nervous. The night I'd been eagerly anticipating for a month was finally here. It's not like Brian and I hadn't been separated before…we had been, way too often, but, somehow, this reunion was different. Just a month ago, we had been facing an uncertain future, one lived mostly without each other, but, now, we were engaged. I was here, in Brian's life, for good. The thought thrilled me and frightened me at the same time. I was still a little afraid to trust in my happy ending.
Brian walked in and sat on the bed. I lifted my head up in surprise. I was even more surprised when he suggested, "Let's play a game."
Puzzled, I asked, "A game?" Sometimes, we played 'games,' but they were always sex games, and we never actually called them that. So I had no idea what to expect.
"Yeah. It's called 'I wish.' It's easier to show you how to play than it is to explain, so make a wish, and I'll respond. Then, we can start playing for real."
Even more puzzled now, I said, "Okay. Ummm…what should I wish for?"
"Whatever you want. But don't limit yourself to what's possible. Think of a wish you've had for a long time."
I winced as I one such wish came to mind. "I wish… I wish I hadn't been bashed. Then, I would remember the prom."
Brian didn't even blink. He said, "Okay. So in this game, I would respond…'But if you hadn't been, you and I wouldn't have started living together, not then anyway. I wouldn't have had the pleasure of coming home to you every night…of being the only man you kissed…of really being in your life.'"
Oh. God. I blinked away tears and kissed Brian's lips softly. Then, I gently rubbed my lips against his, just enjoying the feeling of our lips touching. That seemed to inflame Brian; he suddenly threaded his fingers in my hair and pulled me closer, thrusting his tongue deep into my mouth and pulling me even closer, ever closer. Soon, we were making out hot and heavy. Then, as quickly as it started, it ended.
Brian pulled away and said brightly, "My turn."
I was still dazed from the kiss, which seemed to give Brian a giggle. That was rare when he wasn't high, but it did occasionally happen. At such times, I liked to think he had a 'Justin high.' I couldn't believe that Brian-Fucking-Kinney was choosing to talk rather than fuck…or, more specifically, to put off fucking for talking. Obviously, he had something he felt he needed to say to me, but couldn't just come right out and say it.
Brian continued, "I wish…I wish you hadn't left me for Ethan, or, rather, I wish I hadn't let you leave."
That was a buzzkill. He looked so sad. Almost as sad as the night before I left last time. Did this wish have a double meaning? Was he wishing he hadn't let me leave last time? Or at all?
I swallowed hard and responded, "But if you hadn't…I wouldn't have seen what incredible changes you were capable of…I wouldn't have known what it was like to lose you and could never have loved you as deeply as I do now."
Brian pulled me into his lap and kissed me desperately, just like he did our last night, to keep from crying. Afterward, he wrapped his arms around me tight. I guess he wanted me to stay where I was.
Brian smiled weakly and said, "Your turn."
I was planning to wish for something that might help Brian say what he needed to say, but I couldn't help but make a wish for me. "I wish…I wish you had told me about the cancer right away."
Brian looked stricken for a second, but recovered quickly. "But if I had told you…I would never have believed that you were taking care of me because you wanted to."
I looked at him in shock. "What?"
"I threw you out of the loft, but you came back. You came back." He lost his train of thought for a moment, as though the mere fact that I'd returned still amazed him.
But then, he continued with a soft smile, "You made me rest, fed me soup, and made me drink awful tea…but when you weren't ordering me around, you were smiling. You really seemed to want to be there, as much as you did before I got sick…before the surgery. It was similar to my brief stint with poverty. I didn't think you'd want to be around then, either."
He seemed to want to say something he couldn't put into words.
"You didn't think I really loved you, not the luxury or the image, just you…but after the Stockwell incident and the cancer, you knew."
Brian looked down.
I asked, "Is that why you asked me to move back into the loft after that?"
He nodded but didn't look up.
I said incredulously, "I always thought it was because you'd had to face your mortality…"
Brian looked up and smiled a little. "Nope. There you go again…treating me like a 'normal' person…"
Brian smiled. "My turn again. I wish…I wish for us to live at Britin."
My eyes widened. "You didn't sell it?"
Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and shook his head slowly. Then his eyes met mine. "How could I sell the country manor I bought for my prince?"
I swung around on his lap so that our bellies, and other parts, were touching and wrapped my legs around his waist. Then, I started laying open-mouthed kisses all over his neck…his face…and his lips, which, of course, turned into toe-curling French kisses. In our fervor, we fell over, first, with me on top. I started grinding him (that is, his erection) with my poor aching cock, which had been alternating between half-erect and painfully erect since the game began, well, since I found him in my workspace, if I was honest.
Brian flipped us over so that he was lying on top and asked, still panting from our kissing and rubbing, "So…do you want to live at Britin with me?"
I loved that he still called it that. "Mmm…"
I tilted my head and looked up at the ceiling, pretending that I was contemplating, but, then, I looked back at him quickly, flashed him a million-watt smile, and answered, "Yes!"
He squeezed my erection through my jeans and grumbled, "Little fucker…"
Then he moved his hand away and sat up. When I groaned, he said, "That's for teasing me. Your turn."
Half of me wanted to wish we could stop playing the game and start fucking, but I couldn't stop the man when he was offering to talk. "I wish…for a huge, no, a ginormous wedding…a grand celebration. I did, after all, bag the stud of Liberty Avenue, when everyone said it couldn't be done."
Brian's amusement faded, and he looked at me with expressionless eyes. Fuck. I was so worried about his reaction that I couldn't even breathe. After what seemed like an eternity, he laid down next to me, turned my face toward his, gently nudged my nose, and whispered, "I wouldn't have it any other way, Sunshine."
I laughed and pinched his nipple. I cried, "You had me so scared! Asshole!"
He laughed and tried to cover his chest to ward off further attacks, but, when that didn't work (as evidenced by the squeals that I elicited whenever I hit my mark), he grabbed my hands and laid them on the bed above my head and, then, straddled me. I attempted to wriggle free, but Brian had me on lockdown. How familiar did that sound? I couldn't help but giggle.
Brian, a little exasperated, but still smiling, explained, "I can't just give in right away…otherwise, you'll know just how much you have me wrapped around your little finger."
My slight annoyance vanished immediately, but my playfulness didn't. I arched my back a little so that my still erect cock made contact with Brian's. I'd caught him off guard, and he moaned softly. I smiled brightly.
He rolled off me, again. Sigh. More talking.
I played nice, sitting up and offering sweetly, "Your turn."
Brian's eyes lost focus. He said hesitantly, in almost a whisper, "I wish…for us to be monogamous."
I asked incredulously, "You want to stop tricking?"
He nodded.
I asked, "Why?"
Brian laughed and shook his head. "I never thought you'd ask me that."
I wrinkled my nose and agreed, "I know. Whatever I said, I always wanted this for us…I just never thought it would happen, and, now that it might, I'm a little worried."
Brian just stared at me for a moment, his expression unreadable, but, then, asked, "About what?"
I looked down and replied softly, "That we might fizzle."
He chuckled, "Fizzle?"
I shrugged. "I mean, we've always been insatiable, but what if that was because of the tricking…because I was jealous and not exactly secure in my position in your life…because sex used to be the only way you could show me how you felt?"
Brian rolled his lips into his mouth but, then, met my gaze. He sighed. "You're treating me…and us…like we're "normal" people again. Have we suddenly turned into trolls? Or aged 30 years?"
I laughed and shook my head.
I looked down at the bed and, then, back up at Brian and asked quietly, "What if you get bored with me? I mean, you're used to fucking, what, 3-6 different men a day besides me?"
Brian sighed heavily, pulled me into his lap so that I was facing away from him, wrapped his arms around me, and kissed my neck gently. Then, half against my skin, he admitted softly, "Other than the stupid contest with Brandon, it hasn't been that many in a long time."
"What??"
He took a deep breath and then said, "I wanted you and everyone else to think I was the same as always, but…things were different after we got back together, you know, after Ian. At first, I tricked and made sure you knew it because I wanted to put up a wall…to protect myself and, maybe, to hurt you a little…I was still so…hurt (he looked down and lowered his voice almost to a whisper as he said this) and angry that you'd taken up with the fiddler and left me for him…"
My chest suddenly felt hollow, and my hands started to tremble as I blinked back tears.
He continued, "But…then I was just so happy that you were back…that we were together again…I don't know, I just had the urge to trick less, much less. Sometimes, not at all."
I swallowed hard. I couldn't even speak.
"So…I don't think you need to worry about me getting bored with you or our passion fizzling…I'm not saying that we won't need to get creative sometimes…but we aren't heteros, dykes, or Stepford fags…we aren't like anyone else, so we are unlikely to have anyone else's problems."
My entire body was trembling now. Brian turned me around in his lap so that I was straddling him, stroked my cheeks tenderly, and, then, sent his lips crashing down onto mine. As he pulled me into his arms and kissed me so passionately that my body was on fire even as I shivered, I found myself in the strange position of thanking all that is unseen for Chris Hobbs, Ethan, and Brian's cancer, thanking whomever/whatever that we were us. This wasn't our happy ending…it was just another of our beginnings…life would be bumpy, scary, and filled with more passion than I could ever have imagined before meeting Brian under that streetlamp five years ago, but it would never be boring and it would never end…
Later…
